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* Do not click if you are easily offended, and it’s not totally safe for work. From the Onion: “Illinois Does A Few Adult Films To Make Ends Meet”…

SPRINGFIELD, IL—The State of Illinois acknowledged last week that in an effort to stay afloat during the worst financial crisis in its history, it had begun performing in adult films.

Officials said that since ending the 2010 fiscal year with a record $4.7 billion in unpaid bills, Illinois has been actively pursuing roles in sexually explicit direct-to-DVD features, but is only doing so until it can get back on its feet.

“The truth is, we’re facing an unprecedented revenue shortfall and must consider every option on the table,” state comptroller Daniel Hynes told reporters. “This temporary porn work—which, again, is only our short-term strategy—will provide the much-needed influx of capital we’ve been looking for.”

“It’s not even that big a deal,” continued Hynes, noting that other states, such as Minnesota, had been forced to enact their own emergency programs by cutting social services. “We need the cash, and anyway, it’s mainly just Playboy-type stuff that most people these days would probably find pretty tame.” […]

“Look, sometimes you just don’t have a choice,” Gov. Pat Quinn said. “No one’s stepped up to fund Illinois’ special-education programs or infrastructure improvements, so we have to do what we have to do. Nobody has the right to judge us. Not you, not anybody.”

The Onion has written the best budget story of the year. True artistry.

posted by Rich Miller
Saturday, Aug 7, 10 @ 1:42 pm

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