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* Like all of you, I get a lot of junk e-mail. One from yesterday made me chuckle…

Caskets factory direct. 200 models HERE in the USA ready to ship

So, I opened it. There was a photo…

A price list was also included. But I’m not gonna reprint it because this is kinda creeping me out all of a sudden.

* The Question: If you could send a spam e-mail to all state legislators, what would it say?

posted by Rich Miller
Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 12:02 pm

Comments

“From Blood Oath Litmus Test Industries (BOLT)

Pure Blood Test Kits - $99.99

Hello,

Have you ever wondered if the person you were talking to was ‘Right’ for you?

Ever wonder, ‘Hey, we agree on every single thing I can think of, but I wish I could test you’?

Ever think to yourself, ‘How the heck did I get seated in this Caucus’?

Look no further, we have the one thing that will guarantee ‘Purity’

‘Pure Blood Litmus Tests’

Pure Blood Litmus Tests …when sharing a Caucus isn’t enough.

If you are on of the first 66 to order, you get one pint of ‘political ice cream’ free with your order.

Email us at BloodOathsForShrinking@BOLTTesting.org.

Or check out our website at…www.BOLTTesting.org

Pure Blood Test Kits, when becoming irrelevent is just an intolerant test result away…”

Comment by Oswego Willy Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 12:21 pm
Uphold your oath of office to abide by the State Constitution … and if you can’t, then resign

Comment by RNUG Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 12:24 pm
JFK’s Profiles in Courage

Comment by reformer Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 12:26 pm
Go easy on the fundraising solicitations, especially when your approval rating i so low.

Comment by anon Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 12:27 pm
“Are you a Caucus Leader?

Do feel like you spend more time herding cats than running the state?

Are you tired of the ‘Why do I have to vote for THAT Bill?’

Try our new DVD series ‘Mushrooms Made Easy’ brought to you by the makers of ‘Pack in the PAC Money’, and ‘Position Papers Made Easy as 1,B,iii’.

In this 17 DVD commemorative, leather cased set, you as a Caucus Leader learn the tricks that keep those Pasky Mushrooms from thinking for themselves like,

Primaries for the Petulant

Challenging the Cry-Babies

…and the special 3 DVD set for;

Tying up Those True Believers.

How much as Caucus Leader would you pay for this?

$100? $200…$500?

How about $14.65, plus shipping and handling, and if you act now, you get your own free…

“Ut Oh, Look Who Might Be Primaring You?” fake candidate set, just to keep in the desk for a quick beat down.

$14.65 seems awfully low for sucha valuable tool you say, well, I am sure if you buy our handy set of DVD’s we will come back to you again Caucus Leader, with another deal you just can’t refuse.

Go to www.MushroomWranglers.Net

You won’t regret it.

Remember, Mushrooms grow best in the dark, so keep this deal … between us!”

Comment by Oswego Willy Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 12:42 pm
Please join me at my reception honoring myself and bring a check for $5,000.

Comment by whatever Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 1:05 pm
OW - Genuinely funny stuff right there.

Comment by J. Nolan Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 1:06 pm
It would be the Dos Equis Most Interesting Man in the World Guy -

I don’t always pass pension reform but when I do I usually wait until we are $100 million dollars in the hole.

Comment by Stones Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 1:06 pm
An actual e-mail that I just now received…

Dear Rich,

As the week continues, the government is STILL shut down - the country is dying know when is everything going to be up and running? I would love to set you up on a call with numerologist, Yogi Akal as with only a birthdate/numbers, he can chart a map of life for people, places, and things and give you the RUNDOWN on what’s happening in the government and the world of politics.

As seen in ELLE Magazine, CNN, and CNBC, Yogi Akal has been helping people achieve optimal wellness and success since 1973 - with his expertise on alignment and relationships based on NUMBERS.

Well, I would like for you to feature Yogi Akal - (as with only a birthdate, he can chart individual maps of life).

We would love to get him featured in your outlet to showcase his expertise to your audience, and give your audience the insight on the government and world of politics.

**YOGI AKAL IS CURRENTLY AVAILABLE FOR INTERVIEWS**
Yogi’s “Love by the Numbers” is explained by delving into the study of two birthdays. He is able to deeply determine tips on communication and relationship compatibility as well as the pros and cons. He uses the oldest secret system on the planet, which was finally discussed publicly in the 1970’s. In ancient times, it was exclusively used to set up marriages between elite and royalty.
Please visit: http://www.yogiakal.com for more information.
Please don’t hesitate to contact me (Lamont) at Lamont@BlinkPR.com, or by phone at 954-457-5556 if you have any questions or need additional information.

Regards,
Lamont Johnson

Comment by Rich Miller Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 1:14 pm
Dear legislator:

Ever have trouble making decisions? Feel torn as the political winds blow? Act not and receive Spinal implants for only $199.99.

Comment by Chicago Cynic Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 1:16 pm
Big Corporations Available Now! Lowest Rates Ever!!! Send us your tax incentive dollars and for a reasonable fee we will not only use it to lure new corporations to your state but also give you a money-back guarantee that a minimum of 10 out of your top 100 corporations will not leave your state over the next 6 months!!! Act now. Limited time offer.

Comment by Earnest Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 1:20 pm
The legislature are a bunch of party animals.
Quit partying and done something good for a change.

Comment by BMAN Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 1:26 pm
**YOGI AKAL IS CURRENTLY AVAILABLE FOR INTERVIEWS**

How come I never get emails like that?

to the post:

Western Sky loan offers. Low Interest! Easy Terms! Call Today! Ask for No Nose.

Comment by dupage dan Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 1:48 pm
Hypnosis tapes.
Something drastic must be done to break the Madigan spell…

Comment by Jake From Elwood Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 1:50 pm
Just forward the casket email to the GA. Maybe they’ll take the hint.
If that doesn’t work try the Yogi email.

Comment by Buster Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 1:54 pm
I would send them this exact same email.

Just to mess with their heads.

Talk about random, amusing creepiness in the form of spam.

Comment by Formerly Known As... Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 1:57 pm
Caskets? Yogi Akal?

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Rich Miller - the man with the most interesting “spam” box in the world, lol.

We can only imagine the sort of stuff that passes through the regular “in” box on a daily basis.

Comment by Formerly Known As... Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 2:01 pm
An actual spam e-mail from yesterday…

Greetings

Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike
2 Male, 4 Female
Christopher Durang
Discount Price: $14.60

** 10% DISCOUNT **

It doesn’t get much better than this …

Winner - 2013 Tony Award for Best Play
Winner - Outer Circle Critics Award for Best Play
Winner - Drama League Award for Best Production of a Play
Winner - Drama Desk Award for Best Play
Winner - New York Drama Critics Circle Award for Best Production
Winner - Off-Broadway Alliance Award for Best Play

One of the most lauded and beloved Broadway plays of recent years, this beguiling farce weaves Chekhovian themes into a mad-cap weekend of crazy costumes, prophecies and existential longing …

It’s set in a Pennsylvania farmhouse where Vanya and his adopted sister Sonia live a quiet life

Until, that is, their peace is suddenly disturbed when movie-star sister Masha returns unannounced with her twenty-something-toy-boy, Spike

And so begins a weekend of rivalry, regret, and raucousness!

Comment by Rich Miller Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 2:13 pm
Why would anyone want to do this to the Legislative Assistants who are stuck being the first to have to read and delete this junk?

Comment by A guy... Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 2:14 pm
re: ENLARGE your deficit now!

Comment by TJ Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 2:16 pm
“Unemployment Rate in Illinois holding STEADY but threatening to INcrease in Sub-Category of Legislators due to $100 Billion Pension Gridlock Inaction still UNsolved and going on for Decades”–Sign Up Here for the latest U.S Political Labor Demise Report for Illinois–it’s FREE for NOW–ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ACT!!!

See/receive also for FREE: SUB-Report: Governors Jobs at Risk (Illinois on List)!Again, No PURchase necessary, only for you to ACT SOON or Else!”

Comment by Just The Way It Is One Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 2:56 pm
Another one hot off the presses…

Attn: News Director,

Attached is information regarding the 2n Annual Professional Bull Riding competition to be held in Delavan, IL on October 18th & 19th. If you could help us spread the word we’d appreciate it.

Thank you!

Liz Skinner

Comment by Rich Miller Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 3:12 pm
Dear Republican,

The secret to getting rid of -

Obamacare
Gay Marriage
Pensions
Unions
Taxes
Puppies
The Tribune Editorial Board

For the low price of $10,000, I can provide the sure-fired method to eliminating any of the above!

Comment by Wensicia Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 3:28 pm
Caskets, Yogi, Theater and Bull Riding.

Just another day at the office. lol!

Comment by Formerly Known As... Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 3:29 pm
The Bull Riding one should be sent to legislators because they’re going to need a lot of clowns at that rodeo and the General Assembly has plenty of experience dealing with bull.

Comment by 47th Ward Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 3:30 pm
You sure that wasn’t “Bull-S_ _ _ _ ing” Competition upcoming in Delavan, IL? (Sorry, I just couldn’t resist)…!

Comment by Just The Way It Is One Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 3:41 pm
Fresh junk…

Lt. Gov. Simon Biking to Preserve Historic Southern Illinois Home
Proceeds from Tour de Bluffs go to Prairie du Rocher Creole House

CARBONDALE - To help preserve history in southern Illinois, Lt. Governor Sheila Simon will be participating in the Tour de Bluffs Bike Ride this Saturday in Prairie du Rocher.

Comment by Rich Miller Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 3:59 pm
And may it NOT be too bumpy on Sheila’s Bike Path (hee hee…).! I guess such spine-tingling/earh-shattering “Announcement e-mails” are just never-ending for you…hilarious!

Comment by Just The Way It Is One Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 4:09 pm
- J. Nolan -,

I thank you.

To the Post,

Attention. Attention.

Pat Quinn is at it again.

First Governor Quinn tried to take your salaries, now Pat Quinn is trying to do something even more dastardly;

Pat Quinn is ADDING…59 New state Reperenctative, and will be appointing the 59 himself in what is called the “Add Up” Executive Order.

They will all be from Cook County.

They will all vote as Quinn demands.

They will all wear Purple.

They will all … work day and night for Land of Lincoln, and the great state of Illinois.

Don’t be fooled when you see these new “members”. They will walk among you. They will gravitate to microphones, so keep yours on the Floor, down.

They will represent “the every man” district, and all live in a sequesterd “Red Roof Inn” not far from Springfield. They will all eat together in the Rathskeller, and use the Governor’s Mansion to caucus.

Protect yourselves now.

Do the following;

Wear Orange - the counter to the color Purple.

Stay in your Caucus Rooms when told, do not take them on one on one, they will filibuster you into submission.

Drink Orange Nehi, to counter the Grape Nehi in their veins.

Finally, do not, under any circumstances call on them when you see them raise their hands on the Floor or in Committee. It could lead to … well, I have scared you enough.

Pass this email on to all your House Colleages. the “Add Up” Amendment is knocking on the copper Doors. For your safety, don’t answer…

Thanks.

Comment by Oswego Willy Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 4:10 pm
Willy wins again…

Comment by Commonsense in Illinois Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 4:13 pm
Quick, add 59 more coffins to that order and call Yogi Akil!

Comment by Buster Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 4:26 pm
Like Rich, I’m on a bunch of media lists. I do have some pretty good filters to cut most of it out. Here are some of the more amusing titles, sent by legitimate businesses, that made it through:

Stop Bad Pet Breath! (from an animal hospital)

Let’s Make the Support Last All Winter (from a shoe company)

Time to Sauce It Up (local food chain)

Squeaky Clean Savings (office supply store)

Comment by RNUG Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 4:38 pm
And here’s one that ought to be sent on to Quinn and the GA:

[SPAM] WE OFFER LOAN AT 2% IN RETURN

Hello Private / public,

Am Benson Eke the Head Paying Unit Manager Asiatic .. Are you looking for a business loan, personal loan, home loan, auto loan, student loan, debt consolidation loan, unsecured loan, venture capital etc… OR Were you refused a loan by a bank or any financial institution for one or more reasons.

You are in the right place for your loan solutions! I am a private lender, I grant out loans to companies and individuals at a low and affordable interest rate of 2% Interest.

Contact us for the follow up processing of the loan and transfer within 48 hours;

EMAIL US RIGHT NOW VIA: (asiaticbensonltd@gmail.com)

BORROWER`S INFORMATION URGENTLY NEEDED

Borrower`s Full Names:……….
Amount Needed:……………..
Loan Duration………………….
Address:……………….
Marital Status……………………
Occupation:……..
Sex:…………..
Age…………..
Phone number:…….
Monthly Income:………….
Country:……………
City:…………………..
Purpose of Loan:………..

Get back to me as soon as possible with above details for more information. I hope to hear from you.

**As soon as the borrower’s informations are filled and returned, then the loan terms and conditions will be prepared and sent to you. Then after that your fund will be approved and accredited into your account number as soon as all the loan process have been concluded okay.

I await the filled out loan form from you right away so that your files can be opened up in my office and also to enable the loan process to commence at once.

Thanks and God Bless You.

EMAIL US RIGHT NOW VIA: asiaticbensonltd@gmail.com

Mr. Benson Eke.
The Head Paying Unit
Manager Asiatic Loan

Comment by RNUG Friday, Oct 4, 13 @ 4:41 pm
I need to go ro my mum funnel

Comment by lisa Wednesday, Oct 9, 13 @ 3:45 pm