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Why hurl salty insults at your friends and loved ones today like you’re a one-eyed raider of the high seas? The intent behind today’s holiday is for young and old alike to enjoy the seafaring dialects that first entered pop culture when “Treasure Island” was published in 1883 and peaked around the time Johnny Depp first appeared in “Pirates of the Caribbean” as Keith Richards’ flamboyant younger brother. Mistaking the holiday for an opportunity to terrorize people in a dinghy while speaking Somali could get you arrested. Sure, they used to do the same awful things back in the early-18th century’s “golden age” of piracy, but back then they wore hoop earrings and baboushkas and said things like, “I’ll slash ye guts and feed yer to the sharks, ye pox-faced sea dog.” Being pillaged was a lot more fun in the old-timey days.

* The Question: Your pirate-speak “advice” for the remaining gubernatorial candidates?

…Adding… If you’re new to this, you can find helpful online “English to Pirate” translating services here and here.

posted by Rich Miller
Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 1:15 pm

Comments

Pirate speak: “Arrrgh, we’re two games behind the Cardinals!”

Comment by Ray del Camino Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 1:19 pm
Here is a pirate themed joke for use on the campaign trail. Ahem, here goes. Done in a pirate voice.

Q: What is a Pirates favorite letter of the alphabet? (most people at this point will say “R”)

A: You would think it would be the “R” but its the C (sea).

Comment by John A Logan Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 1:20 pm
Dillard: Avast with the LARD. Ye need more R’s on your signs! DIL-ARRRRRRD!

Rauner: Pirates seek treasure. Ye don’t bring yer own. And having a fancy hat don’t mean yer a captain.

Brady: Once ye walks the plank, ye just smell fishy the second time around.

Rutherford: While ye may be best to steer a steady course in the fall, be careful ye don’t steer too far to starboard in the spring.

Pat Quinn: Just keep following the treasure maps falling from the sky for ye.

Comment by Ron Burgundy Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 1:29 pm
Remind me again what Francisco Liriano sounds like.

Comment by And I Approved This Message Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 1:30 pm
Aye, Captain Quinn steers his ship o’ state like a landlubber, a real son of a biscuit eater he is. But I’d rather sail with ‘im than the scallywags and scurvy dogs that be plotting to hornswaggle the good people of Illinois.

Comment by 47th Ward Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 1:37 pm
BTW another great day in central IL
Rush get spiked to make way for Cardinal pregame

Comment by CircularFiringSquad Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 1:53 pm
Pat quinn, we need more booty or were going to have to change the code.
mm; the code is more of a guide
pat quinn; unless i take some of yer silver

Comment by jack sparrow Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 2:06 pm
Arrgh. Pirate “week” is Nov 7-17 in George Town Grand Cayman. Now that’s a party!

Comment by BIG R. Ph. Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 2:17 pm
Avast ye blandlubbers, Quinn’s headed for DJs locker if ye follow the pirates code and stick together!

Comment by dupage dan Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 2:32 pm
Yarr, take a cutlass to the budget, lads, or we be lost for sure!

Comment by dupage dan Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 2:34 pm
Bald Pated Quinn “I’ll show them sea hags fer sure! They reckon the GOP (Greedy Ole Pirates) will take back all the booty when the Gov Mansion strikes colors. Arrrrrrrr, I’ll fall on me expired Super 8 discount card first!

Comment by dupage dan Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 2:40 pm
To th’ Republicans, stop bein’ kookoo bananas

Comment by Ahoy! Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 2:41 pm
Arrrg!!!! Don’t yee underestimate my matey Patty Quinn, cuz if yee do, then yee may find thyself walkin the plank. Arrrgh!!

Comment by train111 Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 2:43 pm
We have to trade in our parrots, peg peglegs ‘n eye patches ‘n start sailin’ in telemarketin’. Captian Madigan has stollen all th’ loot thar be to take.

Comment by teddy salad Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 2:47 pm
Beware ‘o legislation dat gunna murder puppies

Comment by Boone's Is Back Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 2:51 pm
“Yo ho, Yo ho the ARRRRRRRRs need to beat the Ds.”

Comment by Jaded Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 3:05 pm
me thinks we’ll need more rum to see the nor star and keep her on course

Comment by dan linn Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 3:11 pm
If th’ legislature dont fix ’tis pension mess, th’ state gunna be off broke!

Comment by Stones Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 3:12 pm
Invade Indiana and Wisconsin

Comment by NIref Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 3:16 pm
Not to the question, but:

“Arrgh, Mr. Huszagh! Be you a-tellin’ me that the Constitution be more of a guide?”

Comment by Anon. Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 3:21 pm
Ain enof grog t’ make the maties atop o’ me make sense.

Comment by A guy... Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 3:21 pm
Ron Burgundy….that was awesome!!

Comment by Raising Kane Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 3:22 pm
Ahoy Cpt. Bruce, Abbey Lubbers gonna Blow the Gaff and Marooned you be.

Comment by x ace Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 3:25 pm
Quinn: “Darby McMadigan, Darby McMadigan, fetch aft the pension reform, Darby–or me voters are goin’ to give me the black spot come next November!”

Comment by 32nd Ward Roscoe Village Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 3:53 pm
I hear th’ Bill Daley be givin’ th’ Governor some advice as he heads out th’ door. That ‘n a couple ‘o doubloons gunna get ye a cup ‘o spiced grog

Comment by Tommydanger Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 3:53 pm
PQ: “Arrrgh, welcome aboard Billy (my) Budd!!!! I be the captain ’round ‘ere. Ise call it “Melville”. You want to be hangin’ around ‘ere? Do ye get my drift, matey?”

BD: “Ye arrrgh a bad capn. Mean! I know much better than youse. I’m the greatest Democrat in the northeastern world!!!! But, while I could tear ye limb from limb I’d rather be in IIIre-Land….”

Comment by nothin's easy Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 4:02 pm
Pirate Speak #2: “Arrgh, we’re 23 games ahead of the Cubbies! Hidy-har-har!”

Comment by Leatherneck Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 4:16 pm
47th

Well done!

Comment by reformer Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 4:26 pm
I thought Keef played Jack Sparrow’s father?

Comment by BigDoggie Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 4:26 pm
Vote ARRRGH, mate!

Comment by Faux Jack Dorgan Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 4:43 pm
RRRRGH! My misguided matey Rauner needs his trusty parrot to sit on his shoulder squawking “Term Limits”.

Comment by G'Kar Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 4:52 pm
“Ahoy Maties! Land HOOOOO!!! Well, at least for youuuuu, COPtin Quinn–fer now, ‘n fer 6 munts at least…enjoy the break COPtin!! And–as ti duh rest of ye 4 Silver-haired Mates–Arghhhh–and git to work Buckos!!! Blimey! There be a LOT of moppin’ up to be doin’ ’round here on de deck ‘o dis here Clipper–de Illinoise REVENGE–and ye’ve all got ohnly 6 munts–as de wind blows–to FINish it! So… GIT! And de last ‘o ye slimy Blokes left standin’ WINS…!” Arrrrrrrrgh….”

Comment by Just The Way It Is One Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 8:00 pm
Par-la Mate

Comment by One to the Dome Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 8:09 pm
lol Totally agree with Raising Kane! VERY clever, Ron Burgundy! And so was dupage dan’s and Boone’s. And I loved the “simplicity” of NIRef’s (That’s the spirit! lol)

Comment by Anonymous Thursday, Sep 19, 13 @ 9:40 pm