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* From an October 21st Sun-Times story…
Chicago is wasting a ton of money replacing and repairing garbage carts because “aggressive squirrels” are eating through them, a South Side aldermen said Friday.
Colleagues giggled at the mere mention of what amounts to squirrels on steroids, but Ald. Howard Brookins (21st) was dead serious.
“It’s a pet peeve. It does invoke some giggles. But we are spending too much money on replacing garbage carts because the squirrels continue to eat through ’em,” Brookins, former chairman of the City Council’s Black Caucus, declared.
“I get calls [with residents saying], ‘I need a new garbage can.’ I just gave you a garbage can. [And the caller says], ‘Well, the squirrels ate through it in two days and nobody wants trash throughout the community. So they keep asking us for garbage cans.”
* Yesterday…
Ald. Howard Brookins announced Sunday that a “freak bicycle accident” involving a rogue squirrel left him hospitalized last week.
A photo of the accident’s aftermath posted to Brookins’ Facebook page with a brief note shows a squirrel caught in the spokes of the 21st Ward alderman’s front bike tire.
According to Brookins’ staff, the squirrel sent the alderman flying over his handlebars during a ride on the Cal-Sag Trail, leading to a broken nose, a fractured skull and the loss of five or six teeth. All told, Brookins was hospitalized from Nov. 13 to Nov. 17.
“I am okay and I have been recovering in the hospital since the accident,” Brookins said in the Facebook post. “I will, however, require multiple surgeries to recover from damage to my face and body.”
Planet of the Squirrels?
posted by Rich Miller
Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:13 am
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If the good alderman finds himself the target of a moose next, I would have to say it has the hallmark of a Russian hit.
Comment by Colin O'Scopey Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:18 am
We have the largest squirrel I have ever seen a few doors down in the alley. Thankfully he has a dumpster to feed out of. This squirrel wouldn’t know a nut if he saw one.
Comment by Lil Squeezy Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:18 am
Are these gray, red or black squirrels?
Comment by Anonymous Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:18 am
And everyone was up in arms about the killer bees…
Comment by Cubs in '16 Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:18 am
This could set a precedent with skunks, raccoons, coyotes in the burbs and bobcats downstate.
At least meet with them. lol
Comment by A guy Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:19 am
===This squirrel wouldn’t know a nut if he saw one===
Bring it to the Statehouse next week and we’ll test your theory.
/s
Comment by Rich Miller Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:24 am
Thanks, Rich, I needed this today.
Comment by Elijah Snow Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:26 am
There was no fine for killing the squirrel? Where are the squirrel rights activists?
Comment by Anonymous Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:26 am
Team #squirrelwall
Comment by The Captain Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:27 am
Is the squirrel going to be OK Uncle Larry?
Comment by 47th Ward Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:30 am
Why o why can’t squirrels go back to the “good ole days” of being content to water skiing behind remote control boats in kiddie pools…
Comment by Oswego Willy Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:32 am
=Is the squirrel going to be OK Uncle Larry?=
“He’ll be fine Littl’ Tommy. Alderman Brookins….”
Comment by Bogey Golfer Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:33 am
“Rogue Squirrel” is now my new callsign!
Comment by Name Withheld Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:33 am
Typically, the rodent harbinger-of-doom for Chicago Aldermen is the rat.
Comment by AlfondoGonz Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:34 am
Speaker Madigan and the squirrels he controls!
Comment by Rogue Squirrel Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:35 am
They might have figured out that they have to stop the humans to stop climate change.
Comment by Anon Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:38 am
Brookins has always been pretty squirrelly, so he would know a rogues squirrel when he sees one.
Comment by Jaded Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:38 am
One phone call, problem solved.
https://www.google.com/search?q=secret+squirrel&rlz=1CASMAE_enUS720US720&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiT—E2bzQAhWs0FQKHdDBCaoQ_AUICCgB&biw=1366&bih=655#imgrc=LQb8dVTi6GRs9M%3A
Comment by wordslinger Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:40 am
I think it is about time they started fighting back. For too long they have been the targets of inconsiderate drivers who don’t share the road. May the squirrels of the world unite to fight human oppression.
Comment by A Jack Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:40 am
As George Costanza found out, when it comes to squirrels……NO DEAL!!!
Comment by Big Joe Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:41 am
Even as I write this, PETA is crafting legal action that will accuse Brookins of mistreating and abusing that squirrel with the spokes of his bike.
Comment by Give Me A Break Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:42 am
Squirrels are a mere distraction, raccoons are the real menace in my neighborhood.
Comment by BC Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:43 am
Squirrel Disciples running it on the South Side.
Comment by Amalia Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:47 am
I, for one, welcome our new squirrel overlords.
Comment by Alex P Keaton Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:49 am
Squirrels are just rats with good PR. We had squirrels who were living in our eaves–you would hear them running through the air ducts and chewing in the ceiling. We employed a squirrel catcher who put a live trap outside the hole and would come once a day to retrieve the squirrel and release. This was February in Chicago so one day the squirrel froze to death before retrieval. So we get the squirrels rights people knocking on our door accusing us of cruelty to animals.
When they were out and the hole allegedly fixed, the next squirrel on the waiting list just moved right in. It took three times and $ to really fix the hole until they stopped. I like animals but they are vermin.
Comment by 32nd Ward Roscoe Village Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:52 am
OW, you just invoked a Wisconsin Dells memory of mine with that comment.
Peace to Alderman Brookins for a speedy recovery.
Comment by Jake From Elwood Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:52 am
They do not like the term “squirrel” they demand to be called Sciuridae Americans.
Comment by Porgy Tirebiter Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:54 am
- Jake From Elwood -
I remember ads for the Dells that had a snippet of the squirrels too. Fun times. Hope they were all good memories.
Maybe we can bring some Wisconsin Dells squirrels down here to reason with these rouge squirrels?
Comment by Oswego Willy Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 9:56 am
Heh https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVfXF8O-lHw
Comment by Rich Miller Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 10:05 am
“Where’s Eddie at, he eats these damn things”
Comment by Anonymous Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 10:06 am
Well, you know what they say in some rural parts of the country - The only good squirrel is one that has been fried in butter and onions.
Comment by Huh? Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 10:07 am
Next up on “Animal Wars”:
“Rogue squirrel makes suicide attack on City of Chicago Alderman”.
“Are squirrel IED’s our future?”
Comment by Judgment Day Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 10:07 am
I think instead of hunting bobcats we need to bring them into Chicago and teach them to hunt down the squirrels.
Comment by The Dude Abides Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 10:11 am
Rich,
As you video clearly shows, some squirrels have evolved. We need the Squirrel World to come together. I’m calling for a meeting with the Chicago’s rouge squirrels and the evolved water skiing squirrels.
That may be the end hand here.
Comment by Oswego Willy Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 10:12 am
Mike Madigan and the flying squirrels he controls.
Comment by chai latte Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 10:13 am
News Flash - Chicago Alderman call for the construction of a wall to prevent the illegal immigration of rabid and dangerous squirrels. The Alderman is quoted as saying “That for far too long, our unsecured borders have allowed illegal squirrels to infiltrate our city to attack our citizens.” The Alderman goes on to say that for those illegal squirrels already in our city, they will be deported by the millions.
The Alderman’s stance has created a backlash from the resident squirrels who say they are not responsible for the harmful actions of a lone terrorist squirrel. “He went to visit his country relatives and was recruited into a reactionary cell bent on the destruction of our peaceful lives.”
Comment by Huh? Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 10:18 am
In all seriousness, WEAR. YOUR. HELMET.
Comment by Dee Lay Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 10:20 am
@Colin O’Scopey:
Of course is moose and squirrel. Always will see moose with squirrel. Fearless Leader has alibi.
Go Wottsamatta U!
- Boris and Natasha
Comment by Silent Budgeteer Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 10:22 am
At least the alderman lived through the encounter.
And I echo Dee Lay at 10:20
Comment by Archiesmom Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 10:26 am
Prayers for a rapid and complete recovery.
Comment by Yossarian Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 10:27 am
What the media won’t tell you: Those squirrels all work for Proft’s fake papers funded with Rauner cash.
Comment by Michelle Flaherty Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 10:29 am
–If the good alderman finds himself the target of a moose next, I would have to say it has the hallmark of a Russian hit.–
Or Pottsylvania.
Comment by Ron Burgundy Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 10:35 am
Somebody better tell Tony Soprano that the squirrels are moving in on his territory.
Comment by Jocko Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 10:40 am
===“Where’s Eddie at, he eats these damn things”===
Not recently, Clark. He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol
Comment by Joe Bidenopolous Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 10:40 am
I’m looking forward to a rash of squirrel-themed mailers next season.
Comment by Ebenezer Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 10:41 am
Well, that’s no ordinary squirrel.
That’s the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!
That squirrel got a vicious streak a mile wide! It’s a killer!
Comment by Anonymous Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 10:44 am
I was driving through Olney once pulling a trailer behind my truck and a white tree rat ran out behind my truck and I hit it with the trailer, in front of an Olney cop. It cost me $500.00.
Comment by Gruntled University Employee Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 10:49 am
We adopted a coon hound just over a year ago. Bernie is a rescue and clearly had bad first year before we adopted him. I figured he would take care of some of the squirrels around the house.
He’s terrified of them. Now, at least, I know it’s not just him. There is a Squirrelocaplyse in motion.
Comment by ArchPundit Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 11:02 am
@Gruntled - Glad to know that Olney still has the white squirrels - and they are very protective of their well being.
Comment by illini Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 11:14 am
News Flash - Chicago Alderman calls for the registration of all gray squirrels so government can monitor their whereabouts and stereotype them for deviant behavior. The Alderman is quoted as saying “We’re not safe with gray squirrels living amongst us, they belong to a society that is bent in stealing from our bird feeders, chewing through are trash cans and just plain cause a ruckus.”
In a response from the red squirrel community, “We know that the gray squirrels are smaller and cuter than us, but we just want to live our lives peacefully within the city as we always have done.”
Comment by Huh? Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 11:15 am
A lawsuit was filed in Chicago today for the wrongful death of Peeve. Peeve was a squirrel cut down in the prime of his life by a careless bike rider. The suit alleges that the rider was operating his bike in a careless and reckless manner, disregarding the clear and obvious signs of squirrels playing in the area.
Comment by Huh? Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 11:20 am
Some of us have been warning of this for years. What will you do when they’re scratchin’ at your door?
https://youtu.be/rXhmo2WKcxo
Comment by Threepwood Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 11:27 am
Answer: more feral cats
Comment by Wensicia Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 11:40 am
Kamikaze Squirrel Training videos:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TKkS3xs1Y4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50roSFBxfgI
Comment by Anon221 Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 11:46 am
In Springfield, squirrels are the #1 cause of power outages; they short out the fusees on the transformers. They also chew up cable company lines, getting water in then and causing lack of service. The only reason I don’t get them chewing up my plastic garbage cans is they prefer the acorns from the red oak in back yard. But we have had racoons chew the cans up. So I agree, a pan fried squirrel is a good squirrel.
Comment by RNUG Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 12:25 pm
The good alderman clearly harbors a squirrel grudge. But, they are fighting back. And, as everyone knows, even a blind squirrel occasionally finds a garbage cart.
Comment by Keyser Soze Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 12:26 pm
There is a white squirrel triathalon in Richland County. I dont know how they train, but if they are doing triathalons, they are in better shape than most of us…
Comment by 618er Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 12:28 pm
Bike accidents are no joke…feel better soon Ald.
Happy Thankgiving everyone!
Comment by Loop Lady Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 12:38 pm
Mayor Emanuel proposes squirrel lanes as well as bike lanes to accommodate Rocky next to other hipsters.
Comment by Amalia Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 1:00 pm
@Wordslinger 9:40 am, thus proving that squirrels are super scary to Chicago Aldermen, as the tv piece has a character named Morocco Mole.
Comment by Amalia Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 1:05 pm
News Flash - The World’s Sciurus Sports Authority issued a statement deploring any association with the use of performance enhancing drugs. Stating “Our squirrels undergo rigorous in and out of competition testing for PEDs. Even the hint that one of our athletes is remotely associated with steriods is enough for a suspension from training and competition until the matter can be throughly investigated.” The statement went further, “We are sure that the Chicago Alderman is trying to make a joke about one of our athletes being on PEDs, but the fact of the matter is our members are in deep mourning over the tragic lose of one of our top athletes, Peeve.”
Comment by Huh? Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 1:45 pm
Doesn’t anyone else remember the “Squirrel Truth” campaign on the CTA a little while back?
http://www.squirreltruth.com/
Comment by G'Kar Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 2:14 pm
Sometimes, squirrels can be an agent of good rather than evil. Just ask St. Louis Cardinal fans who fondly remember the “rally squirrel” in 2011!
Comment by Steve Rogers Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 3:05 pm
In an unrelated news story, five indie bands just changed their name to “Rogue Squirrel”
Comment by Steve Rogers Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 3:06 pm
The alderman’s story leads James Taranto’s Best of the Web column today in the WSJ (pay wall): http://www.wsj.com/articles/the-socialist-squirrel-1479841482
Comment by 32nd Ward Roscoe Village Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 4:12 pm
Someone should send a group of country boys up there to shoot those aggressive squirrels. That should solve their problem.
Comment by Mama Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 7:27 pm
When did Rahm switch to squirrels?
Comment by Ivesdale Tuesday, Nov 22, 16 @ 8:28 pm