With his election prospects standing on ice no thicker than a skating rink, Governor Quinn announced he is forming a commission to finally, once and for all, get the Cubs a World Series championship.
“The Sox signed a Putz last week, they are going nowhere,” Quinn said. “Chaired by my good friend John Cullerton, this Cubs Commission will ensure the Land of Lincoln gets a National League Pennant next October.”
Observers noted the Governor cited Lincoln more than six times in his brief remarks, for no apparent reason, but continuing a disturbing trend whereby, when the Governor doesn’t know what to say he inserts the phrase “land of Lincoln” and when he doesn’t know what to do, he names a commission.
“It’s time to put the Bears behind us and move on to the baseball season! Oh - what about the Hawks and the Bulls? Ankle-biters! I mean, I’ll appoint a commission to investigate my previous statement. And Lovie Smith has always been an honest man who is good for the people of this State.”
“I think everyone here knows it must be pretty darn cold for me to wear a Cubs hat, but to keep my skull from freezing, medically, I made the decision. If it were up to me, I would frezze the whole thing, seats and all and take a sledge hammer to every … uh, um … sorry … welcome to ….”
“I am happy to be joined by President Cullerton in declaring today ‘Captain Crunch Day’ in Illinois. I just love that cereal. Did you know they have it on the continental breakfast bar at the Super 8?”
Ryan Dempster and John Cullerton are stunned to learn Governor has sold Wrigley Field to Feds. Will bring Guantanamo (Cuban) players to make sure team can compete in the future.
I was for the northside (Cubs) before I was for the southside (Sox).
Scott Stanis, please don’t mock me in anymore Tribune editorial cartoons. I’m not flip-flopping again. Honest. Can Jell-O freeze? Better a cubs cap than a speedo, though.
“So Blagojevich left these hats on the table. I was going to fumigate them, but not while there is an on-going federal investigation. I’m not going to do anything that would interfere with that. So we figured we better wear them. Because there is an on-going investigation. Don’t you understand that?”
Governor: “Some of you may be wondering why a self-admitted Sox fan would have this hat on today. Well, it’s true that I’m not a Cubs fan. The ‘C’ on this hat stands for ‘Capital bill’! Uh, wait…it stands for ‘Cutting taxes’! Uh, no that’s not it…it stands for ‘Crushing deficit’…but in this case we mean like crush it…stamp it out…get rid of it. Not like getting rid of a governor or anything like that…
Pres. Cullerton: “Pat, uh, why don’t we just turn it over to Dempster, okay?”
Governor: “…it also stands for ‘Creative’…and ‘Cuddly’, that too.”
“…I didn’t catch his name, but I’ll always remember his warm smile and embrace. The cologne he wore tickled my nose and gave me goosebumps. He didn’t stay the night, but I’ll never be the same again…”
After giving the opening address, Gov. Quinn donned his skates, took to the ice, and forever locked in the figure skating vote with his triple toe loop, triple no-handed cartwheel, backflip, triple Salchow, and ending with his signature catchfoot layback spin at death defying speeds.
Cullerton’s loyalty to the White Sox was a trifle opportunistic: he bought season tickets immediately opposite Mike Madigan and utilized their time together to promote himself to the Speaker of the House. His strategy worked wonders. Madigan never found it odd that Cullerton who represented Wrigleyville was tailing him at Sox games.
- John Bambenek - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 12:41 pm:
JUDAS!
- Rich Miller - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 12:48 pm:
President Cullerton looks puzzled as Gov. Quinn derides the “ankle biters” who own the St. Louis Cardinals.
- Anon - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 12:48 pm:
Since the Hawks are great, and the Cubs stink, we’re turning Wrigley into a skating rink where the Hawks can play.
- 47th Ward - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 12:51 pm:
With his election prospects standing on ice no thicker than a skating rink, Governor Quinn announced he is forming a commission to finally, once and for all, get the Cubs a World Series championship.
“The Sox signed a Putz last week, they are going nowhere,” Quinn said. “Chaired by my good friend John Cullerton, this Cubs Commission will ensure the Land of Lincoln gets a National League Pennant next October.”
Observers noted the Governor cited Lincoln more than six times in his brief remarks, for no apparent reason, but continuing a disturbing trend whereby, when the Governor doesn’t know what to say he inserts the phrase “land of Lincoln” and when he doesn’t know what to do, he names a commission.
- Responsa - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 12:56 pm:
Sox Fans Express Delight and Relief That Unpopular Governor Chooses To Wear a Cubs Cap in Public.
- Just wondering - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 12:57 pm:
A cold day in hell……
- Anon - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 1:00 pm:
“It’s time to put the Bears behind us and move on to the baseball season! Oh - what about the Hawks and the Bulls? Ankle-biters! I mean, I’ll appoint a commission to investigate my previous statement. And Lovie Smith has always been an honest man who is good for the people of this State.”
- Lake Voter - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 1:00 pm:
NEWS FLASH FROM THE HYNES CAMPAIGN:
Governor Qinn Flip Flops Once Again!
- The 'Dale to HPark - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 1:06 pm:
What number is Hynes on the ballot again? The first White Sox governor in how many years and he wears a Cub hat… disgraceful.
- Dan S, a taxpaer, a voter and a Cubs Fan - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 1:06 pm:
The man that never met a flip he wouldn’t flop.
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 1:08 pm:
“I think everyone here knows it must be pretty darn cold for me to wear a Cubs hat, but to keep my skull from freezing, medically, I made the decision. If it were up to me, I would frezze the whole thing, seats and all and take a sledge hammer to every … uh, um … sorry … welcome to ….”
- Stallion - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 1:09 pm:
“Im not Mick Jagger, Dammit Pat, Its John Cullerton”
- OneMan - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 1:09 pm:
Yet again Governor Quinn gets that ‘Where in the Heck Am I’ look on his face
- Stones - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 1:12 pm:
I don’t expect him to wear his Sox hat to Wrigley but wearing a Cubs hat is just plain pandering. Does Quinn think we’re all chumps?
- Steve Bartin - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 1:15 pm:
Overpaid losers of the world unite!
- heet101 - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 1:17 pm:
“I am happy to be joined by President Cullerton in declaring today ‘Captain Crunch Day’ in Illinois. I just love that cereal. Did you know they have it on the continental breakfast bar at the Super 8?”
- Sewanee - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 1:23 pm:
“I hear this Ricketts family has pretty deep pockets.” - both Gov. Quinn and Sen. Cullerton.
- Jimmy Joe - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 1:27 pm:
I’ll do anything for votes, but
I wish I could afford a nice scarf like Cullerton.
- Anon - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 1:28 pm:
“Wait, you’ll vote for me if I put on the Cubs hat? Sure, why not. I have no backbone.”
- babs - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 1:58 pm:
The media comes to a presser when it’s not Sunday morning? Who knew?
- VanillaMan - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 2:31 pm:
Governor Donates Old Coat to Goodwill, Finds Cub Cap.
- zatoichi - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 2:39 pm:
The crowd was stunned when the the Gov gave away his secret: “If you pull your arms in tight, you turn much faster”
- babs - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 2:42 pm:
VM - if it was Judy B-T it would be “buys coat at Goodwill and FINDS a Cubs Cap.”
- babs - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 2:46 pm:
Ryan Dempster and John Cullerton are stunned to learn Governor has sold Wrigley Field to Feds. Will bring Guantanamo (Cuban) players to make sure team can compete in the future.
- Okay Then... - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 2:54 pm:
The Flip-Flopper Strikes Again!
Any Way the Wind Blows Quinn!
I was for the northside (Cubs) before I was for the southside (Sox).
Scott Stanis, please don’t mock me in anymore Tribune editorial cartoons. I’m not flip-flopping again. Honest. Can Jell-O freeze? Better a cubs cap than a speedo, though.
- unnamed for now - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 2:54 pm:
Lovable Losers
- What planet is he from again? - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 3:04 pm:
“Wait ’til next year!”
- Keep Smiling - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 3:17 pm:
“So Blagojevich left these hats on the table. I was going to fumigate them, but not while there is an on-going federal investigation. I’m not going to do anything that would interfere with that. So we figured we better wear them. Because there is an on-going investigation. Don’t you understand that?”
- So IL Gal - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 3:17 pm:
Does this hat make my head look big?
- KGB - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 3:56 pm:
Governor: “Some of you may be wondering why a self-admitted Sox fan would have this hat on today. Well, it’s true that I’m not a Cubs fan. The ‘C’ on this hat stands for ‘Capital bill’! Uh, wait…it stands for ‘Cutting taxes’! Uh, no that’s not it…it stands for ‘Crushing deficit’…but in this case we mean like crush it…stamp it out…get rid of it. Not like getting rid of a governor or anything like that…
Pres. Cullerton: “Pat, uh, why don’t we just turn it over to Dempster, okay?”
Governor: “…it also stands for ‘Creative’…and ‘Cuddly’, that too.”
- VanillaMan - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 4:36 pm:
“…I didn’t catch his name, but I’ll always remember his warm smile and embrace. The cologne he wore tickled my nose and gave me goosebumps. He didn’t stay the night, but I’ll never be the same again…”
“…any question?”
- BIG R.PH. - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 4:49 pm:
Losers. Every last one of them. ‘Nuf said!
- Some Guy - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 6:05 pm:
“the voice spoke to me and said: if you build it, they will come”. I thought he was talking about Thomson prison and federal money.”
- colt 45 - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 7:20 pm:
c is for cookie…
- Cheswick - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 7:25 pm:
After giving the opening address, Gov. Quinn donned his skates, took to the ice, and forever locked in the figure skating vote with his triple toe loop, triple no-handed cartwheel, backflip, triple Salchow, and ending with his signature catchfoot layback spin at death defying speeds.
- reallt? - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 7:30 pm:
Take me out to ball game, take me out the crowd
Buy me some peanuts and crackerjack
Hey where’s Jack Brickhouse?
- wordslinger - Monday, Dec 21, 09 @ 11:09 pm:
Quinn and Cullerton attend an event at an MLB stadium not bought and paid for by Illinois taxpayers.
What, I lie? Where are the full-moon, laissez-faire state employees like DD and VMan when you need them?
- Vote Quimby! - Tuesday, Dec 22, 09 @ 12:21 am:
“I found this box of hats underneath the governor’s desk when I moved in…”
- Honest Abe - Tuesday, Dec 22, 09 @ 12:32 am:
Cullerton’s loyalty to the White Sox was a trifle opportunistic: he bought season tickets immediately opposite Mike Madigan and utilized their time together to promote himself to the Speaker of the House. His strategy worked wonders. Madigan never found it odd that Cullerton who represented Wrigleyville was tailing him at Sox games.