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Caption contest!

Wednesday, Nov 14, 2012

* From WalMart, a “Personalized Pocket Knife with Wood Handle”

While the photo seems to invite it, try very, very hard to avoid violent imagery. I’m serious about that. Thanks.

- Posted by Rich Miller        


64 Comments
  1. - Hon. John Fritchey - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:29 am:

    From his very first glance at the boss’ new utensil, Mr. Apple knew that he never stood a chance.


  2. - John Bambenek - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:30 am:

    With a $5,000 campaign contribution we will throw in a Michael J Madigan monogrammed apple cutter.


  3. - Give Me A Break - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:30 am:

    The Speaker shows the Welcoming Gift being distributed to new House membes.


  4. - Blonde Fury - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:31 am:

    What Speaker Madigan will use to stab labor in the back during lame duck session.


  5. - OneMan - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:32 am:

    WalMart faced new tax consequences in Illinois after sending the knives to new legislators instead of the DVD of the Godfather as specific leader had ordered for them.


  6. - Boone's is Back - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:34 am:

    An apple a day keeps the GOP at bay


  7. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:35 am:

    Cutting to the Chase - HDems Veto-Proof


  8. - Loop Lady - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:36 am:

    MOM: “I only use this for hunting and fishing”….


  9. - train111 - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:36 am:

    This is the knife used to carve up the map of Illinois into MJM friendly districts.

    train111


  10. - Pardon - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:36 am:

    Skip Saviano found this in a yard sign of his.


  11. - Loop Lady - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:38 am:

    That should read MJM….stupid spell check….


  12. - walkinfool - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:44 am:

    Structured roll caller.


  13. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:47 am:

    “Dang it!”

    “What’s wrong, Susie?”

    “Well, Sally, I am trying to cut this apple and I can’t cut the slices right!”

    “Oh Susie, you are using the Cross-O-Matic, you need the Madi-Knife.”

    “Madi-Knife? What’s that?”

    The Madi-Knife! Brought to you by IHDM! It slices, it dices, it dissects. It carves its way into areas you never thought a Madi-Knife can get to. A Madi-Knife helps you take an apple, study it, find its weaknesses, and then surgeically cuts that apple to size.”

    “Boy, that Madi-Knife sounds great, but it almost sounds magical.”

    “There is no magic with the Madi-Knife. The Madi-Knife, when wielded correctly, can take down any apple… or any Mushroom for that matter!”

    “Apples and Mushrooms? Are you making that Melting Pot Caucus Salad again?”

    “When you have the Madi-Knife, making a Melting Pot Caucus Salad is as easy as Polling, Knocking, and Delivering!”

    “Where do I find a Madi-Knife?”

    “Well, Suzie, at the rate things are going, a Madi-Knife will be in your distrcit real soon.”

    “The Madi-Knife, when being a mjortiy is just not enough!”


  14. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:49 am:

    “I guess the Speaker ran out of Cannoli”


  15. - wordslinger - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:49 am:

    The source of Tom Cross’ thousand cuts


  16. - Cincinnatus - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:51 am:

    You gotta know when to hold ‘em, you gotta know when to fold ‘em.


  17. - tikkunolam - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:51 am:

    MJM:
    *looks at the knife*

    *looks at the pension numbers*

    *looks at the knife*

    “I theeeeenk we’re gonna need a beeeeeger blade”


  18. - MrJM - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:52 am:

    With your new MJM pocket knife, you can now whittle while Rome burns.

    – MrJM


  19. - Cheswick - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:54 am:

    Willy: The Madi-Knife ad copy is sheer brilliance!


  20. - siriusly - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:55 am:

    “With kindest personal regards.”


  21. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:58 am:

    - Chestwick -, I thank you.

    - wordslinger - & - siriusly -,

    Well Played!


  22. - Willie Stark - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:00 am:

    How do you like them apples GOP!? Here, let me slice them for you.


  23. - train111 - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:01 am:

    The Blonde Madi-knife:

    “What the heck is that symbol between the two W’s?”

    No offense intended towards blondes

    train111


  24. - x ace - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:03 am:

    “Ultimate Fighter endorses Chicago Toothpick”


  25. - Rich Miller - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:06 am:

    The “before” picture, taken late in the evening of November 5, 2012.


  26. - Dirty Red - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:06 am:

    Celebrity endorsement from Scott Lee Cohen?


  27. - unclesam - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:16 am:

    MJM: “Shhh…I’m huntin’ wabbits.”


  28. - Hellinois.... - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:16 am:

    MJM Knife Infomercial:

    ” It slices!!! It dices!!! It can cut through a can…or any attempts at being canned!!!


  29. - Yossarian Lives - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:16 am:

    House Speaker by day. Mack the Knife by night.

    I think you won your own caption contest, Rich.

    Speaking of the “Madi-knife,” the only jar opener that works in our house is the one we got from Lisa Madigan’s people at the Twilight Parade. That family’s pretty good with utensils, I guess.


  30. - aufjunk - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:19 am:

    And you thought MJM already had an edge.


  31. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:20 am:

    “To the Honorable Michael J. Madigan, Speaker of the Illnois House -

    Please take not as a token of asteem, but please use THIS gift, instead of everything else you use against us so we have a chance to defeat you.

    Putting one arm behind your back would also be nice, but not necessary, we have our pride.

    Sincerely,

    HGOP Politcal Arm.”


  32. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:24 am:

    “It’s an Irish Speaker message. It means, ‘I am done carving out your Apples”


  33. - Irish - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:25 am:

    The J stands for Jacknife. It peels, it cores, it slices, it wasn’t made for cutting, but it dissects very well. Comes with a blue case and is not availible with an ivory handle.


  34. - Jimbo - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:26 am:

    We also have the deluxe Chicago model which is a stiletto.


  35. - Eilean left - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:47 am:

    “Mike the knife is back in town”


  36. - The Other Anonymous - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:52 am:

    Does it come with a velvet case?


  37. - frustrated GOP - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:00 am:

    The new Knife “The Pension Cutter”


  38. - Irish - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:05 am:

    Oh, the shark, babe, has such teeth, dear
    And it shows them pearly white
    Just a jackknife has old Mike, babe
    And he keeps it, ah, out of sight
    Ya know when that shark bites with his teeth, babe
    Scarlet billows start to spread
    But Mike draws such a map, babe
    So there’s never, never a trace of red

    Now in the chambers , huh, huh, whoo session morning, un huh
    Lies a bill, babe, just oozin’ life,
    And someone’s sneakin’ ’round the corner
    Could that someone be Mike the Knife?


  39. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:11 am:

    Very nice, - Irish -!

    - The Other Anonymous -, I think the “Madi-Knife” does, but really … do you want to KNOW?


  40. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:13 am:

    “Yes, Hello? Yes, i would like to order the Madi-Knife, but I have a question. If I get cut, will I be ok after?”

    “You’ll be fine”


  41. - Irish - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:15 am:

    OW - Thanks,

    Praise from the master. - cool.


  42. - amalia - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:18 am:

    the sharpest tool in the drawer meets it’s match…MJM.


  43. - Knome Sane - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:29 am:

    Apple, meet Quinn.


  44. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:31 am:

    - Irish -,

    Far from the master, but very kind words. Alot good ones, and very witty too.

    Thanks. Very Well Done.


  45. - Great Caesar's Ghost! - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:51 am:

    Where’s the velvet?


  46. - Commonsense in Illinois - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 12:13 pm:

    Willie…you’re killing me, man…Well played, sir!


  47. - 47th Ward - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 12:29 pm:

    Apples and political enemies sold separately.


  48. - Arthur Andersen - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 12:38 pm:

    Good work today, friends. Don’t know if I’m in the ballpark, but:
    Littleton News-Times-Federal Correctional Institute authorities released a photo of contraband seized from the cell of inmate Rod Blagojevich, former governor of Illinois. Sources told the Times-News the knife was found inside a hollowed-out biography of Harry S Truman. Blago reportedly screamed at the time of the discovery, “My God, I can’t get away from him even in here! Patti!”


  49. - Arthur Andersen - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 12:43 pm:

    “Here’s what you wanted, Mr. Speaker.”
    “Thank you, Mr. Mapes. I am hopeful that if I set this down on the table, Mr. Brown will take the hint and not keep sticking me with the dinner check.


  50. - the Patriot - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 1:12 pm:

    “Door prize for republican legsilators who will go home in late may not having received a real prize such as meaningful legislation or funding for their district.


  51. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 2:42 pm:

    Thank you Commonsense!

    AA, The Rod bit is humorous indeed!


  52. - Anonymous - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 2:55 pm:

    On display in the Chicago History Museum: Speaker Madigan’s famous switchblade. (The matching brass knuckles are currently on loan.)


  53. - capncrunch - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 3:35 pm:

    Wanna’ play Mumbly Peg?


  54. - Anonymice - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 3:58 pm:

    “And, for the Republicans, a set of steak knives.”


  55. - Rich Miller - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:03 pm:

    Actually, Anonymice, Cross’ utensil is a plastic spork.


  56. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:16 pm:

    Sporks are mostly found at Haflway Houses when you get your hot dog and beverage at Medinah Country Club, but I digress …

    “Do you want to give it back to him?”

    “You shouldn’t have taken it in the first place.”

    “Stupid GOP Freshman Scavenger Hunt!”


  57. - Arthur Andersen - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:22 pm:

    Plastic spork.

    Fabulous.

    BTW, who won the contest yesterday?

    PS: Thanks, Willy. My home brew cough meds must be bringing it on.


  58. - Rich Miller - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:23 pm:

    ===BTW, who won the contest yesterday? ===

    Sam Adam, Jr.


  59. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:26 pm:

    Sam Adam, Jr. was priceless! What a quote!


  60. - Arthur Andersen - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:41 pm:

    Excellent.
    I wasn’t sure if you were snarking or not.


  61. - Anonymice - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:49 pm:

    ==Cross’ utensil is a plastic spork.==

    True, but maybe a little too far removed from the Baldwin character’s quote about “for the losers.”


  62. - one day at a time - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:54 pm:

    bringing a knife to a gunfight?…..uh oh!


  63. - Quizzical - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:48 pm:

    I knew I shouldn’t have voted for Rep. Saviano’s final bill when I saw those hands and that knife cutting my ties to the teachers, the cops, the bankers, the pipefitters, Personal PAC….


  64. - Observing - Thursday, Nov 15, 12 @ 10:16 am:

    It’s for cuttin’ up the hog.


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