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* Dr. Stacy Pratt McDermott wrote a book about Mary Todd Lincoln and is a Lincoln scholar. Today is the 200th anniversary of Mrs. Lincoln’s birth and McDermott has a post up on her blog defending the former First Lady…
First, we should take off our stove-pipe hats to Mary Lincoln’s intellect and her extraordinary education, which consisted of ten years of formal schooling when most Americans, like Abraham Lincoln himself, had very few educational opportunities. Let’s acknowledge the fact that Mary’s education, combined with her unique family circumstances in the peculiar context of Lexington, Kentucky, emboldened her nature. Let’s remember that her father and her sophisticated French female teacher gave Mary confidence and encouraged her to raise her own voice. It is true, indeed, that raising her voice often landed Mary “in trouble,” but doesn’t that tell us more about the gendered nature of nineteenth-century America than it does about Mary Lincoln? And do you really think Abraham Lincoln knew nothing of Mary’s confident voice when he married her in 1842? Do you really think the brilliant Mr. Lincoln knew nothing of Mary’s strong will and opinionated nature before he put the ring, engraved with “Love Is Eternal,” on her finger?
Let’s acknowledge the intellectual connection Mary shared with her husband. Let’s give Lincoln some credit for wanting a wife who was pretty and smart. Throughout their marriage, the couple shared a passion for partisan politics, a deep appreciation for literature, and love of music and the theater. Remember, too, Mary gave Abraham Lincoln four of his greatest joys: his sons. The Lincolns shared a love of their four boys and were, together, indulgent and thoroughly modern parents, who believed in the idea of childhood. The Lincoln marriage was not perfect, because both Mr. and Mrs. Lincoln struggled with their own very different emotional difficulties. Mary was high-strung and prone to wild mood swings; while Abraham was emotionally distant and depressive. But throughout their marriage, they were companions and shared common interests and beliefs. In the dark days of Civil War, Mary carved out periods of family time, which not only gave her boys some semblance of normalcy but were a refuge for her overburdened husband, as well. Lincoln needed Mary to force a little leisure upon him, and the brief periods of escape at Soldier’s Home or the theater brought some solace to his suffering soul.
Let’s acknowledge Mary Lincoln’s own suffering and give her some credit for living through it. During most of her adult life, she suffered migraine headaches and a difficult delivery of her fourth son left her with an injury that plagued her. She also definitely suffered some degree of mental illness, which no doubt would have been much alleviated had she lived in a time of modern medicine instead of a time when so-called doctors dismissed women’s health issues as hysteria. Yet despite her ill physical and emotional health, Mary got up out of bed almost every day of her life, and she put on pretty dresses, and she raised her boys (often all by herself), and she found joy in books, at White House receptions, while shopping and visiting the theater, and through her husband’s politics.
Mary Lincoln also suffered terrible emotional blows. She buried her four-year-old toddler Eddy in Springfield in 1850, and she buried Willie, her beloved 11-year-old boy, in Washington in 1862. She lost family members to the Confederacy and had a public, front-row seat for the horrors of the war, witnessing the physical and emotional damage on soldiers she visited in Washington. In 1865, Mary Lincoln was sitting next to her husband when an assassin put a bullet in his head; people removed her from her husband’s deathbed, where he died without her, because she was wailing at the loss of him; and people criticized her for lingering too long afterwards in grief in the White House. In 1871 just as she was finding her way through life as the widow of a martyred president, she buried her third son Tad, a blossoming eighteen-year-old man in whom she found joy and so much comfort.
I buried a child myself, and let me tell you, if I had to bury a second one there would be no breath left in my body. Losing three children and witnessing her husband’s violent murder, along with the post-traumatic stress of it all, was not the end of her suffering, either. Mary Lincoln then had to endure fears of financial disaster as a widow in nineteenth-century America, fears exacerbated by her emotional instability, emotional instability that was not her fault! She also faced public ridicule for visiting spiritualists, which was in fashion at the time and brought her some comfort. She had to listen to snipes for visiting health spas, even as mainstream physicians failed to offer her relief. She was also unfairly judged for shopping with her own money and for selling her own dresses; and then her last surviving son Robert had her incarcerated in a mental asylum, an injustice that cut her off from her grandchildren.
* This is one of my favorite prints…
RIP
posted by Rich Miller
Thursday, Dec 13, 18 @ 2:13 pm
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I know where they can get a stove pipe hat to take off for her
Her life story undergoes more changes than just about anyone in y S history. In away it almost says more about us and our time than her
Comment by DuPage Saint Thursday, Dec 13, 18 @ 2:18 pm
Thanks for the info on Mary Todd Lincoln. A very complex woman who is often treated as a negative in Lincoln’s life. They would seem to have been a mismatched pair but they do say opposites attract. I doubt that he would have become President if she hadn’t encouraged and prodded him at times.
Comment by Nearly Normal Thursday, Dec 13, 18 @ 2:47 pm
She definitely was considered a big step up for Abe when he married her.
Comment by wordslinger Thursday, Dec 13, 18 @ 2:52 pm
She had a lot of criticism heaped upon her, and that seems pretty ridiculous given she witnessed her husband’s murder, buried three sons, and dealt with being in the White House during the Civil War, while her family members fought and died in the Confederate Army.
The amount of stress she endured was very great. Anyone critical of her today should ask themselves how they would have handled being in her shoes, just as stated in this informative article.
Comment by S of I-70 Thursday, Dec 13, 18 @ 2:54 pm
As Mary Todd Lincoln gets more sympathy, Robert Todd Lincoln should get more opprobrium for the actions he took towards his mother.
Comment by Grand Avenue Thursday, Dec 13, 18 @ 3:12 pm
Of all the things I’ve read about Mary, I’ve never seen anything critical of her intellect or educational achievements. In commemoration of her birthday, I want to remember that she played an important part in Lincoln’s life and what made him the leader we so admire. In addition, she was the mother and influencer of another fine man who did great service for the country.
Comment by Norseman Thursday, Dec 13, 18 @ 3:15 pm
== She definitely was considered a big step up for Abe when he married her. ==
because Wordslinger has been around so long, that he remembers when Abe and Mary were dating…
: )
Comment by Saluki Thursday, Dec 13, 18 @ 3:18 pm
A well written and informative tribute. Thank you for sharing.
Comment by Sarge Thursday, Dec 13, 18 @ 3:21 pm
very interesting, balanced and detailed. her style of grieving was probably not acceptable, just as we keep hearing that everyone should be like Jackie Kennedy. this piece makes me want to learn more. hoping for additional research.
Comment by Amalia Thursday, Dec 13, 18 @ 3:29 pm
–because Wordslinger has been around so long, that he remembers when Abe and Mary were dating…
: )–
No, I read. You should try it once.
Comment by wordslinger Thursday, Dec 13, 18 @ 3:45 pm
Another campaign romance that led to an unhappy marriage. (The Harrison-Van Buren race stirred the blood, apparently.) She was 100 years ahead of her time. And her son was an SOB who worked for Pullman, besides trying to have her put away.
Comment by Romantic Thursday, Dec 13, 18 @ 4:10 pm
Thank you for sharing a photo of my “Pain Before Loss” print, Rich Miller. I had the great oppertunity to chat with Dr. Stacy Pratt McDermott in preparation for this piece. There is so much behind Mary’s pain.
Comment by Corrin Smithson McWhirter Thursday, Dec 13, 18 @ 4:12 pm
Great. Now I feel guilty for laughing at the Geico commercial, when Mary asks Abe “whether her dress makes her behind look big” (it looked huge), and Abe stood there stammering, not wanting to tell the truth, and not willing to lie. Spielberg’s “Lincoln” sure didn’t take it easy on her, but a great film nonetheless.
Comment by Stuntman Bob's Brother Thursday, Dec 13, 18 @ 5:24 pm
===Thank you for sharing a photo of my “Pain Before Loss” print===
You’re very welcome! I love it.
Comment by Rich Miller Thursday, Dec 13, 18 @ 9:41 pm
Brought me to tears for her sake.
Comment by cc Friday, Dec 14, 18 @ 3:25 am
This is one of the best historical things I’ve been pointed to in quite some time.
Living out in Kendall, I’m not too far from the hospital MTL lived after Lincoln’s death. Mary Todd is a fascinating First Lady, from her own education, the political acumen, her loves, her own choices… the pain and heartache….
Mary Todd is under appreciated. Mary Todd was also treated quite “roughy” by family too, after the Abe’s death.
Thanks for sharing, Rich.
Comment by Oswego Willy Friday, Dec 14, 18 @ 9:05 am