* With all the excitement of the past two weeks I’d almost forgotten about our latest round of Golden Horseshoe awards. Here they are…

* Best press spokesperson (legislative, congressional, local or statewide) goes to Steve Brown, who flaks for Speaker Madigan…

[Brown] can shove it down our throats with a soft smile.

* The best non-press staffer for a constitutional officer award goes to Colleen Daley at Treasurer Giannoulias’ office. This comment sums her up best…

Colleen Daley stands out in a very competitive field of staffers. Colleen puts in a lot of time and lets her boss get the credit. Quintessential staffer now, destined for bigger things later.

Agreed.

* Best Statehouse lobbyist just has to go to Tom Suffredin, who lobbied the comment section on his own behalf…

Since I did not see anything explicitly stating that one may not nominate oneself for a Golden Horseshoe, I figured that I would take this opportunity to do a little pro se lobbying(Not pro bono, mind ye. Loophole finding and prompt billing are both important lobbyist skills).

In reviewing the list of other nominees, I have noticed a pattern. These men (seriously? all guys? really? in 2008?) all possess experience, knowledge of the legislative process, good teeth and hair, nice suits, impeccable reading and writing ability, the respect of their peers and good interpersonal skills.

I have none of these things.

It’s still a 50/50 proposition that I will even find the capitol building on any given session day (is it off second or third? oh wait monroe is one way the wrong way, darn,screw it, i tried, i’m just going home i’m tired anyway.) And if I do manage to find it, I’ll probably get lost once I’m there (mezzanine? how come i can’t get there from here? screw it. i’m going to the rathskellar for chicken fingers.)

I thank a previous commenter for pointing out that I am often at the capitol very late, but I feel that I must point out that this is mostly a result of my inability to remember that the east entrance is closed in the evenings and I get disoriented by the other doors (Stratton and Howlett Buildings look the same to me, i have no sense of direction, and may possibly be colorblind as well).

Plus who could forget my stirring “Record of appearance only. No position on the merits.” committee testimony? People wept.

Moreover many of the other nominees have won awards in the past. Me? Not so much. Rich, you know that this thing will go on my desk or wall or whatever proudly. Can the others say the same? I think not.

This screed is likely riddled with spelling and grammatical errors. I am also functionally illiterate. I may not have mentioned this.

His name is too long to make him a subscriber-only blog password, so I guess I gotta give him the award to get him off my back. Dave Feller was much easier to deal with.

* The other winners can be found at this link. Congratulations to all.