DEAR ABBY: A close friend has just announced — out of the blue — that she’s running for a prominent public office. It’s going to be a contentious race, and it’s likely to get ugly for whomever runs. She sent out messages this week assuming her friends will be supporting her through our social networks, door knocking, hosting fundraising events and whatever else she needs. She said she’s looking forward to working with us.
Abby, the way her announcements are worded, I can tell she’s going to be blindsided when I decline her “request.” She assumes that because we are friends, I would want her in office. However, in my opinion, she’s not the best person for the job, and I have other civic engagements I’m already committed to this year. I also feel that maybe she should have actually asked.
Is there any way I can maintain the friendship without supporting the candidate? I don’t see what the graceful way out is, and her conversation is already oriented toward “us” vs. “them.” — HIDING UNTIL THE PRIMARIES
DEAR HIDING: Explain to your friend that you are already committed to other “civic engagements” this year and, because of time constraints, you can’t back out of them. Then wish her luck and send her a small financial contribution for her campaign “in the name of friendship.”
Your own thoughts?
* And now for the music, from the late, great Illinoisan John Prine…
Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood
45 Comments
- Just Another Anon - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 7:49 am:
Abby got it right. Not everyone is political, hard as it may seem to believe, and not everyone wants to get involved. I’ll even say a well wishing response without a donation is acceptable, depending on your means.
- Bruce( no not him) - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 7:50 am:
“… a small financial contribution for her campaign “in the name of friendship.”
Nah, a hearty handshake and a “Good Luck” is all you get from me.
- NonAFSCMEStateEmployeeFromChatham - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 7:55 am:
I strongly agree with Abby.
Dear Abby has been one of the victims of the Gatehouse (now Gannett) destruction of the SJR the past 15 years. About 5 years ago they were dumped in favor of “Dear Annie.” Then recently as part of dumping the print Saturday paper, Dear Annie found herself replaced with Carolyn Hax from the Washington Post.
I happen to like my friends, so I don’t want them to experience the pain of running for office. There are lots of good reasons why most people never run for office, and being a good friend means sometimes reminding them of those reasons.
- Three Dimensional Checkers - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 7:59 am:
I like Abby’s advice. No need for a full airing of the grievances. Just politely decline and move on. I don’t think total political alignment is necessary for a friendship anyway.
“Wow, Candidate — this is exciting news! My upcoming calendar is filled with civic plans so I don’t know how much of a help I can be in this primary contest. Just know that I will be watching from afar and wishing you the very best during this big moment.”
seems kind of presumptuous on the part of the writer, if you asked me. the first thing any campaign does is reach out to the candidate’s contact list. it would surprise no campaign that there are different kinds of “friends” on that list, especially as a well-staffed campaign would basically push to know about anyone the candidate might have met along the way.
i would assume that if the candidate had a special affinity for the friend, they would have made the request themselves…
- StealYourFace - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:07 am:
“Dear Abby, Dear Abby
My fountain pen leaks,
My wife hollers at me,
and my kids are all freaks”
John was always good for a laugh. Missing him a lot right now.
I don’t think I have any friends who I completely agree with politically. I also don’t think I have any who I disagree with vehemently. OTOH, I had a woman tossed from my father’s wake because she treated it like a campaign meet and greet. The funeral home guys were discreet about it.
I told my friend that I liked her for many reasons but our political ideas are not in sync so I will not be able to support her. However, since you are a friend, I will not speak against you in any way and I hope they run a successful campaign.
We are still good friends and to be honest, I’m glad she lost.
- Majority of Me - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:16 am:
I believe the important information to inform the decision is in the first three words, “A close friend … “. I would be supportive of my close friend enough to show support, including the small financial contribution while wishing her well, while avoiding committing to other activities. I would likely have to deal with her yard sign in my yard when that request came along later.
- Give Me A Break - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:17 am:
Even a “small” contribution will get you the pleasure of landing on the mailing (snail and email) list for every candidate running for everything from US Senate to water commissioner. Enjoy the new friends you about to find out you have.
- Grandson of Man - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:19 am:
Do not agree with the response. Friendship is based on honesty. It’s best to just tell the truth. Maybe the candidate has flaws that need to be addressed, like assuming friends should automatically help. Would not burden friends in such a way, to make them feel obligated to help my campaign.
If they’re friends they should be able to talk it out and maybe find a compromise or understanding of some kind.
- allknowingmasterofraccoondom - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:22 am:
“Hiding” sure sounds like one of Kathy Salvi’s friends.
Can’t we focus on what’s most important? The
Music! Great song!
- NonAFSCMEStateEmployeeFromChatham - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:23 am:
==Even a “small” contribution will get you the pleasure of landing on the mailing (snail and email) list for every candidate running for everything from US Senate to water commissioner.==
And that includes candidates who live in districts that both then and now you didn’t live even remotely close to.
Nothing all wrong with politely declining. And if the two are true friends, simply explaining that you don’t like to mix or complicate friendships with politics. I might skip the contribution as it seems that you’re putting a price tag on friendship.
While it’s still old school, Campaign 101, to draw from the “Christmas Card List”, “all the clubs I belong to” list(s), the “anyone I made eye contact with since birth” list…
Doesn’t mean anyone is obligated to give, nor should any campaign feel these lists mean they area ATMs. They are “start here” lists, as they’ve always been.
Doesn’t hurt to ask, but, nope is more than an acceptable answer to the ask.
=== She assumes that because we are friends, I would want her in office. However, in my opinion, she’s not the best person for the job, ===
Just raises questions for me. Sounds like they are more like “acquaintances” than “friends.” Friends are people who share your core values that you trust. What could be more important in an elected official? Who is this better person for the job?
I don’t care who the friend is or what their resume looks like, or even if there is someone else running whom I think would do a better job. If a friend of mine decides to run for office and asks for my help, I am gonna give it to them. The voters collectively will decide who the better candidate is, but win or lose I will still be a good friend, and that is the more important thing.
No one talks at your funeral about how many elections you won or lost, they talk about the kind of friend you were.
Rich - Thank you for introducing me to John Prine. I’ve been listening non-stop since I finally got around to listening to his music last year.
- Cool Papa Bell - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:45 am:
=she’s running for a prominent public office=
If she’s running for that big of an office, hopefully she has a few good people around her and they are letting her know that not everyone she knows will lend their support.
Maybe she’s savvy enough to know that already.
I agree that a friend would drop a quick note saying “all the best”. But maybe, just maybe, she’s not really expecting broad support - she just has to ask.
- James the Intolerant - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:45 am:
John Prine, the greatest poet/song writer of our time. What a great, humble man.
The topic of talking politics among friends is taboo, but then add in the topic of money and watch the dumpster fire happen. Only the strongest of friendships can survive one of the two running for office. It will take a high emotional IQ. Good luck to all.
- Bourbon Street - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:47 am:
==And that includes candidates who live in districts that both then and now you didn’t live even remotely close to==
So true. One of my former students moved to a state on the West Coast and ran for office. I started to routinely get emails from other candidates running for office in Washington and Oregon even though I live in Illinois.
To the post: I think the letter writer is taking this a bit too seriously. One way a candidate can assess his or her chances at the ballot box is the amount of initial support that is given, so asking people with whom the candidate is already acquainted for help is one way to make that assessment. Moreover, a simple “I’m already occupied with other civic obligations” would suffice as a polite response. If this is truly a close friend, then a small contribution may be in order.
A friend of mine invited me to a meeting with some people to ask for help with his campaign for a prominent state office. I attended and it went fine.
Later my boss called me into his office. My boss is a city elected official and he said he heard I was helping my friend’s campaign. He explained that the child of a very important elected official was also running for the same office as my friend. He warned me to keep a low profile. I had to tell my friend I couldn’t help his campaign or I might lose my job. He understood, thankfully.
Then, two weeks later, my boss called me again. He said that not only could I not help my friend’s campaign, if I wanted to keep my job, then I had to volunteer for the child of the prominent official. I haven’t even met her.
I don’t want to lose my job Abby. What should I do?
=Friends are people who share your core values that you trust.=
That sounds more like a tribe than friends. I have a number of friends that I don’t agree with politically and that’s ok. I’ve supported both Republicans and Democrats so that could leave me very lonely. Being someone’s friend doesn’t mean that I have to share their politics. And frankly I prefer friendships that aren’t rooted in politics.
=== That sounds more like a tribe than friends. I have a number of friends that I don’t agree with politically and that’s ok.===
Concur, “same”, yes.
The problem since 2013 is that, for me, I’ve found that those I traditionally use to align with, pre-2013, are now ones whom become the most tribal and shied away and those whom I was friends with, with political differences, they’ve been more present in my life, and a wee bit less tribal.
Maybe it boils down to how one sees money in politics, not how one sees friends and measuring that by dollars?
I guess Abby is not from a very politically volatile state?
Did SHE really send out messages or did she dump her contacts into a campaign email list so her volunteers can aggressively spam all her friends and associates with fundraising emails?
Ignore the email, unsubscribe from the list and see if the friend ever makes a direct personal request.
- Paddyrollingstone - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 9:19 am:
John Prine was the best, may he rest in peace. I actually met Dear Abby (or it may have been Ann Landers!) 30 or so years ago or so at Jim Thompson’s annual Christmas party at the Drake. She was incredibly kind and was actually interested in who I was and what I was up to. Wish I could remember which sister it was!
=== . I have a number of friends that I don’t agree with politically ===
I have a number a friends who belong to a different political party than me. We still share the same core values like honesty, loyalty, and “do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”
Adam Kinzinger finds himself crossways now because his politics conflicted with his core values, and he put those core values ahead of politics.
Kelly Cassidy found herself in a position where her politics conflicted with her core values, and she put her core values first.
I am sorry if the distinction I was making was unclear, I hope this helps.
“Tribalism” is actually what you seem to be advocating, placing political identity first. I don’t care whether my friend is a Democrat or a Republican, or checks all my boxes on the standard litmus test of political issues.
“I would trust you to babysit my kids but not be city clerk” does not seem like a viable position to me.
Dear Abby: while the vote is private, if one does not want to be known as a supporter of a candidate, one does not put a candidate’s sign in the window or on the lawn. and one most certainly does not contribute money to the candidate, even a small amount, which might lead one to be tracked, checks and credit cards and all. I’m assuming you don’t mean cash, Dear Abby. signed, staying on the sidelines in Illinois.
We’re dealing with this issue now. A friend whom we enjoy and have donated to before is running for a policy making office and has come out as strongly pro-life. Reproductive rights/access are a litmus test issue for me. We have supported each other in the past for local offices. We wished him/her well and are out of town. Hopefully, the primary will resolve the issue. If not, time may smooth things. We enjoy their company and avoid politics.
Sounds like you’ve discovered you and your friend don’t share the same core values. Or worse, maybe your friend has decided they need to suddenly “be the pro-life candidate” in order to win, which really brings their integrity to question. Good for you making a stand, and one you can easily defend. It’s much better than Abby’s wishy-washy approach.
There is a great story that Tip O’Neill used to tell about running in his first race for Cambridge City Council. On Election Day one of his neighbors told him she was going to vote for him even though he didn’t ask. O’Neill was surprised, pointing out he had known her all his life, shoveled her walk, cut her grass etc - so he assumed she would vote for him. The neighbor fired back, “Tom, let me tell you something. People like to be asked.”
That’s what came to mind hearing this story. Even in the modern age of campaigning - people still like to be asked.
In the 30 years I have lived in my house, 2 people rang the door bell asking to have their petitions signed. Because they asked, I have voted for them.
- NonAFSCMEStateEmployeeFromChatham - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 11:23 am:
Dear Abby,
Please grow some magic money tree beans, then once the trees grow please fertilize it enough to have several trillions of dollars.
Which you could then use to purchase and take over both Gannett and Sinclair.
Then spin off the SJR and Channel 20 back to local owners, or perhaps sell both to the owners of the Illinois Times, and get some real journalism back to the Capitol City.
- Proud Papa Bear - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 11:56 am:
My co-worker’s son ran for office (didn’t have a prayer in the primary) and asked me to sign his petition. As it happened, I’d already signed for another political party.
Even though her son’s viewpoints are vastly different from mine, I would have signed if I could but I would have told her that my support would’ve ended there.
- Joe Bidenopolous - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 12:02 pm:
=“I would trust you to babysit my kids but not be city clerk” does not seem like a viable position to me.=
Absolute nonsense. I would absolutely trust my mother in law to watch my kids - she did it last night - and I would never in a billion years think that she is competent to run a clerk’s office (or any elected office, for that matter). Not because of her politics, but because of her skillset
Also - Michelle Flaherty is right - unsubscribe and wait to see if there’s a personal touch
- Just Another Anon - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 7:49 am:
Abby got it right. Not everyone is political, hard as it may seem to believe, and not everyone wants to get involved. I’ll even say a well wishing response without a donation is acceptable, depending on your means.
- Bruce( no not him) - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 7:50 am:
“… a small financial contribution for her campaign “in the name of friendship.”
Nah, a hearty handshake and a “Good Luck” is all you get from me.
- NonAFSCMEStateEmployeeFromChatham - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 7:55 am:
I strongly agree with Abby.
Dear Abby has been one of the victims of the Gatehouse (now Gannett) destruction of the SJR the past 15 years. About 5 years ago they were dumped in favor of “Dear Annie.” Then recently as part of dumping the print Saturday paper, Dear Annie found herself replaced with Carolyn Hax from the Washington Post.
https://www.sj-r.com/story/news/local/2022/03/18/sj-r-subscribers-have-unlimited-access-improved-e-edition/7003766001/
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 7:56 am:
Bad advice. Money, so I’m told, is free speech.
Money is also the measure in budgets, the weight and measure of a commitment towards policy and all that policy means.
So, all that said, nope. A dollar committed is a dollar endorsed.
Also, thanks for the John Prine, Rich. A strong start to the day, and continuing with your open thread yesterday, be well, Rich.
- vern - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 7:56 am:
I happen to like my friends, so I don’t want them to experience the pain of running for office. There are lots of good reasons why most people never run for office, and being a good friend means sometimes reminding them of those reasons.
- Three Dimensional Checkers - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 7:59 am:
I like Abby’s advice. No need for a full airing of the grievances. Just politely decline and move on. I don’t think total political alignment is necessary for a friendship anyway.
- Torco Sign - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:00 am:
“Wow, Candidate — this is exciting news! My upcoming calendar is filled with civic plans so I don’t know how much of a help I can be in this primary contest. Just know that I will be watching from afar and wishing you the very best during this big moment.”
- Nieva - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:03 am:
Dear Abby Dear Abby my wallet is too small. Call on a billionaire and be a governor by fall..
- bored now - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:06 am:
seems kind of presumptuous on the part of the writer, if you asked me. the first thing any campaign does is reach out to the candidate’s contact list. it would surprise no campaign that there are different kinds of “friends” on that list, especially as a well-staffed campaign would basically push to know about anyone the candidate might have met along the way.
i would assume that if the candidate had a special affinity for the friend, they would have made the request themselves…
- StealYourFace - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:07 am:
“Dear Abby, Dear Abby
My fountain pen leaks,
My wife hollers at me,
and my kids are all freaks”
John was always good for a laugh. Missing him a lot right now.
- Cheryl44 - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:10 am:
I don’t think I have any friends who I completely agree with politically. I also don’t think I have any who I disagree with vehemently. OTOH, I had a woman tossed from my father’s wake because she treated it like a campaign meet and greet. The funeral home guys were discreet about it.
- Flyin' Elvis'-Utah Chapter - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:10 am:
A close friend does not volunteer your time w/o asking.
As far as a small donation, uh, no. You’re just begging to be hit up again.
- Hannibal Lecter - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:15 am:
Would love to know who “Hiding” was referring to.
- Lurker - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:16 am:
I told my friend that I liked her for many reasons but our political ideas are not in sync so I will not be able to support her. However, since you are a friend, I will not speak against you in any way and I hope they run a successful campaign.
We are still good friends and to be honest, I’m glad she lost.
- Majority of Me - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:16 am:
I believe the important information to inform the decision is in the first three words, “A close friend … “. I would be supportive of my close friend enough to show support, including the small financial contribution while wishing her well, while avoiding committing to other activities. I would likely have to deal with her yard sign in my yard when that request came along later.
- Give Me A Break - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:17 am:
Even a “small” contribution will get you the pleasure of landing on the mailing (snail and email) list for every candidate running for everything from US Senate to water commissioner. Enjoy the new friends you about to find out you have.
- Grandson of Man - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:19 am:
Do not agree with the response. Friendship is based on honesty. It’s best to just tell the truth. Maybe the candidate has flaws that need to be addressed, like assuming friends should automatically help. Would not burden friends in such a way, to make them feel obligated to help my campaign.
If they’re friends they should be able to talk it out and maybe find a compromise or understanding of some kind.
- allknowingmasterofraccoondom - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:22 am:
“Hiding” sure sounds like one of Kathy Salvi’s friends.
- IBE - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:23 am:
Can’t we focus on what’s most important? The
Music! Great song!
- NonAFSCMEStateEmployeeFromChatham - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:23 am:
==Even a “small” contribution will get you the pleasure of landing on the mailing (snail and email) list for every candidate running for everything from US Senate to water commissioner.==
And that includes candidates who live in districts that both then and now you didn’t live even remotely close to.
- H-W - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:25 am:
Dear Abby, “Just say No.”
- Pundent - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:28 am:
Nothing all wrong with politely declining. And if the two are true friends, simply explaining that you don’t like to mix or complicate friendships with politics. I might skip the contribution as it seems that you’re putting a price tag on friendship.
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:28 am:
While it’s still old school, Campaign 101, to draw from the “Christmas Card List”, “all the clubs I belong to” list(s), the “anyone I made eye contact with since birth” list…
Doesn’t mean anyone is obligated to give, nor should any campaign feel these lists mean they area ATMs. They are “start here” lists, as they’ve always been.
Doesn’t hurt to ask, but, nope is more than an acceptable answer to the ask.
- JoanP - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:37 am:
Politely decline, but do NOT make a financial contribution. You’ll never stop getting requests for more.
- Juvenal - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:39 am:
=== She assumes that because we are friends, I would want her in office. However, in my opinion, she’s not the best person for the job, ===
Just raises questions for me. Sounds like they are more like “acquaintances” than “friends.” Friends are people who share your core values that you trust. What could be more important in an elected official? Who is this better person for the job?
I don’t care who the friend is or what their resume looks like, or even if there is someone else running whom I think would do a better job. If a friend of mine decides to run for office and asks for my help, I am gonna give it to them. The voters collectively will decide who the better candidate is, but win or lose I will still be a good friend, and that is the more important thing.
No one talks at your funeral about how many elections you won or lost, they talk about the kind of friend you were.
- NIU Grad - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:44 am:
Rich - Thank you for introducing me to John Prine. I’ve been listening non-stop since I finally got around to listening to his music last year.
- Cool Papa Bell - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:45 am:
=she’s running for a prominent public office=
If she’s running for that big of an office, hopefully she has a few good people around her and they are letting her know that not everyone she knows will lend their support.
Maybe she’s savvy enough to know that already.
I agree that a friend would drop a quick note saying “all the best”. But maybe, just maybe, she’s not really expecting broad support - she just has to ask.
- James the Intolerant - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:45 am:
John Prine, the greatest poet/song writer of our time. What a great, humble man.
- JR - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:47 am:
The topic of talking politics among friends is taboo, but then add in the topic of money and watch the dumpster fire happen. Only the strongest of friendships can survive one of the two running for office. It will take a high emotional IQ. Good luck to all.
- Bourbon Street - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:47 am:
==And that includes candidates who live in districts that both then and now you didn’t live even remotely close to==
So true. One of my former students moved to a state on the West Coast and ran for office. I started to routinely get emails from other candidates running for office in Washington and Oregon even though I live in Illinois.
To the post: I think the letter writer is taking this a bit too seriously. One way a candidate can assess his or her chances at the ballot box is the amount of initial support that is given, so asking people with whom the candidate is already acquainted for help is one way to make that assessment. Moreover, a simple “I’m already occupied with other civic obligations” would suffice as a polite response. If this is truly a close friend, then a small contribution may be in order.
- 47th Ward - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:50 am:
Dear Abby,
A friend of mine invited me to a meeting with some people to ask for help with his campaign for a prominent state office. I attended and it went fine.
Later my boss called me into his office. My boss is a city elected official and he said he heard I was helping my friend’s campaign. He explained that the child of a very important elected official was also running for the same office as my friend. He warned me to keep a low profile. I had to tell my friend I couldn’t help his campaign or I might lose my job. He understood, thankfully.
Then, two weeks later, my boss called me again. He said that not only could I not help my friend’s campaign, if I wanted to keep my job, then I had to volunteer for the child of the prominent official. I haven’t even met her.
I don’t want to lose my job Abby. What should I do?
Pawn in the Game of Life
- Pundent - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 8:51 am:
=Friends are people who share your core values that you trust.=
That sounds more like a tribe than friends. I have a number of friends that I don’t agree with politically and that’s ok. I’ve supported both Republicans and Democrats so that could leave me very lonely. Being someone’s friend doesn’t mean that I have to share their politics. And frankly I prefer friendships that aren’t rooted in politics.
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 9:00 am:
=== That sounds more like a tribe than friends. I have a number of friends that I don’t agree with politically and that’s ok.===
Concur, “same”, yes.
The problem since 2013 is that, for me, I’ve found that those I traditionally use to align with, pre-2013, are now ones whom become the most tribal and shied away and those whom I was friends with, with political differences, they’ve been more present in my life, and a wee bit less tribal.
Maybe it boils down to how one sees money in politics, not how one sees friends and measuring that by dollars?
I guess Abby is not from a very politically volatile state?
- Michelle Flaherty - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 9:02 am:
Did SHE really send out messages or did she dump her contacts into a campaign email list so her volunteers can aggressively spam all her friends and associates with fundraising emails?
Ignore the email, unsubscribe from the list and see if the friend ever makes a direct personal request.
- ;) - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 9:07 am:
Disloyal. Cut this one loose.
- Paddyrollingstone - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 9:19 am:
John Prine was the best, may he rest in peace. I actually met Dear Abby (or it may have been Ann Landers!) 30 or so years ago or so at Jim Thompson’s annual Christmas party at the Drake. She was incredibly kind and was actually interested in who I was and what I was up to. Wish I could remember which sister it was!
- Juvenal - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 9:43 am:
=== . I have a number of friends that I don’t agree with politically ===
I have a number a friends who belong to a different political party than me. We still share the same core values like honesty, loyalty, and “do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”
Adam Kinzinger finds himself crossways now because his politics conflicted with his core values, and he put those core values ahead of politics.
Kelly Cassidy found herself in a position where her politics conflicted with her core values, and she put her core values first.
I am sorry if the distinction I was making was unclear, I hope this helps.
“Tribalism” is actually what you seem to be advocating, placing political identity first. I don’t care whether my friend is a Democrat or a Republican, or checks all my boxes on the standard litmus test of political issues.
“I would trust you to babysit my kids but not be city clerk” does not seem like a viable position to me.
- Amalia - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 9:52 am:
Dear Abby: while the vote is private, if one does not want to be known as a supporter of a candidate, one does not put a candidate’s sign in the window or on the lawn. and one most certainly does not contribute money to the candidate, even a small amount, which might lead one to be tracked, checks and credit cards and all. I’m assuming you don’t mean cash, Dear Abby. signed, staying on the sidelines in Illinois.
- froganon - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 10:03 am:
We’re dealing with this issue now. A friend whom we enjoy and have donated to before is running for a policy making office and has come out as strongly pro-life. Reproductive rights/access are a litmus test issue for me. We have supported each other in the past for local offices. We wished him/her well and are out of town. Hopefully, the primary will resolve the issue. If not, time may smooth things. We enjoy their company and avoid politics.
- Juvenal - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 10:29 am:
@froganon -
Sounds like you’ve discovered you and your friend don’t share the same core values. Or worse, maybe your friend has decided they need to suddenly “be the pro-life candidate” in order to win, which really brings their integrity to question. Good for you making a stand, and one you can easily defend. It’s much better than Abby’s wishy-washy approach.
- Anchors Away - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 10:32 am:
There is a great story that Tip O’Neill used to tell about running in his first race for Cambridge City Council. On Election Day one of his neighbors told him she was going to vote for him even though he didn’t ask. O’Neill was surprised, pointing out he had known her all his life, shoveled her walk, cut her grass etc - so he assumed she would vote for him. The neighbor fired back, “Tom, let me tell you something. People like to be asked.”
That’s what came to mind hearing this story. Even in the modern age of campaigning - people still like to be asked.
- Huh? - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 10:37 am:
“People like to be asked.”
In the 30 years I have lived in my house, 2 people rang the door bell asking to have their petitions signed. Because they asked, I have voted for them.
- NonAFSCMEStateEmployeeFromChatham - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 11:23 am:
Dear Abby,
Please grow some magic money tree beans, then once the trees grow please fertilize it enough to have several trillions of dollars.
Which you could then use to purchase and take over both Gannett and Sinclair.
Then spin off the SJR and Channel 20 back to local owners, or perhaps sell both to the owners of the Illinois Times, and get some real journalism back to the Capitol City.
- Proud Papa Bear - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 11:56 am:
My co-worker’s son ran for office (didn’t have a prayer in the primary) and asked me to sign his petition. As it happened, I’d already signed for another political party.
Even though her son’s viewpoints are vastly different from mine, I would have signed if I could but I would have told her that my support would’ve ended there.
- Joe Bidenopolous - Wednesday, Mar 30, 22 @ 12:02 pm:
=“I would trust you to babysit my kids but not be city clerk” does not seem like a viable position to me.=
Absolute nonsense. I would absolutely trust my mother in law to watch my kids - she did it last night - and I would never in a billion years think that she is competent to run a clerk’s office (or any elected office, for that matter). Not because of her politics, but because of her skillset
Also - Michelle Flaherty is right - unsubscribe and wait to see if there’s a personal touch