SUBSCRIBE to Capitol Fax      Advertise Here      Mobile Version     Exclusive Subscriber Content     Updated Posts    Contact
CapitolFax.com
To subscribe to Capitol Fax, click here.
Caption contest!

Wednesday, Nov 14, 2012

* From WalMart, a “Personalized Pocket Knife with Wood Handle”

While the photo seems to invite it, try very, very hard to avoid violent imagery. I’m serious about that. Thanks.

- Posted by Rich Miller        


64 Comments
  1. - Hon. John Fritchey - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:29 am:

    From his very first glance at the boss’ new utensil, Mr. Apple knew that he never stood a chance.


  2. - John Bambenek - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:30 am:

    With a $5,000 campaign contribution we will throw in a Michael J Madigan monogrammed apple cutter.


  3. - Give Me A Break - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:30 am:

    The Speaker shows the Welcoming Gift being distributed to new House membes.


  4. - Blonde Fury - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:31 am:

    What Speaker Madigan will use to stab labor in the back during lame duck session.


  5. - OneMan - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:32 am:

    WalMart faced new tax consequences in Illinois after sending the knives to new legislators instead of the DVD of the Godfather as specific leader had ordered for them.


  6. - Boone's is Back - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:34 am:

    An apple a day keeps the GOP at bay


  7. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:35 am:

    Cutting to the Chase - HDems Veto-Proof


  8. - Loop Lady - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:36 am:

    MOM: “I only use this for hunting and fishing”….


  9. - train111 - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:36 am:

    This is the knife used to carve up the map of Illinois into MJM friendly districts.

    train111


  10. - Pardon - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:36 am:

    Skip Saviano found this in a yard sign of his.


  11. - Loop Lady - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:38 am:

    That should read MJM….stupid spell check….


  12. - walkinfool - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:44 am:

    Structured roll caller.


  13. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:47 am:

    “Dang it!”

    “What’s wrong, Susie?”

    “Well, Sally, I am trying to cut this apple and I can’t cut the slices right!”

    “Oh Susie, you are using the Cross-O-Matic, you need the Madi-Knife.”

    “Madi-Knife? What’s that?”

    The Madi-Knife! Brought to you by IHDM! It slices, it dices, it dissects. It carves its way into areas you never thought a Madi-Knife can get to. A Madi-Knife helps you take an apple, study it, find its weaknesses, and then surgeically cuts that apple to size.”

    “Boy, that Madi-Knife sounds great, but it almost sounds magical.”

    “There is no magic with the Madi-Knife. The Madi-Knife, when wielded correctly, can take down any apple… or any Mushroom for that matter!”

    “Apples and Mushrooms? Are you making that Melting Pot Caucus Salad again?”

    “When you have the Madi-Knife, making a Melting Pot Caucus Salad is as easy as Polling, Knocking, and Delivering!”

    “Where do I find a Madi-Knife?”

    “Well, Suzie, at the rate things are going, a Madi-Knife will be in your distrcit real soon.”

    “The Madi-Knife, when being a mjortiy is just not enough!”


  14. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:49 am:

    “I guess the Speaker ran out of Cannoli”


  15. - wordslinger - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:49 am:

    The source of Tom Cross’ thousand cuts


  16. - Cincinnatus - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:51 am:

    You gotta know when to hold ‘em, you gotta know when to fold ‘em.


  17. - tikkunolam - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:51 am:

    MJM:
    *looks at the knife*

    *looks at the pension numbers*

    *looks at the knife*

    “I theeeeenk we’re gonna need a beeeeeger blade”


  18. - MrJM - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:52 am:

    With your new MJM pocket knife, you can now whittle while Rome burns.

    – MrJM


  19. - Cheswick - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:54 am:

    Willy: The Madi-Knife ad copy is sheer brilliance!


  20. - siriusly - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:55 am:

    “With kindest personal regards.”


  21. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:58 am:

    - Chestwick -, I thank you.

    - wordslinger - & - siriusly -,

    Well Played!


  22. - Willie Stark - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:00 am:

    How do you like them apples GOP!? Here, let me slice them for you.


  23. - train111 - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:01 am:

    The Blonde Madi-knife:

    “What the heck is that symbol between the two W’s?”

    No offense intended towards blondes

    train111


  24. - x ace - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:03 am:

    “Ultimate Fighter endorses Chicago Toothpick”


  25. - Rich Miller - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:06 am:

    The “before” picture, taken late in the evening of November 5, 2012.


  26. - Dirty Red - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:06 am:

    Celebrity endorsement from Scott Lee Cohen?


  27. - unclesam - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:16 am:

    MJM: “Shhh…I’m huntin’ wabbits.”


  28. - Hellinois.... - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:16 am:

    MJM Knife Infomercial:

    ” It slices!!! It dices!!! It can cut through a can…or any attempts at being canned!!!


  29. - Yossarian Lives - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:16 am:

    House Speaker by day. Mack the Knife by night.

    I think you won your own caption contest, Rich.

    Speaking of the “Madi-knife,” the only jar opener that works in our house is the one we got from Lisa Madigan’s people at the Twilight Parade. That family’s pretty good with utensils, I guess.


  30. - aufjunk - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:19 am:

    And you thought MJM already had an edge.


  31. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:20 am:

    “To the Honorable Michael J. Madigan, Speaker of the Illnois House -

    Please take not as a token of asteem, but please use THIS gift, instead of everything else you use against us so we have a chance to defeat you.

    Putting one arm behind your back would also be nice, but not necessary, we have our pride.

    Sincerely,

    HGOP Politcal Arm.”


  32. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:24 am:

    “It’s an Irish Speaker message. It means, ‘I am done carving out your Apples”


  33. - Irish - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:25 am:

    The J stands for Jacknife. It peels, it cores, it slices, it wasn’t made for cutting, but it dissects very well. Comes with a blue case and is not availible with an ivory handle.


  34. - Jimbo - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:26 am:

    We also have the deluxe Chicago model which is a stiletto.


  35. - Eilean left - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:47 am:

    “Mike the knife is back in town”


  36. - The Other Anonymous - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:52 am:

    Does it come with a velvet case?


  37. - frustrated GOP - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:00 am:

    The new Knife “The Pension Cutter”


  38. - Irish - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:05 am:

    Oh, the shark, babe, has such teeth, dear
    And it shows them pearly white
    Just a jackknife has old Mike, babe
    And he keeps it, ah, out of sight
    Ya know when that shark bites with his teeth, babe
    Scarlet billows start to spread
    But Mike draws such a map, babe
    So there’s never, never a trace of red

    Now in the chambers , huh, huh, whoo session morning, un huh
    Lies a bill, babe, just oozin’ life,
    And someone’s sneakin’ ’round the corner
    Could that someone be Mike the Knife?


  39. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:11 am:

    Very nice, - Irish -!

    - The Other Anonymous -, I think the “Madi-Knife” does, but really … do you want to KNOW?


  40. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:13 am:

    “Yes, Hello? Yes, i would like to order the Madi-Knife, but I have a question. If I get cut, will I be ok after?”

    “You’ll be fine”


  41. - Irish - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:15 am:

    OW - Thanks,

    Praise from the master. - cool.


  42. - amalia - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:18 am:

    the sharpest tool in the drawer meets it’s match…MJM.


  43. - Knome Sane - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:29 am:

    Apple, meet Quinn.


  44. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:31 am:

    - Irish -,

    Far from the master, but very kind words. Alot good ones, and very witty too.

    Thanks. Very Well Done.


  45. - Great Caesar's Ghost! - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:51 am:

    Where’s the velvet?


  46. - Commonsense in Illinois - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 12:13 pm:

    Willie…you’re killing me, man…Well played, sir!


  47. - 47th Ward - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 12:29 pm:

    Apples and political enemies sold separately.


  48. - Arthur Andersen - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 12:38 pm:

    Good work today, friends. Don’t know if I’m in the ballpark, but:
    Littleton News-Times-Federal Correctional Institute authorities released a photo of contraband seized from the cell of inmate Rod Blagojevich, former governor of Illinois. Sources told the Times-News the knife was found inside a hollowed-out biography of Harry S Truman. Blago reportedly screamed at the time of the discovery, “My God, I can’t get away from him even in here! Patti!”


  49. - Arthur Andersen - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 12:43 pm:

    “Here’s what you wanted, Mr. Speaker.”
    “Thank you, Mr. Mapes. I am hopeful that if I set this down on the table, Mr. Brown will take the hint and not keep sticking me with the dinner check.


  50. - the Patriot - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 1:12 pm:

    “Door prize for republican legsilators who will go home in late may not having received a real prize such as meaningful legislation or funding for their district.


  51. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 2:42 pm:

    Thank you Commonsense!

    AA, The Rod bit is humorous indeed!


  52. - Anonymous - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 2:55 pm:

    On display in the Chicago History Museum: Speaker Madigan’s famous switchblade. (The matching brass knuckles are currently on loan.)


  53. - capncrunch - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 3:35 pm:

    Wanna’ play Mumbly Peg?


  54. - Anonymice - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 3:58 pm:

    “And, for the Republicans, a set of steak knives.”


  55. - Rich Miller - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:03 pm:

    Actually, Anonymice, Cross’ utensil is a plastic spork.


  56. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:16 pm:

    Sporks are mostly found at Haflway Houses when you get your hot dog and beverage at Medinah Country Club, but I digress …

    “Do you want to give it back to him?”

    “You shouldn’t have taken it in the first place.”

    “Stupid GOP Freshman Scavenger Hunt!”


  57. - Arthur Andersen - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:22 pm:

    Plastic spork.

    Fabulous.

    BTW, who won the contest yesterday?

    PS: Thanks, Willy. My home brew cough meds must be bringing it on.


  58. - Rich Miller - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:23 pm:

    ===BTW, who won the contest yesterday? ===

    Sam Adam, Jr.


  59. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:26 pm:

    Sam Adam, Jr. was priceless! What a quote!


  60. - Arthur Andersen - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:41 pm:

    Excellent.
    I wasn’t sure if you were snarking or not.


  61. - Anonymice - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:49 pm:

    ==Cross’ utensil is a plastic spork.==

    True, but maybe a little too far removed from the Baldwin character’s quote about “for the losers.”


  62. - one day at a time - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:54 pm:

    bringing a knife to a gunfight?…..uh oh!


  63. - Quizzical - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:48 pm:

    I knew I shouldn’t have voted for Rep. Saviano’s final bill when I saw those hands and that knife cutting my ties to the teachers, the cops, the bankers, the pipefitters, Personal PAC….


  64. - Observing - Thursday, Nov 15, 12 @ 10:16 am:

    It’s for cuttin’ up the hog.


Sorry, comments for this post are now closed.


* Governor asked how he sleeps at night
* Munger hit on two online fronts
* SUBSCRIBERS ONLY - Supplement to today’s edition
* SUBSCRIBERS ONLY - Today's edition of Capitol Fax (use all CAPS in password)
* *** UPDATED x1 - ILGOP slams Quinn *** On this point, I agree with Pat Quinn
* Yesterday's blog posts

Support CapitolFax.com
Visit our advertisers...

...............

...............

...............

...............

...............

...............
<


Search This Blog...

Search the 98th General Assembly By Bill Number
(example: HB0001)

Search the 98th General Assembly By Keyword

  
* ZTE Warp 7 lands on Boost Mobile with large screen, large battery, low price tag
* The future of mobile video is virtual reality
* Google Contacts 1.5 update adds several new features
* Papa John's Announces Pizza-Ordering App for Apple TV
* Rugged Kyocera DuraForce PRO with unique trio of cameras gets AT&T launch date and price tag
* Instagram Tries to Differ From Snapchat by Curating 'Stories' in Explore Tab
* Pre-IFA Archos lineup also includes rugged 50 Saphir and 4GB RAM 55 Diamond Selfie

* Adams among top prospect performers Monday
* Late HR spoils Saladino's heroics, Shields' start
* Shields ends August in promising fashion
* White Sox try to solve Norris, make up ground
* Late HR spoils Saladino's heroics, Shields' start
* Eaton shakes off HBP; Lawrie remains in limbo
* Hit in 57 games, win $5.6 million

...............


Main Menu
Home
Illinois
YouTube
Pundit rankings
Obama
Subscriber Content
Durbin
Burris
Blagojevich Trial
Advertising
Updated Posts
Polls

Archives
August 2016
July 2016
June 2016
May 2016
April 2016
March 2016
February 2016
January 2016
December 2015
November 2015
October 2015
September 2015
August 2015
July 2015
June 2015
May 2015
April 2015
March 2015
February 2015
January 2015
December 2014
November 2014
October 2014
September 2014
August 2014
July 2014
June 2014
May 2014
April 2014
March 2014
February 2014
January 2014
December 2013
November 2013
October 2013
September 2013
August 2013
July 2013
June 2013
May 2013
April 2013
March 2013
February 2013
January 2013
December 2012
November 2012
October 2012
September 2012
August 2012
July 2012
June 2012
May 2012
April 2012
March 2012
February 2012
January 2012
December 2011
November 2011
October 2011
September 2011
August 2011
July 2011
June 2011
May 2011
April 2011
March 2011
February 2011
January 2011
December 2010
November 2010
October 2010
September 2010
August 2010
July 2010
June 2010
May 2010
April 2010
March 2010
February 2010
January 2010
December 2009
November 2009
October 2009
September 2009
August 2009
July 2009
June 2009
May 2009
April 2009
March 2009
February 2009
January 2009
December 2008
November 2008
October 2008
September 2008
August 2008
July 2008
June 2008
May 2008
April 2008
March 2008
February 2008
January 2008
December 2007
November 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
December 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004

Blog*Spot Archives
November 2005
October 2005
September 2005
August 2005
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005

Syndication

RSS Feed 2.0
Comments RSS 2.0
WordPress

Loading


* Illinois Policy | Illinois' comeback story star.....
* Gov. Rauner Calls On Local Lawmakers To Address.....
* Illinois Governor Bruce Rauner discusses state .....
* Jim Nowlan: Rauner breaking the mold - Champaig.....
* MENDOZA’s new MUNGER MATH ad — RAUNER, QUINN wi.....
* WIU Finances Stable — For Now..
* Rauner vetoes $15 wage for caregivers, expanded.....


* EXCHANGE: Student sees benefits of 'Pokémon Go'
* 3 Illinois cities receive federal grants to help police
* New U of Illinois chancellor will start work a little early
* Marion airport terminal, behind schedule, to open this fall
* Cockatoo named 'Cookie', 1 of oldest such birds, dies at 83
* Illinois bike race marred by crashes when riders hit tacks
* Man arrested in triple-slaying in northwestern Indiana home
* University of Wisconsin-Madison is top party school in US
* The Latest: Autopsies show 3 died of multiple stab wounds
* Groups ask Clinton, Trump to support Great Lakes restoration

* New law: No pensions for new county board members
* Rauner vetoes bill raising caregivers' minimum wage
* FBI warns of possible state election-system hacks; Illinois reported breach in July
* Thirty-year-old SNAP overpayments still being collected
* Despite budget warnings from Rauner, TRS board votes to lower investment estimates
* Progress on U.S. 67 sputters due to lack of funds
* New law makes insurance companies find, pay beneficiaries
* Decatur woman can petition to become nurse under new law
* Illinois redistricting referendum won't appear on ballot
* Comptroller hopefuls argue independence from Madigan, Rauner

* Why Mondelez gave up on acquiring Hershey
* United's Munoz picks American Airlines president for co-pilot
* United names American Airlines exec as president
* Mondelez drops bid for Hershey
* Abbott's deal headaches go beyond bad luck


* Ryan Lochte among the new cast of ‘Dancing with the Stars’
* Metra construction to slow down BNSF trains through mid-September
* Metra train struck by lightning on North Side
* Obama guidance, press schedule Aug. 30, 2016. HHS Sec. Burwell
* Man charged with fatal South Loop shooting
* Knife-wielding robbers strike 6 times in 2 hours on North Side
* Man tried to lure 8-year-old boy into minivan in Irving Park
* 2 dead, 12 wounded in shootings Monday on South, West sides
* Man shot in East Garfield Park
* Fitbit makes exercise even more of a game


* 11 shot in Chicago Monday, including boys 15 and 16
* Ryan Lochte and the rest of the 'Dancing With the Stars' cast revealed
* Chicago Teachers Union plans another vote on authorizing strike
* Anthony Weiner sexting casts doubt on his own judgment - not on Clinton's
* On the street where you live - do you fear gun violence?
* Kim has officials killed by anti-aircraft gun, paper says
* Actor Gene Wilder, star of Mel Brooks movies and 'Willy Wonka,' dies at 83
* John Lennon's killer denied parole for 9th time
* Harvey school board member charged with sexual assault
* Longer than a football field, Ken Griffin's beach home praised for its modesty


The widget AQL4JYGHIY powered by Feed Informer does not exist.


* New law: No pensions for new county board members
* Kathleen Parker: The GOP's Trumpian deflation
* Their View: Shameful abandonment of Iraqi, Afghan allies
* Rauner vetoes bill raising caregivers' minimum wage
* FBI warns of possible state election-system hacks; Illinois reported breach in July
* Thirty-year-old SNAP overpayments still being collected
* Heather Eagleton: Ending 'step therapy' puts patients first
* Angie Muhs: The ups and downs of online comments
* Bernard Schoenburg: Davis, GOP quick to attack independent Gill
* Statehouse Insider: Do we hafta put all of that money into pensions?


* Podcast: State Representative Carol Ammons 8/30/16
* Keys outlasts fellow American Riske in late night at U.S. Open
* Badges for Life today, Wednesday
* Will Batman take on Deathstroke?
* Carbondale seeks election nominations for City Council seats
* Heat's on, school's off: Central has decision down to a science
* Foot Locker shooting for wider appeal
* Next e-recycling event trying to avoid long waits
* This day in history, Aug. 30, 2016
* Jim Dey: Criticism from all corners


* Images: After Hours, Sept. 5, 2016
* Lochte mum on Rio return, plugs 'Dancing with the Stars' gig
* US home prices rise in June at slowest pace in 10 months
* Westwood, Kaymer, Pieters get captain's picks for Ryder Cup
* Uganda grants 8 oil production licenses to Total, Tullow

* House lawmakers overcome hurdle on key tra...
* Rodney Davis talks funding with Bloomingto...
* The agency that fought Illiana gets a new ...
* Rep. Dold takes educational cruise down Ch...
* Lawmakers decry high turnover rate of VA h...
* CBD Oil, and politics
* Simon considering state Senate bid
* Killer Congressman Tom MacArthur trying to...
* Shutdown? State may not notice
* Rep. Bob Dold

* 3 Illinois cities receive federal grants t......
* Three Illinois cities, including Decatur, ......
* Three Illinois cities, including Decatur, ......

* Duckworth goes on the attack over free tra......
* Duckworth goes on the attack over free tra......

* Schakowsky challenger gains Speaker Paul Ryan's endorsement
* Illinois online voter registration hack becomes national news
* Former City Official Given 10 Year Sentence In Red Light Camera Bribery Scheme
* “The Driver’s Side” – News From The Motorist’s Perspective
* When it comes to law enforcement, some things change while others do not
* Stephen Hawking. Does money matter?
* An ode to Sam’s.
* Cartoon of the Day - 8/29/16 Trump Chicago shooting
* Cartoon Of The Day
* Cartoon of the Day - 8/26/16 Trump bigotry


* Statement on Redistricting Referendum
* Rauner Administration Takes Action to Help Illinoisans Find Lost Life Insurance Money
* Illinois Residents Encouraged to Register for ‘The Great ShakeOut’ Earthquake Drill - 'Drop, Cover and Hold On’ Drill Set for October 20
* Governor Takes Bill Action
* Illinois Seeking Flexibility to Improve Delivery of Behavioral Health Care




      Hosted by MCS SUBSCRIBE to Capitol Fax Advertise Here Mobile Version Contact Rich Miller