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* The setup…
UBS, the Swiss banking giant, has issued a new dress code for its workers — and it features some patented Swiss precision.
The 43-page edict is being tested at five Swiss branches. It notes that: “Our body odor cannot be changed. However, we can ensure that it produces only pleasant scents. Strong breath (garlic, onions, cigarettes) can have a significant impact on communication.”
It also includes, according to NBC:
For women:
♦ “Light makeup consisting of a foundation, mascara and discreet lipstick will enhance your personality.”
♦ “Women should not wear shoes that are too tight-fitting as there is nothing worse than a strained smile.”
♦ “A flawless appearance can bring inner peace and a sense of security.”
♦ “The ideal time to apply perfume is directly after you take a hot shower, when your pores are still open.”
They have equally weird suggestions for men.
* The Question: What should be the dress code for Illinois government?
posted by Rich Miller
Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 1:25 pm
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Vertical Strips … jumpsuits … slippers … Orange, or black and white ….
Oh, sorry, that is for AFTER you serve as Governor … never mind
Comment by Oswego Willy Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 1:29 pm
wooden water barrel held up with suspenders - from Capital Capers
Comment by DartDave Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 1:40 pm
GA members should wear collars, color coded with the name of the person who is on the other end of their leash.
All elected and appointed officials, and lobbyists should wear suits with patches on them denoting who has contributed to them,or who they work for, like the NASCAR drivers wear showing their sponsers.
The Governor should wear a red suit or a black suit designating the status of their budget. It should have a small digital screen on it showing their current approval rating.
The Lt. Gov should wear the same thing except their screen should list items they have accomplished for the citizenry in the last month.
Comment by Irish Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 1:42 pm
I think pants should be mandatory.
Comment by Spliff Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 1:43 pm
Working for Cook County in the 70’s it was made clear to me that “clean and covered” was about as strict as we could get. Did have some luck while working at SOS with “wear nothing that most folks find disgusting or distracting”
Comment by wordonthestreet Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 1:44 pm
♦ “Light makeup consisting of a foundation, mascara and discreet lipstick will enhance your appearance while working under fluorescent lights at the driver’s license facility.
♦ “Women should not wear heavy boots that track in ice and snow and can cause slippery conditions for others on the tile floors of the Stratton office building.
♦ “A flawless appearance can result in multiple trips through the line on free cheesecake day at the treasurer’s office.
♦ “The ideal time to apply perfume is immediately after you eat a bowl of chilli at Joe Roger’s.
Comment by Fredbyrd Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 1:44 pm
Also, Directors and other bureaucrats should wear nameplates designating the office they hold and a list of the credentials or schooling or training they have to hold the job they occupy.
Comment by Irish Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 1:47 pm
snuggies
Comment by Thoughts... Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 1:47 pm
Shirts with built in buzzers that (moderately but loudly) zap the employee/politician when they tell a lie or mis-spend public funds.
Comment by Responsa Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 1:51 pm
Legislators should be required to wear groucho glasses complete with noses and mustaches at all times while in their respective chambers.
Comment by Bill Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 1:54 pm
Legislators should be required to wear firesuits with the logos of their largest donors, with their largest donor being the dominant logo.
Think NASCAR
Comment by OneMan Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 1:57 pm
If you work in the Stratton Building: layers, layers, layers
Comment by Secret Square Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 2:00 pm
Pockets big enough to hold the standard $25k contribution without wrinkling the envelope.
Comment by JustMe Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 2:03 pm
Unitards
Comment by Montrose Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 2:09 pm
Please do not wear pajama bottoms to work or your slippers, this only encourages napping at your desk after over imbibing the night before…
Comment by Loop Lady Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 2:14 pm
Shoes. Matching socks.
Comment by Louis XVI Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 2:15 pm
“Always remember, after a long day of rolling in sludge, polyesters are your friend.”
Comment by just sayin' Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 2:16 pm
Dance shoes in case they’re ordered to bust a move.
Comment by Chessie Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 2:17 pm
Hip waders to slosh through the pig sty this state is going to…
Comment by Vote Quimby! Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 2:20 pm
Snark encouraged, I take it?
–Oven mitts, in order to steal hot stoves.
–Rubber pockets, in order to steal hot soup (from Rathskeller?).
– XXL undergarments, in order to accommodate recording devices.
– Nasal strips, in order to better “smell the meat-a-cookin’.”
– A roll of dimes sewn in pants cuffs (a la the great Nelson Rockefeller), in order to drop them on opponents (Rocky did it in case he was ever kidnapped to make phone calls, and to pass out for the family’s “March of Dimes” charity).
Comment by wordslinger Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 2:25 pm
After a day at the Capitol meeting with your legislators, it is important to shower immediately afterward. The stench of hypocrisy is best removed with tomato juice. Pour vodka into the tomato juice to ease the headache caused by the nonsense you’ve heard all day from legislators.
Purple striped ties are mandatory until further notice.
Comment by 47th Ward Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 2:31 pm
Anything AFSCME green or SEIU purple.
Comment by Joe from Joliet Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 2:32 pm
NASCAR jumpsuits with plenty of room for various advertiser’s patches. Revenues generated go to deficit reduction.
- Spliff - Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 1:43 pm:
“I think pants should be mandatory.”
I assume you mean on the ground.
Camouflage to hide from the voters and their responsibilities.
Bozo - hair and noses.
Leprechaun outfit, complete with shillelagh which they are encouraged to use on each other.
Cheap suits, empty of course. Oh, wait…
Any tee-shirts stenciled with either “Pat Quinn’s Brain” or Rahm’s Dead Fish.
This plus this.
Comment by Cincinnatus Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 2:35 pm
Dorothy Brown still swears by Jeans Day.
Comment by The End Is Near Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 2:37 pm
I’ve received a lot of complaints about how some of the younger staffers dress. There’s not a whole lot I can do about it, so, I’m using this as a forum:
If you can’t bend over without showing your goodies, either in the front or back, don’t wear it.
If you can’t bend over because your pants, skirt or shirt is too tight, don’t wear it.
Flip flops should never be worn on a session day, never ever (Midnight caucus excluded, but only after everyone has left the building).
Bras of any color, other than skin tone or white, should not be worn under a white shirt. Bras of any color, other than black or skin colored, should not be worn under a black sweater or tee…Bras of any color, other than…ladies, you get the point.
Please, leave your shoes on at all times, until everyone has left the building.
You should never be able to see your bra, either because your shirt is too low cut, or because you are wearing spaghetti straps.
Your pants should never be so tight that we can tell whether or not you are wearing undergarments.
I’m stepping off my soap box now. And I hope people will quit pestering me to have a “talk” with these young staffers. It’s not going to happen.
Comment by Anon Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 2:41 pm
Bright XXXL Hawaiian shirts with built in fireproof ashtray pockets and combat boots. Full shoulder to wrist tattoos. White socks.
Comment by zatoichi Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 2:42 pm
Would this include the legislative secretarial staff?
Comment by frustrated GOP Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 2:47 pm
All clothing must be treated with Teflon to avoid any crap sticking to the politician or bureaucrat wearing it.
Comment by Honest Abe Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 2:48 pm
Anon 2:41, you might want to treat yourself to a sports car or something this holiday. Watch out for that middle-age crazy.
Comment by wordslinger Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 2:52 pm
What an offensive policy - those bullets only apply to women…
Comment by Oh, please.... Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 2:53 pm
1) Clothing must not have been bought after the past two Presidential administrations.
2) Hair- if male must be a side part/ comb-over.If Female- excessive amounts of hairspray.
3) Socks and shoes: socks- may never match and shoes must be knicked up or partially torn.
4) Aftershave/ perfume: Men- think think of your father’s brand and add in heavy amounts of listerne. Women- think aunt who never stopped giving you those absurdly tight hugs on Christmas and dressed her cats.
Comment by Bring Back Boone's Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 2:54 pm
“those bullets only apply to women”
Actually, the UBS dress code does include the following rules for men:
♦ “Three days of stubble is not permitted and a visit to the barber is recommended once every four weeks.”
♦ “Wear only ties that match the bone structure of the face and do not wear socks with cartoon motifs.”
♦ “If you wear a watch, it suggests reliability and that punctuality is a great concern to you.”
♦ “Underwear is among the most intimate parts of our clothing . . . your underwear must not be visible through your clothes, or stand out . . . your figure should not suffer from the way you wear your underwear.”
Comment by Secret Square Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 2:57 pm
– Visible “tramp stamps” must include portraits of Abraham Lincoln, U.S. Grant, Jane Addams, Richard J. Daley, Ronald Reagan or Barack Obama.
Comment by wordslinger Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 3:18 pm
Irish wins hands down.
I hope Gov. Quinn favors red.
I think Anon 2:41 forgot that its Friday afternoon. Lighten up Francis.
Comment by Jake from Elwood Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 3:35 pm
Switzerland recently codified in its’ constitution rights conferred to plants. That’s right, PLANTS.
So, this doesn’t come as a surprise.
I wonder if this company requires plants (garlic?) to wear certain perfumes.
Comment by dupage dan Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 3:36 pm
Secret Square 2:00 almost had it. Let me tweak just a bit.
If you work in the Stratton Building: asbestos-proof spacesuits - like the maintenance people wear when they come in and change the light bulbs!
Comment by Stratton Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 3:36 pm
Ephesians 6:11-18
Comment by soccermom Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 3:38 pm
S.Square-
Does the UBS Style Manual really say that “underwear is among the most intimate parts of our clothing.”?
I wonder what other articles of clothing would also be “among” the most intimate? Petticoats and corsets?
Comment by Jake from Elwood Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 3:39 pm
Well, after they have gotten the shirts off our backs, there will be one less article to worry about.
Of course, when the government takes off its gloves, rolls up its sleeves, buckles down, puts on its thinking cap, airs its dirty laundry, stops picking our pockets, and starts walking in our shoes, that will suit me just fine.
Comment by Anonymous Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 3:39 pm
I failed to actually comment on what the dress code should be for “Illinois Government”. Are you referring to the actual employess or just “THE GOVERNMENT”. If you are expecting me to dress better, I’m going to need some time off - this will take awhile.
Comment by dupage dan Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 3:40 pm
Rickey Hendon shall hereby be in charge of picking the suit colors for gentlemen.
Carol Pankau will be in charge of outfitting the ladies.
Comment by piling on Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 3:51 pm
wasn’t it clothes that drove our previous governor to crime. Perhaps we should keep the state of illinois dress code simple, put a maxmimum amount spent so as to avoid such trappings that drive men to steal
Comment by frustrated GOP Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 4:01 pm
This is fascinating stuff - I just reread it and I am having trouble keeping myself from giggling so hard I may have an “accident”. Obviously, these folk have everything else covered so that they can suggest that people put perfume on right after bathing “because the pores are still open”.
Oh, Prunella, what Utra Moroooooons (thanks, Bugs!).
Comment by dupage dan Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 4:10 pm
• Unmarried ladies must wear clothing appropriate for season three of “Saved by the Bell.”
• Married ladies must wear clothing suitable for a 19th century Lithuanian wedding.
• Gentlemen must either be clean-shaven or sport a Ditka-approved mustache.
• Gentlemen must show no less than one inch of white sock below their pants cuffs.
• Gentlemen over 40-years of age must “comb-over” their hair, regardless of the style’s necessity or its effectiveness.
• To insure that the office heating system runs at maximum capacity all winter and that the air-conditioner runs at maximum capacity all summer, all employees are forbidden to wear seasonally appropriate clothing in the workplace .
– MrJM
Comment by MrJM Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 4:11 pm
Speaking of body odor … if you have a real problem employee, there IS something you as a supervisor can do about it. Schedule a “counseling session” with the employee and their union rep in your office. Make sure your office is arranged in such a way the ONLY place for the union rep and the offending employee is to sit is immediately next to each other. Take your time diplomatically explaining the complaints you have received. Unless the union rep is totally insensitive, they will quickly get the point of the session … true story.
As to clothing, they need to be telfon coated so all the “stuff” that runs downhill doesn’t stick.
Comment by Retired Non-Union Guy Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 4:17 pm
The kings have no clothes.
Comment by jt Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 4:30 pm
Everyone should wear T-shirts saying “Thirteen billion and counting… We’re doing whatever we can to run up the debt and spend your, and your children’s, money!”
Comment by Wensicia Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 4:30 pm
Thank you for clarifying that equally offensive standards of appearance are placed on both men and women…now that’s refreshing!
Comment by Oh, please.... Friday, Dec 17, 10 @ 4:36 pm