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Caption contest!

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Illinois

* Former Illinois Gov. Bruce Rauner unveiled his official portrait today…

posted by Rich Miller
Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 10:53 am

Comments

I was going to wear my Harley costume but Diana wouldn’t let me.

Comment by Grimlock Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 10:55 am
“I spent a couple hundred million on campaigns and all I got was this portrait. At least it looks better than Quinn’s.”

Comment by George Ryan Reynolds Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 10:56 am
“I don’t actually look like Harrison Ford, but I was also wearing convertible pants in this sitting.”

Comment by ArchPundit Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 10:57 am
“We don’t need no stinking tie”

Comment by Cable Line Beer Gardener Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 10:58 am
Because Madigan

Comment by Bruce Rauner Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 10:59 am
“Focus, Bruce, focus.”

Comment by uialum Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:00 am
The painting makes it appear he is lost in a fog, sort of like Illinois was lost during his time in office.

Comment by Chicago Republican Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:01 am
Push this button on the side of the frame and you can see me in my Carhartt. Push it twice, and I’m a biker. The other options are surprises.

Comment by Pot calling kettle Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:02 am
in such a hurry to get back to Florida, he will just zip his pant legs off in the jet

Comment by RATM Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:02 am
Fortunately, Pritzker budgeted for this. I could never get around to it.

Comment by MrGrassroots Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:02 am
And that’s the pin I got for finally signing a full state budget.

Comment by Res Melius Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:03 am
Now, let me be clear, I couldn’t have dinner at the club looking like that. But down here? No tie, no problem.

Comment by 47th Ward Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:03 am
“As you can see here, I was posin’, lookin’ casual, thinkin’ how I was gonna get the better of that no good varmint, Mike Madigan. That was the look I was gunnin’ for.”

Comment by Anon 11:02 Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:03 am
“Now I ask you: Does that look like a guy who would send a fish filet to the mayor of Chicago?”

Comment by Streator Curmudgeon Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:03 am
The portrait is empty, lacks depth, symbolism, anything that shows success, power, it’s likely the best rendering of me and my persona… ever

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:04 am
We’ll be hangin’ the portrait as soon as we can find a union guy willin’ ta do it.

Comment by Pot calling kettle Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:04 am
“I really wanted to wear my folksy leather jacket, but it was in the 7th walk-closet in the 8th bedroom of my 3rd mansion; while the portrait painting took place in the 2nd parlor of my 4th condo in Florida.”

Comment by Shelby Thomas Weems Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:04 am
“At least Miller won’t publish it as one of his goofy Caption Contests. I mean, what’s funny about me, anyway?”

Comment by Streator Curmudgeon Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:05 am
I’d like to get “for me”

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:05 am
A poser posin’.

Comment by Huh? Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:06 am
In my left hand you’ll see I am holding all of my accomplishments as governor.

Comment by historic66 Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:06 am
The next item up for bid is a painting of…me. We’ll start the bidding at, say, five dollars?

Who’s got five? I need a fin. Five dollar, five dollar, anyone? C’mon people, it’s a one of a kind painting. Who’s got five, five dollars five dollars?

Comment by 47th Ward Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:06 am
I’m not wearing a tie. It means I’m casual, easy to talk to, a friend…

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:07 am
“Gosh-awemighty I was a handsome devil.”

Comment by Streator Curmudgeon Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:08 am
Rauner, “Madigan stole my tie before I went to the sitting.

Comment by Norseman Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:09 am
Florida man confused by his own picture

Comment by twowaystreet Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:11 am
It’s actually a Banksy portrait. After a couple of weeks on the wall, it’ll start to slide through a shredder concealed in the frame.

Comment by Socially DIstant watcher Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:11 am
“See those pants? Had to throw ‘em away after I tried to ride the Butter Cow. You ever try to get butter outta gabardine?”

Comment by Streator Curmudgeon Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:11 am
I lobbied hard for my cover of the National Review, but an elderly woman grabbed me by the arm and said I should go with this one.

Comment by Jocko Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:15 am
Zipping off his pant legs like he zipped off to Florida…

Comment by The Real Downstate Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:17 am
“They told me there wasn’t enough room to show my old camper van and $18 watch.”

Comment by Tim Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:17 am
Is this paint barf-proof?

Comment by Big Dipper Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:17 am
“Maybe too blue, needs more contrast, I don’t know, what do you think?”

Comment by don the legend Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:18 am
Don’t drop this painting like I dropped my G’s.

Comment by Big Dipper Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:19 am
Look at that portrait. It is crystal clear.

Comment by Omay Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:20 am
“Gosh I was fidgety tryin’ to pose for that thing. Had to shoot me with a tranquilizer dart and prop me up for an hour. Looks natural, though. Looks natural.”

Comment by Streator Curmudgeon Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:21 am
Is this really how the man wishes to be perceived in 100 years from now? Like he was stepping out for a BLT at the Tennis Club?

Comment by Anon 11:22 Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:22 am
I was wearin’ my Carhartt coat, but I got to thinkin’ mebbe I shouldn’ta wear that here in the capitol of Flor… I mean Illinois.

Comment by Vote Quimby Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:22 am
“This is my not in charge, trying to get *in* charge”

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:22 am
I wanted to put all my allies in the portrait too, so…

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:23 am
“They promised me that the portrait would be put on prominent display in the Capitol right next to Blagojevich’s portrait.”

Comment by Gravitas Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:24 am
That one right there is like the one I got Diana so while she lives here and I live in Florida…

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:25 am
Put some glasses on me, I’d look like Jim Edgar…

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:26 am
“He painted it with Dutch Boy scrubbable latex. Already had to wash three pairs of Groucho glasses off it.”

Comment by Streator Curmudgeon Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:26 am
It’s me, hi, I’m the problem is me.

Comment by CookCo Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:26 am
No one despised this state… by loving it as much as I did… as governor

You miss me.

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:28 am
If you look closely, you can see that I have the entire Senate Republican caucus in my left hand.

Comment by 47th Ward Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:31 am
I wanna thank Ken Dunkin for being here, thanks Ken… I usually ask you to be absent, but there you are, and thank you

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:33 am
“Like my new pants? They are slacks with legs that unzip and become shorts. I call them slorts. Real man of the people, I am!”

Comment by Save Ferris Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:35 am
Not a good likeness: Governor Rauner always wore a vest.

Comment by Chris Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:37 am
“I dropped seven hundred Gs to get this baby made.”

Comment by Roadrager Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:38 am
See, my costume is a silent acknowledgment that I made Illinois an even bluer state just by being me.

Comment by northsider (the original) Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:38 am
I had this done in Florida, and there were palm trees, an ocean view, so I had to have the background redone.

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:41 am
Rauner: “I get a portrait…and Madigan is no longer here…so who lost the war between me and MJM after all?”

Comment by Pizza Man Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:44 am
Dude has always looked like he was trying to sell me a used Hyundai.

Put on a tie, billionaire. That schtick didn’t work when you were in office, it don’t play now.

Comment by Flyin'Elvis'-Utah Chapter Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:45 am
It is obvious that Bruce Rauner was never a client of Duru’s on LaSalle Street.

Comment by Rudy’s teeth Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:48 am
===is no longer here===

Narrator: Rauner, only Bruce, moved to Florida

“Caption?”

Paul Vallas, great seeing you here…

Comment by Oswego Willy Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:49 am
No biker bling? No flannel shirt?

Comment by Nick Name Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:50 am
“Best Team in America, right there.”

Sorry, I don’t have a “g” to drop in that quote.

Comment by Inverted Pyramid Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:58 am
Just one person showed up to the portrait unveiling of Bruce Rauner.

Comment by Demoralized Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 11:58 am
Goldberg said I should have held up “the finger” in this, to tell everybody down here what we really thought of them. But Diana told the painter to keep my right hand in my pocket. She’s the boss, but I like where Goldberg’s head was at.

Comment by 47th Ward Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 12:00 pm
Someone call Pfizer we need a vaccine for Rauner Derangement Syndrome ASAP

Comment by Lucky Pierre Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 12:03 pm
This is actually from the time Don Johnson was moonlighting as my body double

Comment by Old Muttonhead Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 12:04 pm
“The hands in the pockets symbolize my not doing anything to make a working budget, or reach across the aisle to negotiate. The blank stare is me practicing my war face in the mirror before going to AFSCME negotiations.”

Comment by Give Us Barabbas Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 12:06 pm
This picture me will get more done than the real me did.

Comment by clec dcn Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 12:12 pm
Look on the bright side: without me, you wouldn’ta gotten JB.
(don’t know how to drop the “g” in “gotten.”)

Comment by filmmaker prof Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 12:12 pm
There are five shades of blue…five.

Comment by Dotnonymous x Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 12:23 pm
“My portrait lacks any depth or character and as such it is a perfect likeness.”

Comment by Excitable Boy Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 12:25 pm
So this is what could happen with a budget

Comment by blu dawg Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 12:25 pm
Portrait of a Man Who Accomplished Nothing

Comment by High Socks Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 12:32 pm
“You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggonit…people like you.”

Comment by Cheap Seats Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 12:37 pm
“At least Madigan wore a tie.”

“Man points at man with no actual facts regarding Speaker Madigan’s corruption.”

Comment by Three Dimensional Checkers Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 12:39 pm
==lost the war between me and MJM after all==

They both lost and JB won instead

Comment by Stuck in Celliniland Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 12:42 pm
“If I was still your gub’nor the Bears would have their new stadium by now!”

Comment by Jerry Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 12:43 pm
“I was supposed to have 37 pieces of flair, but the artist only gave me 1″

Comment by Steve Rogers Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 12:50 pm
Someday some kids will be visiting the capitol and will be told to pick a painting and identify its symbolism.

They are all going to pick mine.

I will say, it is a be refreshing that it is just a picture of him tbh

Comment by OneMan Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 12:52 pm
Watch the eyes, they follow you. I was over there and I was looking at me, and now I’m over here and I’m still looking at me. It’s almost creepy the way that works.

Comment by 47th Ward Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 12:52 pm
A two dimensional rendering of a one dimensional governor.

Comment by 47th Ward Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 12:53 pm
sometimes less is more

Comment by Elijah Snow Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 12:56 pm
Former governor Bruce Rauner is depicted in the painting along with all of his accomplishments from his time in office.

Comment by Michelle Flaherty Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 1:04 pm
I gotta thank Scott Stantis for doing such a great job. I mean look at that chiseled jawline he gave me.

Comment by Henry Francis Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 1:13 pm
Unveil’n that paint’n.

Comment by Ryan Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 1:31 pm
If you wanted a background, it’ve cost twice as much. I got a deal, right?

Comment by Commonsense in Illinois Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 1:34 pm
The gray behind him is the smoke from the fire that was burning Illinois while he was in office.

Comment by Fivegreenleaves Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 1:46 pm
“You can’t see it, but I’m standing on a giant pile of money and the wreckage of state government.”

Comment by Blue Bayou Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 1:50 pm
FYI - Rauner said after the event in the press gaggle that he had the best team ever assembled to turn around state government.

Comment by Cool Papa Bell Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 1:50 pm
That’s one helluva portrait of Al Bundy, who once scored four touchdowns in a single game while playing for the Polk High School Panthers in the 1966 city championship game.

Comment by Michelle Flaherty Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 1:53 pm
…And I’m selling reproductions out in the lobby.

Comment by Matt Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 1:55 pm
“I spent hundreds of millions of dollars for a Turnaround agenda and all I got was this stupid picture.”

Comment by Baloneymous Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 1:56 pm
You can see it is in the minimalist style, just like how I governed.

Comment by Matt Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 2:00 pm
I wish my immigrant grandparents were here to see this. They’d be so proud.

Comment by Matt Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 2:03 pm
This portrait was done by a non-union business. We took up a collection in Florida.

Comment by clec dcn Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 2:06 pm
“Well, at least Madigan’s gone, so I won’t have to worry about dart holes.”

Comment by Streator Curmudgeon Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 2:15 pm
I really nailed that Men’s Warehouse look (banned punctuation).

Comment by Anon221 Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 2:15 pm
“You’ll be happy to know I had it made into a paint-by-number version, which you can get at the gift shop on the way out.”

Comment by Streator Curmudgeon Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 2:20 pm
“All you boys and girls in the audience, if you save up your money, maybe you can blow ten or twelve million of it to get in office, then be remembered with fondness by the folks at Capitol Fax.”

Comment by Streator Curmudgeon Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 2:30 pm
That guy right there, he’s the greatest governorGovernor illinois ever had.
You know how I know that?
Cause it’s me.
That’s right, me.

Comment by Bruce( no not him) Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 3:09 pm
Man, I hate autocorrect
Sorry

Comment by Bruce( no not him) Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 3:10 pm
I think I’ve seen this image before in a 1977 Sears’ catalog.

Comment by Now What? Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 3:14 pm
Blue suit, blue shirt, blue background. Perfectly fitting a governor that blew (up the budget).

Comment by Ducky LaMoore Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 3:34 pm
Originality is not a concern with MAGA trolls.

Comment by Norseman Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 3:47 pm
See photoshop does a great job, I look years younger.

Comment by Huh? Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 3:57 pm
They say the camera adds about 10 pounds. Turns out, slipping the painter an extra C note takes it all off and then some. I look great, don’t I?

Comment by 47th Ward Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 3:58 pm
This is a copy of a copy. The original is hanging over the mantel at my Montana ranch. The first copy is in the den at my Wyoming ranch.

Comment by Huh? Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 4:00 pm
Didn’t notice until now that my right sleeve is dirty. Must have rubbed up against the trash van before posin’ for the artist.

Comment by Huh? Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 4:03 pm
“Is my eyesight goin’ or do I look like a tall version of George W. Bush?”

Comment by Streator Curmudgeon Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 4:20 pm
See, here I am with my hand in my pocket. But where Madigan is going, he won’t be allowed to have pockets so see, I won in the end.

Comment by Lurker Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 4:28 pm
“You made me love you, I didn’t wanta do it, I didn’t wanta do it…

“C’mon, everybody sing along.”

Comment by Streator Curmudgeon Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 4:40 pm
“I said just give the job to Midjourney AI, tell it to create an image from stock footage of every badguy businessman from 80’s movies. I think the computer nailed it.”

Comment by Give Us Barabbas Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 4:48 pm
“Former Gov. Bruce Rauner points out where the words ‘Blame Madigan’ are hidden in his Official Portrait.”

Comment by thisjustinagain Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 4:54 pm
“I don’t know why, but after my term as governor, I got kicked out of the Illuminati.”

Comment by Streator Curmudgeon Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 5:10 pm
“The Kramer” was already taken.

Comment by Give Us Barabbas Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 5:32 pm
==“The Kramer” was already taken.==

This deserves special recognition, Well played.

Comment by don the legend Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 5:41 pm
You’re right about the smile. I didn’t smile a whole lot when I was down here, so…, yeah, I think this captures it well.

Comment by 47th Ward Monday, Jun 12, 23 @ 7:26 pm
Portrait looks like Ed O’Niell aka Al Bundy.

Comment by NorthSideNoMore Tuesday, Jun 13, 23 @ 11:21 am