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* Well, at least we now know what the new COO does…

Good afternoon Directors,

I hope you all are looking forward to the state fair as much as I am. We do not have a state fair of this scale and magnitude in Hawai’i so I am very excited to experience the Illinois State Fair.

I apologize for the lateness of this letter, but I understand that it is a tradition to extend an invitation to the agencies, through the directors, for state staff to join the Governor in the Twilight Parade. Governor Rauner would be honored with their presence on the evening of August 13th. For logistical purposes I ask that you send a final list of staff in your agency who would like to walk with the Governor in the Twilight Parade to Wally Swenson by close of business Tuesday, August 11th. We welcome any and all employees to join, but unfortunately won’t be able to accommodate any participants who are not on the list.

We ask that you and your staff meet at the intersection of 9th and North Grand no later than 5:30pm on Thursday, August 13th. Please check in with a member of the Governor’s Office staff (wearing a blue shirt with the state seal on it). You will then be checked off the list of attendees and escorted to the parade staging area. The parade will begin promptly at 6:00 p.m., so anyone not checked in at that time will not be allowed to accompany the Governor’s team, so please check in as early as possible.

Thank you all very much. I look forward to seeing you at the parade!

Aloha,

Linda Lingle
Chief Operating Officer
Office of the Governor

* The Question: Other possible duties for COO Lingle?

Snark is heavily encouraged, of course.

posted by Rich Miller
Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:16 pm

Comments

*Any state employee marching in the parade with the governor will also be signing off on eliminating certain subjects for collective bargaining.

Comment by Tournaround Agenda Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:21 pm
Twilight Parade Valet Parking

Comment by JS Mill Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:22 pm
Other duties to include but not be limited to:
- peeling apples for the Governor (not in the presence of Madigan though)
- parking the Governor’s motorcycle
- adding “g’s” to all of the Governor’s transcripts so he doesn’t come off sounding too much like a hick
- finding appropriate parking for the Governor’s van

Comment by East Central Illinois Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:23 pm
That is one high-priced volunteer coordinator.

Comment by The Captain Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:24 pm
I would not expect more than a hand full of people to walk with the guv. I have a bad feeling there will be a lot of Booing at the governor during the parade.

Comment by Mama Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:26 pm
Are we allowed to wear our AFSCME shirts as we walk with the Governor?

Comment by Anonymous Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:27 pm
Beefing up that Honolulu-to-Springfield pipeline. Come on in, the humidity’s fine.

(and thinking of Mr Hand with that Aloha signoff)

Comment by Dave Dahl Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:27 pm
Pass a hat for the pension fund.

Comment by Jeff Trigg Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:28 pm
All participants will required to pass through metal detectors and surrender all cameras and listening devices.

Comment by kimocat Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:28 pm
“There will be no AFSCME t-shirts allowed.”

Comment by walker Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:28 pm
“* Well, at least we now know what the new COO does…”

No one can top this…

Comment by Liberty Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:29 pm
==We welcome any and all employees to join, but unfortunately won’t be able to accommodate any participants who are not on the list. == However, all employees who do not participate will be duly noted.

Comment by kimocat Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:30 pm
* Making sure the Trashcan Van is “Trashcan-y”

* Spell-check for Goldberg’s letters

* Putting pins in the map where the “Rauner Resolutions” passed

* Give tours of the Executive Mansion

* Follow Slip and Sue to be a witness in case of litigation

* Organize “Raunerbot Rally” on the Friday of State Fair

* Get Lyndsey Waters to finally eat a hot dog without ketchup

* Be at the House Chamber Door every Wednesday and say “Ah-Low-Ha!” to all members as they enter

* Be at the Senate Chamber Door every Thursday and say “Ah-Low-Ha!” To all members as they leave for the day

* Read and sort all of Ms. Purvis’ personal and work emails out of her private email address

* Remind everyone she sees to call HER governor, then snickers at the looks she gets

* Keep the Carhartt no more that 25 feet from the governor at all times

* Shake up the “word jumble” for press release

Comment by Oswego Willy Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:30 pm
Wield a broom and dust pan to sweep up all of the manure that is being dropped.

Comment by Huh? Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:30 pm
She can carry the train of Rauner’s royal robes.

Comment by Archiesmom Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:31 pm
Rotating the wine bottles in the cellar to ensure they age appropriately.

Comment by Beaner Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:31 pm
The Luau.

Comment by A guy Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:32 pm
Arrange for proper burial of all the hostages that have been shot.

Comment by Huh? Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:32 pm
She offends Hawaii and then invites any and all employees (but only if they’re on the list, I’m smelling some not approved to march with the governor in their green shirts responses).
For future duties
I recommend she coordinate with all the municipalities that passed his right to work agenda for a blood from turnips contests, or in charge of worker comp waivers for marching in parades, you first lt., or she could handle foia’s on job descriptions.

Comment by Ah hem Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:33 pm
Food taster to ensure that the poison pill is not present.

Comment by Huh? Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:33 pm
===Rotating the wine bottles in the cellar to ensure they age appropriately.===

Surely you’re not suggesting that this isn’t important? /s

Comment by A guy Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:34 pm
buckets of gift cards are available to help encourage state employees to walk alongside the Governor.

Comment by is it just me? Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:34 pm
Send out emails that the staff see on CapFax but don’t ever see in the office email.

Comment by Huh? Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:35 pm
Great everyone getting off of a plane at the Springfield airport and present them with a leis.

Comment by JS Mill Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:35 pm
I guess nobody from Illinois was qualified to be the COO. She must really be a superstar to leave Hawaii for Illinois!

Comment by Stones Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:35 pm
1. Press the Carhartt shirts.
2. Wash, wax and polish the motorcycle.
3. Walk the dogs.
4. Go out in the middle of the night and take down “I support state worker signs”

Comment by Joe M Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:38 pm
Thursday is possibly the day those employees effected by his lay-offs officially receive their notices. So - how about having them lay down in front of the parade line so that Governor Rauner can publically walk over them?

Comment by VanillaMan Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:38 pm
Make sure that all State agencies are stocked with bandaids, just the little ones. But new this year they come with a ILGOP legislator on them! Look mom! I got Dwight Kay the West Highland terrier one! Drats I got another owl Sandack, can we trade?

Comment by Honeybear Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:40 pm
Ok our next lesson students is to tell difference between ed supt and ed sec? Other than boy…girl…tee hee

Comment by Anonin' Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:43 pm
Follow the Gov in the parade while loudly praising his new clothes.

Comment by Anon. Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:44 pm
List? We Don’t Need No Sticking List.

Comment by Give Me A Break Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:44 pm
Continue to remind BVR that despite his reputation, he’s all about the workin’ man. She just keeps saying, “you care, you care a lot” and and “all of those you continue to marginalize still love you and wish they could be just like you”.

Comment by Flynn's Mom Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:44 pm
* Hold up Green, Yellow, or Red flash cards in both Chambers’ balconies to tell GOP GA members which button Gov. Rauner wants pushed for votes.

Comment by Oswego Willy Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:45 pm
* Make sure the nearest Portillo’s has a Strawberry Shake at the ready

Comment by Oswego Willy Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:47 pm
Hand out State of Illinois scrip to all of the vendors that won’t get paid because of the budget crisis.

Comment by Huh? Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:47 pm
Tradition? I was never asked to walk with the gov at the parade.

To the post, she can make sure the frat boys clean up the beer cans.

Comment by Norseman Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:49 pm
Tommy Bahama shirts and grass skirts optional.

Comment by Buzzie Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:51 pm
Provide complimentary poison pills to every union member who shows up for the parade.

Comment by Wensicia Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:52 pm
Grab people off the side lines when there aren’t enough sycophants to walk with the governor.

Comment by Huh? Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:53 pm
$198,000 per year. Wow.

Comment by Lincoln Lad Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:54 pm
Maybe she could do wellness checks on the seniors losing their LIHEAP assistance. Bring them some shaved ice from the fair to cool off with.

Comment by bluecollargal Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:55 pm
Supervise the direct phone line between the Governor and Speaker Madigan.

Comment by Wensicia Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 1:55 pm
Polishing the “flair” on Governor Rauner’s black motorcycle vest.

Comment by 3rd Party Needed Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:04 pm
Respond to FOIA requests in Hawaiian.

Comment by Norseman Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:07 pm
* Fill state fair Cannoil will pineapple bits

Comment by Oswego Willy Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:08 pm
* Be the one to make sure Ms. Arduin isn’t iff on her own talking to people

Comment by Oswego Willy Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:09 pm
Replace Sam Madonia as the State Fair public announcer.

Comment by Norseman Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:11 pm
Supervisor of Gov tent golf carts.

Comment by Norseman Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:12 pm
* In charge of whatever animals the Governor purchases at auction

Comment by Oswego Willy Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:13 pm
Pass out fried Pineapple to gov tent visitors.

Comment by Norseman Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:14 pm
Milk the Butter Cow

Comment by spidad60 Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:16 pm
==You will then be checked off the list of attendees and escorted to the parade staging area.==

“Employees wearing AFSCME buttons or shirts will be loaded into an American Van Lines trailer and transported to Oswego, where they will be encouraged to try to find their way home.”

Comment by Streator Curmudgeon Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:18 pm
That is the most tone deaf email I have ever read.

Comment by John A Logan Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:20 pm
Corndog stick recycler

Comment by Michelle Flaherty Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:21 pm
Marchers will be accompanied by Mr. Goldberg on his ukulele as they sing, “Tiny Bubbles in My Wine.”

Comment by Streator Curmudgeon Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:23 pm
why does this song keep popping into my head when I read the memo?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=8StG4fFWHqg

Comment by Cable Line Beer Gardener Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:23 pm
=She must really be a superstar to leave Hawaii for Illinois!=

I can think of an alternative description for anyone that leaves Hawaii for Illinois….

-Official Cowboy hat and belt buckle selector for the Governor.

Comment by JS Mill Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:24 pm
- SC -,

Dunno where you were going with that…

“QOTD?”

* Judge the Hogs, select one for Staff Pig Roast

Comment by Oswego Willy Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:29 pm
Is that 6 p.m. $18-watch-time?

Comment by illinoised Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:30 pm
Find creative new uses for Spam.

Comment by Bluefish Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:32 pm
Streator, sorry to correct you but the latest is that Goldberg will be singing his version of Sham A Lama Ding Dong.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gYwqVEEMmPk

Comment by Norseman Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:35 pm
Greetings from the Land of Overpriced Macadamia Nuts and The Jack Lord Hair Museum:

I am very excited to attend the Illinois State Fair, where they have
corn dogs instead of banana dogs. Since we don’t have deep-fried butter in Hawaii (the closest thing is Spam), I’m thrilled out of my moo moo to see all the wackiness that is Illinois.

I’ve heard Governor Rauner is like the King Kameha..Kameroona..Kowabunga of Illinois, so it should be a wikki-pedia experience for us all.

If you’d like to march and you’re breathing, we’d welcome you. If you have a spitball proof jacket, it might be wise to wear it.

Check your $14 watch about 6 p.m. and show up at Willie Winky’s. Be there or be a coconut!

Aloha!
Your New COO

Comment by Streator Curmudgeon Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:36 pm
Set up tours for business dignitaries to the Dwight high speed station.

Comment by A Jack Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:38 pm
OW:

No offense intended. Not sure where I was headed either, but I figured most Cap Fax readers don’t know where Ancona is.
(My snark and followups rarely make sense)

Comment by Streator Curmudgeon Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:46 pm
Serve as emergency backup in case there is ever a need for a Deputy Governor again.

Comment by Excessively Rabid Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:49 pm
“We welcome any and all employees to join, but unfortunately won’t be able to accommodate any participants who are not on the list.”

In other words, “We need time to run a (voting) records check.”

Comment by Joan P. Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:50 pm
- SC -,

No worries, I was just actually confused. You’re snark is well done. Much respect.

“QOTD?”

* Sort out who gets the “complimentary” musical acts tickets by Rauner Scoring Scale

Comment by Oswego Willy Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:50 pm
* Get mocked by Slip and Sue for having even less responsiblities than Slip and Sue has.

Comment by Oswego Willy Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:54 pm
1. Tell us 3 ways Hawaii and Illinois are different.

2. Tell us 3 ways Hawaii and Illinois are the same.

3. Find new and exciting ways to add exclamation marks into State correspondence!!!

Comment by Sir Reel Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:57 pm
To be the powerless “go to” person when Z or Trey doesn’t want to deal with a bothersome request or person. “Go talk to the COO.”

Comment by Norseman Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 2:57 pm
Judge the cooking with Spam event.

Comment by Down Soutj Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 3:01 pm
“did she say free fried elephant ears for every walker”?

Comment by state fair boy Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 3:01 pm
Great comments everyone - I seem to get on these “snark allowed” threads late and can not add much, especially when Willy and the rest do such a great job.

By the way which department or agency is actually paying her $198,000 per year salary?

Comment by illini Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 3:10 pm
Make severance leis for those lei-d off by the Turnaround Agenda

Comment by Archiesmom Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 3:10 pm
Cruise Director on “the Love Boat” ?

Comment by the Cardinal Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 3:23 pm
Pineapple juggling in the Gov’s tent!

Comment by Get a Job!! Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 3:49 pm
If the $195K Chief Operating Officer is doing the heavy lifting like parade “logistics,” what do the $198K deputy governor and $180K chief of staff do?

Follow behind with brooms?

Comment by Wordslinger Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 3:55 pm
she is fascinating when placed with the bruce;

tried to create more school districts, teamster flack, three strikes law, veto’s emergency contaception, charges enviormental protesters as terrorists, school furloughs, and no christmas off.

as to why she’s here, 200k to run a parade email.

Comment by ha Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 4:08 pm
Kicking off the Annual Pineapple Fest in Cordova, Illinois.

Aloha!

Comment by Juvenal Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 4:14 pm
Was she in the musical group, “Up with People?”

Comment by Streator Curmudgeon Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 4:18 pm
=== If the $195K Chief Operating Officer is doing the heavy lifting like parade “logistics,” what do the $198K deputy governor and $180K chief of staff do? ===

That’s really telling Word. We have so many “chefs,” they’re doing bus boy jobs. I was going to say chiefs, but the second part might be offensive to our native american readers.

Comment by Norseman Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 4:20 pm
Other possible duties:
* Prepare the Grand Champion animals for sacrifice
* Escort Raunerbots to the Governor’s section for grandstand acts
* Protect said Raunerbots from thrown objects
* Serve as opening act for Fall Out Boy
* Pretend to be Meat Loaf, see if anyone notices

Comment by Vote Quimby! Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 4:45 pm
Linda,

If you’re reading this column, welcome to Illinois.

Just so you know, yesterday we skewered the Speaker in a caption contest. Don’t take any of this personally. Here at Capitol Fax, we’re Equal Opportunity Snarkers.

Once you’ve survived an Illinois winter, your skin will be as thick as ours.

Heck, we invite you to get a screen name and participate in the fun here. It’s a good way to give each other a much-needed laugh.

Thanks for being a good sport!

Streator Curmudgeon

Comment by Streator Curmudgeon Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 5:40 pm
people who are losing their jobs are getting emails at work about walking with the Governor in the parade? how is this not despicable. and using a state email account and keepings “check in lists” of people’s names. how is this not despicable and borderline political? oh wait they’re shaking up Springfield I forgot. (too snarky?)

Comment by PoolGuy Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 5:46 pm
If they walk with campaign purchased material of any kind, I believe there are ethics laws that apply??? It’s a matter of time before something more egregious. We have seen this kind of behavior with previous adms who are ignorant of the law.

Comment by Tick tock..... Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 9:13 pm
Road trip for Ms. Lingle!

First, a tour of the islands: Rock Island, Blue Island, Stony Island…

Then a fabulous day soaking up rays on Wau-kee-kee-gan Beach!

And in lieu of Diamond Head, well, there’s always Diamond Lake, IL.

Yep. Click your heels three times and say….

Comment by Anonymousse Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 9:26 pm
Spot on Wordslinger.

She was a governor?

Comment by Yellow Dog Democrat Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 10:47 pm
YDD, I think there was a massive hurricane that election day and the only ones venturing out were the extremist right wingers. Then they said Aloha and are probably happy she moved to Illinois.

Comment by Norseman Tuesday, Aug 11, 15 @ 11:03 pm