No I isn’t. Honest… I we out of gas! We –we had a flat tire! We didn’t have enough money for cab fare! Our tux didn’t come back from the cleaners! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole our car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASN’T OUR FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!!!
God KNOWS I would love to help clean up this mess, but WHOMEVER left it, but, well, I am the SR Senator from Illinois, a highly ranked leader in the UNITED STATES Senate, and it is beneath me to get my hands dirty. I jsut wish there was something I could do!
“I have been recalled to Springfield to bring Illinois’ terms for surrender to Treasurer candidate Mike Boland, and begin the peaceful transfer of power to Occupying Attorney General, Governor Lisa Madigan, and the peaceful admittance of ‘East Illinois’ by Congress, sponsored by me, will be quite swift…how’s that….am I serious?”
“Carol Mosely-Braun, Peter Fitzgerald, Barack Obama, Roland Burris, and Mark Kirk… You telling me I can’t work with people, look at that bunch and tell me I can’t roll with the punches…I can’t work with people, seriously?”
“No, no! I voted for it, to find out what was IN it. Big difference. Would I vote for it, I doth know. Voting for it allowed me to find out what was IN it. Don’t twist my words. I voted FOR it, to find out what was IN it, ok?”
“What?! Schumer said what?! Look, I gave Sen. Schumer the rent money Friday, ok? He is a terrible roommate. He eats all my avocados, never returns my CDs, and leaves the bathroom door closed after he was in there, no fan! So Schumer says I owe rent? Well, he owes me 5 avocados! (Pause)…can you strike all that, I forgot to leave the check…please?”