“Now that I’m officially my party’s nominee, I’ve got to move left on some things to appeal to the center. Wait, is this left? Or is it your left? No, this is left. No, wait…..Jerry Clarke, HELP!”
And the all-righty said: On my right are the good God-fearing, men married to women, who make more money then women, without pets, white, middle and upper-class, supporters of mine. And as you can see on my left are the rest of you. Amen.
(posted by a Bloomington Republican - for real)
“Now wait, I didn’t say that. What I said was, yes, your dog MAY go to the gas chamber, but if elected governor, I can grant a reprieve, from said gas chamber … that is what I said, get it straight.”
- one day at a time - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 4:14 pm:
My palms are so sweaty I lost…oops… forgot what I was going to say
Seriously, I can only take ONE question from the media. I forgot your name, but you there on the right, err, left with the pre-arranged question, err I mean, OH NEVER MIND!
- Anonymiss - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:26 pm:
I’m Troy McClure, and I approve this message.
- Whatever - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:27 pm:
Wait, you’re saying I won?
- colt 45 - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:27 pm:
“people of springfield! i stand before you today full of hope and drambuie!”
- JonShibleyFan - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:27 pm:
“…and that’s why my campaign is announcing that we’ve signed free agent Michael Vick to a one-year deal…”
- Rob N - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:27 pm:
I is?
- Downstater - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:29 pm:
Even if I’m twice as evil as the Democrats say, I’m still not Pat Quinn!
- Brennan - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:30 pm:
“Damn. I wrote my notes in invisible ink.”
- N'ville - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:32 pm:
See…I told you I can look to the left on occasion.
- Rich Miller - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:32 pm:
“Jerry, I thought I told you to keep those dogs away from me. Dogs. Ugh.”
- Interested Observer - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:36 pm:
The Grand Canyon is this big…..
- dc - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:37 pm:
New candidate for Governor Bill Brady becomes irritated when reporters ask him to actually think.
- Give Me A Break - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:37 pm:
See, I can go to the left, just look what hand I’m using.
- Fall - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:37 pm:
Choice for None and a gun for everyone!
- Amalia - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:38 pm:
This state must turn left….no, no, I mean right. wait, what did my researcher say?
- TJ - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:39 pm:
The euthanasia chambers are that way.
- Rich Miller - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:40 pm:
TJ wins.
Brilliant.
- Give Me A Break - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:40 pm:
Sorry N’ville missed your comment. I will now flog myself for plagiarism.
- Sacks Romana - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:41 pm:
“Listen to me! It’s not what it sounds like. I only wanted to gas the gay dogs.”
- Rich Miller - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:42 pm:
SR, that was brutal. Laugh out loud hilarious, but brutal.
- PRguy - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:44 pm:
“And as your governor, I will karate-chop the boards of corruption…”
- D.P. Gumby - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:45 pm:
“I need not write on my hand. I know things…like when murders are early released from…oops, where’s my felt-tip?)
- Bring Back Boone's - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:48 pm:
“Wait, wait. They actually have a website with the names and everything? Ok, Jerry get on that.”
And in honor of SR’s incredibly hilarious comment:
http://hipsterpuppies.tumblr.com/
- VanillaMan - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:48 pm:
I expect my campaign to carry both Bloomington and Normal this election season.
- just sayin' - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:51 pm:
“Now that I’m officially my party’s nominee, I’ve got to move left on some things to appeal to the center. Wait, is this left? Or is it your left? No, this is left. No, wait…..Jerry Clarke, HELP!”
- Anonymous - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:53 pm:
this campaign stuff is rrrruf!
- Commonsense in Illinois - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:53 pm:
Yes, Bernie I know there is no Lincoln County…That’s why we’re starting our campaign right there in the heart of Lincoln County.
- Montrose - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 2:53 pm:
hiiii-yah! Take that budget!
- dupage dan - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 3:03 pm:
In the immortal words voiced by Mel Blanc, “Hassan, chop”.
- wordslinger - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 3:04 pm:
“That’s right — law degrees.”
- Former Card Carrying Repub - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 3:07 pm:
“There is??”
- GOP loses - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 3:12 pm:
And the all-righty said: On my right are the good God-fearing, men married to women, who make more money then women, without pets, white, middle and upper-class, supporters of mine. And as you can see on my left are the rest of you. Amen.
(posted by a Bloomington Republican - for real)
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 3:14 pm:
“Do you know who I am? I’m Bill Brady! I made my bones when you were voting to save Dogs, Cats, and Gay Marriage!
- some good news - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 3:17 pm:
Let’s give it up for the the next governor of Illinois, Rich Whitney!!
- TwoFeetThick - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 3:18 pm:
“We must address this Youth in Asia problem if this state is to move forward. And that’s why I’m sponsoring legislation to… What? Oh. Never mind.”
- Good Thinkin' Lincoln - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 3:24 pm:
“…and I will no longer be taking questions from the liberal media seated on my left.”
- Pat Robertson - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 3:27 pm:
[whispered by off-stage handler]:
“No! Your OTHER right!”
- ExExten - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 3:28 pm:
I am the new Terminator. Ahhnald is too far to the left.
- friday! - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 3:42 pm:
Will someone for the love of god get Plummer a teleprompter
- bwana - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 3:43 pm:
No I’m not the Homebuilder! I’m a vendor he screwed too! That Brady guy is that way!!
- Boone Logan Square - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 3:46 pm:
“Of COURSE I know how to read! What’s that? Oh…”
- LouisXIV - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 3:48 pm:
“See, I don’t have to write notes on my hand.”
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 3:54 pm:
“You’re out of order, you’re out of order, this whole press availability is out of order!”
- both sides of aisle - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 3:56 pm:
I said for a 2nd time…..”A legal opinion is something we got from someone with a law degree”…”Am I not clear?”
- Don't Worry, Be Happy - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 3:58 pm:
Bill Brady sings Irreplaceable by Beyonce.
“To the left, to the left.
To the left, to the left.”
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 3:59 pm:
“Now wait, I didn’t say that. What I said was, yes, your dog MAY go to the gas chamber, but if elected governor, I can grant a reprieve, from said gas chamber … that is what I said, get it straight.”
- one day at a time - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 4:14 pm:
My palms are so sweaty I lost…oops… forgot what I was going to say
- The Shadow - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 4:17 pm:
“People of Illinois. Please! I’m only this far to the right.”
- Say WHAT? - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 4:19 pm:
Seriously, I can only take ONE question from the media. I forgot your name, but you there on the right, err, left with the pre-arranged question, err I mean, OH NEVER MIND!
- ANON - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 4:19 pm:
Dogs to the right; gays to the left.
- raising kane - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 4:36 pm:
anon 4:19 gets my vote!
- Moving to Oklahoma - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 4:42 pm:
I ordered the Peking Duck, not the roasted basset hound.
- George - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 4:59 pm:
What’s the sound of one hand clapping?
- George - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 4:59 pm:
Bill Brady: My signs are held up with packing tape.
- jerry 101 - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 5:11 pm:
“these things behind me…they’re bricks. And America was built on bricks. I want to build more things with bricks!”
- Downstate Weed Chewing Hick - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 5:58 pm:
Hong Kong Phooey
- Amalia - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 8:46 pm:
I….state your name…..
- polisciguy - Friday, Mar 5, 10 @ 9:06 pm:
This is the hand where my notes will be written.
- Paul S. - Saturday, Mar 6, 10 @ 6:10 pm:
See, no ink! I’m much brighter than Sarah Palin.