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* From Congressman Mark Kirk’s Facebook page…
…ADDING… Geez, I didn’t think I had to warn y’all about something like this, but keep it clean or you’ll find yourself banned for life.
* Other US Senate campaign news…
* Millionaire may shake up race with independent bid in race for Obama’s old Illinois Senate seat
* Kirk on defensive against Pentagon over politics
* Giannoulias outlines energy plan
* Giannoulias backs drilling-permit moratorium
posted by Rich Miller
Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 10:55 am
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Previous Post: Brady: I could beat Obama
Next Post: A severe case of whiplash
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“Faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than a locomotive. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. It’s a bird, it’s a plane … it’s … no wait … It’s Mark Kirk … geez that would be so cool to hear”
Comment by Oswego Willy Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:01 am
“Can you do that thing where you fly around the earth, reversing its rotation and going back in time and then stop me from saying all those lies about my service record? Great. Thanks.”
Comment by I Cant Believe I Ate The Whole Thing Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:02 am
(1) “I must have misremembered. Clark Kent was the Intelligence Officer of the Year.”
(2) “Gee, Photoshop can turn me into THAT??”
Comment by Dooley Dudright Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:04 am
“The year I was named Military Intelligence “Man of the Year”, I uncovered Superman’s real identity……no not really, I just made that up….”
Comment by Are Ya Kiddin' Me? Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:06 am
Rich…..
I think you are just begging for it here.
Comment by George Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:06 am
You think his cape is nice? You should see me in my dress whites!
-or-
By day, he’s newspaper reporter Clark Kent, but really he’s Superman. I pretend to be Congressman Mark Kirk, but really I’m Commander Kirk, USN, the Intelligence Officer of the Year! So we’re both superheroes if you want to be precise.
Comment by 47th Ward Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:07 am
This statue was an award given to me for my heroic service as Superman in the Gulf War…
Comment by Small Town Liberal Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:08 am
I’ve a war record, its freakin golden, and I could bet you and Bill Brady.
Comment by Give Me A Break Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:08 am
In addition, I’ve also been an auxiliary member of the Justice League of America. Once, while flying in Wonder Woman’s invisible plane….
Comment by wordslinger Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:09 am
One banned. Anyone else want to try? Don’t.
Comment by Rich Miller Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:14 am
Before and After
Comment by Anonymous Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:15 am
“Have you talked to Mom & Dad lately?”
Comment by Sewanee Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:16 am
“New Trier is planning a statue honoring me, as their most honorable graduate.”
Comment by HatShopGirl Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:16 am
That last one was actually funny, HatShopGirl.
Comment by Anonymous Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:19 am
So when you fly over a combat zone and stop a nuclear warhead are you considered to have been in combat or just deployed to the war zone?
Comment by A.B. Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:21 am
Boy! They really must like Gary Forby down here.
Comment by Ronbo Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:22 am
Maybe this would work better if we photoshopped the dog into the picture.
Comment by Anonymous Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:23 am
How Mark Kirk sees himself.
Comment by Really?? Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:24 am
Hmm… I bet if I went around in a cape and tights people would stop talking about my background.
Comment by Njardar Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:33 am
Did I ever mention that I was once Superman?
Comment by Please... Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:34 am
“Someday…someday.”
Comment by Really?? Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:35 am
Even the man of steel. Couldn’t stop Alexis bank from giving bad loans to members of organized crime.
Comment by Fed up Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:38 am
Forget saving metropolis, forget defeating lux luthor, forget the time you spent in the ice castle - it doesn’t matter. All they are going to say is that you lied with that whole Clark Kent thing.
Comment by 10th Indy Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:41 am
Hey superman could you help me pay for my kids college? Alexi lost half my money with his 529 plan managment. Maybe I could get a loan from Broadway bank, oh that’s right the bank was mismanaged into the ground. Becareful superman Alexi is like kryptonite when it comes to finances.
Comment by Fed up Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:42 am
Well since the definitive answer is off limits, how ’bout,
“Aaron Schock chides Mark Kirk for not knowing Metropolis event was casual attire.”
Comment by just sayin' Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:44 am
Rich, your warning wins!
I guess you aren’t in DC after all.
Comment by Wumpus Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:44 am
==Spokeswoman Kirsten Kukowski said in a statement that no such violations were mentioned in Kirk’s performance evaluations.==
I was admonished in the Navy and those conversations weren’t explicitly mentioned in my fitness reports.
I also chastised some of my subordinates in writing. If the sailor was a big enough problem those warnings got into evals. Mostly they didn’t.
==She noted the Pentagon gave Kirk, a member of Congress, special permission to return to Afghanistan for another stint on active duty.==
Kirk got special permission to do what he wanted b/c he was a member of Congress. If Kirk was a normal reserve intel officer he would have been at a desk stateside or asked to retire.
Kirk wants credit for “serving” in the reserves but his whole career has been one case of special treatment after another.
==”Had there been any issues documented in Congressman Kirk’s military record, the Department of Defense would not have issued a second waiver for his deployment to Afghanistan,” Kukowski said.==
The memo that gave permission for Kirk to go on “combat tourism” to Afghanistan explicitly mentions the “issues” of Kirk politicking in violation of the regs.
Kukowski is a liar to say that getting sent to Afghanistan proves Kirk did nothing wrong.
==[Kukowski] would not comment further or address whether Kirk specifically denies the violations took place.==
So, in the Kukowski/Kirk world they want the journalists–the people Kirk has been lying to for a decade–to make a faulty inference based on DOD agreeing to let Kirk do “combat tourism” in Afghanistan. But Kukowski won’t make a statement on Kirk’s behalf supporting the faulty inference.
Hey, journalists, Kirk and Kukowski have no respect for you… if you didn’t notice.
Comment by Carl Nyberg Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:48 am
Lying, misremembering, and the American politician
Comment by jonbtuba Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:51 am
Kirk: Did you get my press release? You know, the one where I changed my clothes and became you?
Comment by Anonymous Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:52 am
There’s no need to fear, Blunderdog is here!!!
Comment by Bluefish Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:57 am
Sorry, hit the enter key accidentally. That last one should have been:
Kirk: Did you get my press release? You know, the one where I ran into a phone booth, changed my clothes, and became you?
*pause*
Yeah. A phone booth. Why are you looking at me that way, Superman?
Comment by Anonymous Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:58 am
Taking a break from the campaign trail, Mark Kirk shops for mirrors in southern Illinois.
Comment by Anonymiss Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:00 pm
The one on the left flies around to prevent crimes from occurring. The one on the right scurries around to prevent lies from spreading.
Hey Nyberg, save your rambling diatribe for another post. This is supposed to be a caption contest and even using my xray vision, I find no connection between your written pollution and the photograph.
Comment by Jake from Elwood Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:02 pm
Kirk: So was “Kryptonite” the name of your spokesperson?
Comment by Anonymous Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:12 pm
*winks at Jake*
Comment by Anonymous Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:14 pm
We sure could have used Superman’s help when I was on the beaches of Normandy.
Comment by paddyrolingstone Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:17 pm
So how much dirt can you cover yourself in over a six-month period–just standing there…um, instead of rolling around in it the way I do?
Comment by Anonymous Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:19 pm
Kirk looks up to his hero, Andy Kaufman.
Comment by Vole Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:20 pm
Rich -
How exactly is Carl’s post appropriate for this caption discussion?
Comment by A.B. Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:24 pm
Can’t be, Vole. Andy Kaufman used to impersonate Elvis. Elvis used to be Blago’s hero….
Oh, wait! I see the connection there; thanks for the tip. Time for another press release explaining how the Democrats are behind this whole DOD thing.
Comment by Anonymous Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:26 pm
Andy Kaufman used to play the theme to Under Dog and lip sync the words.
Comment by Anonymous Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:35 pm
In the spirit of being
Its a bird, its a plane.. No… Its SUPER KIRK… KNOCKING AROUND ALEXI IN A SINGLE BOUND!!!
Comment by Independent Minded Dem Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:39 pm
In the spirit of being funny was what I meant to say.
Comment by Independent Minded Dem Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:39 pm
Not very well, Anon 12:35.
Comment by Anonymous Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:40 pm
there is not a comment that I could post that would be worth posting and at the same time not warrant being banned.
Comment by Moving to Oklahoma Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:40 pm
“Gee, Rod, you look a lot better in that outfit than Elvis ever did. By the way, I’m really grateful for your headline-grabbing to taking some of the heat off my gaffs.”
Comment by Pat Robertson Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:42 pm
A.B., seriously… Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
How do you think the Voters feel–especially the Republicans?
Comment by Anonymous Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:43 pm
You’re wearing red and blue are you an Independent?
Comment by Irish Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 1:10 pm
“I thought Paul Simon wore a bow tie”
Comment by the Patriot Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 1:10 pm
Kirk thinking to self. “Yeah so cool, I wonder if I can get a big Red S for my shirt when I get elected Senator”
Comment by Irish Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 1:16 pm
When I become Senator, I’ll be one of the most powerful men in the United States.
Think about that, Superman.
Comment by Anonymous Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 1:18 pm
On his tour of Places I Would Never Visit if I Weren’t Running for Statewide Office, U.S. Senate candidate, Mark Kirk (R-Collodi) inspects an example of the unique Southern Illinois’ tradition of erecting large, fiberglass monuments of cartoon characters. Next stop: Chester.
Comment by TwoFeetThick Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 1:24 pm
Faster than an illegal twitter post. Able to craft tall tales in a single bound. It’s a bird… It’s a plane (taking flak)… It’s the single winner of the Rufus Taylor Award… It’s Exaggerator Man!
Comment by FillB Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 1:32 pm
The candidate dichotomy Illinois Voters have always faced.
On the right a politician.
On the left what politicians think they are.
Comment by Irish Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 1:32 pm
Good one Irish
Comment by Way Way Down Here Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 1:33 pm
Anon-11:19, I actually wanted it to read,
“New Trier is planning a statue honoring me, as their most honorable graduate. I wonder if they’ve already commissioned a sculptor. I would prefer being immortalized in color instead of marble.”
Comment by HatShopGirl Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 1:52 pm
“Say, did you hear about Touchdown Jesus?”
Comment by D.P. Gumby Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 2:09 pm
It was Mighty Mouse not Under Dog that Kauffman gave lip service to. Here he comes to save the day…
Comment by really?? Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 2:26 pm
“Superman isn’t real either. Get over it!”
Comment by VanillaMan Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 2:26 pm
DC comic meets DC joke
Comment by Old Shepherd Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 2:37 pm
Its a bird, Its a plane…Its…..its…..RICH MILLER?
Comment by Say WHAT? Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 2:46 pm
Hmmmm… The sculptor got my hair right… My Underoos are depicted perfectly… But he seems to have exaggerated my pectoral muscles - I’m not quite that stacked. Oh well, what’s a little embellishment? No one will notice…
Comment by TwoFeetThick Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 2:46 pm
You don’t tug on Superman’s cape,
You don’t spit into the wind.
Comment by Ela Observer Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 2:47 pm
The Man of Steel meets the Man of Spiel.
Comment by ZC Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 2:50 pm
Superman could reverse time by flying counter-clockwise around the earth. I’d love to do the same.
Comment by zatoichi Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 3:08 pm
“Look around Superman. See what you did to this town with all your powers? Thanks to you, nothing happens in Metropolis anymore!”
“Take a day off and let evil catch up, will ya?”
Comment by VanillaMan Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 3:13 pm
So the underwear goes on the outside!
Comment by Ghost Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 3:39 pm
Help me here big guy. If they find that sixth grade book report, I’m finished.
Comment by Cook County Commoner Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 4:02 pm
“Oh yeah, I remember when I fought along-side my buddy Kal-El to defeat the even Mole-People and prevent them from taking over our Country’s water supply…. good times. Where’s my Press Staff?”
Comment by Nickname Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 4:37 pm
“Where can I get me a Fortress of Solitude?”
– MrJM
Comment by MrJM Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 6:08 pm
You don’t have to “misremember” your record when you have superpowers.
Comment by Hawkeye Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 9:37 pm
I can empathize with you Superman, I too was shot at while flying over Iraq
Comment by Anon Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:06 pm
OMG look at those pretty colored tights
Comment by Anon Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:07 pm
what is he staring at?
Comment by anon Thursday, Jun 17, 10 @ 7:15 am
I remember well the experiences I gained from my extensive era as a superhero. Well, okay, it was Hallowe’en 1972. So I misremembered, big deal, you might misremember sometimes if you had been in the line of enemy fire.
Comment by lakeview Thursday, Jun 17, 10 @ 7:27 am
“My past is almost as fictional as yours.”
Comment by Aldyth Thursday, Jun 17, 10 @ 7:44 am
I just wanted to comment that after reading the above captions that “there are some really clever and witty folks” that read Rich’s Capitol Fax Blog. They are really funny.
Comment by Festus Hagen Thursday, Jun 17, 10 @ 8:34 am