Sometimes you come upon something so ridiculous, so on-its-face laughably stupid, you just want to stop everything and enjoy. That’s what we did when we first saw this investors-demo video of SpeedFit, a new concept in exercise technology:The Mobile Treadmill…a treadmill designed specially to move/walk down the street while you’re treading.
Because, let’s see, walking down the street without a treadmill is too tough?
* The Question: Come up with a fitting Illinois analogy for this new invention.
I’ll bow to those with more seniority here when they weigh in but…..
The first thing in my mind analogous to Illinois is holding up Medical payments so we have the cash to fund a new health care program.
Illinois Government: Like a north bound Speedfit treadmill on a south bound airport ‘walkalator’ - a whole lot a of work is being done in an extra complicated way, but it’s going nowhere.
Rod’s “Hot Rod” - like his administration: action without any discernable purpose (other than to annoy and create problems); empty and fairly useless/stupid. The perfect vehicle for guys like him who don’t have any idea where he’s going, or why.
- Commonsense in Illinois - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 9:52 am:
The Blagolator…it walks, it rolls, it flies like a bird in the sky. Some assembly required and watch out…it only moves backwards if at all and comes with just one tire for its four axles and no steering wheel. Cost, just a mere $4 billion.
The SpeedFit Treadmobile is a model of Democrat-controlled government itself.
The idea is that there ought to be some kind of government to help you move forward easily. But to move it, you have to work like a gerbil, running in place as it inches along. Like Democrat-controlled government, there is a claim that if enough people join you on the treadmill, then government will move everyone faster. However, they forgot to mention that not everyone runs as the same speed, adds weight to it and makes it harder to move, and that others are using as much energy as you, but running ahead of you. Yet the proponents claim you can still receive full benefits if for some reason you cannot run because you are still on the machine.
Like government, there were no plans in place if the going is uphill. You have to run harder to move the government and the other runners up the hill, yet it only inches along. There were no plans in place if the going is downhill. There are no brakes to this stupid thing.
Even with everyone running at full tilt, only one person is in control. Just like in Illinois. So you have to hope that this individual knows the route. Instead of running separately, everyone slogs along at a snail’s pace with one guy in control.
Yup - this is Democrat-controlled government as an futile exercise machine!
You work like a dog while actually staying in place in the belief that if enough people join you, then the machine can move everyone easily in unity, everyone working fairly at the same pace.
When the route goes uphill, then everyone slows down and works harder, when the route goes downhill, one person gets to steer while the rest hold on for dear life. There are no brakes to keep it
The redundancy of the above machine mirrors the redundancy Superintendents, Assistant Superintendents, Directors that “Coordinate Curriculum”, Coordinators that direct Directors, Assistant Directors that coordinate the Directors and Coordinators, all wasting scads of money on our over-funded, over-staffed, and over-regulated schools.
But hey! Building the contraption certainly will “provide jobs.”
That thing needs a bell, two mirrors, ribbons from the handles, angel bars, playing cards in the spokes, license plates, a front light, directional signals, bumpers, drink holder, ash tray/lighter, windshield, brakes, sound system, speed limiter, certifications from CMS/SOS/DMV, a safety check, insurance, and driver training. That should keep several people employed.
Could be great video going downhill.
Could be a cool device if tricked out like the motorcycle on the cover of “Quadrophenia”. This could also be substituted for Harleys in a remake of any biker film with the long line of bikers driving by the couple in a car scene.
Now is the time to invest. How can you beat that? Let’s commit ourselves irreversibly to this ahem carefully crafted plan to carry Illinois into the 22nd century and beyond!
Do you think there will be a “New Illinois” on Mars when it gets colonized?
I bet they can make money if they put a WII on it and have this thing control the WII. It would get the kids outside and maybe reduce the childhood obesity problem. The only problem would be in the winter. Than they would have to add a ski attachment and the kids can go cross county skiing.
- Judgment Day Is On The Way - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 1:01 pm:
Ok, the Mobile Treadmill would appear to have stability issues in a non-level environment. It needs the addition of front control-canards to provide longitudinal control during maneuvering (avoids pitchup).
It also looks to need a set of trailing edge flaps to be able to reduce the stalling speed of the treadmill.
JDIOTW, I think you make valid points. I would add that the power train should be enhanced with an automatic transmission to take advantage of the added torque from the additional power provided by the second humanoid.
SPRINGFIELD — In his further efforts to singlehandedly save the planet from greenhouse gas emissions while balancing the budget and improving the health of Illinois State Troopers, Gov. Rod Blagojevich today introduced the new 2009 standard issue prowler for the Illinois State Police.
The governor said the new vehicles will first be put into use patrolling the Chicago expressways starting 12:01 a.m. Jan. 1, 2009.
“This vehicle empowers people. Actually, it’s powered by people, so it’s a win-win. And they get great gas mileage because they don’t need any gas. So… great mileage… that’s another win, for a win-win-win. And it’s good for health. Again a win, so win-win-win-win. Look, a kitty.”
An independent study of the vehicles’ effectiveness will be wildly overpriced and conducted by an obscure firm owned by one of the governor’s cousins. After Stosch’s Consulting, Ltd., independently determines its a great idea, the state will replace its entire fleet of vehicles with the people-powered machines, starting with Minuteman Tow Trucks and snowplows.
The vendor for the vehicles is in no way related to the governor, so don’t even try to find out who it is, the governor said. “We don’t even know who it is, but it’s not somebody who gave me a lot of money, you can be sure of that,” he said.
At the press conference, a hand-picked flunky who owes his wealth to state contracts was trotted out to give a ridiculous endorsement of the initiative as a faux “independent” source.
“What a guy,” the flunky stated.
Following the announcement on this critical environmental initiative, the governor and his entourage loaded into Lincoln Navigators to drive to Springfield Airport where they boarded a state plane to just “cruise around for a while” before returning the governor to his Chicago home.
After a lunch of beenie-weenies and chocolate milk, the governor is expected to the spend the rest of the day in his home office playing Madden 2009, watching TV Land and making prank phone calls to House Speaker Michael Madigan, for the people.
Why elect a runner in his or her own right when you can elect the offspring or offspring-in-law of the guys who have been running in place for decades?
- Jake from Elwood - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 2:58 pm:
Having Jim Thome and Paul Konerko on the same team with only one DH position.
- TimB - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 9:40 am:
I’ll bow to those with more seniority here when they weigh in but…..
The first thing in my mind analogous to Illinois is holding up Medical payments so we have the cash to fund a new health care program.
- Frank Sobotka - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 9:40 am:
Illinois Government: Like a north bound Speedfit treadmill on a south bound airport ‘walkalator’ - a whole lot a of work is being done in an extra complicated way, but it’s going nowhere.
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 9:43 am:
Rod’s “Hot Rod” - like his administration: action without any discernable purpose (other than to annoy and create problems); empty and fairly useless/stupid. The perfect vehicle for guys like him who don’t have any idea where he’s going, or why.
- Commonsense in Illinois - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 9:52 am:
The Blagolator…it walks, it rolls, it flies like a bird in the sky. Some assembly required and watch out…it only moves backwards if at all and comes with just one tire for its four axles and no steering wheel. Cost, just a mere $4 billion.
- fan of capfax - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 9:55 am:
Can you order the men separetly?
- Speaking At Will - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 9:55 am:
Jim Oberweis.
- Judgment Day Is On The Way - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 9:57 am:
“All Kids”
…For everybody 65 years of age and under.
- A Citizen - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 10:10 am:
The State Government model comes with a motor and seats for four extra state employees to sit in while observing the action.
- VanillaMan - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 10:12 am:
The SpeedFit Treadmobile is a model of Democrat-controlled government itself.
The idea is that there ought to be some kind of government to help you move forward easily. But to move it, you have to work like a gerbil, running in place as it inches along. Like Democrat-controlled government, there is a claim that if enough people join you on the treadmill, then government will move everyone faster. However, they forgot to mention that not everyone runs as the same speed, adds weight to it and makes it harder to move, and that others are using as much energy as you, but running ahead of you. Yet the proponents claim you can still receive full benefits if for some reason you cannot run because you are still on the machine.
Like government, there were no plans in place if the going is uphill. You have to run harder to move the government and the other runners up the hill, yet it only inches along. There were no plans in place if the going is downhill. There are no brakes to this stupid thing.
Even with everyone running at full tilt, only one person is in control. Just like in Illinois. So you have to hope that this individual knows the route. Instead of running separately, everyone slogs along at a snail’s pace with one guy in control.
Yup - this is Democrat-controlled government as an futile exercise machine!
You work like a dog while actually staying in place in the belief that if enough people join you, then the machine can move everyone easily in unity, everyone working fairly at the same pace.
When the route goes uphill, then everyone slows down and works harder, when the route goes downhill, one person gets to steer while the rest hold on for dear life. There are no brakes to keep it
- Bruno Behrend - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 10:14 am:
The redundancy of the above machine mirrors the redundancy Superintendents, Assistant Superintendents, Directors that “Coordinate Curriculum”, Coordinators that direct Directors, Assistant Directors that coordinate the Directors and Coordinators, all wasting scads of money on our over-funded, over-staffed, and over-regulated schools.
But hey! Building the contraption certainly will “provide jobs.”
- Bruno Behrend - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 10:17 am:
It probably is much easier on the knees, though.
- Levois - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 10:46 am:
Rod Blagojevich, making things much harder on himself since 2003.
- zatoichi - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 11:09 am:
That thing needs a bell, two mirrors, ribbons from the handles, angel bars, playing cards in the spokes, license plates, a front light, directional signals, bumpers, drink holder, ash tray/lighter, windshield, brakes, sound system, speed limiter, certifications from CMS/SOS/DMV, a safety check, insurance, and driver training. That should keep several people employed.
Could be great video going downhill.
Could be a cool device if tricked out like the motorcycle on the cover of “Quadrophenia”. This could also be substituted for Harleys in a remake of any biker film with the long line of bikers driving by the couple in a car scene.
- Ahem - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 11:14 am:
Now is the time to invest. How can you beat that? Let’s commit ourselves irreversibly to this ahem carefully crafted plan to carry Illinois into the 22nd century and beyond!
Do you think there will be a “New Illinois” on Mars when it gets colonized?
- Boscobud - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 11:28 am:
I bet they can make money if they put a WII on it and have this thing control the WII. It would get the kids outside and maybe reduce the childhood obesity problem. The only problem would be in the winter. Than they would have to add a ski attachment and the kids can go cross county skiing.
- Jay - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 11:49 am:
I believe the Flintstones had a car that worked pretty much like that.
- Kevin Fanning - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 12:23 pm:
Capital bill?
- Judgment Day Is On The Way - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 1:01 pm:
Ok, the Mobile Treadmill would appear to have stability issues in a non-level environment. It needs the addition of front control-canards to provide longitudinal control during maneuvering (avoids pitchup).
It also looks to need a set of trailing edge flaps to be able to reduce the stalling speed of the treadmill.
- Ahem - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 1:04 pm:
JDIOTW, I think you make valid points. I would add that the power train should be enhanced with an automatic transmission to take advantage of the added torque from the additional power provided by the second humanoid.
- wordslinger - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 2:23 pm:
Governor’s Press Office
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
SPRINGFIELD — In his further efforts to singlehandedly save the planet from greenhouse gas emissions while balancing the budget and improving the health of Illinois State Troopers, Gov. Rod Blagojevich today introduced the new 2009 standard issue prowler for the Illinois State Police.
The governor said the new vehicles will first be put into use patrolling the Chicago expressways starting 12:01 a.m. Jan. 1, 2009.
“This vehicle empowers people. Actually, it’s powered by people, so it’s a win-win. And they get great gas mileage because they don’t need any gas. So… great mileage… that’s another win, for a win-win-win. And it’s good for health. Again a win, so win-win-win-win. Look, a kitty.”
An independent study of the vehicles’ effectiveness will be wildly overpriced and conducted by an obscure firm owned by one of the governor’s cousins. After Stosch’s Consulting, Ltd., independently determines its a great idea, the state will replace its entire fleet of vehicles with the people-powered machines, starting with Minuteman Tow Trucks and snowplows.
The vendor for the vehicles is in no way related to the governor, so don’t even try to find out who it is, the governor said. “We don’t even know who it is, but it’s not somebody who gave me a lot of money, you can be sure of that,” he said.
At the press conference, a hand-picked flunky who owes his wealth to state contracts was trotted out to give a ridiculous endorsement of the initiative as a faux “independent” source.
“What a guy,” the flunky stated.
Following the announcement on this critical environmental initiative, the governor and his entourage loaded into Lincoln Navigators to drive to Springfield Airport where they boarded a state plane to just “cruise around for a while” before returning the governor to his Chicago home.
After a lunch of beenie-weenies and chocolate milk, the governor is expected to the spend the rest of the day in his home office playing Madden 2009, watching TV Land and making prank phone calls to House Speaker Michael Madigan, for the people.
- Prairie Sage - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 2:25 pm:
Why elect a runner in his or her own right when you can elect the offspring or offspring-in-law of the guys who have been running in place for decades?
- Jake from Elwood - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 2:58 pm:
Having Jim Thome and Paul Konerko on the same team with only one DH position.
- Captain Flume - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 3:26 pm:
The Department of Redundancy Department (CMS).
- 2for2 - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 4:03 pm:
I’d compare it to giving $1000 of taxpayer money to people who buy hybrid cars when they were going to buy them anyway.
- 2for2 - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 4:05 pm:
Flume,
Post of the month. Nice work.
- Say WHAT? - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 4:26 pm:
Hey, I doubt this thing is street legal. HURRY Man O Hair - sign everybody up for them!
- Unspun - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 7:29 pm:
Does the treadmill go faster than the person walking on it? If so, the treadmill is the Speaker and the walker is the AG. Destination: Gov’s mansion.
- Arthur Andersen - Tuesday, Nov 18, 08 @ 10:58 pm:
Filan’s pension-funding “strategy.”