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Question of the day

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* How about you “help” this Saturday’s roasters by suggesting a joke about either myself or one of our panelists? The panelist list is here.

Have at it, but keep it clean and do your best to make sure your comments are funny.

posted by Rich Miller
Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 10:00 am

Comments

I don’t have a joke, but just a random fyi Rich. M.C. Hammer is 50 today.

Comment by just sayin' Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 10:03 am
Your headline, “Dead Cat Bounce” and post about a rise in Quinn’s poll numbers prior to the election. If someone can’t make a joke out to that they are not really trying

Comment by anon Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 10:29 am
Have you seen the new Rich Miller Bobblehead?

You can find it here.

Comment by Yellow Dog Democrat Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 10:32 am
Beyond his political reporting, Rich is probably best known for his beard. Thankfully, she is here tonight…give it up for his lovely wife!

Comment by Outsider looking in Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 10:39 am
Apparantly Rich Miller used the same standard for the dias that is used at Great America — you have to be at least four feet tall to participate!

Comment by unclesam Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 11:22 am
I would like to introduce the man who gives us all daily insight into what is really going on in the state house. But since he isn’t here, I would like to introduce Rich Miller!

Rich Miller. When I think of him I think of great product roll outs. New Coke, The Chevy Nova in Mexico, and The NEW Capitol Fax.

Comment by John A Logan Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 11:25 am
- Rich Miller. When I think of him I think of great product roll outs. New Coke, The Chevy Nova in Mexico, and The NEW Capitol Fax. -

LOL

Comment by Small Town Liberal Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 11:28 am
Why is Rich Millers Boat on Lake Springfield have a glass bottom? So he can see his last 8 boats.

Comment by John A Logan Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 11:34 am
What is more likely to happen first - U of I winning an NCAA Mens bball Championship or Rich Miller shaving off his facial hair? Winner gets a free ticket to Rich’s 100th birthday party celebration.

Comment by Stones Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 11:35 am
Speaker Madigan is responsible for the food tonight so using the same method they use for budgeting they gave Pat Quinn 40 pounds of beef and some carrots and told him to figure it out.

Comment by OneMan Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 11:44 am
There’s got to be a gag line somewhere in that “larger than life” AARP card.

Maybe someone can whip up revised “Rich Miller specific” lyrics to the AARP parody done by Phil Dirt and the Dozers ?

Comment by Retired Non-Union Guy Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 11:45 am
“I’d like to thank the state’s top political power brokers for serving on tonight’s panel, and Governor Quinn for valeting our cars.”

“Please tip Pat generously, the state budget needs all the help it can get.”

Comment by Yellow Dog Democrat Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 11:50 am
Carol Marin: “I know Rich is hoping to get a closer look at my tattoo. Sorry Rich: you must be 42 inches tall to ride this ride.”

Comment by Yellow Dog Democrat Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 11:54 am
It turns out Steve Brown will be doing most of Mike Madigans speaking tonight…

As a look at this dais one thing comes to mind, thank goodness the folks at the Illinois Review have not perfected their death ray yet.

Will everyone who is not a lobbyist or elected official please raise their hand. Thanks for coming dad….

As part of our entertainment later the folks from ComEd and the folks behind the Talyorville Energy Plant will be acting out the fight scene from West Side Story

Later we will be taking a collection to send Rod a CapFax subscription.

Comment by OneMan Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 11:58 am
The devil appeared bfore a Lutheran that just turned 50 years old. The devil said,”do you know who I am?” The Lutheran said, “Yeah, you’re the devil.” The devil said,”Aren’t you afraid of me?” The Lutheran said, “No. Why should I be afraid of you? I have been married to your sister for 25 years! She’s the one I’m afraid of.”

Comment by Anonymous Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 12:05 pm
Also for attending tonight you all get a copy of Rich’s new book…

What Do You F*&! Mean I Can’t Smoke Here Anymore: A guide to Springfield’s bars, taverns, social clubs and all night liquor stores.

We put Aaron Jaffe in charge of tonight’s musical entertainment so come back in 2018 to hear Cheap Trick. Actually that is a joke Aaron Jaffe isn’t here tonight because he heard the final four is going on and since that might involve gambling he has to hide at home until it’s over…

Comment by OneMan Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 12:05 pm
One large order of bad clams and the states pension problem could be solved…

Comment by OneMan Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 12:06 pm
Taking one look at Rich tells me jogging is something he doesn’t do. I say good for you, because bad things happen when you jog.

Signed-
40892-424

Comment by OurMagician Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 12:07 pm
“There’s plenty of chicken and pasta, so help yourselves to seconds.

If you want pork, you’ll have to talk to the Speaker.”

Comment by Yellow Dog Democrat Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 12:20 pm
Carol Marin to Rich - “Why is it that when the Dem roasters speak their mouths don’t match the words we hear?”

Voice sounding very much like MJM’s, “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. I am the great OZ.”

Comment by Irish Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 12:29 pm
“A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.”

Nuff said.

Comment by Anonymous Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 12:34 pm
Cullerton - “We had more speakers planned for tonite but when Rich heard what they were going to say he threatened to Ban Them for Life.”

Comment by Irish Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 12:35 pm
Wow, 50 years old. So Rich was what, like 6 when you became speaker Mike?

So 50, we did some research on what some of tonight’s presenters were up to 50 years ago, turns out Judy was touring with her accordion band.

Senator Trotter, love the new district. Who would have thought you be representing the deep south… Just for reference the deep south to Senator Trotter starts at 159th

Comment by OneMan Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 12:39 pm
Speaker Madigan: “On a more serious note, in response to their complaints that legislative redistricting unfairly discriminates against the GOP, I’ve introduced legislation to amend Illinois’ Human Rights Act to declare Republicans a protected class.

With that, I’ll turn the mike over to Assistant Leader for the Mentally Challenged Skip Saviano.”

Comment by Yellow Dog Democrat Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 12:39 pm
Lisa Madigan: “You can stop running Carol…I didn’t bring the dogs.”

Comment by Yellow Dog Democrat Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 12:41 pm
Also in everyone’s goody bags there is a Rich Miller key chain, squeeze it’s head and it says “Bite Me”…

Little known fact, the entity that is seeing the most financial impact from electric grid moderinzation and new power plants after the lobsters is Rich…

Comment by OneMan Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 12:42 pm
Rep Smith would have been here, but he spent $200 on some magic beans….

Comment by OneMan Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 12:43 pm
For the sporting GOPers in the audience, you can still participate in the $5 straw poll to determine whether Rich will exit tonight through the kitchen in an extreme hurry and who the GOP nominee will be.

Comment by Anonymous Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 12:50 pm
Please ignore that crazy man outside yelling combine , combine, combine… It’s just John Kass

Comment by OneMan Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 12:59 pm
“Why is Rich Millers Boat on Lake Springfield have a glass bottom? So he can see his last 8 boats.”

That won’t happen with this new boat. Rich has lost weight, REALLY! Just gaze upon that trim, svelte buff physique that is the new Rich Miller….

Ok, so maybe that wasn’t such a good idea….

Comment by Judgment Day Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 1:01 pm
So if you ever wondered what Rick does with all that subscription money besides spending it on beard wax… It can now be told, he is building an underwater lair in Lake Springfield sort of like that guy in The Spy Who Loved Me.

Comment by OneMan Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 1:06 pm
paul green; “this dias represents at least 7 million in unfunded pensions & a tatooed red head”

Comment by spring Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 1:10 pm
To keep up his appearances, Rich was going to work on developing “eggplant” abs this year. However, Aaron Schock couldn’t stand the thought of having to compete with Rich, so he bought out all the P90X videos.

Comment by Anonymous Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 1:13 pm
Most of you know that Rich is a big music fan. But here’s something you probably didn’t know: he moonlights on bass for a tribute band.

Perhaps you’ve heard of the group. ZZ Miller.

Comment by Anonymous Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 1:13 pm
Scott Lee Cohen wasn’t sure if he was going to come or not, so he ended up at MacDonalds down the street.

Comment by OneMan Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 1:38 pm
Rich: I’m glad to see that Katt Williams’ dad could be here tonight, thank you Donne!

Skip: Rich originally asked me to cook for this event, but I told him I only do funerals…so enjoy the cannoli!

Comment by unclesam Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 1:44 pm
“I went to D.H. Brown’s for some popcorn but got there and it was all stuck to Rich’s beard.”

And Rich - that’s a beard joke. Anyone who knows me knows I can’t make “weighty” jokes.

Comment by Team Sleep Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 1:47 pm
Rich: “I’d be remiss if I didn’t thank Speaker Madigan for helping me get this media empire started back in the day as my first subscriber.

Those CapStoneTablets were hell to deliver though.”

Comment by Yellow Dog Democrat Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 1:55 pm
Pat Fitzgerald was not invited, so if you see him here, someone is in a lot of trouble.

Comment by wordslinger Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 1:55 pm
Did you know that Rich has a book? I looked it up on Amazon, and it said people who bought his book also bought a rope and a stool!

Politics is an ugly business. I mean, look at Rich!

His greatest admirer is his wife’s husband!

He represents the working people. He’ll do anything for the working man — except be one!

Comment by reformer Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 2:20 pm
Mr. Green: are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the Green Party?

Comment by Anonymous Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 2:35 pm
You know it is my birthday so there are a few things I get to do…

Hey Mike, hate to be the one who tells you this but it turns out it Jack Roser was the lone winner of the big game…

Just kidding, if I wanted to mess with anyone with that it would be Tom Cross..

Actually SLC won it.

Comment by OneMan Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 2:55 pm
Two words: “Bite me.”

Comment by Tatler Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 3:08 pm
JBT - First of all, I just want to thank Rich for the minimal security on his fax password, you know my fondness for second hand things.

Speaker Madigan - I’m glad we have all of the legislative leaders here. What? Yes, I’m aware Leader Cross isn’t here. In case you hadn’t noticed it’s more of a ceremonial title in the House. I mean, the weather is nice, why keep him from his real job as an amateur golfer anyway?

Cullerton - I spoke to the Governor earlier, he’s sorry he couldn’t make it but he wanted me to pass along a statement. Unfortunately he didn’t have anything prepared and asked me to take down some notes. I did my best but after 6 minutes my hand got tired and I walked away. He mentioned Lincoln, Gold Star Families, and I think maybe bald eagles. Anyway he sends his best, Rich.

Comment by Small Town Liberal Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 3:15 pm
True story - (I believe Rich can verify)
Rich was briefly a member of the Blagojevich team, when on the Governor’s downstate tour, Rich was mistaken as Blago’s bus driver!

Comment by Downstate Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 3:25 pm
From all who post who are against the legalization of pot to you, Rich the “token spokesman” Miller, this bud’s for you.

Comment by dupage dan Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 3:58 pm
Everyone knows that what a certain Illinois Review reader posted about Rich Miller NOT being a friend of Republicans is utter nonsense.

For example, Rich was adamant about making sure that no one here today mentioned 1) the campaign commercial in which Peter Roskam appeared in Speedos, 2) Aaron Schock’s claims that his contributors throw their daughters at him all the time (after which Aaron allegedly replied “Ouch!”), 3) nor the controversy over whether Mr. Kirk barely escaped from a diplomatic meeting he was hosting for the Romulans and Klingons in the Alpha Sector between costume changes while performing a “stunning” phaser dance.

To be clear, we know he performed the dance while hosting that specific meeting in the Alpha Sector. We’re just uncertain as to whether he escaped during costume changes or immediately after the first dance…and, of course, Rich–who is a good friend of all Republicans–will not allow us to discuss this here tonight…

…or on his blog…ever…or in the past…or ever again…or ever before.

Comment by Anonymous Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 4:16 pm
As every CapFax intern learns…

When the going gets weird the weird turn pro..

Comment by OneMan Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 4:19 pm
As a public service, I’d like to remind everyone that dead voters are now off limits for any other activities.

Comment by Jeff Trigg Friday, Mar 30, 12 @ 4:38 pm