Take a "gander" at FBI Springfield's visitors today! Being federally protected in combination with visiting a federal building gives them a double "web" of protection. A background check revealed dual citizenship. #CanadianGeese, #SillyGoosepic.twitter.com/4BPbTn0wsZ
Q. What do you get when you cross an elevator and an alligator?
A. An S-ca-lator!
I told my son that joke when he was 2 1/2 and we visited the Museum of Science and Industry for the first time. He had never ridden an escalator before, and theirs is 3 stories high. I could tell he was a little nervous, so I said the first stupid thing that popped into my head.
It was the first joke I ever told him, and he laughed all the way up the escalator making me tell him the joke over and over while mom took the stroller up the glass elevator, watching us laugh like fools.
At the top, he told her the joke, and then we told it to each other all day.
It’s really my only Dad Joke, but I figure if you have a really good Dad Joke, you only really need one.
A man orders a large pizza. The chef asks if he wants it cut into eight or twelve slices. The man replies, eight. I don’t think I’m hungry enough for twelve.
Everytime we were out for breakfast, Dad would ask the waitress if there were free coffee refills. Waitress said yes and Dad would say I’d like to order a refill please. I think it was an old WC Fields joke.
- lake county democrat - Tuesday, Mar 9, 21 @ 4:18 pm:
Definitely a flight risk.
- FormerParatrooper - Tuesday, Mar 9, 21 @ 4:25 pm:
When passing over railroad crossings my Grandfather would say a train must of just by, you can see the tracks.
The last dad joke I remember my dad making:
My mom and dad got a new dishwasher for the kitchen. I asked my mom, “Hey, how’s that new dishwasher working out?” Dad said, “She talks a little too much, but does a good job.” My dad, the walking rimshot.
And my grandfather: If you said something a bit wacky or that he didn’t understand, he’d look up and say “There goes a flock of ‘em.”
- The Opinions Bureau - Tuesday, Mar 9, 21 @ 2:56 pm:
What a fowl joke.
- Proud Papa Bear - Tuesday, Mar 9, 21 @ 3:00 pm:
I don’t mind rain. Y’don’t hafta shovel it.
- RNUG - Tuesday, Mar 9, 21 @ 3:00 pm:
But did they have a Real ID for access?
- Boone's is Back - Tuesday, Mar 9, 21 @ 3:01 pm:
At this office, what’s good for the goose is not necessarily good for the gander.
- Ok - Tuesday, Mar 9, 21 @ 3:02 pm:
“Is this where they sell “American Human” coats, dad?
- Saluki24 - Tuesday, Mar 9, 21 @ 3:15 pm:
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes “a parent.”
- DuPage Saint - Tuesday, Mar 9, 21 @ 3:16 pm:
I don’t care if they are protected if you mess with FBI they have a sauce good for both goose and gander
- PublicServant - Tuesday, Mar 9, 21 @ 3:20 pm:
Duck, Duck, Goose said the FBI guy to the insurrectionists.
- Dave Clarkin - Tuesday, Mar 9, 21 @ 3:21 pm:
Q. What do you get when you cross an elevator and an alligator?
A. An S-ca-lator!
I told my son that joke when he was 2 1/2 and we visited the Museum of Science and Industry for the first time. He had never ridden an escalator before, and theirs is 3 stories high. I could tell he was a little nervous, so I said the first stupid thing that popped into my head.
It was the first joke I ever told him, and he laughed all the way up the escalator making me tell him the joke over and over while mom took the stroller up the glass elevator, watching us laugh like fools.
At the top, he told her the joke, and then we told it to each other all day.
It’s really my only Dad Joke, but I figure if you have a really good Dad Joke, you only really need one.
- Responsa - Tuesday, Mar 9, 21 @ 3:25 pm:
Somebody has to have cleaned up the mess before that photo was taken.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Mar 9, 21 @ 3:30 pm:
It’s not ducky, but it quacks me up
- Slugger O'Toole - Tuesday, Mar 9, 21 @ 3:52 pm:
A man orders a large pizza. The chef asks if he wants it cut into eight or twelve slices. The man replies, eight. I don’t think I’m hungry enough for twelve.
- Slugger O'Toole - Tuesday, Mar 9, 21 @ 3:57 pm:
My son asked me to explain cloning because he didn’t think he understood the concept. I said, “that makes two of us”.
I’ll stop now.
- Norseman - Tuesday, Mar 9, 21 @ 4:04 pm:
Passing a cemetery: “How many people are buried there? All of them.” Moan.You didn’t say they had to be good.
- Orland (D) - Tuesday, Mar 9, 21 @ 4:13 pm:
Everytime we were out for breakfast, Dad would ask the waitress if there were free coffee refills. Waitress said yes and Dad would say I’d like to order a refill please. I think it was an old WC Fields joke.
- lake county democrat - Tuesday, Mar 9, 21 @ 4:18 pm:
Definitely a flight risk.
- FormerParatrooper - Tuesday, Mar 9, 21 @ 4:25 pm:
When passing over railroad crossings my Grandfather would say a train must of just by, you can see the tracks.
- Lurker - Tuesday, Mar 9, 21 @ 4:29 pm:
They came for the fresh organic insect diet but felt goosed at the FOID they were offered.
- Third Reading - Tuesday, Mar 9, 21 @ 4:54 pm:
Didn’t realize the Sfield FBI HQ is a no-fly zone.
Must be a Bailey for Gov rally … no masks.
Honk if you want the investigations to continue
- kestrel - Tuesday, Mar 9, 21 @ 4:58 pm:
The last dad joke I remember my dad making:
My mom and dad got a new dishwasher for the kitchen. I asked my mom, “Hey, how’s that new dishwasher working out?” Dad said, “She talks a little too much, but does a good job.” My dad, the walking rimshot.
And my grandfather: If you said something a bit wacky or that he didn’t understand, he’d look up and say “There goes a flock of ‘em.”
- AlfondoGonz - Tuesday, Mar 9, 21 @ 8:41 pm:
Schmuck schmuck Bruce
- Da Big Bad Wolf - Thursday, Mar 11, 21 @ 9:07 am:
The original honkies.