* Today is Talk Like a Pirate Day…
Why hurl salty insults at your friends and loved ones today like you’re a one-eyed raider of the high seas? The intent behind today’s holiday is for young and old alike to enjoy the seafaring dialects that first entered pop culture when “Treasure Island” was published in 1883 and peaked around the time Johnny Depp first appeared in “Pirates of the Caribbean” as Keith Richards’ flamboyant younger brother. Mistaking the holiday for an opportunity to terrorize people in a dinghy while speaking Somali could get you arrested. Sure, they used to do the same awful things back in the early-18th century’s “golden age” of piracy, but back then they wore hoop earrings and baboushkas and said things like, “I’ll slash ye guts and feed yer to the sharks, ye pox-faced sea dog.” Being pillaged was a lot more fun in the old-timey days.
* The Question: Your pirate-speak “advice” for the remaining gubernatorial candidates?
…Adding… If you’re new to this, you can find helpful online “English to Pirate” translating services here and here.