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Unsolicited advice

Friday, Sep 30, 2011

* Dear Gov. Pat Quinn,

You’d probably better set aside more money in your budget to fight a blizzard of lawsuits over your planned facility closures

Among the potential roadblocks is a statute designating the Chester Mental Health Center as the state’s sole facility for treating certain kinds of violence-prone residents. The governor wants to move the residents to an existing facility in Alton.

In addition, moving nearly 2,000 inmates out of the Logan Correctional Center will cause additional overcrowding in the state’s already cramped prison system, potentially opening up the state to an inmate lawsuit. […]

In addition to requiring statutory changes allowing Alton to begin serving Chester residents, mental health advocate Mark Heyrman, a facilitor for the Chicago-based Mental Health Summit, said state laws limit how Quinn can use the savings he says he will get from closing the three centers.

* Dear Tammy Duckworth,

It’s “Dick” with a “D.” Try to remember that the next time you send out a fundraising e-mail…

…Adding… But this Duckworth campaign e-mail update ain’t bad at all…

Here’s the good news: when we totaled it up at lunch yesterday, we realized that Tammy has raised $386,504 for the primary from over 2,000 people.

* Dear Community Unit School District 300,

If Sears moves its headquarters because the company’s local economic development area authorization is allowed to expire, you’re gonna get even less tax money

“EDA is not the way.”

“RIP, EDA.”

Allison Strupeck, director of communication services in Community Unit School District 300 admitted, “I’ve been thinking a little too much about what the slogans might be.”

Those are slogans Strupeck said she hopes to see and hear soon around the Carpentersville-area school district as it treads into uncharted waters to stop the extension of the EDA — economic development area — special property tax status around Sears’ Prairie Stone corporate headquarters in Hoffman Estates.

District 300 is working with students, staff, parents, community groups and legislators to remove an amendment to Illinois Senate Bill 540 that would extend the EDA past its expiration in mid-2012. That’s because those tax incentives hand about $14 million in tax dollars each year that would go to District 300 instead to the EDA generally bordered by I-90, Route 72, Beverly Road and Prairie Stone Parkway, school district officials say.

* Dear ten percent of the American public,

Are you freaking blind?

Three years after a financial crisis pushed the country deep into recession, an overwhelming number of Americans — 90 percent — say that economic conditions remain poor.

* Dear ComEd,

You might wanna consider the distinct possibility that you’ve been cursed

Wind gusts knocked out power to 31,000 people overnight, ComEd officials said.

Perhaps canceling your Cubs skybox would do the trick.

* Dear 47th Ward Democratic Committeeman Gene Schulter,

Perhaps your organization wouldn’t be such a laughing stock right now if you had spent more of this money over the years

Schulter’s two campaign committees had $187,299 in cash on hand, with another $647,141 invested in certificates of deposit as of June 30, state records show.

* Dear Robert Schmidt, husband of embattled state Sen. Suzi Schmidt,

What kind of person calls 911 because his wife locked him out of the house after she discovered on Christmas morning that he was allegedly having an affair with their neighbor? Yeah, she threw stuff at you, but, sheesh dude, couldn’t you just walk away, perhaps to that very same neighbor’s house?

* Dear Chicago Tea Party honcho Steve Stevlic, who is co-hosting this weekend’s TeaCon 2011 event,

In retrospect, I’m sure you would agree that it probably wasn’t a good idea to taunt Congressman Jesse Jackson, Jr. after his marital problems were exposed when you yourself had been busted two months earlier by the coppers for soliciting the services of a, um, woman of the evening.

It’s fantastic that you weren’t convicted after you agreed to attend a rehab program. Here’s hoping that you’re a better person now. And I mean that without any snark in my heart. But you still might wanna try to keep a low profile during the upcoming festivities.

* Your turn…

- Posted by Rich Miller        


30 Comments
  1. - Tom B. - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 1:36 pm:

    Dear Ozzie Guillen,

    No advice for you, just saying thanks.

    Dear Kenny Williams,

    All you now buddy, the good and the bad. Hope you’re up for it.


  2. - Todd - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 1:47 pm:

    Dear Mayor Rahm:

    when the Court of Appeals says your city thumbed it’s nose at the Supreme Court, you might want to take a hint. Trying to minimally tweak your ban on ranges, to delete the ban, but replace with a regulatory ban isn’t going to gain much favor with the Court.

    You owe us $1.6 in legal fees, you’re broke, and you lost. Get over it.


  3. - Bill F. - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 1:51 pm:

    Dear Kenny Williams,

    Terry Francona. Come on, Jerry made this guy manage Michael Jordan in Charlotte. He did it. And by the way, he wasn’t too shabby in Boston. He at least deserves an interview.


  4. - Bill F. - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 1:54 pm:

    On a side note, “Sick Durbin” is funny, but not as funny as the Tari Renner (vs. Jerry Weller) holding a fundraiser at a “topless bar.”


  5. - Left Leaner - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 1:57 pm:

    Dear Rod,

    Thank you for staying out of the news (mostly) and our lives for the last two months. Enjoy jail.


  6. - Old Shepherd - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 2:02 pm:

    Dear Albert,

    Please stay.


  7. - Fed up - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 2:02 pm:

    Dear Pat Quinn

    Spend more time in China the state did really well while you were gone


  8. - wordslinger - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 2:18 pm:

    Dear Mayor Rahm and Chief McCarthy,

    You may want to wait for more than six weeks of “data” before you claim that your police force redeployment has reduced violent crime in the city by 20%, as you did on Channel 7 last night.

    Let’s give it three months — or say, a year-to-year comparison — before we break our arms putting ourselves on the back.


  9. - Oswego Willy - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 2:23 pm:

    Dear Albert,

    Please leave … and come to the Cubs …

    Or … just please leave …


  10. - Oswego Willy - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 2:33 pm:

    Dear, Jim Oberweis and Jason Plummer,

    Gentleman, make you guys a deal …

    Jim, if you win, I will give you the benefit of the doubt when legit issues warrant defending, and I will defend you in Kendall County if some dope just rails on you to rail on you without speaking to the issue knowledgely.

    However, if you lose, again (and again, and again, and again, but I digress …) please do you SSC gig and just ride it out and go away … take a hint … if you were to lose … again.

    Jason, if you win, I will give you, also, the benefit of the doubt, knowing your age, and hoping to see some humility and class as you learn from behind an intership and learn the interworkings of government from a great “starting” office.

    However …

    Jason, if you lose, please … get a job outside your family business, do something that doesn’t have the stench of your family putting you in a faux positon of being on your own. After you get that job and show some “Something” you can claim as your own. THEN … run again, and not before.

    Agreed? Fellas? I will wait for the deal …


  11. - 10th Indy - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 2:36 pm:

    Dear Sen. Schmidt,

    Hang in there. Sure you screwed up, but chances are you’ll continue to get better treatment from your constituents than you got from your husband, your neighbor, your colleagues and the media.


  12. - Oswego Willy - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 2:40 pm:

    Dear Tom Cross,

    As a constituent, I am asking, VERY NICELY …

    Do not GOLF on election day anymore … ever … and especially don’t have it in the paper that you DID.

    Sneedless to say, it makes you look… Dopey.

    Me Thinks this is good advice.

    Yours truly,

    Oswego Willy


  13. - x ace - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 2:42 pm:

    Dear Mr. Rich Miller;

    ” If people wanted unsolicited advice , they’d ask for it!”

    Mad Magazine ( credit )


  14. - 618er - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 2:47 pm:

    I about fell off my chair at Sen Sick Durbin….


  15. - Cincinnatus - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 2:53 pm:

    Dear everybody,

    Bite Me.

    - Rich Miller


  16. - sal-says - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 2:57 pm:

    Thanks for noticing & calling ‘em out, Rich.


  17. - walkinfool - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 2:59 pm:

    All newspaper editorial boards: read your own stories and listen to your own reporters, before taking a position on something you know little about.


  18. - PaGo - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 3:06 pm:

    Dear Pot,

    Quit calling me black when you know I’m no different than you and you’re a pot and I’m a kettle and just quit it out.


  19. - reformer - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 3:18 pm:

    Dear Mr. Schmidt:
    I for one would like to hear your side of the story, just for the remote chance there’s slightly more to it than we’ve heard so far. Any time I hear a black & white version of events, I’m curious whether the other side has had a say.


  20. - 47th Ward - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 3:23 pm:

    Dear Conrad Murray,

    It’s time to make a deal. Surrender your medical license forever and agree to a 2 year sentence at a minimum security prison. There is no way you’ll beat this rap, and even if you do, you’ll still lose your med license and nobody except celebrity drug addicts will ever want your kind of “care” again. Cut your losses and save yourself some legal fees.


  21. - walkinfool - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 3:25 pm:

    Dear Speaker Madigan: Let us know what you are thinking once in a while, especially about improving Illinois. Lacking information, many people wrongly assume the worst.


  22. - Bluefish - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 3:34 pm:

    Dear ComEd,

    Maybe if you’d put as much effort into fixing your system as you lobbying for less oversight and more profit then thousands of people would not be without power every time the breeze picks up.


  23. - 47th Ward - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 3:50 pm:

    Dear Fermilab:

    Thanks for two decades of brilliant research on particle phyics, including giving us new ways to understand the universe. From the top quark to the neutrino, yours was another great example of the critically needed federal research programs that make the US of A the world leader. You didn’t quite confirm the existence of the God Particle, but it wasn’t for lack of trying.

    Now don’t turn all of the lights off just yet. Paint us a picture of the research of tomorrow and go back to Congress and demand more funding for more breakthroughs. There are thousands of scientists in the park near Batavia who have families to feed and geeks like me to inform, teach and entertain.


  24. - Just Me - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 3:56 pm:

    Dear newspapers writers, editorialists, and headline creaters: Ask Rich what is really going on before you spread false information/hope/panic.


  25. - shore - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 4:02 pm:

    You seem like a nice guy-you can’t really knock the 20 year old who wrote that duckworth email, can you?


  26. - Rich Miller - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 4:03 pm:

    ===you can’t really knock the 20 year old who wrote that duckworth email===

    No, but I can knock the higher-up who approved it.


  27. - PublicServant - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 4:15 pm:

    Dear Chicago Tea Party honcho Steve Stevlic,

    Don’t let Rich and others get you down with their limp rants about your visiting a local Job-Creator. Your all-in support of local private enterprise is commendable. Your persecution by the lame stream media, and a democratic state’s attorney is understandable given your pension for baring it all for your beliefs, but I want you to know that we’re behind you 100%. In fact, the liberals want to raise the price of the services that you procured through their job-killing expansionary tax policies. They should keep their hands out of your pockets, and leave that task to the job-creator of your choice.

    P.S. Sorry I used the word “pension” above.


  28. - Dooley Dudright - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 4:16 pm:

    Dear White Sox:
    Why oh why did we ever build you a new park?

    Dear Cubs:
    Why oh why do you think we should fix up your old park?

    Dear Bears:
    Take out Jay Cutler, insert tackling dummies, and call it a season.

    Dear Bulls and NBA:
    We’re waiting! (Then again, maybe we’re not waiting.)

    Dear Blackhawks:
    We’re hoping! (Then again, maybe we’re not hoping.)


  29. - Anonymous - Friday, Sep 30, 11 @ 4:41 pm:

    Dear Inspector General Ferguson:

    Thanks. (Just this once.)

    Rahm

    P.S. You still can’t have the extra employees or authority you are looking for.


  30. - Wumpus - Monday, Oct 3, 11 @ 10:46 am:

    Dear Bears

    Fire Mike Martz or trade Cutler. Cutlers talents are negated by Martz’s hatred for his quarterbacks.


Sorry, comments for this post are now closed.


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