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Caption contest!
Monday, Mar 26, 2012 - Posted by Rich Miller * Attorney General Lisa Madigan called last week. Ms. Madigan wanted to know who was emceeing my 50th birthday charity roast this coming Saturday in Chicago. I said it was Senate President John Cullerton. She thanked me and said she would call him. “Wait a second!” I hollered before she could hang up. “Why are you calling Cullerton?” The AG said she had decided she wanted to participate in the roast and needed to talk to Cullerton about it. I replied that we already had a program with a strict time limit and there just wasn’t room. “I’m doing it,” she said. Knowing there was nothing I could say, I surrendered and went back to work. But I decided to catch up with Cullerton that night to ask what the heck was going on. Yes, she had called, he said, “But I can’t tell you what she’s doing.” Great. * So, here’s a caption contest in honor of our persistent AG. Winner gets a free ticket to this Wednesday’s Springfield benefit at Boone’s. The event starts at 5 o’clock and all proceeds from the $20 admission fee will go to Lutheran Social Services of Illinois…. 
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- John A Logan - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 8:06 am:
“Rich, I’m sorry, you can’t just roll in my office whenever you want and prank call Theo Epstien from my office phone. It was funny the first 6 times, but…..”
- anon - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 8:07 am:
“I just flew in from Chicago, and BOY are my arms tired!”
- Stooges - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 8:08 am:
What do you mean you already found someone to do the Church Lady Skit?
- dave - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 8:10 am:
Who the f#%@ does Rch Miller think he is saying that I can’t roast him?
- TCB - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 8:14 am:
This really isn’t a caption, but here’s the 1st thing I thought of:
He’s got the whole world in his hands,
He’s got the whole world in his hands,
He’s got the whole world in his hands,
My dad’s got the whole world in his hands.
He’s got the sun and the rain in His hands,
He’s got the moon and the stars in His hands,
He’s got the wind and the clouds in His hands
My dad’s got the whole world in his hands.
He’s got everybody here in His hands,
He’s got everybody there in His hands,
He’s got everybody everywhere in His hands,
My dad’s got the whole world in his hands.
- Inconsistent - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 8:15 am:
“What? The AG’s Office was like that When I Got Here…”
- Anonymous - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 8:18 am:
R Miller who art in Springfield, hallowed be thy name…
- WazUP - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 8:24 am:
BREAKING NEWS from WazUp - Springfield
Confidential Sources have told this reporter that A.G. Lisa Madigan will team up with Lt Gov Sheila Simon and Comptroller Judy Barr Topinka and will use their musical talents to play some of Rich Miller’s favorite oldies. Sources say they even have a name for their trio … ‘The New Chris Christie Minstrels’.
- Todd - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 8:29 am:
Rich if you don’t say yes, My dad will have to explain it to you like this. . .
- Waffle Fries - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 8:32 am:
Hospitals, I told you so! Now what?
- Give Me A Break - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 8:32 am:
Come on Miller, you write a couple pages two or three days week, fax it out, and then run a blog that the readers do all the work on. And you call that a job?
- Fed up - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 8:35 am:
When it comes to corruption in Illinois ” I know nothing, nothhhhiiiiiinnnnggggg ” but if you have a TV camera we can go inspect a nursing home together.
- Davey Boy Smithe - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 8:35 am:
“And what’s the deal with budget cuts?”
- ReformedPublicServant - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 8:46 am:
See Rich…this is my best Governor Quinn impression…it SO GOOD that I must share it at the charity event. It’s SO GOOD that it could even get ME the job in 2014!
- OneMan - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 8:57 am:
On the one hand I could beat Pat Quinn next time around with the other hand…
- OneMan - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:00 am:
I swear Miller, if you don’t let me be part of the event I will take up the dulcimer and Sheila and I will form a jam band and we will follow you all over the capital like your own backup band. Try getting scoops when we are knocking out our version of Wabash Canon ball
- Boone Logan Square - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:00 am:
“The Aristocrats!”
- Bill White - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:00 am:
Can’t you guess what’s in this imaginary, invisible bag I’m holding? Come on, guess!
- wordslinger - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:01 am:
“Wasn’t it Stu something? No that was two elections ago. Was it Pim? Bim? Okay, I give up — who was my last GOP opponent?”
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:02 am:
“What do you expect? That’s my Dad…”
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:04 am:
“You’re gonna blame ME for the guys the GOP puts up against me?”
“Help me … Help you…”
- zatoichi - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:09 am:
Yeah, they need me. I am lifting the whole mess to the next level. I’m bringing my Tina Fey game. Just watch.
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:10 am:
“The appeal of the Horseshoe? I can’t explain it …”
“I suggest 4 pieces of very important legislation, and you ask me about State Fair entertainment?”
“I gave Leader Cross the ’state’s’ opinion, and he went the other way. What am I suppose to do, teach Mr. Cross ‘law’ too?”
“I go to the restaruant, I ask for the salmon, they give me a steak, am I suppose to eat it?”
- Colossus - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:12 am:
“And I said ‘Daaaaaaaad, I have a job now, a real one. I can’t go put up yard signs for you this afternoon.’ Why can’t he understand that?”
- OneMan - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:14 am:
Yeah it was an up day
- South of I-80 - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:16 am:
“Rich Miller”?? I swear to God I don’t know a “Rich Miller”!!
- Wensicia - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:17 am:
Why?! It’s my duty as AG to investigate this so-called “Roast” and make sure everything’s appropriate and within the law. Is it BYOB?
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:19 am:
“You want me to answer that? Fine. Yes, I would gladly match my experience with Jason Plummer, is that what you want?”
- Kerfuffle - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:20 am:
I’d squish him like a bug but I’m afraid I couldn’t get the mess cleaned off my hands.
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:23 am:
“I am still trying to figure out what Joe Birkett meant, …’Congratulations Lisa, now you are a prosecutor’ … Hello? What does that mean?”
- Sunshine - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:24 am:
It’s as close to the Mother Superior look I can get Rich but I don’t do ‘forgiveness’. You are getting roasted!
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:25 am:
“You wondered WHY I didn’t run for governor? HAve you seen where this state is right now? You want to inherit this mess, AND try to do something that cost any money? You want that? Have at it!”
- Bill - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:26 am:
Nifty?
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:28 am:
“So … the ILGOP called this last time … again… and like usual, they asked, “Who do want to run against this time, you have a list?” … So … I gave them my list. What would you do?”
- amalia - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:31 am:
what, you don’t want me to sing Happy Birthday Mr. Blogger to you?
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:32 am:
“Bill Beavers, Derrick Smith … there are FEDERAL indictment, and FEDERAL investigations … How difficult is that for Pat Brady to understand?”
- OneMan - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:32 am:
Have you read these books behind me, I have and they contain like laws and stuff….
- walter sobchak - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:33 am:
“Put your palms on mine, and then I try to smack them before you jerk them away…no cheating!
- just sayin' - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:34 am:
“We’ve cleaned up all the corruption in Illinois so of course I’m spending my time party planning.”
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:38 am:
“Wait … Wait … did you just say that ….You think its all puppies and lollipops with the last name ‘Madigan’ …”
- Euripades Pantsoff - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:41 am:
Rich - she’ll be dancing . . .
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:47 am:
“On one hand, I have ‘6′, and the other hand I have a ‘half-dozen’ … understand?”
- wordslinger - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:48 am:
“Remember that famous clip of Marilyn Monroe singing Happy Birthday to JFK? Well, it’s, it’s, it’s not going to be like that at all.”
- Anonymous - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:52 am:
So, I just showed off a few of my moves at the inaugural ball, and now they want me at every party.
- Curious - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:53 am:
This isn’t a caption, but can we get some kind of pool report of the event? Maybe have another journo put something on the blog the day after? Just a thought for those of us who wish we could be there.
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 9:53 am:
“Do I follow collge basketball?!?! Have you seen my NCAA bracket?”
- Anonymous - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 10:08 am:
Listen up! For all of those complaining about my jumping out of the ceremonial birthday cake at Miller’s fiftieth, I have three words for all of you:
“Judy Baar Topinka”
- 47th Ward - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 10:14 am:
…and the Polish guy says, “hey look at what I almost stepped in.”
- MrJM - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 10:17 am:
“I’m torn… On the one hand, I could do what the Speaker of the House wants. But on the other hand, I could do what my dad wants…”
– MrJM
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 10:18 am:
“…well then, I ask you the same thing … should the Bears have traded for Tebow?”
- Davey Boy Smithe - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 10:20 am:
My office is investigating all of Adam Dunn’s strikeouts from last season. It may take us all summer.
- A.B. - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 10:23 am:
“So I’ve got this idea for Rich’s birthday and it’s freakin’ GOLDEN….”
- Blue Grass - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 10:25 am:
it’s a heavy weight but this is exactly how my father carries the world cradled in his hands . . .
- just sayin' - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 10:25 am:
I think we have a winner with MrJM.
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 10:31 am:
“A good friend of mine once said, ‘Politics is alot like baseball; sometimes you win, sometimes you lose … sometimes, … it rains’ … think about that.”
- Honestly - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 10:37 am:
“On one hand I’m the state’s top law enforcement official, on the other hand I have to side with Quinn officials who don’t give a hoot about following the law. What am I to do?”
- Anonymous - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 10:39 am:
“Rich: You better bring your helmet. I know a wicked cartoonist.”
- mark walker - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 11:01 am:
“How brave is Rich? Well he’s got …”
- Bitterman - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 11:04 am:
I keep asking myself, Lisa Madigan, if they can make a coffee I like without caffeine, how come they can’t make a hamburger I like with no toenails?
- Gregor - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 11:05 am:
“Yeah, it’s a persistent rumor, and I’m going to finally address it. Nobody Expects Devin to take over, until Rich retires.”
- mark walker - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 11:10 am:
Tell me now, Rich — you don’t want me to get a subpoena.
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 11:50 am:
“What am I, a clown, … do I amuse you?”
- Vote Quimby! - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 11:53 am:
Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan announces she is investigating potential consumer fraud with a Springfield-based company called “Capitol Fax.”
“Consumers don’t even know what a ‘fax’ is anymore,” said Madigan (D-Chicago). “I will be thoroughly investigating this company to make certain it is what is says it is.”
- Huh? - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 11:55 am:
I will explain it again slowly so you understand it …
- Ronco Nagurski - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 11:57 am:
Come to Rich’s Roast!
It’ll be Bleepin Golden!
- Former Titan - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 11:58 am:
So I told Miller, “Hey, I’m doing it anyway. What are you gonna do, sue me?”
- PublicServant - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 12:00 pm:
He told me “we already had a program with a strict time limit and there just wasn’t room”, so I responded with a “bite me”.
- soccermom - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 12:10 pm:
Please sir, instruct me in the art of performing the Douglas.
- here, again - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 12:12 pm:
Well like someone I know very well always says, you can want in one hand……..
- Yossarian Lives - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 12:13 pm:
C’mon, I’m a first-class opening act! No, I don’t open investigations.
- solo - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 12:16 pm:
So, i’m wearing my storm trooper coat, my vader hair helmet, & i’m going with my emil james earl jones voice, but like the speaker, “lisaaaa, i’m your father…don’t go to that roaaast”.
- I Love Springfield - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 12:47 pm:
“Well, I was going to go somewhat easy on roasting Miller, but then he goes and tees me up with a caption contest on his blog just days before the event, so now I’m really gonna let’em have it. Sheesh!”
- Aikaterine - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 12:48 pm:
Rich - what do you want me to say? It’s no longer about YOUR birthday. . . you know how this works, eventually, the Madigans take over. But I did thank John for being my placeholder as emcee.
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 12:54 pm:
“First it’s ‘Team Edward’ or ‘Team Jabob’ in ‘Twilight’ … now I gotta choose between Peeta or Gale in ‘The Hunger Games’??…”
- BelleAire - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 12:55 pm:
I was a baby—I didn’t pick him. Michael Jordan is more my idea of a cool Dad.
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 1:03 pm:
“So I attend the National AG Conference and they have a Hot Dog “vendor” in one of the “food-themed” rooms and there was the guy… serving the Hot Dogs, and he is smiling and happy… then … Hands me one with Ketchup … Ketchup!? Can you believe it?”
- sal-says - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 1:06 pm:
“But, Rich, you’re going to thank me when I’m Governor.”
- Illinois Voter - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 1:08 pm:
I’ve seen these roasts on TV before, and I HAVE to be part of it so Rich and the others can make dirty joke about my…
- Jade_rabbit - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 1:10 pm:
“FOIA? What FOIA? Everything you need to know is on the website….
The adress for that website is … capitolfax.com”
Thank you and good night.
- been there - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 1:23 pm:
Whatever Lisa wants, Lisa gets. So what’s wrong with that?”
- Elder - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 1:37 pm:
I already told you… What part of I love my job and I want to be a good mom don’t you understand?
- Exhausted - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 1:41 pm:
I don’t know who…but it wasn’t me Mr. Mayor!!
- Irish - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 1:45 pm:
“9.4%? Seriously? 9.4%?
- Jeff Trigg - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 1:47 pm:
Don’t worry, these drug dogs I brought with me aren’t actually searching anything.
- Rich Miller - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 2:16 pm:
It’s gonna be hard to top Trigg, campers. Better get your game faces on.
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 2:22 pm:
Well played, Trigg! - “Leader in the Clubhouse”
- Jeff Trigg - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 2:43 pm:
Thanks. Lots of funny ones. The Aristocrats is timeless.
- mark walker - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 2:59 pm:
“Game face? I’m wearing a Rich Miller mask.”
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 3:13 pm:
“For the past 10 years, my hands have been tied. I have to defend “the crazy” coming from these Governor’s Offices, no matter who provides it….”
- KGB - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 3:16 pm:
“…because I heard that Rich’s roast was the only place where any work was getting done this session.”
- Jeff Trigg - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 3:47 pm:
Another if I may whine on a Monday.
Look at this guy, Rich Miller, all grown up. Next thing you know he’ll want to run for office. What more ammunition do I need to prove its in the states best interest that independents get signatures of 10%? I don’t care if its the highest signature requirement of any democracy in the world, people like Rich Miller must be kept off ballots, they are wrong.
- Hickory - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 3:49 pm:
Look, you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your parents.
- Yellow Dog Democrat - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 3:59 pm:
Tonight on WBEZ: AG Wows Ponce with “Invisible Slinky” Tricks
- Dirty Red - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 4:19 pm:
Lisa Madigan after discovering what it means to be “Rich Rolled.”
- OneMan - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 4:57 pm:
Hey Macarana
- Nomm - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 5:09 pm:
“I can haz speech time?”
- Kasich Walker, Jr. - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 5:39 pm:
When asked about birthdays and aging in general, Madigan quipped, “I mean really: what’s so great about turning 50?”
- soccermom - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 6:18 pm:
Nice one, YDD
- Palatine - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 7:43 pm:
As soon as Rich retires it’ll be business as usual.
- Rich's Daddio - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 8:17 pm:
Come on now Rich YOU OF ALL PEOPLE know how it is to have your father expect so much!
So cut me some slack!
- JustaJoe - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 10:15 pm:
So, you mean I’m permanently BANNED????
- ReformedPublicServant - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 10:20 pm:
Come on!!!…2 Convicts, THEN a Clod…Seriously, what’s a girl gotta do to be Governor around here???
- Retired Non-Union Guy - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 11:03 pm:
Whhyyy are you still asking me about investigating Blago?
- Quizzical - Monday, Mar 26, 12 @ 11:51 pm:
Frankly, I don’t think I would have the type of testicular fortitude it takes to do 12 years hard time.
- Tommydanger - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 7:27 am:
No, seriously. I was standing behind Blagoevich and this bobby pin came flying off and then this big mound of brown hair came tumbling down just like in Rodunzel.
- Pale Rider - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 8:08 am:
What am i going to do for the Rich Miller Roast ? I’ll give you a clue, two words. Jazz hands!
- the Patriot - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:09 pm:
I hold, in my hands, all of the evidence my staff presented to defend the Menard carpal tunnel cases!