* As noted below, our state’s financial position appears to be rapidly worsening and the budget office won’t talk about it. As a “celebration” of that happy confluence, here is a photo of budget director David Vaught…

* The Question: Caption?

       

53 Comments - Cincinnatus - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:30 pm: The print is small, but the deficit is big. - wordslinger - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:30 pm: “So, in layman’s terms, what the heck do you think all these numbers mean?” - Montrose - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:30 pm: We’ll start the auction with this lovely piece of paper. Do I hear an opening bid of $13 billion? - Responsa - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:32 pm: And, as you can clearly see on this chart, the giant Roy Rogers Roast Beef sandwich has a whopping 950 calories! - Rich Miller - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:33 pm: I have here in my hand a list of all the answers to all of your questions. But I’m not gonna give it to you. Wouldn’t be right. Goodbye. - Levois - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:37 pm: See that highlighted line? That highlighter was very expensive. - MrJM - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:37 pm: “As you can see from this budget document, we have conclusively ended the Illinois financial crisis by removing the red ink cartridges from all state printers.” – MrJM - Don't Worry, Be Happy - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:40 pm: William Shatner holds a chart showing how much consumers save by using Priceline.com. - Pat Robertson - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:41 pm: “We can’t even afford red ink to properly print our budgets.” - OneMan - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:41 pm: Don’t even look at these numbers, they will cause your insides to come out via your ears. One person tried to understand the first three columns of numbers and is now at a private mental hospital given a strict program of amnesia inducing drugs. It’s bad, it’s your daughter marring a Cubs fan bad. It’s finding out your home is built over an Indian burial ground that is a above an abandoned coal mine that is filled with toxic waste bad. If they needed a new definition of screwed for the dictionary they could use this document - Pat Robertson - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:42 pm: I concede MrJM’s superior wit and speed. - Gibsongirl - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:44 pm: Even when we spell it out on paper the legislators can’t figure out that this is a serious crisis and far more serious than whether they get reelected. - Cincinnatus - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:44 pm: Thank God I remembered to use my index finger while holding the budget, otherwise the taxpayers would know what we in Springfield think of them. - 47th Ward - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:49 pm: See the yellow line? This is the political cowardice line, which so far totals $13 billion. - WRMNpolitics - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:49 pm: As you can see from this chart, we ran out of red ink. - WRMNpolitics - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:50 pm: Hello, my name is David Vaught, director of the budget and my job is to rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic. - just sayin' - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:51 pm: David Vaught displays last state asset not yet repossessed by creditors. - Cincinnatus - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:52 pm: This is what the new US $58 billion bill looks like. The final copy will have Rod B on the front, and a giant smoldering hole (instead of the Capitol) on the back. When inflation kicks in, you can use a wheel barrow of these to buy a loaf of bread. - Montrose - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:56 pm: Doesn’t the soft yellow highlight calm you and make you think everything will be ok? That was my idea. - VanillaMan - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:57 pm: We Had The Money, Warren-Dubin, enhanced by VanillaMan We had the money, We had the money; We had the funding to keep Illinois strong! We had the money, Now we don’t have any; Thanks to all our spending, we are broke, Don’t get me wrong! Today we see a headline ‘Bout a fiscal deadline, we missed, And when voters see their taxes, Being spent like water, they’re understandably p%ssed. We had the money Gone now, my honey Just give us more, or we won’t be around for long! We had the funding, We had the funding; Now we haven’t a dime, our crisis is severe! We had the funding, Now we’re all bumbling; Wondering who to screw, to get through, Election year! Today in the blogs We read polls showing we’re dead, And when we pass spending bills, We keep hoping voters don’t see red. We keep hoping voters don’t see red. We keep hoping voters don’t see red. We had the credit But our investors fled it Thanks to Moody’s our rating is all wrong We had the credit Now everythings debit Our state finances are falling headlong. We need more golden geese! We need more golden geese! If we don’t bilk them for their eggs, We’ll be like Greece! - MrJM - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:58 pm: And I concede Pat Robertson’s superior skill at fleecing his flock. – MrJM - dupage dan - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:58 pm: We have just leased Illinois to a foreign country that has promised to pay off all the debt listed on this sheet totalling 13 billion dollars. I just got off the phone with the president of Elbonia whose office is in the capitol city, Shangri La. - Highland, IL - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 12:59 pm: “Our state is not worth the paper that the deficit is printed on…” - ugh - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:01 pm: “Well, what I’m saying is that we got no money, ya see. Nadda. Nothing. Ziltch. Zero.” - Anonymous - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:02 pm: The problems outlined in this paper are unsolvable under the present system. - Dooley Dudright - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:02 pm: (1) “Kiting paper. All kinds. It’s what I do for a living.” (2) “Welcome to origami class.” (3) “Next, we put the budget into the shredder. Then we bake each and every line item inside a fortune cookie. Hey — feeling lucky today?” - umm - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:05 pm: To himself, “Why the hell did I let Pat talk me into this crappy job?” - Cincinnatus - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:05 pm: Next year, the deficit will take 2 pages to print out. - Ghost of John Brown - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:05 pm: In yet another effort to bring the State Budget closer to balance, Director David Vaught shows the cost savings impact of replacing all State Police cruisers with skateboards. - Ronbo - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:07 pm: I’d like to get the (expletive) out of here. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:20 pm: “Give you one example of generating revenue … Well … If we return this sheet of paper, Illinois will qualify for the ‘Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes’, and if Illinois were to WIN this sweepstakes, we would still be billions in debt” Pause “That’s all I got” - Ahoy - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:22 pm: We’re boned. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:24 pm: “In my PERSONAL opinion … numbers on a sheet, like this sheet here, make the deficit more palatable to look at, as opposed to those silly graphs pointing down, down, down. Don’t beleive, look at it. Here, have mine … see, no dizziness, indigestion, or headaches… just numbers.” - N'ville - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:29 pm: We will be distributing these Motel 6 membership card applications to all state employees in an attempt to help rein in travel costs. - OneMan - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:33 pm: Is it just me or the fact the budget office ‘will not talk about it’ a bit disconcerting… - Leroy - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:37 pm: “This yellow line represents where we had to sell our easel…” - Pickles!! - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:37 pm: “at this rate, this piece of paper is all we can afford to purchase for the 2010-11 fiscal year.” - Cincinnatus - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:38 pm: This budget is f***in golden. See this stripe right here… - Prognosis Negative - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:43 pm: “You see, we’re behind on the phone bill, so they cut us off and now I can’t get back to reporters.” - Samwise - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:45 pm: “Pat Quinn prints on both sides of the paper. That’s real cost-savings, people. Not nickel and dime stuff.” - D.P. Gumby - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:47 pm: “As you can see, the State of Illinois wasn’t even IN the hotel room that night, so we couldn’t possibly have watch that adult movie! By getting a credit, we will reduce the deficit.” - Joe from Joliet - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:47 pm: This is a copy of Rod’s last budget. Pat Quinn has not been able to come up with one during his two legislative sessions as governor. - Cincinnatus - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 1:49 pm: Cue music… “Cause I’ve got a golden ticket I’ve got a golden twinkle in my eye” - Anonymous - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 2:23 pm: Can anybody show me how to make a paper airplane out of this? - siriusly - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 2:33 pm: “What you see here is the entire budget that the General Assembly sent to the Governor. The rest of it is up to us.” - Math - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 3:01 pm: “Who said anything about it adding up? I was told no math when I took this job.” - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 3:31 pm: “If you look at this closely …. You will see my Fantasy Baseball team ‘Budget Boys’ is beating the Speaker’s ‘Irish Eyes are Bunting’ and Sen. Cullerton’s ‘The Veto-Proof 9′ …” “Any other questions?” - Small Town Liberal - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 3:39 pm: I didn’t want to tell Rich Miller, but the highlighted line shows the state’s savings if we all share the CapFax password instead of having multiple subscriptions… - HatShopGirl - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 4:23 pm: “Is there anyone here who can read a financial statement? I have a PhD in PoliSci from NIU in DeKalb BTW, my alma mater, the Political Science Department at Northern Illinois Univeristy just gave Tammy Duckworth an honorary doctoral degree in PoliSci.” http://www.niu.edu/northerntoday/2010/may3/duckworth.shtml - zatoichi - Wednesday, Jun 23, 10 @ 5:17 pm: ..and the optional upgrade gives the printer 22 additional fonts with colors to coordinate with your clothes. Only $195 today. - Quizzical - Thursday, Jun 24, 10 @ 12:09 am: Line 22 is the money from the Nigerian prince. As soon as that comes in, the budget will be fully balanced. - Fed Up - Thursday, Jun 24, 10 @ 12:56 am: We can now only afford to by paper by the sheet rather than by the ream! - Louis Howe - Thursday, Jun 24, 10 @ 6:03 am: These numbers don’t add up. I know that, Pat knows that, but were not doing anything about it…Not now…Not ever… Sorry, comments for this post are now closed.