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* Gov. Pat Quinn…
* The Question: Caption?
posted by Rich Miller
Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:06 pm
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Hummm…let’s see….Chapter 14 - Forging a Consensus
Comment by Stones Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:09 pm
“According to this Boy Scouts handbook, the best way to treat this impasse is with a tourniquet.”
Comment by Dirty Red Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:09 pm
“Let the will of the Conference Committee be the law of the land! Now which one of these house rules MAKES the Speaker appoint conferees?”
Comment by In the know Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:10 pm
“Give me a minute, I need to look up Speaker Madigan’s cell phone number”
Comment by Tsavo Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:11 pm
“Let us pray………….”
Comment by Darienite Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:11 pm
“So this is Madigan’s ‘magic wizard’ handbook? Looks a bit old and tattered to me.”
Comment by Formerly Known As... Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:12 pm
Ha Ha!! I stole Cullerton’s only copy of the Illinois Constitution, now I am gonna let Squeazy eat it so we can take this goofy notion of consideration off the table!!!!
Comment by Mmmmmmm Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:13 pm
During a press conference in gambling, fracking and pensions, Gov. Pat Quinn talks with reporters about his favorite recipes from a Chicago breakfast eatery which he recently visited. He ended the conference by talking about how he was put on this earth to extol the virtues of fried eggs and bacons.
Comment by A. Nonymous Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:15 pm
“Guys, I’m lost. I just hit the last page in ‘Squeezy’s Guide to the Pension Crisis’.
I got nothing now. Nuh-thing. Nada.”
Comment by Formerly Known As... Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:15 pm
So you’re saying I have to go along with this Constitution stuff?
Comment by BR Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:15 pm
I know in this book … it states -”all must follow my lead,the Governor, no matter what.” WAIT…”it appears the page has been torn out.”
Comment by SouthernIL Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:16 pm
Pictured is Governor Pat Quinn after accidently eating a candle at breakfast Saturday. Apparently Governor Quinn mistakenly swallowed a lit candle that was on the table while peering across the street Saturday morning to take record of those attending AG Madigan’s event. Quinn, refusing to look away, not wanting to miss a thing, and bit/swallowed a large piece of the candle before his speaking engagement.
Comment by TCB Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:19 pm
“Speaker Madigan, let me read to you some words of wisdom on solving the pension crisis in Illinois…
Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Goldilocks. She went for a walk in the forest. Pretty soon, she came upon a house. She knocked and, when no one answered, she walked right in.
At the table in the kitchen, there were three bowls of porridge. Goldilocks was hungry. She tasted the porridge from the first bowl.
“This porridge is too hot!” she exclaimed.
So, she tasted the porridge from the second bowl.
‘This porridge is too cold,’ she said
So, she tasted the last bowl of porridge.
‘Ahhh, this porridge is just right,’ she said happily and she ate it all up.”
Comment by Boone's is Back Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:19 pm
“…and I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know My name is the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon thee.”
Comment by wordslinger Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:19 pm
Just a minute, let me check my Governing for Dummies book.
Comment by Norseman Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:22 pm
– MrJM
Comment by MrJM Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:23 pm
Pat Quinn holds a signed copy of “Profile’s in Porridge, The Jason Plummer Story”
Comment by John A Logan Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:25 pm
Let me just read you a quick passage from my favorite book…the one I’ve got with me here…”Red fish, blue fish…one fish, two fish.”
Comment by unclesam Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:25 pm
“So, that’s the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. SB1 is just too hard, SB2404 is just too soft. So we have this Conference Committee that makes it just right.”
Comment by archimedes Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:26 pm
Spit out my pop Mr. MJM!
Score.
Comment by A. Nonymous Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:27 pm
“The accusations of voter fraud as charged by Mr. Keats and Sen. Brady are not true. Right here in this book are the names of good, law abiding Illinoisans who said they would vote for me just before they died.”
Comment by Dirty Red Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:27 pm
“Look Mike, it says right here that the Governor is the most powerful leader in the state. No, really. This means what I say goes.”
Comment by Chicago Cynic Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:27 pm
A book on “How to Govern through Commons Sense solutions?” Is this your idea of a joke?
Comment by LisleMike Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:28 pm
“It says right here in “Poor Rich’s Almanac of Poor Illinois Politics” that based on the position of the Father and of the Daughter, I am to plant my contributions where the sun don’t hide.”
Comment by VanillaMan Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:28 pm
When asked about pension reform during a recent press conference, Gov. Quinn responded by reading a short story entitled “My Pet Goat, Part 2″.
Comment by A. Nonymous Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:29 pm
According to this reelection handbook, I should be able to use Concealed carry as a political tool. Boy, I just wish I could retain what I read.
Comment by Bill K Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:31 pm
“After reading Mayor Emanuel’s memoirs, I’ve invited Quaxelrod and Carl the Intern to join my campaign.”
Comment by Dirty Red Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:32 pm
It’s easy to grin when your ship has come in and you’ve got the stock market beat. But the man worthwhile is the man who can smile when his shorts are too tight in the seat.
Comment by 47th Ward Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:32 pm
I think archimedes has the best comment but instead of “Goldilocks and the Three Bears” we should change the title to “Gridlock and the Three Bears.”
Comment by kerfuffle Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:33 pm
“What??
What bill on drilling in a National forest?
I did not!
Nobody said anything about that. They said sign the frackin bill so I signed the frackin bill.”
Comment by Irish Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:35 pm
“I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It’s when you know you’re licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.
- Atticus Finch”
Comment by Oswego Willy Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:47 pm
“Atticus said to Jem one day, “I’d rather you shot at tin cans in the backyard, but I know you’ll go after birds. Shoot all the blue jays you want, if you can hit ‘em, but remember it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird.” That was the only time I ever heard Atticus say it was a sin to do something, and I asked Miss Maudie about it. “Your father’s right,” she said. “Mockingbirds don’t do one thing except make music for us to enjoy. They don’t eat up people’s gardens, don’t nest in corn cribs, they don’t do one thing but sing their hearts out for us. That’s why it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird.”
Comment by Oswego Willy Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:48 pm
“And on the 11th Day the Lord placed Pat Quinn on this Earth to solve the pension crisis in Illinois.”
Comment by Big D Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:50 pm
How could he? How could Snape kill Dumbledore…?
Comment by Adam Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:50 pm
According to my copy of Robert’s Rules, Mikey can’t do that……
Comment by Irish Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:53 pm
“And that’s the lesson of Abraham Lincoln, that we have to work together for the people and it’s something we need to realize today in Illinois which is named after Lincoln as the Land of Lincoln because Lincoln knew that we have to be united, not divided, and always keep working for solutions for people in Illinois who live in the Land of Lincoln and believe that the will of the people should be the law of the land. And also Lincoln.”
Comment by Dry Blanket Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 1:54 pm
They said, right here in the Jungle Book there was a chapter about how that snake solved the jungle’s pension problem…
Comment by OneMan Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 2:02 pm
Norseman @1:22 wins. Best I can do is “It says right here in the NRA Handbook…”
Comment by Anonymous Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 2:02 pm
Thrift State, by Macklemore - enhanced by VanillaMan
I’m gonna pop some tags
Only got twenty bonds in my pocket
I-I-I’m huntin’
Lookin for a way out
Lisa’s lookin politically awesome
Now, walk into the Assembly like, “what up I got a big rock”
I’m so pumped I’m The Gov from our Thrift State
Ice in the fridge is so dang frosty
The Speaker like “damn, that’s one dumb donkey!”
Rollin’ in hella deep, headed for the mezzanine
Dressed in all pink, ‘cept my Betsy Bag she’s turned green
Draped in Blagoruption Stink, my Simon Girl next to me
Probably should have washed this smells like Triple J’s future
Missssssssssssseddddd
But, shut up, it was ninety nine cents (bagged it Kelly)
Votin it, washin it
Bout to go and get some compliments passin off my frackin it
Someone else has been crackin it, hackin it, grungie bring ‘em in
I am fakin'’ my bacon and collectin’ my rake-ins, I’m a bargain butch
I’m takin the Texan’s style, I’m takin’ the Texan’s style
No, for real
Ask Governor Perry, can I have his hand-me-downs (thank you)
Velour jump suit and an old Suburban
Washed up pharmabusinesses goin’ otta bidness,
Old silicon chips, some old solar bustness, good for the PR
They got a broken frack reg, we copied broken frack reg, cuz were broke n I’m not too proud to beg!
I’m gonna pop some tags
Only got IOUs in my pocket
I-I-I’m campaigning
Lookin’ for some voters
I’m so frackin’ awesome!
Comment by VanillaMan Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 2:04 pm
After reading it again, I’m even more convinced that I can veto a conference committee report.
Comment by Arthur Andersen Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 2:05 pm
As it says right here in this State of Illinois Instruction Manual, which by the way Rod told me was lost but I found it under three sealed letters in the top desk drawer of the second floor office, right here, on page 56, in bold letters, and I quote “It is the governor’s job to sign bills approved by the General Assembly.” I keep telling Mike and John this but they don’t seem to be listening. Maybe I should go read those three letters and see if they have any advice that could help.
Comment by Bluefish Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 2:11 pm
Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the end of my political career.
It isn’t often that someone gets to eulogize themselves at their own funeral so let me start with a reading from the Holy Book of Madigan.
Comment by Bill White Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 2:14 pm
Once upon a time I was a Gadfly who no one took seriously. Now I am the Governor of the great State of Illinois and still no one takes me seriously!!!!!
Comment by Nickypiii Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 2:15 pm
You’re wrong Mr. Speaker. I’ve go the book ‘The Prince’ right here and it’s not by Macchiaveli, it’s by a French guy, Saint-Exupery.
Comment by Quizzical Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 2:17 pm
No, really. Someone tore that page out of my playbook.
Comment by BehindTheScenes Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 2:24 pm
Well, I was going to have the big signing of the Fracking bill in Mt Carmel - my Super 8 Motel directory here says it’s a nice place. But, then I realized that all the coupons in the back of the directory were over 3 years old, so……….
Comment by dupage dan Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 2:27 pm
I was reading this book the other day and I find that Illinois may have a small pension funding problem.
Comment by Small Town Taxpayer Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 2:31 pm
VM, outstanding. Good to see you back in the game.
Comment by Arthur Andersen Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 2:34 pm
Super 8 needs to put in an order for one Gideon’s Bible.
Comment by God's Country Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 2:37 pm
But Mr. Conductor had lost his sparkle and he needed Lady to help him find the magic rainbow railroad.
Comment by Michelle Flaherty Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 2:41 pm
Governor Quinn reacts after being told he is holding the book upside down.
Comment by Waco Kid Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 2:55 pm
Cullerton, you’re not gonna like this. It says here in Illinois Governing For Dummies that Madigan is always right and challenges to his authority are pointless.
Comment by AFSCME Steward Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 3:18 pm
Lisa, were you playing with the crayons again?
Comment by Tankr Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 3:18 pm
Who cut pages 52 to 86 out of “How to Lead and Build Consensus?” I found this book in the desk right after we booted Blago.
Comment by Aldyth Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 3:29 pm
Hey you guys, it really does say in the Illinois Constitution…SECTI
Membership in any pension or retirement system of the
State, any unit of local government or school district, or
any agency or instrumentality thereof, shall be an
enforceable contractual relationship, the benefits of which
shall not be diminished or impaired.
Comment by gallerywalker Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 3:36 pm
Quinn finally found his copy of the constitution that he had in high school. He didn’t read it then either.
Comment by RetiredStateEmployee Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 3:42 pm
“‘And when He had opened the Fourth Seal, I heard the voice of the Fourth Beast say, Come.’
That’s enough for now. Listen, all I’m saying to the people of Illinois is . . . “
Comment by The End Is Near Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 3:45 pm
my Dodge Dart has a flat never fixed one before lets see…..
Comment by railrat Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 3:50 pm
“Governing For Dummies”, why”?
Comment by Anonymous Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 3:57 pm
(Clears throat)
“It was the Worst of Times, and the WORST of times …”
Comment by Oswego Willy Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 4:04 pm
“So one more downgrade and it is junk bond status?”
(Looking up in his definition book) Junk bonds are risky investments, but have speculative appeal because they offer much higher yields than safer bonds. States that issue junk bonds typically have less-than-stellar credit ratings, and investors demand these higher yields as compensation for the risk of investing in them.
Comment by Anonymous Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 4:27 pm
Governor Quinn addresses the Special Legislative Pension Committee, by reading an excerpt from his book; “Fifty Shades of Quinn.”
“I want you sore, baby,” he murmurs, and he continues his sweet, leisurely torment, backward, forward. “Every time you move tomorrow, I want you to be reminded that I’ve been here. Only me. You are mine.”
Quinn
Comment by Tommydanger Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 4:37 pm
Vanilla Man. No reason to even try after that! styling’
Comment by Amalia Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 4:57 pm
Tommy danger, clever. Save the other 49 shades, though. Don’t want the Banhammer to fall on such a clever guy.
To the Post,
“If Representative Nekritz really believes that public employes are bad people because they would pick the choice that’s best for them instead of the State, she should just say that. As it says right here in the New Testament…”
Comment by Arthur Andersen Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 5:21 pm
“Hang on–I TOLD ya I’m LOOKin’, I’m LOOKin’ for the passage from the ‘Good Book’ here ’bout how I AM the One who IS destined to pass Pension Reform in Illinois–I AM, I swear, or…I aFFIRM that is,’cuz, that’s right, you’re not supposed to SWEAR as to anything on Earth, Jesus said, but, anyway–YOU’LL see…I WILL be that guy, even if I can’t find it written in here…
Oh, wait, yeah–this is it–”render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar’s…”– and so, I’M aKIN to a modern-day CAEsa,r here in Illinois, ok, as our GOVernor, and, well that’s it, yeah, right there–Caesar would like PENsion Reform so the good Lord says you have to give that to me–it’s DIVINE; ya just have to…oh yeah, that’s right, we just need 30, and then, 60 extra votes from those OTHer, um, “LITtle” Caesars, too, that’s what I’d call them, ya know, in the Senate and the House–oh, oh no, that’s right–THAT’s a PIZza Joint, but, well, anyway, that’s the basic idea; ok, gotta go–thanks everyone.
Just remember, it’s my DEStiny, ‘n…Jesus sanctions it, so, ya know, don’t let me DOWN this time now…!”
Comment by Just The Way It Is One Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 5:40 pm
It says right here in the House Rule Book, written by Michael Madigan over 40 years ago, that I don’t have to do anything as governor because he makes all the decisions.
Comment by poor senior Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 5:55 pm
Of course, God put me on this earth to solve the pension problem. See, right here, James 5:4, it says . . . uh, never mind.
Comment by Anon. Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 6:00 pm
Look, right here in the ‘Handbook of State Government’ its says I’M Governor.
Comment by just demoralized Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 6:44 pm
@FakePatQuinn 140 characters Heavens to Betsy you have to be kidding! I think Madigan and his bill are both full of (limit exceeded)
Comment by Arthur Andersen Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 8:35 pm
“…goodnight room, goodnight moon…”
Comment by BentheDem Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 8:49 pm
I’m studying for my CDL.I will still need a job after the next election.
Comment by mokenavince Tuesday, Jun 18, 13 @ 10:43 pm
I just don’t see that in the rule book…
Comment by Sandy Wednesday, Jun 19, 13 @ 6:14 pm