Job qualifications
Monday, Jan 7, 2008 - Posted by Rich Miller
Hmmm…
Job Description:
Office of Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich
Position: Press Secretary
Department: Communications
Reports To: Director of Communications
Location: Chicago
Position Summary:
The Press Secretary plays an integral part in creating the administration’s message and disseminating it to the media. The successful candidate will have strong oral and written communication skills; strong record in media relations and crisis communications; and ability to thrive in a fast-paced, high-pressure environment.
Position Responsibilities:
* Build and maintain relationships with members of the press
* Act as a spokesperson, proactively pitching stories and developing/delivering reaction to reporters’ inquiries
* Collaborate with Governor’s press staff and agency press officers to generate ideas and develop media strategies
* Assist in organizing press conferences and other media-related events
* Draft and edit press releases and other materials for distribution
Job Requirements
Competencies/Qualifications:
* Bachelor’s degree in journalism, communications or relevant field
* Five or more years of experience in media relations and/or public relations
* Demonstrated record of success in pitching and placing stories in major media outlets
* Ability to work under tight deadlines
* Ability to implement long-term media strategies, as well as react to rapid-response needs from internal and external sources on a daily basis
* Desire to work in a team-based, cooperative environment
* Experience in government or political settings a plus
Perhaps you can think of more qualifications, job duties, etc. and post them in comments. Have fun.
*** UPDATE *** I posted this in comments, but I suppose I should also post it on the front page. Gerardo Cardenas is the one who is leaving - for a position with AARP.
- Anonymous - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 12:12 pm:
“Ability to spin like a top, lie through your teeth, keep a straight face, and sell your soul on a near daily basis”
- Beancounter - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 12:15 pm:
Must be able to believe, on a daily basis, that fantasy and reality are synonyms.
- Joe Schmoe - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 12:19 pm:
She must be entering the convent.
- Pot calling kettle - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 12:22 pm:
Ability to suspend disbelief.
- the commuter once known as So Ill - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 12:27 pm:
I’m just wondering who’s leaving, and where they’re going.
- Cassandra - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 12:30 pm:
Maybe nobody is leaving.
Maybe this is yet another high-paid (by the taxpayer) Dem Machine job to spread Blago’s word.
- the commuter once known as So Ill - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 12:30 pm:
Oh, whoops…I didn’t read some of the other linked articles closely enough. My bad. Sorry for the question.
- wordslinger - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 12:34 pm:
Ability to:
Swallow pride
Keep a straight voice
Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil
Detect concealed recording devices
Personal criminal attorney on retailer a plus.
Odd that a job like this is posted. It’s not required, is it? The qualifications are so low I assume they have someone who can just meet them already lined up.
- A Citizen - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 12:41 pm:
Have and wear several asbestos suits/trousers/slacks so no one will be able to say “Liar liar pants on fire” and make it stick.
- Joe in the Know - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 12:45 pm:
To: the commuter once known as So Ill:
What other linked articles? I didn’t see any other links other than the job description.
- Mr. T - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 12:45 pm:
I pity the fool that takes this job.
- Ghost - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 12:52 pm:
* Must have experience in the care and handling of the deranged.
* Must not be constrained by the truth or reality.
* Hanah Montana tickets a plus.
- tin man - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 12:53 pm:
Must have a B A in BS!!
- Anonymoose - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 12:55 pm:
Experience working with federal law enforcement agencies considered a plus.
- what a joke - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 12:57 pm:
Must have teflon for skin, and not care if your opinion is contiunally ignored.
Must not care if career is completely ruined by the BS that you dish out & colleagues you must trash.
Must be able to lie on a daily basis & not care.
Must have attitude.
- Michelle Flaherty - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 1:02 pm:
Vision plan includes free rose-colored glasses. YOU MUST WEAR THEM.
- L.S. - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 1:06 pm:
Can you repeat the following statements over and over: 1. we’re doing things for people. 2. there are 1.4 million people without healthcare. 3. I’m not public official A. 4. They don’t agree with us because they hate healthcare and children. …you’re hired.
- North of I-80 - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 1:07 pm:
The Guy From Boston has it all sewn up…. gifted $5K to Governor’d daughters, donated to Cari, Levine, Rezko and has 100’s of free Hannah Montana, Blackhawk, Bulls, White Sox, Cubs and Bears tickets. Took acting classes and has been working in public relations; married to twin sister of Patrick J Fitzgerald. Who could compete with this?
- Chicago Cynic - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 1:08 pm:
* Ability to keep a straight face regardless of the size of the whopper being peddled.
* Ability to convincingly and repeatedly mouth the line “the governor cannot comment about an ongoing investigation” followed shortly thereafter by the line “indictment is not conviction…indictment is not conviction…indictment is not conviction.”
- Rhomberg Rabbitt - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 1:15 pm:
The ability to tell what party the Speaker of the House belongs to.
Some experience in hair consulting a plus.
Willing to live in free accommodations on the taxpayer’s dime.
Some experience in airborne snack-delivery and airline- type hostess duties.
- Squideshi - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 1:15 pm:
Position Responsibilities:
* Maintain official “Good Journalist, Bad Reporter” list
* Reward friendly journalists with access to appropriate information
* Never acknowledge the existence of Rich Whitney, or any party, other than the Democratic and Republican parties, in Illinois
Competencies/Qualifications:
* Ability to frame any failure as success
* Penchant for dodging pointed questions
* Experience campaigning for elected officials, preferably Democrats
- Arthur Andersen - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 1:16 pm:
-must not suffer from vertigo
-no pre-employment polygraph examination required
- bacon-wrapped bacon - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 1:17 pm:
So, which rat is leaving the ship this time to “spend more time with family” or “Pursue other interests in the Private Sector”?
- I have your perfect candidate - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 1:19 pm:
Bill, it would be a crime for them not to give you this job. Unless you still have that Iraqi Military PR Spokesman thing going on.
- Crimefighter - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 1:22 pm:
*Must accept a full frontal lobotomy where you lose permanently the ability to think for yourself.
- Patriot - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 1:22 pm:
Sounds like the perfect job for Bill.
- Huckleberry - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 1:27 pm:
So where’s Abby going?
- wordslinger - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 1:30 pm:
How about Baghdad Bob, Saddam’s old military spokesman?
- capitol view - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 1:31 pm:
I read somewhere that the current scheduler is leaving for the campaign staff. Perhaps the press director is as well; it’s all about campaigning and appearance rather than governing.
- Just My Opinion - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 1:33 pm:
Assuming Abby and Rebecca will still be around and there will be a third press spokesperson added, will the Spin Sisters now be known as the Spin Tripsters, or Spin Twisters?
- Rich Miller - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 1:37 pm:
Cardenas is leaving.
- anonymous - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 1:38 pm:
must be able to adapt a foreign accent in order to say “no speak English” convincingly
- Little Egypt - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 1:41 pm:
“* Ability to implement long-term media strategies, as well as react to rapid-response needs from internal and external sources on a daily basis”
Since when has Elvis ever had a long-term media strategy? My impression is his strategy has been “by the seat of his pants”, put out fires with a squirt gun. His rapid response to his perceived “internal sources” get him a subpoena to go to court so the “internal source” can get their jobs back. Rapid response to external sources - well I’ve got to stop laughing and wetting my pants before I can give my opinion about that one.
Perhaps a low IQ should be a job requirement because I can’t think of anyone with an ounce of integrity or self pride who would apply for this job, not now, now ever.
- If It Walks Like a Duck... - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 1:43 pm:
Past experience in Professional Prevarication (Yeah, Morgan Fairchild is my girlfriend, that’s the ticket!)
- Anon from BB - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 2:00 pm:
* Must have a “thinking outside the box” mindset when confronting “ethics” issues
- Bill - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 2:04 pm:
Thanks for thinking of me but I couldn’t afford the pay cut.
Little e,
Try to be nice for a change.
- Jake from Elwood - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 2:12 pm:
Surely these requirements were omitted. . .
*Creative writing experience is necessary.
*Must be able to cope with the smells of both manure and jet fuel, often simultaneously.
*Must be able to speak out of both sides of ones face.
- True Comparison - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 2:15 pm:
Must have the ability to retain a poised demeanor when taunted with, “Liar, liar, pants on fire”.
- Impeach Ray Lytle - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 2:19 pm:
They’ve had a very consistent media strategy since day one;
If it is something good or popular, Put Rod’s name on it. Several times.
If a state agency does anything good, attribute it to Rod.
If the legislature does anything good, attribute it to Rod.
If it’s a popular or good action, have Rod take credit for it. Preferably, have every state agency Director spend their entire job going to events as a Rod surrogate.
If the governor can make a comment on something that is totally out of his power or jurisdiction, from foreign policy to other state’s business to sports to weather, put out a detailed, opinionated press release about it.
If an issue is complex, be sure to oversimplify it in order to pander to the highest possible number of voters.
Make up strawmen and boogiemen targets and make a big deal out of attacking them so Rod can look brave and active.
Forget failed programs as if they never existed.
Blame Bush.
Blame anybody named Madigan.
Blame George Ryan and all Republicans.
Deny any negative fact. When the denial fails, assign blame, preferably to a Madigan.
- Little Egypt - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 2:33 pm:
Bill, I am being nice. I’m not picking on you.
- Sir Reel - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 2:44 pm:
If only our press/communications people were like Pinnochio, with noses that grew longer with each lie. Would make for some quick Guinness Book of World Records’ nose length records!
- Wanna Get Away - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 2:46 pm:
* Ability to conjure at least 100 different ways to say “the Governor is the way and the light; the Speaker is a corrupt crackpot.”
* Ability to purge every ethical bone from your body.
* Willing to do ANYTHING for Rod Blagojevich (including going to jail for him).
* If you stick with this Governor, you will do very well for yourself. (You may even lobby someday.)
- VanillaMan - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 2:48 pm:
VM – Hello?
RR – VanillaMan? This is Rebecca Rausch! How are you?
VM – Fine, but you know I have to ask what everyone needs to ask when a Blagojevich administration representative calls, right?
RR – No. You are not being recorded. Listen, I wanted to get your thoughts about something. We’re looking for a new Press Secretary. Gerardo Cardenas is leaving and he asked that I give you a call.
VM – That’s because he doesn’t like me.
RR – I don’t either, but I’m just doing what he suggested. He told me to brainstorm with VanillaMan about what a new Press Secretary would need to do to win Illinoians like him over to the Governor’s point of view.
VM – You guys ever thought about getting a new governor? I’m flattered, but I don’t have to tell you what the next Blagojevich press spokesvictim is going to have to deal with. You can help them out by steering them to the correct medications for queasiness, fainting, excessive gas, uncontrollable bouts of anxiety, and back pain. You know what the tastiest flavor of Kiwi boot polish is, and how to giggle on cue. I mean, just how can you prepare a person to be a spokesvictim for Governor Sybil? You never know what is going to fall out of his mouth when his head starts rotating.
The next guy is going to have to know how to deal with big stinky messes like a mother of newborn quads. He is going to need to learn a second language that includes phrases like, “I didn’t say that”, “I think I don’t remember”, and “Ask mommy.” He’s going to need to learn to cry very softly so that no one hears him. OH GEEZ, and a BIG ONE – He’s going to need a really GREAT lawyer!
Are you still there? You’re awfully quiet.
RR – Oh, sorry. I think my cell phone just rang. Can you speak slower and clearer please?
VM – Hey! Whose breathing on the other line? It’s YOU isn’t it Governor?!
‘click’
- In the Sticks - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 3:05 pm:
Within 6 months of the start of the current administration, it was very clear to ordinary state employees that they had only 3 objectives:
1. Positive press for the Governor, and national press was much better than local.
2. Do anything necessary to elect the Governor to higher office.
3. Place Democrats in every possible job - with no concern for qualifications. If they were Democrats, they certainly would be much more capable than any prior holder of the position.
Nothing has changed.
- razzle-dazzle - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 3:11 pm:
I’m gonna use Patti B. as my realtor, will that get me this job?
- OneManBlog - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 3:28 pm:
– Comfort in flying in State aircraft
– The ability to keep a straight face when you have to say some really funny stuff.
– Hockey or Soccer goalies prefered
– Strong knowledge of all player statistics for the Chicago Cubs over the past 100 years.
– Ability to pronounce the governors name
– Ability to say ‘He is not Public Official A’ without bursting into laughter
- Commonsense in Illinois - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 3:30 pm:
You know, it might be more efficient and cost effective for Rebbecca to move to Chicago. No news is made in Springfield from the 2nd floor and the governor could finish consolidating the office to the campaign office. Think of the electric lights savings…
- Trafficmatt - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 3:50 pm:
Additional Job Requirements:
- Has to be a Cubs fan
- Can be a substitute dancer if those crazy Jewish guys ask to have the Governor dance with them like in that video this summer.
- Did not grow up in Bridgeport
- Is not currently a resident in the Illinois House District #22 or has never worked for Michael Madigan. Ability to produce a working voodoo doll of the Illinois Speaker is a plus.
- Must be able to sing all the words of “Jailhouse Rock”. Ability to sing in a convincing Elvis voice is a plus.
- Must agree to continue employment on site if the Governor is relocated to any Federal facility.
Additional Benefits
- Will receive either a bottle of Tylenol or a 5th of Jack Daniels every month for “recuperative reasons”
- Will get to sing at the Cubs 7th Inning Stretch once a year as long as the applicant can prove that they can sing better than Kelly Pickler did.
- Will get free coupons to the Governor’s personal hair stylist.
- DC - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 4:32 pm:
Ability to spell “republican activist” without using spell-check;
Proven ability to ignore requests from state agencies;
Provide testamonial on how a family member needed health care one time;
Ability to restrain laughter when contacted by Lt. Governor’s Press Secretary;
Ability to attempt state ethics test within 180 days of hire;
Ability to tell a seasoned reporter twice your age that he/she doesn’t know about journalism.
Willingness to accept covert assignments videotaping certain members of the legislature;
Proven experience with developing distorted pictures;
Willingness to delegate certain PR-related efforts to other non-government entitites as required by other senior level staff.
Ability to obtain appropriate attire for Senate and House chambers (semi-annual appearances as needed)
Willing to learn “QWERTY” keyboard operations within six months of hire.
Wisdom teeth optional.
- Frank Booth - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 4:42 pm:
The man for the job is Dennis Culloton, the David Gergen of Illinois government and politics.
Rod’s already hired George’s law firm, why not his former spokesman?
Culloton’s got four years of practice denying the identity of Official A and being convincing when saying things like:
“The governor didn’t know anything about it.”
They could hit the road as a trio: Dennis and the SpinSisters perform their No. 1 hit, “Don’t worry, be happy.”
- Gregg - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 4:44 pm:
This should be a short term job, Blago is going to jail soon “Bubba” will be making all the press announcements in regards to the former Gov. and what He is doing or having done to Him! Have a nice trip Rod!
- DM - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 4:57 pm:
Dominic Longo should apply
- Garp - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 5:20 pm:
Hey Frank Booth,
Maybe they don’t need to hire Dennis Culloton, just get old videotapes and copies of his press statements and replay them. You know-recycle.
- Frank Booth - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 5:26 pm:
Garp. Great idea. They could set up a voice mail system with Dennis’ greatest hits:
Press 1 if you’re calling about the identity of people named in federal court documents.
“The governor knows nothing about it.”
Press 2 if you’re calling about fundraising irregularities.
“The governor knows nothing about it.”
Press 3 if you’re calling about political pals getting jobs.
“The governor knows nothing about it.”
- Silent Majority - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 5:41 pm:
Addtitional Requirements:
PhD in child psychology mandatory
Juvenile insane asylum experience a plus
- Marbley - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 6:04 pm:
I was almost sure my son fit this position. Only two problems.
1. He dislikes Napoleon or anything that appears like him.
2. Hates Elvis music and he is unable to work under tight deadlines. lol
- Holdingontomywallet - Monday, Jan 7, 08 @ 9:25 pm:
A couple of Emmy’s and an Academy Award would be a plus…
- Wumpus - Tuesday, Jan 8, 08 @ 9:03 am:
Smile like the Chesshire Cat (Abby O).