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* From WalMart, a “Personalized Pocket Knife with Wood Handle”…
While the photo seems to invite it, try very, very hard to avoid violent imagery. I’m serious about that. Thanks.
posted by Rich Miller
Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:27 am
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From his very first glance at the boss’ new utensil, Mr. Apple knew that he never stood a chance.
Comment by Hon. John Fritchey Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:29 am
With a $5,000 campaign contribution we will throw in a Michael J Madigan monogrammed apple cutter.
Comment by John Bambenek Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:30 am
The Speaker shows the Welcoming Gift being distributed to new House membes.
Comment by Give Me A Break Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:30 am
What Speaker Madigan will use to stab labor in the back during lame duck session.
Comment by Blonde Fury Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:31 am
WalMart faced new tax consequences in Illinois after sending the knives to new legislators instead of the DVD of the Godfather as specific leader had ordered for them.
Comment by OneMan Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:32 am
An apple a day keeps the GOP at bay
Comment by Boone's is Back Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:34 am
Cutting to the Chase - HDems Veto-Proof
Comment by Oswego Willy Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:35 am
MOM: “I only use this for hunting and fishing”….
Comment by Loop Lady Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:36 am
This is the knife used to carve up the map of Illinois into MJM friendly districts.
train111
Comment by train111 Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:36 am
Skip Saviano found this in a yard sign of his.
Comment by Pardon Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:36 am
That should read MJM….stupid spell check….
Comment by Loop Lady Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:38 am
Structured roll caller.
Comment by walkinfool Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:44 am
“Dang it!”
“What’s wrong, Susie?”
“Well, Sally, I am trying to cut this apple and I can’t cut the slices right!”
“Oh Susie, you are using the Cross-O-Matic, you need the Madi-Knife.”
“Madi-Knife? What’s that?”
The Madi-Knife! Brought to you by IHDM! It slices, it dices, it dissects. It carves its way into areas you never thought a Madi-Knife can get to. A Madi-Knife helps you take an apple, study it, find its weaknesses, and then surgeically cuts that apple to size.”
“Boy, that Madi-Knife sounds great, but it almost sounds magical.”
“There is no magic with the Madi-Knife. The Madi-Knife, when wielded correctly, can take down any apple… or any Mushroom for that matter!”
“Apples and Mushrooms? Are you making that Melting Pot Caucus Salad again?”
“When you have the Madi-Knife, making a Melting Pot Caucus Salad is as easy as Polling, Knocking, and Delivering!”
“Where do I find a Madi-Knife?”
“Well, Suzie, at the rate things are going, a Madi-Knife will be in your distrcit real soon.”
“The Madi-Knife, when being a mjortiy is just not enough!”
Comment by Oswego Willy Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:47 am
“I guess the Speaker ran out of Cannoli”
Comment by Oswego Willy Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:49 am
The source of Tom Cross’ thousand cuts
Comment by wordslinger Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:49 am
You gotta know when to hold ‘em, you gotta know when to fold ‘em.
Comment by Cincinnatus Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:51 am
MJM:
*looks at the knife*
*looks at the pension numbers*
*looks at the knife*
“I theeeeenk we’re gonna need a beeeeeger blade”
Comment by tikkunolam Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:51 am
With your new MJM pocket knife, you can now whittle while Rome burns.
– MrJM
Comment by MrJM Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:52 am
Willy: The Madi-Knife ad copy is sheer brilliance!
Comment by Cheswick Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:54 am
“With kindest personal regards.”
Comment by siriusly Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:55 am
- Chestwick -, I thank you.
- wordslinger - & - siriusly -,
Well Played!
Comment by Oswego Willy Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:58 am
How do you like them apples GOP!? Here, let me slice them for you.
Comment by Willie Stark Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:00 am
The Blonde Madi-knife:
“What the heck is that symbol between the two W’s?”
No offense intended towards blondes
train111
Comment by train111 Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:01 am
“Ultimate Fighter endorses Chicago Toothpick”
Comment by x ace Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:03 am
The “before” picture, taken late in the evening of November 5, 2012.
Comment by Rich Miller Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:06 am
Celebrity endorsement from Scott Lee Cohen?
Comment by Dirty Red Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:06 am
MJM: “Shhh…I’m huntin’ wabbits.”
Comment by unclesam Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:16 am
MJM Knife Infomercial:
” It slices!!! It dices!!! It can cut through a can…or any attempts at being canned!!!
Comment by Hellinois.... Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:16 am
House Speaker by day. Mack the Knife by night.
I think you won your own caption contest, Rich.
Speaking of the “Madi-knife,” the only jar opener that works in our house is the one we got from Lisa Madigan’s people at the Twilight Parade. That family’s pretty good with utensils, I guess.
Comment by Yossarian Lives Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:16 am
And you thought MJM already had an edge.
Comment by aufjunk Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:19 am
“To the Honorable Michael J. Madigan, Speaker of the Illnois House -
Please take not as a token of asteem, but please use THIS gift, instead of everything else you use against us so we have a chance to defeat you.
Putting one arm behind your back would also be nice, but not necessary, we have our pride.
Sincerely,
HGOP Politcal Arm.”
Comment by Oswego Willy Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:20 am
“It’s an Irish Speaker message. It means, ‘I am done carving out your Apples”
Comment by Oswego Willy Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:24 am
The J stands for Jacknife. It peels, it cores, it slices, it wasn’t made for cutting, but it dissects very well. Comes with a blue case and is not availible with an ivory handle.
Comment by Irish Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:25 am
We also have the deluxe Chicago model which is a stiletto.
Comment by Jimbo Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:26 am
“Mike the knife is back in town”
Comment by Eilean left Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:47 am
Does it come with a velvet case?
Comment by The Other Anonymous Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:52 am
The new Knife “The Pension Cutter”
Comment by frustrated GOP Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:00 am
Oh, the shark, babe, has such teeth, dear
And it shows them pearly white
Just a jackknife has old Mike, babe
And he keeps it, ah, out of sight
Ya know when that shark bites with his teeth, babe
Scarlet billows start to spread
But Mike draws such a map, babe
So there’s never, never a trace of red
Now in the chambers , huh, huh, whoo session morning, un huh
Lies a bill, babe, just oozin’ life,
And someone’s sneakin’ ’round the corner
Could that someone be Mike the Knife?
Comment by Irish Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:05 am
Very nice, - Irish -!
- The Other Anonymous -, I think the “Madi-Knife” does, but really … do you want to KNOW?
Comment by Oswego Willy Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:11 am
“Yes, Hello? Yes, i would like to order the Madi-Knife, but I have a question. If I get cut, will I be ok after?”
“You’ll be fine”
Comment by Oswego Willy Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:13 am
OW - Thanks,
Praise from the master. - cool.
Comment by Irish Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:15 am
the sharpest tool in the drawer meets it’s match…MJM.
Comment by amalia Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:18 am
Apple, meet Quinn.
Comment by Knome Sane Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:29 am
- Irish -,
Far from the master, but very kind words. Alot good ones, and very witty too.
Thanks. Very Well Done.
Comment by Oswego Willy Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:31 am
Where’s the velvet?
Comment by Great Caesar's Ghost! Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:51 am
Willie…you’re killing me, man…Well played, sir!
Comment by Commonsense in Illinois Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 12:13 pm
Apples and political enemies sold separately.
Comment by 47th Ward Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 12:29 pm
Good work today, friends. Don’t know if I’m in the ballpark, but:
Littleton News-Times-Federal Correctional Institute authorities released a photo of contraband seized from the cell of inmate Rod Blagojevich, former governor of Illinois. Sources told the Times-News the knife was found inside a hollowed-out biography of Harry S Truman. Blago reportedly screamed at the time of the discovery, “My God, I can’t get away from him even in here! Patti!”
Comment by Arthur Andersen Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 12:38 pm
“Here’s what you wanted, Mr. Speaker.”
“Thank you, Mr. Mapes. I am hopeful that if I set this down on the table, Mr. Brown will take the hint and not keep sticking me with the dinner check.
Comment by Arthur Andersen Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 12:43 pm
“Door prize for republican legsilators who will go home in late may not having received a real prize such as meaningful legislation or funding for their district.
Comment by the Patriot Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 1:12 pm
Thank you Commonsense!
AA, The Rod bit is humorous indeed!
Comment by Oswego Willy Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 2:42 pm
On display in the Chicago History Museum: Speaker Madigan’s famous switchblade. (The matching brass knuckles are currently on loan.)
Comment by Anonymous Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 2:55 pm
Wanna’ play Mumbly Peg?
Comment by capncrunch Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 3:35 pm
“And, for the Republicans, a set of steak knives.”
Comment by Anonymice Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 3:58 pm
Actually, Anonymice, Cross’ utensil is a plastic spork.
Comment by Rich Miller Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:03 pm
Sporks are mostly found at Haflway Houses when you get your hot dog and beverage at Medinah Country Club, but I digress …
“Do you want to give it back to him?”
“You shouldn’t have taken it in the first place.”
“Stupid GOP Freshman Scavenger Hunt!”
Comment by Oswego Willy Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:16 pm
Plastic spork.
Fabulous.
BTW, who won the contest yesterday?
PS: Thanks, Willy. My home brew cough meds must be bringing it on.
Comment by Arthur Andersen Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:22 pm
===BTW, who won the contest yesterday? ===
Sam Adam, Jr.
Comment by Rich Miller Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:23 pm
Sam Adam, Jr. was priceless! What a quote!
Comment by Oswego Willy Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:26 pm
Excellent.
I wasn’t sure if you were snarking or not.
Comment by Arthur Andersen Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:41 pm
==Cross’ utensil is a plastic spork.==
True, but maybe a little too far removed from the Baldwin character’s quote about “for the losers.”
Comment by Anonymice Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:49 pm
bringing a knife to a gunfight?…..uh oh!
Comment by one day at a time Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:54 pm
I knew I shouldn’t have voted for Rep. Saviano’s final bill when I saw those hands and that knife cutting my ties to the teachers, the cops, the bankers, the pipefitters, Personal PAC….
Comment by Quizzical Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:48 pm
It’s for cuttin’ up the hog.
Comment by Observing Thursday, Nov 15, 12 @ 10:16 am