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Erika Harold’s “promiscuity” comments compel Sen. Lightford to share her story

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* Click here for background if you need it. From NewsRadio 780…

A Democratic state senator says she is sharing her story for the first time about being date-raped in 1991 because she takes issue with statements made several years ago by the Republican candidate for Illinois Attorney General.

“I just shared that for the first time in 27 years. I didn’t expect me to do that.” […]

The 50-year-old Lightford on Thursday said she felt compelled to talk about her rape, after hearing about past comments made by attorney general candidate Erika Harold, that many victims of sexual harassment become “very promiscuous.” Harold, 38, reportedly made the comment when she was 22.

“It did the total opposite for me,” Lightford said.

* I have the transcript of her full remarks. I talked with Sen. Lightford yesterday to make sure she was OK with me posting this here. You can also listen to her tell her story by clicking here…

LIGHTFORD: Yeah, you know I just shared that for the first time in 27 years. I didn’t expect me to do that. But when I just learned of her, I just sat on the couch and I listened to the story that ran on CBS 2, and she was 22 years old when she made those comments. And then what come up to my mind was I was 23 years old when I was date raped. And I wasn’t looking to be date raped.

I had just graduated from Western Illinois University. I came home for the summer and I was celebrating. And I met a guy during Spring Break while I was home. And back then there were no pagers and cellphones and Twitters and emails and all of that. So, either you would get collect calls or calls would come in or you would make collect calls. So he called me a couple times and we became friends over the next 3-4 months. And so he’s like ‘well when you graduate we’re going to celebrate’ you know. So I used some of my graduation money and bought me a great outfit to go out and celebrate. And I met him at a club downtown on Michigan Avenue. We had a great time. There were other people at the club I knew. We danced and drank champagne. It was all a celebration. I was the first in my family to earn a degree.

And so when the party was over he says ‘Well let’s go grab a bite to eat and instead of going in separate cars, just get in the car with me and I’ll bring you back to your car.’ Okay, no problem. So, while I was in the car with him he hopped on the highway and we were going far south and I wasn’t really familiar as much at that age with the South Side of Chicago. I had one relative that lived at 8040 S. Vernon. I remember my uncles’ address, my great uncle.

And so when we passed 95th Street I’m thinking ‘where are we going?’ And then the split happened. I don’t know if I went 57 South or the other way. I don’t know. But we started driving a little bit. So I asked him “Where are going to eat? Why are we going so far from downtown?’ You know there was a lot of eateries down there. So he went ‘oh, well I’ve got to stop by the house.’ And I said ‘oh okay.’

So he drives and wherever we get off, I’ve never been in this area at that time of my life. But when we pulled up to the house, it was a corner house, we just pulled right into the garage, attached garage. So I didn’t expect anything. My feet were hurting and I was taking my shoes off in the car. So I pulled my shoes back on and go on in the house.

And it just looked a little abandoned to me, a little bit to me, like coming through the kitchen. And I thought ‘is this how this guy living?’ You know. His house look a little, you know. So he directed us, I guess it was a kitchen and then a hall. And the bedroom was immediately to the right. And then he directed us in there. And went in there and it’s only a bed and it looked really like doom and gloom and I can see over him a little bit into like what would be the living room I guess, or the dining room, of the house. And it was just an abandoned looking house. And so now the red flag really pops up and we’re in the room and I’m just standing there.

And I say ‘Well are you gonna just go ahead and do whatever you need to do so we can go? Because I’m getting a little hungry.’ And he said ‘Oh, well, oh gee, your feet hurt, have a seat. Take your shoes back off.’ And I was like ‘Oh, I’m fine.’ You know. And he was like ‘Have a seat, you’ll be okay.’ And then I sat down and I kept my shoes on and he says ‘Take your shoes off.’ And I was like ‘Well are we going to be much longer?’

And he did like this call. I don’t know this like ‘whoody who’ call or some kind of call. And this guy appears at the door with a pitbull. And I was afraid from that point. And he had the door open and the guy must have come up from the basement because he left that door open. And I can hear all these male voices. And the first thing that came to mind was ‘I’m in a drug house and I could either be gang raped or he could let the dog out on me. Like would anybody know?’ Because I didn’t have, back then there were no pagers or cellphones, or anything. So I wouldn’t have been able to get any help. And I didn’t know where I was.

And my celebration from graduating from college, I just…. And I thought I knew him. It had been months of friendships and conversations. And so the guy left, and they said some things to each other. And the guy left. And he closed the door and said, ‘Well just lay down and relax.’ And I said,’I just want to leave. I think we outta just go get something to eat and just leave.’ And he said ‘No, be still.’ And he told me to be quiet and he raped me.

And after he raped me, we got back in the car. And I just sat there and cried silently. And then we got back to the car and he drove me back to my car. And I got in my car like, ‘What the hell just happened?’

I had only had two sex partners in my life and I had never been taken advantage of like that before. And it was more of ‘Maybe I shouldn’t have went with him’ but I thought he was my friend and I knew him and we were just celebrating. We were supposed to go to get something to eat. And where was I? And if I go and try to tell law enforcement I can’t tell them where I was. I can’t tell them anything. And at this point is the guy really who he said he was all this time?

I was like really, I was really in a bad space. I remember driving home and saying to myself ‘Thank God I am on birth control so I won’t be pregnant.’ Because I would not be able to look at that situation. And then I went the next day to a clinic and I had an STD test done and I so didn’t have chlamydia or anything.

I can’t tell you right now if he put on a condom or not. I just, once he made me lay down, I don’t know anything beyond that.

But I have never really shared this story. I turned 50 in May this year and I just remember feeling a little free and telling my mother one day. She and I were talking and I said, ‘Mom, I feel a little free.’ I said, ‘You know I was, I experienced date rape the summer of ’91.’ And she was like, ‘What? And you didn’t say anything?’ I was like ‘No, I was just, I think I was too embarrassed and too ashamed. And I didn’t know what to do with it. And I’ve lived with it for 27 years and now I’m finally telling you. And I feel good about it.’

And I didn’t go into any details with my Mom so she’ll hear it now I’m sure. But I never shared it with anybody. But I was moved to share it today because I was truly a victim. I didn’t want to have sex with him and I never became promiscuous. To teach me abstaining from sex would have done nothing for me in this situation. And her views, I don’t know that they go along with being a victim of rape. And I didn’t know that it was date rape. I didn’t learn there was a title to what I had experienced ’til later in life.

REPORTER: The reason you felt compelled to tell your story today is because you’re obviously against Erica Harold. And I would think, if you asked her, she would say ‘I’m opposed to date rape.’

LIGHTFORD: I just think it doesn’t tie in with the suggestions on how to go about it. And if you’re in a position as the attorney general I would think that there should be a little more thought processes in how to address a victim who has been sexually raped. And not come to the conclusion that they liked it. Or that they would become promiscuous. Or a whore as a result. It did the total opposite for me. I actually spent the next six years of my life having very little to no sex. Not trusting men at all. I just began to, I would only go on dates during my lunch, at work, or meet me at the LA Fitness to workout. Or Saturday matinees. Because I just was like so afraid to put myself in that position again. And I didn’t think that I was doing something wrong at that time. I had no idea that this guy was like this. I mean no one could have told me that.

REPORTER: I’m sorry I have to ask you this. And you kind of touched on it a little bit. You didn’t want to report it because you didn’t think people would believe you, or…?

LIGHTFORD: I just didn’t know where I was. I had no idea. I got in the car going. I couldn’t even lead police back there. I didn’t know where I was. Now that I am older and I’ve been all through Chicago I believe I had to be somewhere in the south suburbs. I don’t know that we drove as far as Indiana. But we had to exit off of 147th or Cicero or, I mean we were in one of the communities in that area. And it had to be a community that was experiencing some type of foreclosure or something happening because we were in an abandoned house. And they were selling drugs out of the house. I’m sure. Cause it was just a bunch of guys’ voices, and there were dogs. And I don’t know if they were dog fighting. I didn’t know what it was. But the pitbull was enough for me. But I didn’t report it because I just didn’t. I don’t know if I didn’t think that anybody would believe me. I think I didn’t believe that that had happened to me. I think I was still like ‘Why? Why would he do that to me? And what was that about?’ And I thought I was being a friend and if he wanted to go out on more dates I thought he was a nice guy. I mean maybe we could go out on dates and things. I didn’t think that he saw me as someone, you know, that he wanted to take me to a drug house for my graduation gift. And take advantage of me.

REPORTER: You were how old then?

LIGHTFORD: I had just turned 23.

REPORTER: 23.

LIGHTFORD: Yeah, and for her to say that at 22, it just touched me. I just listened to the story and it just hit me. I was like, I thought right then ‘I was 22′ and then I said ‘No, I had had my birthday. I graduated from Western. I had my birthday May 10th and graduated from Western all in that same week.’ And so it had to be a couple weeks after that when I went out with this guy. So it was either the end of May or early June of 1991.

posted by Rich Miller
Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 1:56 pm

Comments

Powerful story.

Comment by AlfondoGonz Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 2:08 pm
I can’t even imagine.

Senator Lightford, thank you for having the intestinal fortitude to share your story, for putting a human face on something that should never happen to anyone.

Comment by Shamrockery Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 2:11 pm
Thank you for sharing your story.

Comment by Real Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 2:14 pm
I am almost in tears. Senator, thank you for being so brave by telling such a powerful story.

Comment by Aokay Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 2:20 pm
Courage and bravery. Hearing this story will change lives.

Comment by The young gov Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 2:35 pm
I’d like to know if Harold still thinks the same way.

Comment by Cheryl44 Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 2:45 pm
It’s a very powerful and a realistic story. Versions of this happened a lot in those days. I’m sorry it happened to her and that it affected her for years afterward.

Look. I’m not a Harold fan. But, just as Rep. Lightford was naive at 23, Harold was at 22. We all thought x,y,z at that age and thought we knew it all. As we got older, we realized x,y, z were ridiculous ways to think. What does Haeold believe now?

Comment by Thoughts Matter Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 2:46 pm
===I’d like to know if Harold still thinks the same way. ===

Her campaign defended the remarks.

Comment by Rich Miller Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 2:48 pm
“But, just as Rep. Lightford was naive at 23…”
Really, @thoughts? You think this painful story suggests she was NAIVE?

Comment by Anonymiss Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 2:56 pm
Senator - That took a lot of guts. God bless you.

Comment by Paddyrollingstone Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 2:56 pm
Sen. Lightford deserves a heck of a lot of credit for telling her story.

NSVRC (https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics) says that the ratio is 1 to 5. Let’s hope the other four (incl. AG Candidate Harold) can look out for the victims.

Comment by Jocko Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 2:57 pm
From the background link: “The fact is studies show that sexual harassment can cause anxiety, depression, negative body image and low self-esteem in some victims. That’s why Erika has made it her life’s mission to empower young people, combat bullying and prevent sexual harassment.”

- Combat bullying? Does anyone else remember the tweet from Mary Ann Ahern that said “After 3 days of pushback, threats of making me look ridiculous from her spokesperson, what do you know? Here’s the @erikaharold gay adoption controversy in a 2014 book about the Miss America Pageant.”

Can the campaign spokesperson clarify Erika’s position on bullying? From Mary Ann’s tweet earlier this year, it appears the campaign was bulling a reporter. Was Erika aware of the spokesperson’s comments?

Thank you Senator Lightford for sharing your experience.

Comment by Background Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 2:59 pm
What does this story have to do with what Harold said 15 years ago? She didn’t say that every sexual assault survivor became promiscuous.

Comment by Dave W Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 3:03 pm
I did not mean Naive as a slight upon her, or that it wouldn’t have happened to a more ‘worldly’ person. I meant it in the way we describe someone who hasn’t become cynical, who expects others to behave as they would. I can totally relate to where Rep. Lightfords is coming from. I’m a few years old and I have my own history.
Would you prefer I said too trusting?

Comment by Thoughts Matter Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 3:04 pm
That’s a lot of courage to share such a devastating story publicly. It does put things in perspective: someone as accomplished and influential and frankly powerful as Senator Lightford didn’t feel comfortable sharing how she was attacked for more than 25 years…how do we expect women who are not in a position of power or authority to do so?

Comment by Dan Johnson Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 3:10 pm
Powerful story. Both her story and Erika Harolds observations may be true. People react to trauma in different ways. I have seen people display strength after losing a child, some became stuck in time, one crawled into a bottle for a while.

Comment by Last Bull Moose Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 3:10 pm
What makes you think that Sen. Lightford was a naïve 23 year-old young lady? It sounds like you’re saying that she was naïve by expecting to go out on a date to have a nice evening - she should have expected the worst. Naïve means lack of wisdom or judgment, in case you didn’t know. Wow.

Comment by Bobby Hicks Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 3:12 pm
Sen. Lightford is really a treasure, I have thought that for a long time. What bravery. Bravo.

And DaveW - you sound like you aren’t very bright.

Comment by 5th Floor Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 3:20 pm
>Would you prefer I said too trusting? - @Thoughts

No, I wouldn’t. That still assigns blame and responsibility to her.

Comment by Anonymiss Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 3:58 pm
So let’s just stipulate that sexual crimes are horrible. That people are impacted in different ways by them and that 22 year olds sometimes make statements that they might rephrase years later. And “5th floor”, the question raised is valid. If we’re going to base candidate competence on things we said 15 years ago without considering our journey since then no one will ever be fit to run.

Comment by NeverPoliticallyCorrect Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 4:10 pm
I’m so sorry that happened to you Sen. Lightford.

Comment by Flynn's Mom Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 4:16 pm
Thank you, Sen. Lightford, for sharing your story. I am sorry that you needed to. But in light of the fact that Harold’s campaign is defending her remarks, it is a useful and important push back to the narrative that Harold has put out there and is standing by. I salute your courage and leadership.

Comment by pawn Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 4:21 pm
NeverPoliticallyCorrect — It’s true that most of us have done stupid things in our lives. The test of character is what we do with those things — do we learn from them? Do we admit them publicly? Do we talk about how we have changed in the intervening years, and how our lives demonstrate the ways that we have matured and grown?

If Erika Harold stood up and said, “I said those things because I was young, uneducated, and full of myself and my own ideas. I have learned since then, and I die a little inside every time I hear my words thrown back at me. I am mortified and so so sorry”, I’d vote for her.

I’m not worried about that happening, by the way.

Comment by Soccermom Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 4:26 pm
Thank you Rich. Not that I voted for her, but I was still kind of hoping that was something said when she was young and naive and has changed her mind since then.

Comment by Cheryl44 Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 4:41 pm
I’m usually a hard a@@, but it was tough to read that. Took a lot of guts and she is absolutely right.

Comment by Southfarmllama Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 4:51 pm
Rich - thank you for linking to the audio of Sen. Lightford’s remarks. What a courageous and remarkable person.

I wonder what Harold really thinks about her theories as a 22 year old. Some of us who followed her ‘14 campaign, especially its final weeks, remember someone who seemed a lot more compassionate than “standing by her remarks.” Perhaps I’m giving Harold too much credit, but sounds like her political consultants got to her.

Comment by DarkHorse Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 4:55 pm
Senator Lightford, thank you for finding the courage to tell your story. And I am so sorry for the pain that you, and so many others have had to endure.

Comment by West Sider Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 5:06 pm
It is a moving story.

As for Harold’s poorly chosen remarks, made as a young person, I fail to see how this relates to the office and the duties of Illinois Attorney General.

Comment by Off Topic Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 5:15 pm
=As for Harold’s poorly chosen remarks, made as a young person=

Let’s not forget when Harold was 22 and making speeches as part of her Miss America duties, she told students at East St. Louis High School that the Oval Office was her ultimate goal.

Not sure I buy the spin that Harold was a young, naive person at 22. At 22, she had her eyes set on Harvard & the Oval Office.

Comment by Background Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 5:31 pm
As moved as I am by this post, and as much as I respect this site, I have to wonder how many voters in Illinois are actually aware of this discussion.
And how many voters will be oblivious to these conversations and will still vote their initial perceptions of the candidates.

Comment by illini Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 6:07 pm
Sure we’ve all said things at various points in time we regret. But as noted above she’s not saying that’s the case here. In fact her campaign defends the comments. So maybe Harold has evolved on some issues but this doesn’t appear to be one of them.

Comment by Pundent Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 7:51 pm
God bless you Kim. You have a huge heart, and the State of Illinois is fortunate to have you in the State Senate.

Comment by Lincoln Lad Tuesday, Oct 23, 18 @ 7:53 pm