(What do you mean that didn’t work on Madigan and Cullerton? It worked for Reagan! I try to do everything just like Scott Walker, and he’s always imitating Ronnie.)
By proclamation and agreement with my good friend Mike Pence, Westville will now be located in Indiana. Now, anybody else want to turn around on my Turnaround Agenda?
“Once, when I was a kid, my dad told me I had to clean my room before he’d buy me a new jet ski. After that experience I threw my hands up and said that’s if, no more honest work for me.”
- Finally Out (and now very glad to be) - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:08 am:
All I ask is you trust me. Haven’t I always been completely truthful with you?
Whoa there! I think if you paid attention and read a little between the lines, my intent to eviscerate the middle class in this state was clear from the start of my campaign.
You see any dirt under these fingernails?
Do I look I ever did manual labor?
My hands are soft as a baby’s cheek.
Sure, I get manicures.
I got a splinter once, it was really bad, really bad and I didn’t miss work or get workers’ comp.
See these hands, still work well after all those years of holding a pen.
“Bother me? I suppose if lots of people in Illinois hated me, it might. But my staff tells me everybody loves me. I’m sure that’s what the newspapers are saying too.”
“My hands are clean, I didn’t start that Democratic group, aimed at taking on sitting Democrats in their primary…as a Republican…(shakes both hand) not me, not me…”
- Rich Miller - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 9:57 am:
No violent imagery, folks.
- Anonymous - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 9:57 am:
I’m only stretching the truth by this much.
- AC - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 9:57 am:
10 bills, it’s 10 bills now, and they’re all ready to go!
- John A Logan - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 9:57 am:
Bruce Rauner gives the Masonic sign for distress
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 9:58 am:
“Gov. Christie, I didn’t turn on you, “you” turned on you…”
- illinoised - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 9:58 am:
I’m only a salesman, don’t ask me about details.
- Bill White - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 9:59 am:
Everybody chill, I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night. I got this.
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 9:59 am:
“All right, everyone stay calm, you sound like a bunch of Union teachers…”
- Anonymous - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:00 am:
“Mr. Gorbachev. Tear down this wall!”
(What do you mean that didn’t work on Madigan and Cullerton? It worked for Reagan! I try to do everything just like Scott Walker, and he’s always imitating Ronnie.)
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:00 am:
“I’ll take questions, I’ll take them… ‘Answer them?’ …. whoa, slow down, Speed Racer…”
- Stones - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:02 am:
Apologies Rich…no harm intended.
Rauner demonstrating the budget Hokey-Pokey dance to the Citizen’s Club of Springfield.
You put your right hand in
You put your right hand out
You put your right hand in
and you Turnitallabout…
- Stuff Happens - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:03 am:
Hey now, enough with all of your ‘facts.’ I get the real news from people I trust.
- Anon221 - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:03 am:
“Ya gotta, ya know…just shake if off. Shake, shake, shake it off.”
- Anonymous - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:03 am:
By proclamation and agreement with my good friend Mike Pence, Westville will now be located in Indiana. Now, anybody else want to turn around on my Turnaround Agenda?
- VanillaMan - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:04 am:
“No one told me I had to follow the law as it is written. I believe as governor I only follow what I believe is the law.”
- 47th Ward - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:05 am:
Sorry, new phone. That was me at 10:03.
- Stuff Happens - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:05 am:
♭♫ “If you’re happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it;
If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands!”
- Anonymous - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:07 am:
“Once, when I was a kid, my dad told me I had to clean my room before he’d buy me a new jet ski. After that experience I threw my hands up and said that’s if, no more honest work for me.”
- Finally Out (and now very glad to be) - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:08 am:
All I ask is you trust me. Haven’t I always been completely truthful with you?
- The Dude Abides - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:11 am:
I won’t be taking any questions, I’ve already told you all you need to know.
- walker - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:13 am:
Don’t you understand that lower wages are good for you?
- Jocko - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:14 am:
Whoa! Slow down! What’s this math thing you keep bringing up?
- zatoichi - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:15 am:
My patience is about this long. Why?
- Anonymous - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:17 am:
“If you know this how you livin’ put yo hands up!
Put em up!
Where they at?
Put em up!……….ok, very funny, who’s been messin’ with my cue cards?”
- Wordslinger - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:21 am:
When U.S. Attorney James Lewis entered the room, Gov. Rauner displayed the mysterious involuntary reflex common to Illinois politicians.
- Deep South - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:21 am:
Whoa…just a minute there. Talk to the media? Really? Ahhh…I don’t think so.
- Casual Observer - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:24 am:
Rauner: so I was talkin with my bros in the hood and they were sayin like Hey Bruceski sometimes ya gotta raise the roof.
- Empty Suit - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:25 am:
“Jazz Hands”
- OurMagician - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:26 am:
“Show of hands, how many think I can balance the budget without raising any new revenue…..one, two….any more?”
- A guy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:30 am:
“A reading from the Acts of the Apostles…”
- Chicago Hack - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:36 am:
“Please hold all questions until December 2016.”
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:38 am:
“I don’t need to talk to Arne Duncan…”
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:39 am:
“When I heard Oswego tabled my resolution, I stepped back and said, ‘Whoa, “ck”, we need to rethink your emails’. It shook me.”
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:41 am:
“My ego?….”
- A Jack - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:41 am:
“I didn’t play the English horn, but did a lot of mime acting. Here is my invisible wall mime impression.”
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:44 am:
“Did you all get your $25 gift cards yet…”
- Wordslinger - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:45 am:
“Madigan runs the House, so what? Look, I’ve got this-many houses…..”
- anonlurker - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:53 am:
“I’m not a governor. I just play one on TV.”
- A guy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:56 am:
Willy takes up this much space on every Caption Contest trying to win….and you don’t get nothin’ if you do.
- Jorge - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:57 am:
It takes this many state workers to change a light bulb.
- Obamas Puppy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:57 am:
Has anyone seen a “g” laying around here?
- Anonymous - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:59 am:
Sorry. I’m only gonna talk to media I own.
- RetiredStateEmployee - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 11:02 am:
No, no, my friends won’t be hurt by any of my policies.
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 11:07 am:
- A Guy -, life is fun. It is.
“Caption?”
“I put this much ketchup on my hot dog…”
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 11:09 am:
“My rule of thumb? I won’t tell a fib unless it’s at least this big…”
- Anonymiss - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 11:10 am:
“You do the Hokey-Pokey, and you turn the state around…”
- Ryan - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 11:11 am:
Fine, I’ll add the “g’s.”
- Macintosh Mouse - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 11:13 am:
I was this far away from Chelviston when he started attacking me.
- Michelle Flaherty - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 11:17 am:
Count Dooku’s about to annihilate someone with his blue lightning dark side powers.
- Big Joe - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 11:18 am:
Hands Up……Don’t Shoot, or expect any answers to questions.
- Quizzical - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 11:19 am:
Whoa there! I think if you paid attention and read a little between the lines, my intent to eviscerate the middle class in this state was clear from the start of my campaign.
- Macintosh Mouse - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 11:21 am:
I think Ryan wins. He should not be talking in two separate dialects, one of which is phony. cf. Hillary Clinton, the Yankees fan from Park Ridge.
- Dave Dahl - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 11:26 am:
“Yeah, we put out a statement on that”
- dixiechick - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 11:27 am:
Honestly, I can’t find my ties at the mansion- I think they are with the g’s!
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 11:28 am:
“Do I care about the little people (pause, raises his hands) …you decide.”
- A guy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 11:30 am:
=== Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 11:07 am:
- A Guy -, life is fun. It is.
“Caption?”
“I put this much ketchup on my hot dog…”===
OW, keep pluggin’. Some days I even find myself rootin’ for ya. Today is one of ‘em.
- Tommydanger - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 11:46 am:
“Talk to the Hand”
- Anonymous - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 11:47 am:
You see any dirt under these fingernails?
Do I look I ever did manual labor?
My hands are soft as a baby’s cheek.
Sure, I get manicures.
I got a splinter once, it was really bad, really bad and I didn’t miss work or get workers’ comp.
See these hands, still work well after all those years of holding a pen.
- jazzy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 11:49 am:
I give up you all win…I am outta here…
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 11:51 am:
“I’m a Steeler fan…ok?… Steeler fan…”
- Earnest - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 11:58 am:
No press availability.
- vole - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 11:58 am:
“Sorry folks. If you are gonna be real citizens you gotta get out of Springfield.”
- Tommydanger - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 11:58 am:
“And since I started taking Chocks vitamins, I can do this with my hands.”
- Wensicia - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 12:18 pm:
“You can trust me. Look, I have nothin’ up my sleeves.”
- VanillaMan - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 12:22 pm:
“Hey, I got elected so I can do whatever I want, even stuff I said I’d never do during the campaign.”
- VanillaMan - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 12:24 pm:
“I’m just trying to keep Illinois competitive with Kentucky.”
- VanillaMan - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 12:26 pm:
“If our state economy rebounds, you can’t blame me.”
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 12:54 pm:
“Evelyn’s fine… Take your seats… Evelyn’s fine, she’ll get up in a second… She’s ok… Everyone please…please… Be seated…”
- Huh? - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 1:21 pm:
No, the left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing. And I don’t know what either hand is doing because I don’t read the newspapers.
- Streator Curmudgeon - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 1:42 pm:
“Pin on my lapel? Nah. It’s mustard from one of those–whattya call ‘em?–corn dogs I ate at the state fair last summer.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 1:42 pm:
“And that’s all I can do of my Jolson impression because it’s not politically correct, ya know.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 1:45 pm:
“Bother me? I suppose if lots of people in Illinois hated me, it might. But my staff tells me everybody loves me. I’m sure that’s what the newspapers are saying too.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 1:47 pm:
“Please, please. Oswego Willy is entitled to crack wise on Capitol Fax like everybody else. It’s pure coincidence that his house is being reassessed.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 1:49 pm:
“The tires on my van are THIS big. That explains why the odometer readings are so high.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 1:50 pm:
“If we make our salamis this long, we’ll rip all the business away from Indiana.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 1:53 pm:
“Then Gabby Hayes pulls his gun and says to the outlaws, ‘Reach for a cloud, and hang onto it.’ Can’t you see I’m crackin’ up here?”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 1:55 pm:
“No, I’m not trying to make a point. I like to keep my hands like this in case any shoes come flying my way.”
- Outside the Bubble - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 2:04 pm:
Hey, I didn’t realize the middle class and unions were that important to the Illinois Economy, just sayin.
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 2:07 pm:
“Wait, wait, wait… I’m not locking you out… I’d call it a temporary furlow…
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 2:10 pm:
“Let me leave you with this… Judge me by what I tell you… Not, by what I do… (Puts hands up, leaves podium)
- D-43 - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 2:15 pm:
“Five dollar. Five dollar FOOT LONG!”
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 2:17 pm:
“I’m going to stop you right there. Just stop. I own the Tribune Editorial Board, I rent the Sun-Times for Editorials (raises hands) …got it? Good.”
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 2:21 pm:
“How big of a hole does the mansion have in its roof?”
- Anonymous - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 2:24 pm:
Give me my ball back I’m going home.
- bluecollargal - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 2:25 pm:
“Cuts? Good Friday Massacre? Hey, (hands thrown up in air) don’t look at me. I just found some money so you can have it back. No hard feelings right?”
- Anonymous - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 2:27 pm:
You get both hands in indiana like this…
- Anonymous - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 2:29 pm:
I have ten mansions now.
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 2:30 pm:
“I keep my word… (Pauses, raises hands, repeats softly, feeling guilty)… I keep my word…”
- Anonymous - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 2:31 pm:
Blessed be the ignorant voter
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 2:35 pm:
“If you’re not Grif, or Sam, or Uihile… (Raises hands) I can’t help you…”
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 2:38 pm:
“Understand, (raises hands), you’re lookibg at the only non-corrupt public official in Illinois. (Pause)… only one…(lowers havds)”
- Anonymous - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 2:41 pm:
Enjoy Illinois big headed carp this big
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 2:43 pm:
“I am putting back the $26 million ok? (crowd is still silent, a lone cough is heard, then silence resumes. Rauner raises his hands) Nothing?”
- Anonymous - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 2:48 pm:
Presto chango watch me make a nursing home disappear
- Arthur Andersen - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 3:09 pm:
“Yep, this was how I was sworn in. You gotta problem with that?”
- BlameBruceRauner - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 3:14 pm:
My French horn practice didn’t go to well today. Im kinda sore, ok
- Skeptical - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 3:17 pm:
“I’m not kidding, we’re this close to a budget deal.”
- Skeptical - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 3:19 pm:
“My Timex watch? I gave it to a homeless man sleeping on the sidewalk outside my tenth mansion.”
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 3:27 pm:
“If you charge me with ‘intent to destroy the ILGOP’, (raises both hands)…’guilty as charged’, ok…”
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 3:29 pm:
“My hands are clean, I didn’t start that Democratic group, aimed at taking on sitting Democrats in their primary…as a Republican…(shakes both hand) not me, not me…”
- AJ_yooper - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 4:26 pm:
OK, I frequently have no idea what I’m talking about. Like now.
- Christopher - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 4:50 pm:
“Now, when I take money and services from those who can least afford it so my friends and I can get richer, raise your hands like this! And smile!”
- Neveranonymous - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 5:37 pm:
I won’t stop, even of the list of local governments rejecting my anti-union resolution is this big.
- Unpreferred Veteran - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 8:09 pm:
“Whoa! My left hand doesn’t know what my right hand is doing!”
- Anonymous - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:13 pm:
I throw my hands up and quit your stuck with Evelyn
- Anonymous - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:26 pm:
My stigmata has healed
- Anonymous - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:37 pm:
This will be the new turn around agenda sign (just shove)
- Anonymous - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 10:42 pm:
Guess what hand has the state pension money?
- Quarriedman - Thursday, Apr 30, 15 @ 11:20 pm:
HULK SMASH ASSEMBLY AND COURT. HULK ESTABLISH RIGHT TO WORK.
- J - Friday, May 1, 15 @ 7:14 am:
If my hands stay up I won’t continue to shoot myself in the foot.
- Anonymous - Friday, May 1, 15 @ 7:54 am:
I need two cup of coffee ASAP.
- Old Lobbyist - Friday, May 1, 15 @ 8:09 am:
I am not union bashing but merely union clarifying.
- DuPage - Friday, May 1, 15 @ 8:17 am:
Nothin’ in my hands, nothin’ up my sleeves.