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“Ricky, get off my Trans Am!” *** Updated x1 ***

Wednesday, Oct 18, 2006

Finally, a candidate for Illinois governor I can believe in…


He won’t jump into bed with the special interests or organized crime…


Your hero and mine…


With a running mate who believes in the power of facial hair…


Heck, even Honest Abe is backing Tim Nieukirk for governor of Illinois…


How could you possibly not vote for a guy who puts John L. Lewis on his MySpace page? Hey, Henry, are you out there? Maybe AFSCME can finally endorse somebody in this race.

Part-time customer service work at Best Buy and CVS Pharmacy helped Tim develop the personal skills that will help him navigate through the political bickering of Springfield. […]

Tim believes strongly in education, particularly in higher education. Thus he has attended three such state institutes. He started at Illinois Central College, achieved his Associate’s Degree, transfered to Western Illinois University, and transferred again to Illinois State University to really round out the experience. He currently majors in Safety Sciences. What could say ‘responsible leadership’ better than Safety Sciences?

Tim is a Leo, his favorite color is red, his lucky number is 21. Amongst his proudest accomplishments are being named Senior Patrol Leader (Head of Troop) of Troop 163, being elected Student Council Rep. for Pep Club in high school, and receiving the Antoine de Beauterne Award for Excellence in Werewolf Hunting from the American Lycanthropist Society of America in 2003. His karoake performances of “Blame It on the Rain” frequently reduce men to tears…

Illinois, I think it’s time to “Get Nieuked.”

[And, by the way, if you do nothing else today, watch those first two videos. Brilliant.]

*** UPDATE *** Oh, my goodness. They really have filed the paperwork.

- Posted by Rich Miller        


27 Comments
  1. - get neiuked - Wednesday, Oct 18, 06 @ 12:23 pm:

    Finally, a candidate I can vote for. Tim, you need to have a fundraiser. I’ll sponsor a keg.


  2. - Common Sense in Illinois - Wednesday, Oct 18, 06 @ 12:33 pm:

    This guy has more spots than Rich Whitney!


  3. - Beowulf - Wednesday, Oct 18, 06 @ 12:39 pm:

    Sorry Tim but you are “overqualified” in comparison to Todd Stroger. You might make Todd “Did I do that?” Stroger look worse than he already does for political qualifications required to run for elected office. Very poor form, Tim. By the way, “Who’s your daddy?”


  4. - Mike's Used Sports Section - Wednesday, Oct 18, 06 @ 12:56 pm:

    I think I’m voting for them just because they are funny. I wonder how good Neiukirk is at retelling an everchanging story about a little black girl mistaking him for Jeff Garland . . .


  5. - Anonymous - Wednesday, Oct 18, 06 @ 1:16 pm:

    and he gets points for having some hottie friends on his myspace page


  6. - WARDOG - Wednesday, Oct 18, 06 @ 1:52 pm:

    Couldn’t be any worse than what we have and will probably still have.


  7. - The 'Broken Heart' of Rogers Park - Wednesday, Oct 18, 06 @ 1:55 pm:

    Let’s ask Jake CP what he thinks.


  8. - goodstuff - Wednesday, Oct 18, 06 @ 2:04 pm:

    First, Mike’s USS, bravo, bravo.

    but seriously, since we can’t get jbt and blago to sit down for a series of debates; how about we get tim and whitney to have a series of debates. I was thining of voting for whitney out of protest, but now Whtiney must win back my vote after the single greatest political debut since either Reagan in ‘64 or Bryan in 1896.


  9. - Animous - Wednesday, Oct 18, 06 @ 2:48 pm:

    Awesome Job! Easily the only campaign ads of the season that I could stand to watch over and over. Coincidentally, they have about the same amount of substance as any statewide ad out there right now.

    This kid could be governor some day, he couldn’t really screw it up much worse than it already is. Could be a tough name to write-in though…


  10. - Arthur Andersen - Wednesday, Oct 18, 06 @ 2:57 pm:

    This is great. Can’t you see a Trans Am with Official 1 license plates and a big chicken decal on the hood doin’ smoky burnouts on the Capitol driveway..Talk about livin’ the dream.


  11. - Anon - Wednesday, Oct 18, 06 @ 3:16 pm:

    I am so bummed I have already voted!


  12. - Downtown - Wednesday, Oct 18, 06 @ 3:25 pm:

    Rich,

    Better include Tim in future gubernatorial polls.
    Looks like he’ll have the traction JBT has been missing


  13. - Boone Logan Square - Wednesday, Oct 18, 06 @ 3:55 pm:

    Outstanding. But I don’t have a sister…


  14. - Rich Miller - Wednesday, Oct 18, 06 @ 4:48 pm:

    I don’t remember the last time I laughed so hard at something even remotely political.

    Oh, wait, all of 2004.


  15. - Frank Booth - Wednesday, Oct 18, 06 @ 5:22 pm:

    Hey Rich a new question:
    Who will get more votes in Will County:
    Rich Whitney or this guy?


  16. - Nearly Normal - Wednesday, Oct 18, 06 @ 6:17 pm:

    Hoo hah! An ISU Redbird to boot! Haven’t had a good laugh for a while. I will be curious to see how many votes Tim gets.


  17. - Ashur Odishoo - Wednesday, Oct 18, 06 @ 6:24 pm:

    You kin register tu vote at city how-ell. I would love to see him and Todd in a debate. I think he would win.

    Ashur Odishoo
    Candidate
    State Representative 11th District
    www.voteodishoo.com


  18. - Shallow Pharnyx - Wednesday, Oct 18, 06 @ 7:35 pm:

    Finally, a 3rd party candidate I can vote for!!!!


  19. - Little Egypt - Wednesday, Oct 18, 06 @ 8:48 pm:

    I love this guy!!! Stranger things have happened in Illinois, but not lately. He could do at least as good of a job as Elvis. I’d love to see this whole election be turned upside down with this kid winning (not going to happen though) and see the look on MMadigan and EJones faces when the figure out who they have to work with for the next 4 years. State police cars could be General Lee cars with a horn that plays “Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, good bye.”


  20. - Arthur Andersen - Wednesday, Oct 18, 06 @ 9:36 pm:

    The State troops would appreciate any new cars, LE. Filan’s check bounced after about half of the promised 500 new squad cars were delivered.

    I’m sure that the Troopers, and all State employees, would have more respect for Gov. Tim Nieukirk for than Gov. Numbn*ts.


  21. - zatoichi - Wednesday, Oct 18, 06 @ 9:39 pm:

    Thank God! Finally some candidates with personality and an everclear message. Give these guys the money for ads and they would come up with stuff worth watching. A Trans Am in every driveway!


  22. - Andrew - Wednesday, Oct 18, 06 @ 10:55 pm:

    Isnt there an age requirement for Governor? Anyway, I went to grade school and high school with both these characters, and I think they would make a fine Governor and Lt. Governor.

    Word of advice to the state representatives and senators, on inauguration, watch out for the whippy cushion before you sit down!


  23. - Levois - Wednesday, Oct 18, 06 @ 11:08 pm:

    My reaction to that second video…


  24. - Levois - Wednesday, Oct 18, 06 @ 11:09 pm:

    OK that didn’t work, I was trying to do a laughing smiley. Damn. :( But those were some funny videos.


  25. - Beowulf - Thursday, Oct 19, 06 @ 7:05 am:

    Isn’t he a member of one of those religious groups in the conservative right-wing segment of the Illinois Republican Party? Wasn’t he that guy on a crutch a few years ago that said on Christmas Day, “God bless us everyone.”? My fear, Rich, is that Tim won’t keep a wall of separation between church and state.


  26. - Tessa - Thursday, Oct 19, 06 @ 12:58 pm:

    Too bad he didn’t get invited to the debate with Whitney and the other write-in candidates.


  27. - Zach - Thursday, Oct 19, 06 @ 9:33 pm:

    I may be able to wipe the floor with Tim in poker and sports i can’t think of anyone better to try and fix this crap heap of a state.


Sorry, comments for this post are now closed.


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