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And another one…

Friday, Aug 8, 2014

* We have a Rauner manure caption contest already up and running, so let’s do one for the governor as well…


And I know Abe’s ax appears to hover above his head like the Sword of Damocles, but violent imagery in comments is absolutely prohibited here, so keep it light. Thanks!

- Posted by Rich Miller        


75 Comments
  1. - Gathersno - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:15 am:

    “Paul had to withdraw, so Abe there behind me, is my new running mate.”


  2. - Stones - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:15 am:

    Honest Abe towers above Populist Pat


  3. - so... - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:16 am:

    Perjurer Pat in front of Honest Abe.


  4. - OneMan - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:17 am:

    Governor claims Rauner wants to tax sunscreen vows to continue to not use it.


  5. - Rich Miller - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:17 am:

    I’ve already had to delete one violent post. Next one is banned for life.


  6. - OneMan - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:18 am:

    The rail splitter and the pants splitter.


  7. - John A Logan - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:19 am:

    Illinois Governor Pat Quinn expresses his disappointment that his usual allotment of beer tickets were not available this year.


  8. - Jimmy - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:19 am:

    Yes, I do get my hair done at the Rail Splitter Salon.


  9. - OneMan - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:20 am:

    The governor explains due to budget cuts the giant slide is not operating this year but he has a flyer for the kids to read instead.


  10. - Jimmy - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:22 am:

    Yes, yes, yes most Illinoisans agree that if Lincoln was alive today, he’d be a Democrat. Next question.


  11. - Bluefish - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:23 am:

    One was know as “Honest Abe” while the other is known as “Soy Boy”. Any questions as to why were in trouble today?


  12. - OneMan - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:25 am:

    Governor Quinn is at a rare loss for words when informed about the new Cayman Islands pavilion in the ethnic food area at the fairgrounds…


  13. - Mason born - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:27 am:

    What do you mean i don’t compare well to former IL Politicians. Who could you mean? Oh never mind.


  14. - Res Melius - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:27 am:

    I will be posing for my paper mache’ statue in the Illinois Building at 2:00.


  15. - A guy... - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:27 am:

    Gotta finish this railroad in time for the guy in front of me to return to the Illinois Prairie in his front yard.


  16. - John A Logan - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:28 am:

    As you can see behind me, we do live in the land of Lincoln. I am going to work day and night to make sure this years fair is the most well attended fair in the history of this great state. One of the things that makes it such a great fair, and a great state is the fact that this flyer was printed by a union shop. I have always supported the unions throughout my career in Illinois, you might notice that there is a “union bug” printed on this flyer. Now, we don’t have to worry about too many pesky bugs this year because the temperatures have been unusually cool. However that does not mean that we can overlook global warming, because global warming is a misnomer, it is really climate change……..which reminds me…where does Bruce Rauner stand on the minimum wage issue?


  17. - A guy... - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:29 am:

    No one would wear “salmon” in the 1860s I tell ya, no one.


  18. - A guy... - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:30 am:

    If you’re gonna cut, by golly cut with some enthusiasm.


  19. - Gooner - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:31 am:

    “And you know, it is a little known fact, that he walked along these same Springfield roads, although back in those days they were not paved [continues description of roads for 10 minutes] with that ax, which he called “Betsy. So he’s just like me.”


  20. - I wanna play - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:33 am:

    As always, Lincoln stands head and shoulders above modern-day Illinois politicians.


  21. - 3rd Generation Chicago Native - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:34 am:

    Quinn, “Abe stands behind me protecting me, not rolling over in his grave”


  22. - Observation - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:34 am:

    Governor Quinn holds up the schedule marked with his top picks for the horse races. Vows to donate 28% of his winnings to the State Employee Retirement System.


  23. - Anonymous - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:34 am:

    here i have a comprehensive plan to get railsplitters work on the new metra line to nowhere


  24. - Spliff - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:36 am:

    “yes, I have agreed to play rocky in the next COWL event entitled “the Rocky Horror Picture Show of Illinois” Abe behind me will be playing the part of Damocles with his ax as the sword.”


  25. - So. ILL - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:42 am:

    PQ: “I’ll put my ability to pull off the plunging neckline look against any other political figure from Illinois history. Seriously, just look around. Has any other politician in Illinois history shown this much bare chest? Thought so…”


  26. - PublicServant - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:44 am:

    How do you like the prison orange shirt? And no, this is not a summons!


  27. - Noper - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:45 am:

    Fairgoers Skeptical of Quinn Claims of Support Among Republicans


  28. - Jimbo - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:49 am:

    — Statue of Abraham Lincoln with a large tool.

    One’s personal politics may determine what exactly is the tool.


  29. - The Colossus of Roads - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:49 am:

    No, these are not free beer tickets.


  30. - Empty Suit - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:51 am:

    “Anti Violence Program? IDOT Hiring? Ok here in my hand I have free beer tickets for everyone!”


  31. - Joe M - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:55 am:

    I knew Abe Lincoln, and I can tell you, Bruce Rauner is no Abe Lincoln.


  32. - walker - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 10:59 am:

    John A Logan hits a quick two, followed by a three-pointer.

    “Hey kid, want a job?”


  33. - dupage dan - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 11:01 am:

    I am here at the Lincoln Lawn Mower factory where they are touting their newest line of lawn care equipment. I am thinking I may need one of these. For my lawn, that is.


  34. - Joe M - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 11:01 am:

    If Bruce Rauner becomes Governor, he will take an ax to needed Illinois services with the same fury Abe Lincoln would take an ax to a log


  35. - Robert0117 - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 11:03 am:

    Is the Gov wearing prison orange in unity with his predecessors?


  36. - VanillaMan - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 11:04 am:

    I quote the lyrics from The Mikado:

    To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,
    In a pestilential prison with a life-long lock
    Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock
    From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big, black block


  37. - Diogenes in DuPage - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 11:11 am:

    –As always, Lincoln stands head and shoulders above modern-day Illinois politicians.–

    A winner! Good one, I wanna play.


  38. - VanillaMan - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 11:14 am:

    Quinn: “We discovered this beautiful Lincoln statue rolled in front of our Democratic tent last night - a gift from the Rauner camp.”


  39. - VanillaMan - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 11:18 am:

    “What I like best about this Lincoln statue is that no matter where you stand - its eyes follow you.”


  40. - 6184life - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 11:19 am:

    Frustrated with Gov. Quinn, high income taxes, and even higher property taxes, Old Abe looks to move back to Indiana


  41. - VanillaMan - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 11:20 am:

    “Like Lincoln - in my heart, I am a Whig.”


  42. - VanillaMan - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 11:21 am:

    “Why yes, this shirt was a gift from my two previous gubernatorial predecessors!”


  43. - Anonymous - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 11:25 am:

    abe and quinn looking for the butter cow


  44. - VanillaMan - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 11:27 am:

    “I don’t have a prepared statement for you today, but I do have a unprepared statement for you today. I am the governor of a state which is home to many great Illinoisans from all across this great state of Illinois. From the great people who work the land as Honest Abe, to the ones that don’t work the land. From the great people who serve their duties overseas, to the ones that don’t serve. From the great citizens who care for our sick and elderly, to the ones that just pretend to be sick or elderly to get extra state relief - I am proud to be called the Governor or Illinois.”


  45. - Anonymoiis - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 11:29 am:

    “Some days I use Speed Stick, other days Old Spice. Why do you ask?”


  46. - VanillaMan - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 11:30 am:

    “Neither Lincoln or I believe neckwear should be worn at any Illinois State Fair, especially when we need to swing an axe.”


  47. - VanillaMan - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 11:32 am:

    “Like Lincoln, I am using an axe to clear out my front yard.”


  48. - Anonymoiis - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 11:34 am:

    “I received this ticket in the mail today from the City of Chicago, stating that I owe a fine for my grass being too high.”


  49. - VanillaMan - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 11:38 am:

    “I consider it a miracle! This morning a staffer discovered the $54,500,000 in grant money in my briefcase! Right next to this old program! It seemed it got caught in the tri-folds.”


  50. - wordslinger - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 11:39 am:

    No comment except that these stalking characters are way creepy. Who’s running the show here, a bunch of Comic-Con refugees?


  51. - Rob Roy - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 11:49 am:

    Two “TOOLS’ in the same photo


  52. - OneMan - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 11:59 am:

    I am proud to announce after seeing me march in some parades and other outdoor events the Schweddy family of food products is going to expand into Illinois…


  53. - Arthur Andersen - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 12:01 pm:

    “No, I’m not aware of a Deep Fried Cannoli Tent.”


  54. - Judgment Day (on the road) - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 12:11 pm:

    A turkey picks a really poor venue for a photo op.

    Just an observation.


  55. - DuPage Bard - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 12:14 pm:

    Do you think I would look good in suspenders?


  56. - DuPage Bard - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 12:18 pm:

    Boy did that man have some hair and eyebrows, wish I had that!


  57. - A guy... - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 12:20 pm:

    In his day People left Kentucky and Indiana to come to Illinois.
    I changed all that.


  58. - SamHall - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 12:25 pm:

    Quinn: This is the State Ethics Act. It prohibits state employees from campaigning on state property..
    Reporter: You mean like the State Fairgrounds?
    Quinn: Uh… no…I’ll get back to you on that…look it’s Honest Abe.


  59. - walker - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 12:38 pm:

    A creative frenzy takes over the Vanilla Man.

    Had to laugh.


  60. - Jimmy - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 12:39 pm:

    Abe Lincoln: “I’m voting for the guy who won’t tax access to justice. I’m voting for Quinn!”


  61. - Really? - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 12:40 pm:

    That’s just rain, not the Lincoln statue crying.


  62. - oz - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 12:41 pm:

    Yes, I am the one that put the “I” in ID(I)OT.


  63. - bottom rung. - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 12:47 pm:

    Speak softly and carry a big ticket.


  64. - Anonymous - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 1:00 pm:

    “The man behind me didn’t believe in sending money to the Caymans. There weren’t any tax havens where he grew up, and he didn’t use that axe to cut down any palm trees. That’s a bunch of phony baloney. Plus, America and baseball and stuff.”


  65. - Stones - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 1:14 pm:

    One man carries an Axe. The other man wears Axe.


  66. - 3rd Generation Chicago Native - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 1:16 pm:

    Quinn holding the deed to the Lincoln statue behind him
    “I have 10 dollars, can anyone bid for fifteen”


  67. - 47th Ward - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 1:19 pm:

    Honest Abe put all of his money into an axe haven. He bought himself a sturdy axe and used it to split rails on farms all over Central Illinois, and earned enough money to go to law school.

    Railsplitters are the backbone of Illinois.


  68. - A guy... - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 2:02 pm:

    I don’t know. Both guys had something to do with unions, right?


  69. - Angel's Sword - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 2:20 pm:

    VanillaMan, yours were very funny. Had me laughing.


  70. - zatoichi - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 2:43 pm:

    Mr. Lincoln loved the fair so I am sampling every fried item in this list starting with the apple vinegar fries then everything on a stick. Let’s enjoy some great Illinois food.


  71. - 13thone - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 2:53 pm:

    Instead of splittin rails, Abe is splittin hairs. While they’re still there.


  72. - Just The Way It Is One - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 3:03 pm:

    “Well, ALL we’ve gotta do is simple: make the Will of the People the Law of the LAND! The will of the people. The law of the land. The Will. The People. The Land. Make it. Ya know, just like ‘ol Honest Abe back there used to say–well, Ok, I guess not (as he continues to ramble)–that’s actually been MY line all these years, but, but I betcha if President Lincoln WERE here today, he’d say, oh well–Let’s just aGREE that, oK(?), that TOGETHER, we CAN make the Will of the People the Law of the Land…the Will of the People, the Will of the People, the Will of the People…”(slowly fades off repeating it as he walks away brushing off further Questions)…!


  73. - Oswego Willy - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 3:49 pm:

    - AA -!!

    Boy I could go for a deep fried Cannoli… I think(?)

    “Caption”

    “If you read this pamphlet here, you will read that the Lincolb statue behind me is exactly to scale. Exactly to scale…”


  74. - Anonymous - Friday, Aug 8, 14 @ 4:16 pm:

    Block of Wood


  75. - Bakersfield - Monday, Aug 11, 14 @ 9:24 am:

    Gov Quinn passes out Chinese Take Out menus endorses the Kung Pao as “spiiiiiiicy”


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* *** UPDATED x3 - Script *** Quinn airs radio ad of Rauner joking about being "scared" of four African-Americans
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