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Caption contest!
Wednesday, Jun 16, 2010 - Posted by Rich Miller * From Congressman Mark Kirk’s Facebook page…  …ADDING… Geez, I didn’t think I had to warn y’all about something like this, but keep it clean or you’ll find yourself banned for life. * Other US Senate campaign news…
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- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:01 am:
“Faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than a locomotive. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. It’s a bird, it’s a plane … it’s … no wait … It’s Mark Kirk … geez that would be so cool to hear”
- I Cant Believe I Ate The Whole Thing - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:02 am:
“Can you do that thing where you fly around the earth, reversing its rotation and going back in time and then stop me from saying all those lies about my service record? Great. Thanks.”
- Dooley Dudright - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:04 am:
(1) “I must have misremembered. Clark Kent was the Intelligence Officer of the Year.”
(2) “Gee, Photoshop can turn me into THAT??”
- Are Ya Kiddin' Me? - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:06 am:
“The year I was named Military Intelligence “Man of the Year”, I uncovered Superman’s real identity……no not really, I just made that up….”
- George - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:06 am:
Rich…..
I think you are just begging for it here.
- 47th Ward - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:07 am:
You think his cape is nice? You should see me in my dress whites!
-or-
By day, he’s newspaper reporter Clark Kent, but really he’s Superman. I pretend to be Congressman Mark Kirk, but really I’m Commander Kirk, USN, the Intelligence Officer of the Year! So we’re both superheroes if you want to be precise.
- Small Town Liberal - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:08 am:
This statue was an award given to me for my heroic service as Superman in the Gulf War…
- Give Me A Break - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:08 am:
I’ve a war record, its freakin golden, and I could bet you and Bill Brady.
- wordslinger - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:09 am:
In addition, I’ve also been an auxiliary member of the Justice League of America. Once, while flying in Wonder Woman’s invisible plane….
- Rich Miller - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:14 am:
One banned. Anyone else want to try? Don’t.
- Anonymous - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:15 am:
Before and After
- Sewanee - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:16 am:
“Have you talked to Mom & Dad lately?”
- HatShopGirl - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:16 am:
“New Trier is planning a statue honoring me, as their most honorable graduate.”
- Anonymous - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:19 am:
That last one was actually funny, HatShopGirl.
- A.B. - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:21 am:
So when you fly over a combat zone and stop a nuclear warhead are you considered to have been in combat or just deployed to the war zone?
- Ronbo - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:22 am:
Boy! They really must like Gary Forby down here.
- Anonymous - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:23 am:
Maybe this would work better if we photoshopped the dog into the picture.
- Really?? - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:24 am:
How Mark Kirk sees himself.
- Njardar - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:33 am:
Hmm… I bet if I went around in a cape and tights people would stop talking about my background.
- Please... - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:34 am:
Did I ever mention that I was once Superman?
- Really?? - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:35 am:
“Someday…someday.”
- Fed up - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:38 am:
Even the man of steel. Couldn’t stop Alexis bank from giving bad loans to members of organized crime.
- 10th Indy - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:41 am:
Forget saving metropolis, forget defeating lux luthor, forget the time you spent in the ice castle - it doesn’t matter. All they are going to say is that you lied with that whole Clark Kent thing.
- Fed up - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:42 am:
Hey superman could you help me pay for my kids college? Alexi lost half my money with his 529 plan managment. Maybe I could get a loan from Broadway bank, oh that’s right the bank was mismanaged into the ground. Becareful superman Alexi is like kryptonite when it comes to finances.
- just sayin' - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:44 am:
Well since the definitive answer is off limits, how ’bout,
“Aaron Schock chides Mark Kirk for not knowing Metropolis event was casual attire.”
- Wumpus - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:44 am:
Rich, your warning wins!
I guess you aren’t in DC after all.
- Carl Nyberg - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:48 am:
==Spokeswoman Kirsten Kukowski said in a statement that no such violations were mentioned in Kirk’s performance evaluations.==
I was admonished in the Navy and those conversations weren’t explicitly mentioned in my fitness reports.
I also chastised some of my subordinates in writing. If the sailor was a big enough problem those warnings got into evals. Mostly they didn’t.
==She noted the Pentagon gave Kirk, a member of Congress, special permission to return to Afghanistan for another stint on active duty.==
Kirk got special permission to do what he wanted b/c he was a member of Congress. If Kirk was a normal reserve intel officer he would have been at a desk stateside or asked to retire.
Kirk wants credit for “serving” in the reserves but his whole career has been one case of special treatment after another.
==”Had there been any issues documented in Congressman Kirk’s military record, the Department of Defense would not have issued a second waiver for his deployment to Afghanistan,” Kukowski said.==
The memo that gave permission for Kirk to go on “combat tourism” to Afghanistan explicitly mentions the “issues” of Kirk politicking in violation of the regs.
Kukowski is a liar to say that getting sent to Afghanistan proves Kirk did nothing wrong.
==[Kukowski] would not comment further or address whether Kirk specifically denies the violations took place.==
So, in the Kukowski/Kirk world they want the journalists–the people Kirk has been lying to for a decade–to make a faulty inference based on DOD agreeing to let Kirk do “combat tourism” in Afghanistan. But Kukowski won’t make a statement on Kirk’s behalf supporting the faulty inference.
Hey, journalists, Kirk and Kukowski have no respect for you… if you didn’t notice.
- jonbtuba - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:51 am:
Lying, misremembering, and the American politician
- Anonymous - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:52 am:
Kirk: Did you get my press release? You know, the one where I changed my clothes and became you?
- Bluefish - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:57 am:
There’s no need to fear, Blunderdog is here!!!
- Anonymous - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:58 am:
Sorry, hit the enter key accidentally. That last one should have been:
Kirk: Did you get my press release? You know, the one where I ran into a phone booth, changed my clothes, and became you?
*pause*
Yeah. A phone booth. Why are you looking at me that way, Superman?
- Anonymiss - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:00 pm:
Taking a break from the campaign trail, Mark Kirk shops for mirrors in southern Illinois.
- Jake from Elwood - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:02 pm:
The one on the left flies around to prevent crimes from occurring. The one on the right scurries around to prevent lies from spreading.
Hey Nyberg, save your rambling diatribe for another post. This is supposed to be a caption contest and even using my xray vision, I find no connection between your written pollution and the photograph.
- Anonymous - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:12 pm:
Kirk: So was “Kryptonite” the name of your spokesperson?
- Anonymous - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:14 pm:
*winks at Jake*
- paddyrolingstone - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:17 pm:
We sure could have used Superman’s help when I was on the beaches of Normandy.
- Anonymous - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:19 pm:
So how much dirt can you cover yourself in over a six-month period–just standing there…um, instead of rolling around in it the way I do?
- Vole - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:20 pm:
Kirk looks up to his hero, Andy Kaufman.
- A.B. - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:24 pm:
Rich -
How exactly is Carl’s post appropriate for this caption discussion?
- Anonymous - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:26 pm:
Can’t be, Vole. Andy Kaufman used to impersonate Elvis. Elvis used to be Blago’s hero….
Oh, wait! I see the connection there; thanks for the tip. Time for another press release explaining how the Democrats are behind this whole DOD thing.
- Anonymous - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:35 pm:
Andy Kaufman used to play the theme to Under Dog and lip sync the words.
- Independent Minded Dem - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:39 pm:
In the spirit of being
Its a bird, its a plane.. No… Its SUPER KIRK… KNOCKING AROUND ALEXI IN A SINGLE BOUND!!!
- Independent Minded Dem - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:39 pm:
In the spirit of being funny was what I meant to say.
- Anonymous - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:40 pm:
Not very well, Anon 12:35.
- Moving to Oklahoma - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:40 pm:
there is not a comment that I could post that would be worth posting and at the same time not warrant being banned.
- Pat Robertson - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:42 pm:
“Gee, Rod, you look a lot better in that outfit than Elvis ever did. By the way, I’m really grateful for your headline-grabbing to taking some of the heat off my gaffs.”
- Anonymous - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 12:43 pm:
A.B., seriously… Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
How do you think the Voters feel–especially the Republicans?
- Irish - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 1:10 pm:
You’re wearing red and blue are you an Independent?
- the Patriot - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 1:10 pm:
“I thought Paul Simon wore a bow tie”
- Irish - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 1:16 pm:
Kirk thinking to self. “Yeah so cool, I wonder if I can get a big Red S for my shirt when I get elected Senator”
- Anonymous - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 1:18 pm:
When I become Senator, I’ll be one of the most powerful men in the United States.
Think about that, Superman.
- TwoFeetThick - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 1:24 pm:
On his tour of Places I Would Never Visit if I Weren’t Running for Statewide Office, U.S. Senate candidate, Mark Kirk (R-Collodi) inspects an example of the unique Southern Illinois’ tradition of erecting large, fiberglass monuments of cartoon characters. Next stop: Chester.
- FillB - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 1:32 pm:
Faster than an illegal twitter post. Able to craft tall tales in a single bound. It’s a bird… It’s a plane (taking flak)… It’s the single winner of the Rufus Taylor Award… It’s Exaggerator Man!
- Irish - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 1:32 pm:
The candidate dichotomy Illinois Voters have always faced.
On the right a politician.
On the left what politicians think they are.
- Way Way Down Here - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 1:33 pm:
Good one Irish
- HatShopGirl - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 1:52 pm:
Anon-11:19, I actually wanted it to read,
“New Trier is planning a statue honoring me, as their most honorable graduate. I wonder if they’ve already commissioned a sculptor. I would prefer being immortalized in color instead of marble.”
- D.P. Gumby - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 2:09 pm:
“Say, did you hear about Touchdown Jesus?”
- really?? - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 2:26 pm:
It was Mighty Mouse not Under Dog that Kauffman gave lip service to. Here he comes to save the day…
- VanillaMan - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 2:26 pm:
“Superman isn’t real either. Get over it!”
- Old Shepherd - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 2:37 pm:
DC comic meets DC joke
- Say WHAT? - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 2:46 pm:
Its a bird, Its a plane…Its…..its…..RICH MILLER?
- TwoFeetThick - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 2:46 pm:
Hmmmm… The sculptor got my hair right… My Underoos are depicted perfectly… But he seems to have exaggerated my pectoral muscles - I’m not quite that stacked. Oh well, what’s a little embellishment? No one will notice…
- Ela Observer - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 2:47 pm:
You don’t tug on Superman’s cape,
You don’t spit into the wind.
- ZC - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 2:50 pm:
The Man of Steel meets the Man of Spiel.
- zatoichi - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 3:08 pm:
Superman could reverse time by flying counter-clockwise around the earth. I’d love to do the same.
- VanillaMan - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 3:13 pm:
“Look around Superman. See what you did to this town with all your powers? Thanks to you, nothing happens in Metropolis anymore!”
“Take a day off and let evil catch up, will ya?”
- Ghost - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 3:39 pm:
So the underwear goes on the outside!
- Cook County Commoner - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 4:02 pm:
Help me here big guy. If they find that sixth grade book report, I’m finished.
- Nickname - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 4:37 pm:
“Oh yeah, I remember when I fought along-side my buddy Kal-El to defeat the even Mole-People and prevent them from taking over our Country’s water supply…. good times. Where’s my Press Staff?”
- MrJM - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 6:08 pm:
“Where can I get me a Fortress of Solitude?”
– MrJM
- Hawkeye - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 9:37 pm:
You don’t have to “misremember” your record when you have superpowers.
- Anon - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:06 pm:
I can empathize with you Superman, I too was shot at while flying over Iraq
- Anon - Wednesday, Jun 16, 10 @ 11:07 pm:
OMG look at those pretty colored tights
- anon - Thursday, Jun 17, 10 @ 7:15 am:
what is he staring at?
- lakeview - Thursday, Jun 17, 10 @ 7:27 am:
I remember well the experiences I gained from my extensive era as a superhero. Well, okay, it was Hallowe’en 1972. So I misremembered, big deal, you might misremember sometimes if you had been in the line of enemy fire.
- Aldyth - Thursday, Jun 17, 10 @ 7:44 am:
“My past is almost as fictional as yours.”
- Festus Hagen - Thursday, Jun 17, 10 @ 8:34 am:
I just wanted to comment that after reading the above captions that “there are some really clever and witty folks” that read Rich’s Capitol Fax Blog. They are really funny.