Bonus question
Thursday, May 3, 2007 - Posted by Rich Miller
I’ve been thinking of using this story about Springfield’s weird gnat problem in a clever little Statehouse analogy…
“Gnats suspected in chicken deaths ”
Buffalo gnats, which are members of the black fly family, have become special pests this spring in central Illinois. Nearly anyone who has spent much time outside over the last week or so has been harassed by the gnats, and some people suffer painful welts because of their bites.
According to the Illinois Department of Public Health, the gnats have a substance in their saliva that can trigger an allergic reaction in people, other mammals and birds. The gnats feed on blood and inject their saliva into host animals while feeding.
Agriculture officials do not know how the gnats are killing chickens, but they suspect the immediate problem could be an allergic reaction, blood loss or even suffocation because the gnats clog the chickens’ breathing passages.
Dr. Colleen O’Keefe, a veterinarian with the Illinois Department of Agriculture, said people with chickens or other birds should get the animals into some type of screened area.
“We did a little research, and it appears the gnats don’t do well in the dark. So, if possible, you should get them in a darkened barns and put some fans on them,” O’Keefe said.
And…
“Buffalo gnats will land anywhere they can find skin on which to suck blood. Essentially that is all the females want; blood. They will seek this from any mammal they can find and people will often times be their prime target.â€
The Web site goes on to explain that swatting at the little pests is not all that effective. […]
But the true solution to the vampire gnat problem is - no, not garlic or teensy-weensy little wooden stakes - but warmer temperatures. As the water they grow in warms up, we are told the gnats will begin to vanish.
Help me write my next newspaper column. Best suggestion(s) wins lunch on me at a restaurant of my choice. (I promise it’ll be a decent place.)
- Squideshi - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 9:53 am:
How about a column called “Divide and Conquer” that explains Blagojevich’s GRT proposal is dividing education funding reform advocates between a GRT and House Bill 750. The division allows legislators to appear to support education funding reform, via one proposal or the other, without actually enacting either proposal.
- Jack T. Colt - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 9:53 am:
1.) Could it of been because a State of Illinois experiment went awry?
2.) It’s just another mutant form of state government.
- Squideshi - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 10:02 am:
Here’s another idea: How about a column called “Majority Rule” that explains the City of Springfield’s recent decision to use ranked ballots for overseas, absentee voters. It is an appropriate topic, because with three established parties in the next parisan elections, Democrats will no doubt raise the spector of the so-called “spoiler” problem; yet, Springfield has already provided a model that can be used throughout the state–voting using a ranked ballot, which completely eliminates any spoiler effect and ensures majority rule (Unlike the plurality, minority rule that we now allow throughout the state.) Democrats have long claimed that spolied elections are a big probelem; but they shouldn’t be able to get away with refusing to do anything to address this problem in Illinois and again complain about spoilers in the next election. Someone really needs to remind them to get to work on implementing either Instant Runoff Voting, or traditional runoff elections, throughout the state; and your column is a great forum in which to do this.
- dupage boy - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 10:05 am:
Those gnats are a nuisance.
Your next column should be on Obama being mentored by Emil Jones and what Emil’s current quandary means not only to Jones but to the Obama candidacy. And what will Hillary’s sharks do with this new negative connection for Obama. They already have Rezko, what will the Clintonistas do with Jones and his schooling of Obama in politics and government. I can see the Clinton ads already. “Who are Obama’s friends in Illinois?” Rezko and Jones.
I want that free lunch.
- FAN OF SO ILLINOIS - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 10:09 am:
1) What is the best way for a common (or uncommon) citizen to reach their state senator or representative? Mass phone calls, personal visits, personal letter, faxes, etc. Do the current methods used by the public and lobbyists work?
2) How can we reduce the amount of paperwork produced by the state government? Are so many paper reports really necessary? Should the legislator be able to choose which reports are meaningful to him/her and then order the “paper” copy? Does the State of Illinois have an internal “green” policy?
I’m still thinking….but have to get back to work.
- Buck Turgidson - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 10:11 am:
Much has been made of how the big money folks have been able to make noise in IL, whether it’s SEIU changing the face of City Council in Chicago, or ComEd/Excelon holding fast in the Capitol. How about the “gnats” — those players who do the most without big bucks?
- Frank Booth - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 10:14 am:
How about this:
The gnats are symbolic of the people who hold “large” rallies at the Capitol. They’re annoying, the trash the place, make you not want to go outside and all they want to do is blindly suck money out of taxpayers. You can swat all you want, but they won’t go away. Warmer temperatures — or adjournment of the spring session — is the only relief.
- Team Sleep - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 10:21 am:
Blago’s Security “Buffalo Gnats” Muscle Reports and Supporters
- Bill - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 10:46 am:
Hey Frank,
Without those concerned citizens that you are calling gnats, guys like you wouldn’t have a job.
- Frank Booth - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 10:50 am:
Bill,
Hey, I’m just trying to get a free meal. Cut me some slack.
Where’s you great idea for Miller column? Easy to criticize, hard to create.
- Rich Miller - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 10:56 am:
Let’s try to stick with coming up with a suitable gnat analogy. I kinda like the idea of using it.
- Papa Legba - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 11:02 am:
As if there weren’t enough bloodsuckers in Springfield already! At least they will all go away when the weather gets warmer.
- forbidden donuts - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 11:32 am:
GRT foes pose more than mere gnat nuiscance.
- A Citizen - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 11:36 am:
Bloodsuckers from across the state converge on Springfield for a monster feast. Will the darkness of the smoke filled rooms do them in or will they thrive to suck another day?
- HST - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 11:49 am:
23:23 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone.
23:24 Ye blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel.
- Old Elephant - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 11:54 am:
Still trying to come up with a good gnat analogy, but got distracted by the mental image of a re-cut Arrowsmith video featuring the Speaker:
If I walk my block in Chicago, people don’t say to me, ‘Oh, Mr. Speaker, please raise the tax.’ They don’t come out of their house and say, ‘Would you please raise the tax,’â€
- Bill - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 12:01 pm:
I think the bloodsucking gnats are the utility companies. They will keep sucking on their customers until they die like the chickens. When it warms up and air conditioners go on, the gnats will then migrate North to cook County where they will suck the rate payers there to death.
- Anon - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 12:03 pm:
Buffalo gnats = taxpayer money Blago has spent
Dead Chickens = Illinois taxpayers
- Old Elephant - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 12:14 pm:
Let’s see:
They suck the lifeblood out of everything in their paths;
They travel in groups so thick that they can choke a small animal;
They have a single-minded devotion to getting more of what they love;
The only cure is to keep them in the dark.
Yes… it’s true, Illinois really is trying to attract presidential candidates with an early primary date.
(Best I could do on short notice)
- 47th Ward - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 12:24 pm:
Rich,
You’ve been at this blog business since 2004, and I’ve been checking in regularly since then. I’ve noticed lots of gnats, here and elsewhere, meaning the commenters who post nonsense or gibberish or wild allegations or worse. Are they drunk or off their meds?
How about a column on some of the headaches that come from allowing reader comments from the masses? You get knuckleheads and spammers, spinners and ranters, occasionally some interesting insight and probably more than a few good tips. And there are comment fights, profanity, slander, enough to force you to enforce rules and (wisely) close comments so you can take the weekend off.
Then there are the crazies, and we know who you are, who continue to post weirdness here and on Illinoize. At least newspapers can toss out crazy letters to the editor. You can’t, for the most part. Nor should you, it’s often entertaining, another unique feature of blogs v. newspapers.
Back to “commenters as gnats:” Aren’t they sucking your blood and infecting the blog with they’re saliva? Don’t you have, like, millions of examples? Isn’t this gnat-like behavior unique to the blog-o-sphere?
Is that a column or a book?
- Wumpus - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 12:26 pm:
Female Gnats and Humans have more in commin that we think.
- not in my mouth - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 12:50 pm:
The gnats are like the Blago administration.
They trigger an allergic reaction, much the same as Blago has triggered a fever pitch in the business community.
Some would suffer a pain in the pocketbook because of the GRT bite.
Just like the little blood sucking gnats, Blago will use any organization or person to get what he wants. Whether it means using state resources, threats or even a little deception, he is ruthless in getting what he wants and nothing else. The business community has continually swatted at him, but he’s still out there irritating them. Kill his bill, he brings back special session. Try as you might, he won’t go away.
The gnats don’t do well in the dark and neither does Blago. He must have his picture included in TV ads, be out in the headlines at rallies, bus tours, any gimmick they can think of to keep him in the limelight.
The warm water is not good for the gnats and the heat that comes with passing a controversial bill also is not good with Blago. Warm up the water or the pressure in actually getting legislation through and he begins to disappear.
- A Citizen - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 1:35 pm:
Taxpayers search in futility for protection from the bloodsuckers descending on central Illinois to hose them via utility bills and GReaT taxes.
- yinn - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 1:40 pm:
I think that a gnat analogy is great as long as the people compared to them are not the powerless ones.
- Sango Dem - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 1:50 pm:
Springfield is experiencing its occasional infestation of pretentious people wearing suits in bars that coincides with sessions of the Illinois General Assembly. Local residents complained that shooing them away did little good. “We did a little research, and it appears that they don’t do well with the sunshine laws. So, if possible, you should get them in darkened bars and pour some beer down them.”
- sine die - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 1:51 pm:
How about a newspaper article from the perspective of one of the 8 thousand rally attendees-who was making their first trip to Springfield. QUESTION: “How was the rally today, did you like Springfield?” Answer: Oh, it was really cool. We stood around all day in hot, humid weather waiting for some grand announcement from our elected leaders. All we ended up with was a bunch of nats and Dick Gephardt!”
- Jechislo - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 2:06 pm:
If Madigan redefines GRT to mean Gnat Relief Tax I’ll gladly pay my share. Since the gnats only live 2 - 3 weeks, I would expect the tax law to have a sunset clause so it expires one day after the last gnat dies.
- Mr Brown - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 3:25 pm:
Gnats… I would compare them to the various lobbying groups that “swarm” the capitol and pester, and annoy legislators and elected officials through sheer persistence and attrition. One bite from a volunteer may not bother you. Its just like that annoying small bite that itches or those bugs that hover around points of light. The one bite does nothing but when you are peppered throughout the day, the next thing you know you get annoyed enough to promise them something or vote for the bill just to shut them up.
Just this week, we have seen teachers and disability advocates. Notable gnats are SEIU and AFSCME. Also, AARP.
- A Citizen - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 3:29 pm:
Taxers and spenders descend on State Capitol. Will they leave enough blood in the citizens to satiate the hoards of bloodsucking gnats swarming central Illinois? On a sidenote, security has been strengthened at the local blood bank as the increased threats multiply.
- Papa Legba - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 5:40 pm:
Gnats and Illinois politicians are only doing what comes naturally. The gnats suck blood and the pols suck up kickbacks for the distribution of public funds. Neither can exist without their preferred nourishment.
- Yellow Dog Democrat - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 6:24 pm:
How many words?
- Gnat E Dread - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 6:32 pm:
Some music to cogitate by?
Gnat’s Amore’
‘Swarmerfull.
Gnat ain’t no way to treat a lady.
I like it like gnat.
Gnat three times on the ceiling if you want me.
My name’s Gnat Lisa.
Gnat a second time.
…We can do this all gnight, or you can just give up and give me the dinner now.
As far as your story goes, I’d say you could make the analogy between Blago and an Alaskan moose: The scandals, rumors, FOIA requests and endless questions from the press swarm around him and he just seems to shrug it off and keep on with business as usual. The Alaskan Moose is huge and normally shugs off gnats, mosquitos, and biting insects too, but sometimes the swarms get so thick the moose actually gets blinded and starts running randomly thru the woods and bogs trying to get away from them. Some times this ends in the moose blindly running into something that kills him.
I’d elaborate on the metaphors there, but I’m drowning in choices.
- What's in a name? - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 6:42 pm:
If the gnats die in warmer weather, would global warming now be a good thing?
- Gnatasha - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 7:40 pm:
The year of the demognats
This was supposed to be the year of the democrats. A banner election meant that they had every constitutional office and a legislative majority. Happy days are here again huh?
However, it seems that Springfield has developed not only a gnat problem but a demognat problem. But the demognat swarms, instead of killing chickens are playing chicken with each other.
Essentially, the bottom line is that the swarms can not agree upon which mammal to feed. But all agree that this session, because of our pecuniary predicament, they must find a mammal. Please demonstrate at the Capitol to help them pick the politically correct animal.
- Dooley Dudright - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 7:59 pm:
Geez……….sounds like lobbyists-on-legislators to me.
(I’ll spare y’all my terrible puns-as-headlines. This time.)
- Gnatasha - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 8:00 pm:
gnats feed on mammals too before its pointed out to me that a chicken is not in that category. but I correct my statement to say”the politically correct animal or bird”
- Papa Legba - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 9:10 pm:
What do the Governor and Springfield’s gnats have in common?
When things get hot, they both disappear.
- A Citizen - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 9:29 pm:
There weren’t bloodsucking gnats in Springfield until the legislature returned. Coincidence ? Many think not !
- Michelle Flahertry - Thursday, May 3, 07 @ 10:20 pm:
Remind me not to read your next column if it’s gonna be based on these ideas.
- Buggy - Friday, May 4, 07 @ 7:17 am:
The Buffalo Gnats are shills for the Administration to remind us that we are being buffaloed, sucked dry, and annoyed that the G overnor’s N ot A gainst T axes!