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* File this one under “Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not Kentucky.”

Ben Smith at Politico ferrets out a golden nugget in a GQ profile about the Bluegrass State’s Republican US Senate nominee Rand Paul…

The strangest episode of Paul’s time at Baylor occurred one afternoon in 1983 … when he and a [brother in his liberal secret society] paid a visit to a female student who was one of Paul’s teammates on the Baylor swim team. According to this woman, who requested anonymity because of her current job as a clinical psychologist, “He and Randy came to my house, they knocked on my door, and then they blindfolded me, tied me up, and put me in their car. They took me to their apartment and tried to force me to take bong hits. They’d been smoking pot.”

Smith notes that Paul spokesman Jesse Benton “didn’t respond directly” to GQ’s question about the incident, so Smith followed up…

Benton repeated his non-denial to me in an email, adding: “We’ll leave National Enquierer type stories about his teenage years to the tabloids where they belong.”

* The Question: This goofy little story has inspired me to ask you to fill in the blank…

“Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not _____.”

And then explain why, if you feel the need. Snark is heavily encouraged, of course.

posted by Rich Miller
Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:21 pm

Comments

“Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not the Cubs.”

We have not been screwing it up for 100 years.

Comment by OneMan Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:30 pm
Tibet. At least I don’t think being colonized by the Chinese would be an improvement…I could be wrong.

Comment by Excessively Rabid Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:39 pm
Yes, Illinois Sucks, but at least we’re not The New Capital Fax Blog.

Comment by Moving to Oklahoma Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:39 pm
I’ll never live that down…

Comment by Rich Miller Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:40 pm
Sorry Rich I couldn’t help it, it was just too easy, and I have never been known for

Comment by Moving to Oklahoma Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:41 pm
doing anything other than picking the low hanging fruit.

Comment by Moving to Oklahoma Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:42 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not the print news industry.

(MO beat me to my first pick)

Comment by Ghost Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:44 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not Caddyshack II.

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:45 pm
But at least we haven’t resorting to making porn movies in order to pay the bills. Well, at least not yet…

Comment by Don't Worry, Be Happy Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:48 pm
illinois sucks, but at least we’re not indiana. i mean, COME ON!

Comment by bored now Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:49 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not Sam Adam, Jr.’s client.

Too much? lol

Comment by Rich Miller Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:49 pm
Crystal Clear Pepsi

Comment by Davey Boy Smithe Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:49 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not inhaling.

Comment by aufjunk Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:50 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not smart enough to know the difference.

Comment by sal-says Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:51 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not allowing Scott Lee Cohen back into the political process and have forced Jason Plummer to release his tax returns.

Oh, wait. Nevermind…

Comment by Rich Miller Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:51 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not Todd Stroger’s poll numbers

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:52 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks but at least we’re not the US attorney’s office.

Comment by Bill Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:52 pm
Yes Illinois sucks,but at least we’re not Cleveland

Comment by Concerned Voter Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:54 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not ILGOP’s Secretary of State candidates’s D2

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:55 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not Mel Gibson’s next girlfriend.

Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not Blago’s cellmate to be.

Comment by Edison Parker Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:56 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not Tiger Woods’ life.

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:56 pm
Illinois sucks, but at least we don’t have funny axcents like over be dere in Wisconsin.

Comment by IrishPirate Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:56 pm
The Blago’s cellmate comment was just WRONG.

For the sake of the other inmates Blago needs to be segregated in a single haircare cell.

Comment by IrishPirate Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:58 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not Michigan, or more specifically, Detroit.

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:59 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks but…wait, well, Illinois sucks.

Comment by Team Sleep Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:59 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not Wisconsin…

===Wisconsin Republicans are accusing a state senator of plagiarizing her husband’s columns on taxes. ====

Comment by Rich Miller Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 12:59 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not moving to Oklahoma for two years running.

Payback, baby.

Comment by Rich Miller Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:01 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not Chicago’s 2016 Olympic Bid.

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:01 pm
yes, but at least Chicago is a safe place to visit… hmmmmmm

Comment by Plutocrat03 Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:02 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not to the point where the money is good enough to do the ‘Other Stuff’ yet!

(see the onion)

Comment by OneMan Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:04 pm
Illinois sucks, but at least we are not Tiger Woods golf game.

Comment by OT Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:05 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not the Illinois portrayed in the national media (e.g., New York Times pension article)

Comment by timesreader Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:07 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not under any illusions that it’s gonna get any better any time soon.

[Sigh]

Comment by Rich Miller Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:08 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not Lindsay Lohan.

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:08 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not ashamed to admit it.

Comment by 47th Ward Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:09 pm
Yes Illinois sucks but at least we aren’t people who lined up to support Blago at court or will go to their grave defending him.

Comment by Stooges Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:10 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but don’t say anything unless you want your legs broken.

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:10 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not without good friends and Lowenbrau.

Comment by Jake from Elwood Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:11 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least our General Assembly isn’t living at home with their parents.

Comment by Rich Miller Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:12 pm
“Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not CALIFORNIA.”

Comment by Segatari Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:12 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but someone needs to be the sate New Jersey and Louisiana point at.

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:12 pm
Yes, Illinois Sucks, but what can you expect when our politicians view us voters as Suckers?

Comment by Wensicia Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:14 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least our General Assembly isnt’ attending Com-Con.

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:14 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not south of I-80.

Comment by Pat Robertson Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:15 pm
Illinois Sucks buit at least our leading Statehouse journalist got a haircut.

Comment by IrishPirate Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:19 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not the Sucker State.

Oh, wait…..

Comment by Dooley Dudright Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:20 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not every Bears quarterback since Sid Luckman, excpect for Jim McMahon.

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:21 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not the “Jersey Shore.”

Comment by Northsider Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:21 pm
Yeah, IP. Didja see O’Connor’s new ‘do?

Comment by Rich Miller Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:22 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks but at least we’re not Greece…

oh wait…

Comment by John Bambenek Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:24 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we are not Greece (part 921).

Comment by OT Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:25 pm
Illinois Sucks but at least we’re not…..ummmm

uh, at least we know we can do something about it since it’s just our politicians that make us that way and we will….
we can ……
we might change things next election….
but no wait,…. who are our choices? OHhhh,

WHO PICKED THEM!!!

We did ????????????

Aren’t all of our voters informed and involved??

Illinois sucks!

Comment by Irish Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:25 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not Alaska. Our governors aren’t quitters, and they can string together complete sentences.

Comment by lakeview Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:25 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks but at least we’re not all stuck at the federal building waiting on a verdict and Googling Ground Hog Day.

Comment by Rich Miller Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:26 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not Michigan!

We’re only threatening the big Lake with a fun little fishies, not a gargantuan gas spill!

Comment by KeepSmiling Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:27 pm
Illinois sucks but at least we are not NORTH of Rte 80 and east of Rte #47.

Comment by Irish Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:28 pm
Reminds me of an old joke. “There is no such thing as gravity: the earth sucks.”

Comment by 47th Ward Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:28 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not secretly planning to launch an all-out war with a certain neighboring state in order to Wag the Dog and divert voters’ attentions from the real problems here.

…Or are we?

Comment by Rich Miller Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:29 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not in a car with a Massachusetts Senator.

Comment by Davey Boy Smithe Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:30 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not all in prison.

Comment by Rich Miller Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:31 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not sending out news pitches like this one…

I’m following up on my email to see if you’d be interested in an interview with Bozo the Clown co-author Scott McKenzie who will be in Chicago for a book signing on August 17 (Details below)?

In The Man Behind the Nose: Assassins, Astronauts, Cannibals, and Other Stupendous Tales (Releasing August 17, Igniter Books/Harper Collins), the moving biography from the late Larry “Bozo” Harmon, Larry and co-author Thomas Scott McKenzie recall some pretty crazy tales about America’s most iconic and beloved clown:

· Did you hear the one about when Bozo ran for President and survived two assassination attempts?

· How about the time Bozo flew into the perilous jungles of New Guinea to see if he could not just survive but actually bond with dangerous cannibal tribes?

· Well then, you must know about the time his size 83 AAA shoes saved him from being swallowed whole by a giant, murderous python in Thailand, right?

· Did you know there was a 10-year waitlist for tickets for the Bozo television show?

· And that the popular Chicago franchise of the Bozo show, that ran for 40 years starting in 1960, was the most successful locally-produced children’s program in the history of television?

Comment by Rich Miller Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:33 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks but at least we’re not bored. There’s too much sideshow entertainment and fodder for the Cap Fax.

Comment by DC Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:34 pm
Yes Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not hunting with Dick Cheney.

Comment by Small Town Liberal Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:34 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but our state can beat up your state … or … Yes, Illinois sucks, but someday your state is going to work for our state.

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:37 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re got Oprah … for a few more months.

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:38 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks but at least we made it so that you can get the sales tax holiday at Agent Provocateur (google it now and thank me later)

Yes, Illinois sucks but Pat Quinn will be by your house on Tuesday to remind you about the tax holiday.

Comment by OneMan Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:38 pm
Illinois sucks but at least when a very popular clown show went off the air the producers took it on the road and it has played in Springfield since with occasional short runs in Chicago with various elected officials playing the lead role.

With donations pouring into the respective stars buckets one through six it has taken on a life of it’s own and does not look to end it’s run anytime soon.

Comment by Irish Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:39 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks but at least we were good enough to remember a TV clown with wild hair by electing a worse clown with wild hair governor.

Comment by OneMan Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:42 pm
Yes Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not allowed to elect Rod Blagojevich to a third term.

Comment by Rich Miller Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:44 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re consistant about electing governors that are indictable AND convictable.

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:46 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not Rwanda, Iraq, Afghanistan, or any number of places where political crises lead to thousands or even millions of people getting slaughtered or blown up in the streets.

It’s one thing to have spouses, friends, neighbors, etc. losing state jobs or being forced to take furlough days or having services they depend on cut. Serious though that is, it pales in comparison to having your entire immediate family wiped out in the Rwandan genocide, in a suicide bombing, etc.

Comment by Secret Square Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:46 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least it isn’t doing porn on the side to make ends meet. What? …oh.

Comment by Dr Kilovolt Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:47 pm
Way to harsh my buzz, SS. Thanks.

Comment by Rich Miller Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:47 pm
Secret Square … way to make a fun exercise turn into a buzz kill … ouch

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:48 pm
“Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least with friends like Mike Madigan and Richard M. Daley, we don’t need Republicans.”

Comment by FDR Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:53 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not under Hugo Chavez, Kim Jong-il or Ahmadinejad???

Comment by Me Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:53 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least the Cheeseheads-to-the-North don’t refer to us as “Baja Wisconsin”.

Oh, wait…..

Comment by Dooley Dudright Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:53 pm
Illinois sucks but…

… at least there is plenty of room in the Federal Penitentiary System.

Comment by Cincinnatus Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:55 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not too far gone to notice.

Comment by Rich Miller Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:56 pm
“Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not all in prison.”

We are surrounded by Kentucky, Indiana, Wisconsin, Iowa and Missouri. Call it what you will.

Comment by dr clean Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:56 pm
Sorry folks, that topic was on my mind today for other reasons. How about….

Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least our public officials have not (as far as I know) been sending out spam e-mails promising people millions of dollars in exchange for their bank or credit card information.

Comment by Secret Square Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:57 pm
Illinois sucks, but at least it wasn’t part of the Confederacy.

I was recently in Virginia, including Richmond, and it almost seems at their Capitol as if the North broke away from the South for a time…

Comment by Capitol View Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:59 pm
Yes, north of Rte 80 sucks but at least driving through it gets me to Wisconsin where no one cares who Mike Madigan, Tom Cross, or the rest of that bunch is or really cares. Amazing what a line on a map can do. lol

Comment by Irish Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 1:59 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks but where else do you get a Springfield Horseshoe Sandwitch, a Chicago Dog, a Quincy Maid-Rite, or a 17th Street BBQ Rack of Ribs in Murphysboro?

Comment by in absentia Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 2:05 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least the IOC figured it out before the boa constrictor swallowed the elephant.

Comment by KeepSmiling Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 2:10 pm
Illinois sucks but at least we have a balanced budget, all the states bills are paid,we have a functioning legislature and all our infrastructure is fixed. Are we in Illinois yet ToTo?

Comment by WRMNpolitics Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 2:12 pm
It’s not so much that Illinois sucks, it’s that Indiana really blows.

Comment by 47th Ward Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 2:14 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not the dude who has to clean up the Grant Park mess today after Lollapalooza.

Comment by Jake from Elwood Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 2:16 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not easily distracted from making the difficult decisions that need to be made.

Oh look, a kitty…

Comment by Former Titan Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 2:27 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we won the Civil War, gave the world both Reagan and Obama (yeah, I’m claiming them both) and had one of the most dominant Super Bowl-winning seasons of all history. Yeah, Illinois sucks, but at least our governor isn’t calling for secession. Yeah, Illinois sucks, but at least our governor wasn’t busted for prostitution (of the literal sense, anyway). Yeah, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not getting boycotted and sued by the federal government. Yeah, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not the epicenter for the collapse of the auto industry. Or the housing bubble. Or an actual, building-damaging, earthquake.

Comment by Cynic Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 2:44 pm
==Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least our public officials have not (as far as I know) been sending out spam e-mails promising people millions of dollars in exchange for their bank or credit card information. ==

Secret Square — the merit comp employees have been getting those emails at work all month.

Comment by Pat Robertson Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 2:54 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks. But leasing the state lottery franchise to a private internet gambling website is going to turn that all around.

Comment by Ivory-billed Woodpecker Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 3:02 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks. So go live anywhere else for a year. Sucks there too.

Comment by zatoichi Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 3:21 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we haven’t been expelled from the US yet. Nor are we even the first in line for that honor, although we’re in the first five.

Comment by Excessively Rabid Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 3:23 pm
Illinois sucks but at least we aren’t Tim Tebow’s haircut

Comment by Lou's margarita glass Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 3:38 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks but at least we’re not going to have Quinn or Brady as our Governor.

Comment by Ahoy Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 3:48 pm
===Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not secretly planning to launch an all-out war with a certain neighboring state in order to Wag the Dog and divert voters’ attentions from the real problems here.===

At least we’re not Mark Kirk’s campaign, which just put out a press release taking credit for his intelligence coup that allowed us to initiate a surprise attack on Wisconsin before they attacked us. Kirk recently discovered that Wisconsin exports cheese and beer to Illinois, and that Wisconsin was planning to attack while Illinois residents were drunk and bloated.

Kirk personally led the first wave to hit the beaches. The attack plan was based on a scouting report of amphibious landing sites on Wisconsin lake shore, written by Kirk in 1976 while using a Sunfish to covertly spy on the Wisconsin shoreline.

Comment by Don't Worry, Be Happy Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 3:56 pm
“Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not without high profile dips who provide us and the nation endless hours of entertainment to help distract us from our abysmal budget woes and total leadership chaos.”

Comment by Justice Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 4:07 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not home to any Kardashians.

– MrJM

Comment by MrJM Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 4:21 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not gonna let this post stick at 99 comments!

Comment by Rich Miller Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 4:31 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we don’t share Alderman Stone’s views regarding election fraud. Well, at least some of us don’t.

Comment by Skeeter Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 4:39 pm
By the way — as entertaining as it was reading through this after a long day of working, I have to point out that it still pales in comparison to Friday’s Tea Party thread. Rich way want to put some sort of permanent like to that one on the site so that we can all find it immediately on those tough days when we really need to laugh at something.

Comment by Skeeter Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 4:45 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks, but at least we’re not Wisconsin… again.

Comment by Rich Miller Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 4:49 pm
Yes, Illinois sucks politically and if that is all we were we would have no future to look forward to.
But in spite of the flip floppers, the leaders who cannot lead, the powerful who’s only concern is their pockets, the greedy, the egomaniacs, basically our government at most levels; we still have-

The beautiful colors of the bluffs along our fantastic rivers in the fall. The heritage and history that the likes of Carl Sandburg and Abraham Lincoln have given us. The broad shouldered city of immigrants that grew from trading post to stockyards to a bustling hub of commerce and steel and stone buildings along a lake front. The diversity across religious lines especially noticeable in towns like Nauvoo, Bishop Hill and the like. Fields and fields of grain that support not only ourselves but many others in areas less blessed with the fertile ground and the hard working salt of the earth farm families that have persevered across the ages to take fertile prairie soil and make it productive. Our blue collar workers who have worked in the mills, the factories, the mines to support their families and make working conditions better for all men.

Yes Illinois sucks but not because of our beautiful natural resources or the people who still maintain the pioneer spirit of our ancestors and the can do attitude that has made this state what it is, and the helping hand we have always offered to those less fortunate who are willing to work.

Illinois sucks only as long as we allow it to do so. We need to remember that the GA and the rest work for us and it is time we make sure they suck no more.

Comment by Irish Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 5:19 pm
Irish, that was great. And the last word. This post is now closed. Nobody can top that one.

Comment by Rich Miller Monday, Aug 9, 10 @ 5:24 pm