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* As noted below, our state’s financial position appears to be rapidly worsening and the budget office won’t talk about it. As a “celebration” of that happy confluence, here is a photo of budget director David Vaught…

* The Question: Caption?

posted by Rich Miller
Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:22 pm

Comments

The print is small, but the deficit is big.

Comment by Cincinnatus Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:30 pm
“So, in layman’s terms, what the heck do you think all these numbers mean?”

Comment by wordslinger Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:30 pm
We’ll start the auction with this lovely piece of paper. Do I hear an opening bid of $13 billion?

Comment by Montrose Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:30 pm
And, as you can clearly see on this chart, the giant Roy Rogers Roast Beef sandwich has a whopping 950 calories!

Comment by Responsa Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:32 pm
I have here in my hand a list of all the answers to all of your questions. But I’m not gonna give it to you. Wouldn’t be right. Goodbye.

Comment by Rich Miller Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:33 pm
See that highlighted line? That highlighter was very expensive.

Comment by Levois Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:37 pm
“As you can see from this budget document, we have conclusively ended the Illinois financial crisis by removing the red ink cartridges from all state printers.”

– MrJM

Comment by MrJM Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:37 pm
William Shatner holds a chart showing how much consumers save by using Priceline.com.

Comment by Don't Worry, Be Happy Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:40 pm
“We can’t even afford red ink to properly print our budgets.”

Comment by Pat Robertson Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:41 pm
Don’t even look at these numbers, they will cause your insides to come out via your ears.

One person tried to understand the first three columns of numbers and is now at a private mental hospital given a strict program of amnesia inducing drugs.

It’s bad, it’s your daughter marring a Cubs fan bad. It’s finding out your home is built over an Indian burial ground that is a above an abandoned coal mine that is filled with toxic waste bad.

If they needed a new definition of screwed for the dictionary they could use this document

Comment by OneMan Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:41 pm
I concede MrJM’s superior wit and speed.

Comment by Pat Robertson Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:42 pm
Even when we spell it out on paper the legislators can’t figure out that this is a serious crisis and far more serious than whether they get reelected.

Comment by Gibsongirl Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:44 pm
Thank God I remembered to use my index finger while holding the budget, otherwise the taxpayers would know what we in Springfield think of them.

Comment by Cincinnatus Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:44 pm
See the yellow line? This is the political cowardice line, which so far totals $13 billion.

Comment by 47th Ward Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:49 pm
As you can see from this chart, we ran out of red ink.

Comment by WRMNpolitics Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:49 pm
Hello, my name is David Vaught, director of the budget and my job is to rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic.

Comment by WRMNpolitics Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:50 pm
David Vaught displays last state asset not yet repossessed by creditors.

Comment by just sayin' Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:51 pm
This is what the new US $58 billion bill looks like. The final copy will have Rod B on the front, and a giant smoldering hole (instead of the Capitol) on the back. When inflation kicks in, you can use a wheel barrow of these to buy a loaf of bread.

Comment by Cincinnatus Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:52 pm
Doesn’t the soft yellow highlight calm you and make you think everything will be ok? That was my idea.

Comment by Montrose Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:56 pm
We Had The Money, Warren-Dubin, enhanced by VanillaMan

We had the money,
We had the money;
We had the funding to keep Illinois strong!
We had the money,
Now we don’t have any;
Thanks to all our spending, we are broke,
Don’t get me wrong!

Today we see a headline
‘Bout a fiscal deadline, we missed,
And when voters see their taxes,
Being spent like water, they’re understandably p%ssed.

We had the money
Gone now, my honey
Just give us more, or we won’t be around for long!

We had the funding,
We had the funding;
Now we haven’t a dime, our crisis is severe!
We had the funding,
Now we’re all bumbling;
Wondering who to screw, to get through,
Election year!

Today in the blogs
We read polls showing we’re dead,
And when we pass spending bills,
We keep hoping voters don’t see red.
We keep hoping voters don’t see red.
We keep hoping voters don’t see red.

We had the credit
But our investors fled it
Thanks to Moody’s our rating is all wrong
We had the credit
Now everythings debit
Our state finances are falling headlong.

We need more golden geese!
We need more golden geese!
If we don’t bilk them for their eggs,
We’ll be like Greece!

Comment by VanillaMan Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:57 pm
And I concede Pat Robertson’s superior skill at fleecing his flock.

– MrJM

Comment by MrJM Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:58 pm
We have just leased Illinois to a foreign country that has promised to pay off all the debt listed on this sheet totalling 13 billion dollars. I just got off the phone with the president of Elbonia whose office is in the capitol city, Shangri La.

Comment by dupage dan Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:58 pm
“Our state is not worth the paper that the deficit is printed on…”

Comment by Highland, IL Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:59 pm
“Well, what I’m saying is that we got no money, ya see. Nadda. Nothing. Ziltch. Zero.”

Comment by ugh Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:01 pm
The problems outlined in this paper are unsolvable under the present system.

Comment by Anonymous Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:02 pm
(1) “Kiting paper. All kinds. It’s what I do for a living.”

(2) “Welcome to origami class.”

(3) “Next, we put the budget into the shredder. Then we bake each and every line item inside a fortune cookie. Hey — feeling lucky today?”

Comment by Dooley Dudright Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:02 pm
To himself, “Why the hell did I let Pat talk me into this crappy job?”

Comment by umm Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:05 pm
Next year, the deficit will take 2 pages to print out.

Comment by Cincinnatus Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:05 pm
In yet another effort to bring the State Budget closer to balance, Director David Vaught shows the cost savings impact of replacing all State Police cruisers with skateboards.

Comment by Ghost of John Brown Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:05 pm
I’d like to get the (expletive) out of here.

Comment by Ronbo Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:07 pm
“Give you one example of generating revenue …

Well …

If we return this sheet of paper, Illinois will qualify for the ‘Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes’, and if Illinois were to WIN this sweepstakes, we would still be billions in debt”

Pause

“That’s all I got”

Comment by Oswego Willy Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:20 pm
We’re boned.

Comment by Ahoy Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:22 pm
“In my PERSONAL opinion … numbers on a sheet, like this sheet here, make the deficit more palatable to look at, as opposed to those silly graphs pointing down, down, down.

Don’t beleive, look at it. Here, have mine … see, no dizziness, indigestion, or headaches… just numbers.”

Comment by Oswego Willy Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:24 pm
We will be distributing these Motel 6 membership card applications to all state employees in an attempt to help rein in travel costs.

Comment by N'ville Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:29 pm
Is it just me or the fact the budget office ‘will not talk about it’ a bit disconcerting…

Comment by OneMan Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:33 pm
“This yellow line represents where we had to sell our easel…”

Comment by Leroy Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:37 pm
“at this rate, this piece of paper is all we can afford to purchase for the 2010-11 fiscal year.”

Comment by Pickles!! Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:37 pm
This budget is f***in golden. See this stripe right here…

Comment by Cincinnatus Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:38 pm
“You see, we’re behind on the phone bill, so they cut us off and now I can’t get back to reporters.”

Comment by Prognosis Negative Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:43 pm
“Pat Quinn prints on both sides of the paper. That’s real cost-savings, people. Not nickel and dime stuff.”

Comment by Samwise Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:45 pm
“As you can see, the State of Illinois wasn’t even IN the hotel room that night, so we couldn’t possibly have watch that adult movie! By getting a credit, we will reduce the deficit.”

Comment by D.P. Gumby Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:47 pm
This is a copy of Rod’s last budget. Pat Quinn has not been able to come up with one during his two legislative sessions as governor.

Comment by Joe from Joliet Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:47 pm
Cue music…

“Cause I’ve got a golden ticket
I’ve got a golden twinkle in my eye”

Comment by Cincinnatus Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:49 pm
Can anybody show me how to make a paper airplane out of this?

Comment by Anonymous Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 2:23 pm
“What you see here is the entire budget that the General Assembly sent to the Governor. The rest of it is up to us.”

Comment by siriusly Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 2:33 pm
“Who said anything about it adding up? I was told no math when I took this job.”

Comment by Math Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 3:01 pm
“If you look at this closely ….

You will see my Fantasy Baseball team ‘Budget Boys’ is beating the Speaker’s ‘Irish Eyes are Bunting’ and Sen. Cullerton’s ‘The Veto-Proof 9′ …”

“Any other questions?”

Comment by Oswego Willy Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 3:31 pm
I didn’t want to tell Rich Miller, but the highlighted line shows the state’s savings if we all share the CapFax password instead of having multiple subscriptions…

Comment by Small Town Liberal Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 3:39 pm
“Is there anyone here who can read a financial statement? I have a PhD in PoliSci from NIU in DeKalb

BTW, my alma mater, the Political Science Department at Northern Illinois Univeristy just gave Tammy Duckworth an honorary doctoral degree in PoliSci.”
http://www.niu.edu/northerntoday/2010/may3/duckworth.shtml

Comment by HatShopGirl Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 4:23 pm
..and the optional upgrade gives the printer 22 additional fonts with colors to coordinate with your clothes. Only $195 today.

Comment by zatoichi Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 5:17 pm
Line 22 is the money from the Nigerian prince. As soon as that comes in, the budget will be fully balanced.

Comment by Quizzical Thursday, Jun 24, 10 @ 12:09 am
We can now only afford to by paper by the sheet rather than by the ream!

Comment by Fed Up Thursday, Jun 24, 10 @ 12:56 am
These numbers don’t add up. I know that, Pat knows that, but were not doing anything about it…Not now…Not ever…

Comment by Louis Howe Thursday, Jun 24, 10 @ 6:03 am