SUBSCRIBE to Capitol Fax      Advertise Here      Mobile Version     Exclusive Subscriber Content     Updated Posts    Contact
CapitolFax.com
To subscribe to Capitol Fax, click here.
Caption contest!

Wednesday, Nov 14, 2012

* From WalMart, a “Personalized Pocket Knife with Wood Handle”

While the photo seems to invite it, try very, very hard to avoid violent imagery. I’m serious about that. Thanks.

- Posted by Rich Miller        


64 Comments
  1. - Hon. John Fritchey - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:29 am:

    From his very first glance at the boss’ new utensil, Mr. Apple knew that he never stood a chance.


  2. - John Bambenek - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:30 am:

    With a $5,000 campaign contribution we will throw in a Michael J Madigan monogrammed apple cutter.


  3. - Give Me A Break - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:30 am:

    The Speaker shows the Welcoming Gift being distributed to new House membes.


  4. - Blonde Fury - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:31 am:

    What Speaker Madigan will use to stab labor in the back during lame duck session.


  5. - OneMan - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:32 am:

    WalMart faced new tax consequences in Illinois after sending the knives to new legislators instead of the DVD of the Godfather as specific leader had ordered for them.


  6. - Boone's is Back - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:34 am:

    An apple a day keeps the GOP at bay


  7. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:35 am:

    Cutting to the Chase - HDems Veto-Proof


  8. - Loop Lady - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:36 am:

    MOM: “I only use this for hunting and fishing”….


  9. - train111 - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:36 am:

    This is the knife used to carve up the map of Illinois into MJM friendly districts.

    train111


  10. - Pardon - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:36 am:

    Skip Saviano found this in a yard sign of his.


  11. - Loop Lady - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:38 am:

    That should read MJM….stupid spell check….


  12. - walkinfool - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:44 am:

    Structured roll caller.


  13. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:47 am:

    “Dang it!”

    “What’s wrong, Susie?”

    “Well, Sally, I am trying to cut this apple and I can’t cut the slices right!”

    “Oh Susie, you are using the Cross-O-Matic, you need the Madi-Knife.”

    “Madi-Knife? What’s that?”

    The Madi-Knife! Brought to you by IHDM! It slices, it dices, it dissects. It carves its way into areas you never thought a Madi-Knife can get to. A Madi-Knife helps you take an apple, study it, find its weaknesses, and then surgeically cuts that apple to size.”

    “Boy, that Madi-Knife sounds great, but it almost sounds magical.”

    “There is no magic with the Madi-Knife. The Madi-Knife, when wielded correctly, can take down any apple… or any Mushroom for that matter!”

    “Apples and Mushrooms? Are you making that Melting Pot Caucus Salad again?”

    “When you have the Madi-Knife, making a Melting Pot Caucus Salad is as easy as Polling, Knocking, and Delivering!”

    “Where do I find a Madi-Knife?”

    “Well, Suzie, at the rate things are going, a Madi-Knife will be in your distrcit real soon.”

    “The Madi-Knife, when being a mjortiy is just not enough!”


  14. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:49 am:

    “I guess the Speaker ran out of Cannoli”


  15. - wordslinger - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:49 am:

    The source of Tom Cross’ thousand cuts


  16. - Cincinnatus - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:51 am:

    You gotta know when to hold ‘em, you gotta know when to fold ‘em.


  17. - tikkunolam - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:51 am:

    MJM:
    *looks at the knife*

    *looks at the pension numbers*

    *looks at the knife*

    “I theeeeenk we’re gonna need a beeeeeger blade”


  18. - MrJM - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:52 am:

    With your new MJM pocket knife, you can now whittle while Rome burns.

    – MrJM


  19. - Cheswick - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:54 am:

    Willy: The Madi-Knife ad copy is sheer brilliance!


  20. - siriusly - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:55 am:

    “With kindest personal regards.”


  21. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 9:58 am:

    - Chestwick -, I thank you.

    - wordslinger - & - siriusly -,

    Well Played!


  22. - Willie Stark - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:00 am:

    How do you like them apples GOP!? Here, let me slice them for you.


  23. - train111 - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:01 am:

    The Blonde Madi-knife:

    “What the heck is that symbol between the two W’s?”

    No offense intended towards blondes

    train111


  24. - x ace - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:03 am:

    “Ultimate Fighter endorses Chicago Toothpick”


  25. - Rich Miller - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:06 am:

    The “before” picture, taken late in the evening of November 5, 2012.


  26. - Dirty Red - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:06 am:

    Celebrity endorsement from Scott Lee Cohen?


  27. - unclesam - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:16 am:

    MJM: “Shhh…I’m huntin’ wabbits.”


  28. - Hellinois.... - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:16 am:

    MJM Knife Infomercial:

    ” It slices!!! It dices!!! It can cut through a can…or any attempts at being canned!!!


  29. - Yossarian Lives - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:16 am:

    House Speaker by day. Mack the Knife by night.

    I think you won your own caption contest, Rich.

    Speaking of the “Madi-knife,” the only jar opener that works in our house is the one we got from Lisa Madigan’s people at the Twilight Parade. That family’s pretty good with utensils, I guess.


  30. - aufjunk - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:19 am:

    And you thought MJM already had an edge.


  31. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:20 am:

    “To the Honorable Michael J. Madigan, Speaker of the Illnois House -

    Please take not as a token of asteem, but please use THIS gift, instead of everything else you use against us so we have a chance to defeat you.

    Putting one arm behind your back would also be nice, but not necessary, we have our pride.

    Sincerely,

    HGOP Politcal Arm.”


  32. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:24 am:

    “It’s an Irish Speaker message. It means, ‘I am done carving out your Apples”


  33. - Irish - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:25 am:

    The J stands for Jacknife. It peels, it cores, it slices, it wasn’t made for cutting, but it dissects very well. Comes with a blue case and is not availible with an ivory handle.


  34. - Jimbo - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:26 am:

    We also have the deluxe Chicago model which is a stiletto.


  35. - Eilean left - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:47 am:

    “Mike the knife is back in town”


  36. - The Other Anonymous - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 10:52 am:

    Does it come with a velvet case?


  37. - frustrated GOP - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:00 am:

    The new Knife “The Pension Cutter”


  38. - Irish - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:05 am:

    Oh, the shark, babe, has such teeth, dear
    And it shows them pearly white
    Just a jackknife has old Mike, babe
    And he keeps it, ah, out of sight
    Ya know when that shark bites with his teeth, babe
    Scarlet billows start to spread
    But Mike draws such a map, babe
    So there’s never, never a trace of red

    Now in the chambers , huh, huh, whoo session morning, un huh
    Lies a bill, babe, just oozin’ life,
    And someone’s sneakin’ ’round the corner
    Could that someone be Mike the Knife?


  39. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:11 am:

    Very nice, - Irish -!

    - The Other Anonymous -, I think the “Madi-Knife” does, but really … do you want to KNOW?


  40. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:13 am:

    “Yes, Hello? Yes, i would like to order the Madi-Knife, but I have a question. If I get cut, will I be ok after?”

    “You’ll be fine”


  41. - Irish - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:15 am:

    OW - Thanks,

    Praise from the master. - cool.


  42. - amalia - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:18 am:

    the sharpest tool in the drawer meets it’s match…MJM.


  43. - Knome Sane - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:29 am:

    Apple, meet Quinn.


  44. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:31 am:

    - Irish -,

    Far from the master, but very kind words. Alot good ones, and very witty too.

    Thanks. Very Well Done.


  45. - Great Caesar's Ghost! - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:51 am:

    Where’s the velvet?


  46. - Commonsense in Illinois - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 12:13 pm:

    Willie…you’re killing me, man…Well played, sir!


  47. - 47th Ward - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 12:29 pm:

    Apples and political enemies sold separately.


  48. - Arthur Andersen - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 12:38 pm:

    Good work today, friends. Don’t know if I’m in the ballpark, but:
    Littleton News-Times-Federal Correctional Institute authorities released a photo of contraband seized from the cell of inmate Rod Blagojevich, former governor of Illinois. Sources told the Times-News the knife was found inside a hollowed-out biography of Harry S Truman. Blago reportedly screamed at the time of the discovery, “My God, I can’t get away from him even in here! Patti!”


  49. - Arthur Andersen - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 12:43 pm:

    “Here’s what you wanted, Mr. Speaker.”
    “Thank you, Mr. Mapes. I am hopeful that if I set this down on the table, Mr. Brown will take the hint and not keep sticking me with the dinner check.


  50. - the Patriot - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 1:12 pm:

    “Door prize for republican legsilators who will go home in late may not having received a real prize such as meaningful legislation or funding for their district.


  51. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 2:42 pm:

    Thank you Commonsense!

    AA, The Rod bit is humorous indeed!


  52. - Anonymous - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 2:55 pm:

    On display in the Chicago History Museum: Speaker Madigan’s famous switchblade. (The matching brass knuckles are currently on loan.)


  53. - capncrunch - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 3:35 pm:

    Wanna’ play Mumbly Peg?


  54. - Anonymice - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 3:58 pm:

    “And, for the Republicans, a set of steak knives.”


  55. - Rich Miller - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:03 pm:

    Actually, Anonymice, Cross’ utensil is a plastic spork.


  56. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:16 pm:

    Sporks are mostly found at Haflway Houses when you get your hot dog and beverage at Medinah Country Club, but I digress …

    “Do you want to give it back to him?”

    “You shouldn’t have taken it in the first place.”

    “Stupid GOP Freshman Scavenger Hunt!”


  57. - Arthur Andersen - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:22 pm:

    Plastic spork.

    Fabulous.

    BTW, who won the contest yesterday?

    PS: Thanks, Willy. My home brew cough meds must be bringing it on.


  58. - Rich Miller - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:23 pm:

    ===BTW, who won the contest yesterday? ===

    Sam Adam, Jr.


  59. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:26 pm:

    Sam Adam, Jr. was priceless! What a quote!


  60. - Arthur Andersen - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:41 pm:

    Excellent.
    I wasn’t sure if you were snarking or not.


  61. - Anonymice - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:49 pm:

    ==Cross’ utensil is a plastic spork.==

    True, but maybe a little too far removed from the Baldwin character’s quote about “for the losers.”


  62. - one day at a time - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 4:54 pm:

    bringing a knife to a gunfight?…..uh oh!


  63. - Quizzical - Wednesday, Nov 14, 12 @ 11:48 pm:

    I knew I shouldn’t have voted for Rep. Saviano’s final bill when I saw those hands and that knife cutting my ties to the teachers, the cops, the bankers, the pipefitters, Personal PAC….


  64. - Observing - Thursday, Nov 15, 12 @ 10:16 am:

    It’s for cuttin’ up the hog.


Sorry, comments for this post are now closed.


* Question of the day
* *** UPDATED x1 *** The Democrats' budget time bomb is starting to explode
* State threatens to zap all Chicago GSA school funding
* Another optics problem
* This is why we can't have nice things
* Tiny, secluded county wants no part of ATV plan
* It's just a bill
* Feds drop drug conspiracy charges
* Governing ain't easy
* SUBSCRIBERS ONLY - Today's edition of Capitol Fax (use all CAPS in password)
* Yesterday's blog posts

Support CapitolFax.com
Visit our advertisers...

...............

...............

...............

...............

...............

...............

...............


Search This Blog...

Search the 98th General Assembly By Bill Number
(example: HB0001)

Search the 98th General Assembly By Keyword

          
        * Google Now Gets Upgraded With Cards From Your Favorite Apps
        * Nokia Z Launcher beta update adds icon pack support
        * One Billion Android smartphones shipped globally in 2014
        * How Android could compete with the Microsoft Surface Hub
        * The Week in iOS Apps: Outlook lands on iOS, TurboTax reminds you about tax season, and more
        * Facebook edges into Foursquare territory with place tips on iOS
        * 'Vine Kids' for iOS Launches With Streamlined Interface and Focus on Kid-Friendly Content

        * iTunes Adds a Notification Center Widget, Here's How to Enable It
        * OpenStack’s Inflection Point: What to Look for in 2015
        * iTunes Connect bug signed developers into others' accounts at random
        * With new apps, Google Now may be your future home screen
        * BuzzFeed gets serious with editorial standards and ethics guide
        * This Week's Most Popular Posts: January 16th to 23rd
        * When to Use Positive or Negative Messages to Motivate Yourself

        * Inbox: How will new-look Sox lineup affect Abreu?
        * Keith Law likes the White Sox (more than PECOTA does, anyway)
        * Which prospects will make the Top 100 cut?
        * White Sox embrace their position as favorites
        * White Sox embrace position as contenders
        * What else is returning with Gordon Beckham?
        * Which prospects will make the Top 100 cut?

        ...............


        Main Menu
        Home
        Illinois
        YouTube
        Pundit rankings
        Obama
        Subscriber Content
        Durbin
        Burris
        Blagojevich Trial
        Advertising
        Updated Posts
        Polls

        Archives
        January 2015
        December 2014
        November 2014
        October 2014
        September 2014
        August 2014
        July 2014
        June 2014
        May 2014
        April 2014
        March 2014
        February 2014
        January 2014
        December 2013
        November 2013
        October 2013
        September 2013
        August 2013
        July 2013
        June 2013
        May 2013
        April 2013
        March 2013
        February 2013
        January 2013
        December 2012
        November 2012
        October 2012
        September 2012
        August 2012
        July 2012
        June 2012
        May 2012
        April 2012
        March 2012
        February 2012
        January 2012
        December 2011
        November 2011
        October 2011
        September 2011
        August 2011
        July 2011
        June 2011
        May 2011
        April 2011
        March 2011
        February 2011
        January 2011
        December 2010
        November 2010
        October 2010
        September 2010
        August 2010
        July 2010
        June 2010
        May 2010
        April 2010
        March 2010
        February 2010
        January 2010
        December 2009
        November 2009
        October 2009
        September 2009
        August 2009
        July 2009
        June 2009
        May 2009
        April 2009
        March 2009
        February 2009
        January 2009
        December 2008
        November 2008
        October 2008
        September 2008
        August 2008
        July 2008
        June 2008
        May 2008
        April 2008
        March 2008
        February 2008
        January 2008
        December 2007
        November 2007
        October 2007
        September 2007
        August 2007
        July 2007
        June 2007
        May 2007
        April 2007
        March 2007
        February 2007
        January 2007
        December 2006
        November 2006
        October 2006
        September 2006
        August 2006
        July 2006
        June 2006
        May 2006
        April 2006
        March 2006
        February 2006
        January 2006
        December 2005
        April 2005
        March 2005
        February 2005
        January 2005
        December 2004
        November 2004
        October 2004

        Blog*Spot Archives
        November 2005
        October 2005
        September 2005
        August 2005
        July 2005
        June 2005
        May 2005

        Syndication

        RSS Feed 2.0
        Comments RSS 2.0
        WordPress

        Loading


        * Cullerton: More information needed on high Raun.....
        * Daycare Providers Rally To Get State Funding Re.....
        * State Delaying Payments to Day Care Centers..
        * Standoff escalates over CPS' snub of federal te.....
        * Another optics problem..
        * Marijuana vending machines: Seattle's first dis.....
        * Rauner defends paying staff more than Quinn did..
        * Governing ain’t easy..
        * Rauner Slams Quinn For Leaving Behind “Fundamen.....
        * Rauner defends paying staff more than predecessor..


        * Cullerton: More information needed on high Rauner salaries
        * Gov. Bruce Rauner defends paying staff more than predecessor
        * Pro wrestler cheats at Wing Bowl, hides food in fanny pack
        * Chicago suburb to honor Harold Ramis during Groundhog Days
        * Crundwell court filing says she wants to keep horse trophies
        * SIU student newspaper bids farewell to old printing press
        * AbbVie reports better-than-expected 4Q on Humira sales
        * Cellphone providers bringing 4G coverage to Chicago subways
        * Visitation for Ernie Banks to be held in Chicago
        * On Super Bowl Sunday, veggies are most popular food

        * Rauner defends paying staff more than Quinn did
        * Top Rauner staff receiving higher pay than Quinn's
        * Springfield lawmakers want oversight commission to monitor 10th Street rail promises
        * Rauner staff receiving higher pay than Quinn's
        * New DNR director Rosenthal touts experience
        * Rauner wants bureaucratic cuts in education, elsewhere
        * New DNR director touts experience
        * Springfield unemployment falls to 5.6 percent in December
        * Springfield gaming terminal up 46 percent in 2014; revenue hits $1M
        * Springfield gaming terminals up 46 percent in 2014; revenue hits $1M

        * Ex-Sentinel CEO gets 14 years for investor fraud
        * Citibank shutters seven local branches
        * AbbVie falls on 'disappointing' hep C drug forecast
        * Hanging with Richard Branson at his new Chicago hotel
        * What people don't get about 'boring and bland' Scott Walker


          * Blackhawks legend Stan Mikita facing 'serious health issues'
          * Emanuel won't rule out property tax hike for police, fire pensions
          * State threatens to withhold funds from schools that skip Common Core test
          * Reward offered for missing U. of I. student from Chicago missing since Sunday
          * For Metra riders, fare increase depends on type of ticket, destination
          * Money manager sentenced to 14 years in prison for massive fraud
          * Young homeless get help from those who've walked in their shoes
          * Illinois No. 10 in identity theft -- so beware in tax season
          * Cop falsely accused in 'honeybee' murder case settles suit with Will County
          * Ban will cost Rita Jeptoo the Chicago Marathon title


          * Could Rauner's Spending Hold Derail New Train Routes?
          * Listen to State Week - January 30, 2015
          * Rauner Staff Receiving Higher Pay Than Quinn's
          * Rauner Defends Higher Staff Salaries
          * Unmasking Ernie Banks
          * Guzzardi Wants Parents To Be Able To Opt Kids Out Of Testing
          * National Weather Service Latest Snow Projections
          * Rauner Tells U Of I To Cut Bureaucracy
          * Group Says Railroad Threatens To Isolate East Side
          * Proposal Would Ban Conversion Therapy For Minors


          * Rauner defends paying staff more than Quinn did
          * Our Opinion: Residency not the best gauge of loyalty
          * Cary Collins: Other options for fixing Illinois' pension problems
          * E.J. Dionne: For the Patriots, without apology
          * Esther Cepeda: Paid sick leave is a worthy prescription
          * George Will: Bud Selig's winning legacy
          * Quote of the Day: Friday, Jan. 30, 2015
          * Top Rauner staff receiving higher pay than Quinn's
          * Springfield lawmakers want oversight commission to monitor 10th Street rail promises
          * New DNR director Rosenthal touts experience


          * Loda rejects liquor license that would have meant gaming license
          * School activities being added in Villa Grove
          * GC council recommends approach for backers of Harvest Fest
          * Snowy weekend on tap for East Central Illinois
          * Change of judges granted in retrial over fatal crash
          * Chat recap: 'Bailey wants to play quarterback'
          * Man charged with injuring 1-year-old daughter
          * Tom's mailbag Jan. 30, 2015
          * Bi-State headquarters moving
          * PHOTOS: Hope Academy administrators drink mystery smoothies for students


          * Whistleblower removed from VA press event before it starts
          * Police: 4-year-old Milwaukee boy accidentally shot uncle
          * Braves deal RHP David Hale to Rockies in 4-player trade
          * Wauconda trustee candidate calls vaccines dangerous
          * Indiana library faces major cuts under proposed budget

          * Letter: Bipartisanship from Roskam - North...
          * Hotel Industry Praises House Passage of 40...
          * House immigration rollback bill going nowh...
          * Rep. Jan Schakowsky Statement on Vote Agai...
          * Immigration bill passes with Rep. Schock a...
          * Danny Davis Defeats Robert Bumpers In Illi...
          * Durbin, Gutierrez Slam 'Hateful' Republica...
          * Rehab of Affordable Housing Building in Ol...
          * Rep. Aaron Schock's amendment seeks priori...
          * House votes to undo Obama immigration poli...

          * Flake joins group pushing to end travel re......
          * Guest lineups for the Sunday news shows...
          * The Republican Congress Meets Reality...
          * Immigration drama heats up with DHS funds ......
          * Bob's Blog: Romney out of the race...

          * Sen. Kirk pushes $300 million plan to help......
          * Obama Has Given Iranians “80 Percent of Wh......
          * Sen. Kirk blasts British PM for lobbying a......
          * Top Rauner staff more highly paid than Qui......
          * Sen. Kirk pushes $300-million plan to help......

          * December Unemployment Rate Ticks Down In All Illinois Metro Areas
          * December Unemployment Rate Ticks Down In All Illinois Metro Areas (UPDATED)
          * Rauner’s worker empowerment zones.
          * Tim Furman: Andrea Zopp and the zombie lie.
          * Activists Bring Fight To Save A Rogers Park 'Community House' To Citibank (VIDEO)
          * Deb Mell Takes Heat For Family Ties At 33rd Ward Candidate Forum
          * Study: Top 1% Of Earners In Illinois Captured 97% Of Post-Recession Income Gains
          * U Of C Nurses Vote To Authorize 1-Day Strike
          * Poll: Most Chicago Voters Support Parkland Use For Obama Library
          * New Ald. Beale mailer #Aldertrack


          * IDHS reminds eligible workers to take advantage of free tax help and the Earned Income Tax Credit (EITC) - More than 30 sites offer free tax services Statewide
          * IEMA, American Lung Association Launch Health House - Radon Excellence Program in Savoy - Two Champaign builders coordinating with Heyworth radon mitigator in program to reduce radon-related lung cancer risks in new homes
          * One Confirmed Case of Measles in Illinois
          * Governor announces latest round of agency appointments
          * Rauner announces “Turnaround Team” - Stellar team to help turn Illinois around




              Hosted by MCS SUBSCRIBE to Capitol Fax Advertise Here Mobile Version Contact Rich Miller