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Caption contest!

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Illinois

* We’ll have more on Rep. Jim Durkin’s election as House GOP Leader later this morning. For now, let’s welcome him to the fray with a caption contest…

Yesterday’s winner was Oswego Willy for a multitude of hilarious comments.

posted by Rich Miller
Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:18 am

Comments

“Representative Cross left me this key and a note, wishing me well, and a new sleeve of golf balls…”

Comment by Oswego Willy Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:21 am
“Alright HRO donors, what do I hear for this pen? One dollar? Fifty cents…anything?”

Comment by Adam Smith Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:23 am
“Um, Representative Drury, I was a prosecutor too, so how about a little less resume, and a little more direct questions to my Bill that I am here to testify for…”

Comment by Oswego Willy Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:26 am
This is next on our ban list….. No I don’t know what it is, but isn’t it scary?

Comment by FormerParatrooper Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:26 am
Mr. Speaker, Cross left this Bic, I found it, that makes me Leader now.

Comment by Give Me A Break Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:26 am
What do you mean there is a guy from Oswego who wants to know my feeling about golf?

Comment by OneMan Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:27 am
“After having been briefed on the true current state of our caucus, my first order of business is ‘Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em’ “

Comment by Ron Burgundy Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:29 am
I’ve got a brand new pair of roller skates. You’ve got a brand new key.

Comment by Publius Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:30 am
“Mr. Speaker, see this? This is this. This ain’t something else. This is this. From now on, you’re on your own.”

Comment by Anon. Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:34 am
Tom left me this, and told me he’d replace it soon with a whole package of tees.

Comment by Keyrock Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:35 am
“I want to say to my friends on the other side of the aisle, things are going to be different. My plan is to win House Seats not Golf Skins on Election Day…”

Comment by Oswego Willy Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:37 am
This vial contains the tears of widows and orphans. When I drink it I will do the bidding of the various Koch brothers funded organization and feel no guilt or remorse. EXCELLENT!

Comment by C. Montgomery Burns Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:40 am
Representative Lang, thank you for the…um, … “gift” I suppose I would call it… but… I am going to take a pass, and maybe you should come get this, Representative, before we honor the sniffing dogs from Midway Airport later this morning on the House Floor…”

Comment by Oswego Willy Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:41 am
“I can hit Madigan all the way from here with this spitball shooter!”

Comment by Stones Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:44 am
“What I have here in my hand is a vial of DNA scraped off the Poe votes. You’re going to form an orderly line while we test to see which of you gets which committee assignment…”

Comment by Angel's Sword Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:46 am
“Mr. Speaker, I only need this pen to slice through things…how do you like them apples!”

Comment by unclesam Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:48 am
You can’t spell “pension reform” without “pen”!

Comment by TooManyJens Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:48 am
Rep. Jim Durkin holding a vial of poison, contemplating his options after being informed he has to lead the IL House GOP.

Comment by Angel's Sword Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:48 am
Rich,

Thanks, appreciate it!

Caption?

“Now that I am Leader, and I share my House seat with Leader Radogno, I am going to ask Leader Radogno if she would like to be a part of Illinois Government anytime soon and report back what she says…”

Comment by Oswego Willy Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:49 am
“Darn it, there were only two straws! How did *I* wind up with the short one??”

Comment by Skeptic Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:49 am
“My name is Jim Durkin
and when I get to workin’
I won’t be just lurkin’; -
I’ll get this state perkin’!”

“GOP-IL’s a sour pickle,
results not worth a nickel.
But I’ll make every jerk in
this house a sweet gherkin!”

Like Blago’s “Clean up the state”, these could, if they were actually Durkin’s, become famous first words.

P.S. I don’t know anything about Mr. Durkin except that his name is perfect for rhyming, and I wish him the best of luck.

Comment by aufjunk Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:50 am
“Do you see this Mr. Speaker? The state’s finances are so bad that we have to purchase 1/3 of a pen. When will your party stop this madness?”

Comment by Demoralized Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:50 am
An aged Harry Potter’s wand shrinks in the face of the all powerful Wizard Speaker.

Comment by Anonymous Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:51 am
Representative Durkin earned the support of his caucus when he vowed to bite into a vial of cyanide in the event the party loses any more seats in 2014.

Comment by phocion Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:52 am
I am most touched by receiving the key to the Leaders special secret bathroom….I will cherish it along with all the other perks of my new office…

Comment by Loop Lady Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:53 am
“Mr. Speaker, can you have the record reflect a “Yes” vote for me. Mr. Cross, accidentally I guess, gave me his golf cart key and not his Leader’s voting key, do I was unable to vote on the Bill…”

Comment by Oswego Willy Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 9:54 am
This is the pen Cross left me that the Governor would use to sign bills he sponsored. It’s practically new.

Comment by A guy... Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 10:01 am
“Mr. Speaker, I’m too polite to tell you where to put this, but we are hoping it will ease the passage of all our legislation that seems to bound up…somewhere.”

Comment by Pot calling kettle Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 10:01 am
Thank you for the vote of confidence. I have some great new ideas for how we can keep this caucus unified. Oh, and did I happen to mention that I read a story in the paper about some kid blowdarting people at the U of I? Oh, no reason…

Comment by TooManyJens Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 10:02 am
“Gentlemen, what I have hear is a small sample of Mike Madigan’s DNA. Don’t ask what I had to do to get it. It is now only a matter of time until we isolate the not-incompetent-at-winning-elections-gene… “

Comment by Angel's Sword Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 10:04 am
” Three fingers of fine Cognac , a Porterhouse this thick and bill the Lobster”

Comment by x ace Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 10:05 am
Yes, my grandfather played Carl, the waiter, in ‘Casablanca’. And you’re not Rick.

Comment by zatoichi Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 10:06 am
Leader-elect Durkin demonstrates his fierce negotiating skills with a karate chop flourish.

Comment by the unknown poster Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 10:08 am
“Excuse me…you’re telling me to put this where?

Comment by titan Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 10:10 am
Raymond: This is a pen and you should write your thoughts down before you speak……

Comment by flea Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 10:15 am
This is what I used on Poe, now if we can just get it into the water supply, the GOP shall rise again!

Comment by Ghost Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 10:18 am
“Ladies and gentlemen, what you see in my hand is a lowly Bic pen, and when I picked it up it made an ink mark on my fingers. Despite our initial poor start, I have decided to befriend this pen and have given it the name Shawn. Now, before your very eyes, I am going to place a cap on the writing end of Shawn, thus preventing him from causing trouble in the future. And, just that simply, I have accomplished pen Shawn reform.

Comment by aufjunk Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 10:26 am
Sure, the new doors are expensive, but they threw in the extra keys for free.

Comment by 47th Ward Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 10:31 am
reefer madness

Comment by walkinfool Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 10:43 am
When did Ron Stephens get new glasses?

Comment by Midstate Indy Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 10:52 am
Mr Speaker, I am holding in my hand the source of Illinois financial woes, we have too many pens. Now that I am minority leader nobody gets a new one unless bring me an old pen that ran out of ink.

Comment by afscme steward Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 11:44 am
“I hope, Mr. Speaker, that this blood sample confirms I was sane when I took this job, just in case being the new Leader makes me… well … “un-well” at some point…”

Comment by Oswego Willy Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 11:57 am
“Jerry Weller? Forget him. Here’s my DNA sample. Test away!”

Comment by Arthur Andersen Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 12:14 pm
“Mightier than a sword? I’m not buying it. Somebody call Van der Myde, I’ll show you mightier than a sword.”

Comment by BentheDem Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 12:22 pm
With a single stroke this mighty pen I will once and for all reform the cause of the Illinois pension problem, Squeezy The Pension Python.

Comment by Hit or Miss Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 1:08 pm
“I know the state is in a budget crunch. I understand that. But I hope my colleagues here understand the position I am in as the Renovations here at the Statehouse are coming to a close …

I havta get rid of the Indoor Putting green in the Leader’s Office. You all have the costs, and by tearing it out, and the indoor sand trap too … I will have two more office suites, about 10 cubicle areas, a reclaiming of the House Media Room that we ALL miss … I mean, this allotment of monies is important …”

Comment by Oswego Willy Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 1:46 pm
Mr. Speaker I hold here a GOP suppository, Tom left me NO instructions

Comment by railrat Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 1:54 pm
This is legal now right? In Illinois? Medicinal purposes only? Who’s gotta a match?

Comment by Deep South Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 2:13 pm
I’m late because I was pulled over. When I told the cop I was on my to be elected GOP House Leader, the cop said I must be bombed if I would willingly take the position. He searched the whole car and then started giving me all these tests. Look to your right, now your left, etc.

Comment by Quizzical Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 2:16 pm
This little stick represents Quinn’s spine.

Comment by Rollo Tomasi Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 2:36 pm
I took my troubles down to Madame Rue
You know that gypsy with the gold-capped tooth
She’s got a pad down on Thirty-Fourth and Vine
Sellin’ little bottles of Love Potion Number Nine
I told her that we were a flop with minorities and chics
We’ve been this way since 1956
She looked at my palm and she made a magic sign
She said “What you need is Love Potion Number 9″
She bent down and turned around and gave me a wink
She said “I’m gonna make it up right here in the sink”
It smelled like turpentine, it looked like Indian ink
I held his nose, I closed his eyes,I made Poe drink
We didn’t know if it was day or night
We started kissin’ everything in sight
But when I kissed Mike Madigan down on Thirty-Fourth and Vine
He broke my little bottle of Love Potion #9

Comment by The Dragon's Breath Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 3:33 pm
“Now THIS? This here’s a pen, a simple pen, but it’ll turn into QUITE a Powerful TOOL, you’ll see, when others down here in Springfield try to do something the House RePUBlicans don’t AGREE with–OR, to the contrary, DO agree with!! So…just wait and SEE, because this little old stick with ink in my hand may not look like anything to ya right NOW, but it’s day is COMIN’, and he’s gonna be one little Busy BEE, I’LL tell ya…!”

Comment by Just The Way It Is One Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 3:43 pm
Say hello to my little friend.

Comment by Ggal Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 3:50 pm
Bob Barker called he wants his microphone back.

Comment by Freedom Friday, Aug 30, 13 @ 7:45 pm