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Unintentionally hilarious editorials

Monday, Dec 22, 2014

* From a Southern Illinoisan editorial entitled “Free Advice for Topinka replacement”

Well, Mr. Governor-Elect, you spoke a lot during the campaign about working “across the aisle” to get things done. Here’s your limited-time, risk-free opportunity to take it out for a spin while short-circuiting Democrats Pat Quinn and AG Lisa Madigan from creating an unnecessary special election two years from now.

Our simple free advice: nominate Sheila Simon to be the state’s next Comptroller.

And to ease the time crunch involved in your transition, we’ve taken the liberty of drafting your appointment speech:

I am today pleased to appoint Sheila Simon to be the next Comptroller of the great state of Illinois. I again commend the accomplishments of the late Judy Baar Topinka and the service she gave to Illinoisans for decades. And, out of respect to Judy and a sense of commitment to our state’s future, nominate the next most capable person to replace her.


Homers to the bitter end.

* From an Ottawa Times editorial entitled “Voters spoke, now here come the budget cuts”

As most people understand by now, Illinois does not actually have a revenue problem, it has a spending problem. There has never been more money flowing into state coffers. There’s also never been more owed, and demand continues to outstrip supply.[…]

If Rauner has his way, the income tax rate will drop from from 5 percent to 3.75 percent on New Year’s Day.

It’s true that there has never been more money flowing into state coffers. But almost all that money is going to one thing: Pension payments. Until the Times figures out how to cut that gigantic bill, we have a revenue problem. Also, past due state bills are way down from where they were a few years ago. And the income tax is partially expiring on New Year’s Day regardless of Rauner, who won’t even be sworn in until January 12th.

- Posted by Rich Miller        

  1. - Insider - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 10:51 am:

    From a Southern Illinoisan editorial entitled “Free Advice for Topinka replacement”…

    Do you think Patrick Quinn would have worked “across the aisle” if the situation were reversed? I’m guessing NO. Quinn has shown his true self in the last 45 days.

  2. - Anonymoiis - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 10:55 am:

    Well it’s nice to know Sheila has landed on her feet writing for the SI.

  3. - OneMan - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 10:55 am:

    Our simple free advice: nominate Sheila Simon to be the state’s next Comptroller.

    Well you get what you pay for when it comes to free advice…

  4. - Sir Reel - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 10:59 am:

    I guess anybody can call themselves an editor.

  5. - Demoralized - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 10:59 am:

    ==Illinois does not actually have a revenue problem==

    Here we go with that new math again.

  6. - ??? - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 11:00 am:

    “Out of respect to Judy,” Rauner should appoint Simon? Please. I’m thinking if JBT were able to pick the next Comptroller, she would NOT choose Simon.

  7. - Demoralized - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 11:00 am:

    ==Quinn has shown his true self in the last 45 days.==

    Quinn has done some questionable things lately but I think he redeemed himself somewhat with the Comptroller appointment.

  8. - Naperville - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 11:01 am:

    Sure hope the budget and personel cuts include that agency in Downers Grove, Illinois known has the Illinois Tollway. I’m so tired of hearing our neighbor bragging about his free health insurance and +8% raises for the last 10 years.

  9. - CircularFiringSquad - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 11:03 am:

    Funny stuff
    BTW did everyone notice Illinois Municipal League just tabbed former Cdale Mayor Brad Cole to be their new leader. Long time seeker of higher office. Wonder if Cole is ready for Mitt’s Shake Up Agenda?
    BTW someone tell the Ottawa paper that the tax goes down without Mitt lifting a finger. Actually Mitt wants the rate back a 5% so he can “roll it back”

  10. - LincolnLounger - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 11:03 am:

    @Demoralized: “… I think he redeemed himself somewhat with the Comptroller appointment.”

    Only because Lisa Madigan reined him in with the bond situation.

  11. - Demoralized - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 11:05 am:

    ==Only because Lisa Madigan reined him in with the bond situation.==

    Believe what you will if that helps you sleep at night. As I said the other day, some of you were going to have something negative to say no matter what he did. You twist yourselves in knots looking for anything negative to say that you can.

  12. - Linus - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 11:10 am:

    – If Rauner has his way, the income tax rate will drop from from 5 percent to 3.75 percent on New Year’s Day. —

    In much the same way that, if Rauner has his way, the sun will rise in the east and water will be wet.

  13. - Tom Joad - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 11:10 am:

    Rich: I went to the Ottawa website on the Downstate Newspapers link. It came up for Ottawa, Capitol of Canada. Can this be fixed? It has been this way for over a year now.

  14. - Anonymoiis - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 11:14 am:

    ==BTW did everyone notice Illinois Municipal League just tabbed former Cdale Mayor Brad Cole to be their new leader. Long time seeker of higher office.==

    There can’t be anyone in the State who was more shocked that Sheila somehow became LG than Brad Cole. Or anyone less surprised that she’ll soon be out of office

  15. - A guy... - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 11:23 am:

    I can’t even think of a choice worse than Sheila, and I’ve been sitting here trying to. At least a realistic one. That is utterly stupid.

  16. - Dave O'Neal Fan Club - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 11:28 am:

    Anon 10:55 said it best. Now, I will say it best. Sheila should leave politics forever.

  17. - Knome Sane - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 11:34 am:

    =Our simple free advice: nominate Sheila Simon to be the state’s next Comptroller.=

    As my late grandmother used to say: “Oh, for the love of Pete.”

    Nuff said.

  18. - Grandson of Man - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 11:40 am:

    “Voters spoke”

    They said, “Pass the millionaire surcharge.”

    “There’s also never been more owed”

    That’s why we need more revenue. I don’t see any path toward fiscal responsibility that doesn’t include more revenue. Unless we find and sell a lot of oil, like North Dakota and Norway, we’re going to need to raise taxes. If not, people need to specifically inform the public of what should be cut and by how much.

  19. - Ron Burgundy - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 11:56 am:

    If there is one item of common ground between Quinn and Rauner, it’s not appointing Sheila Simon to ANYTHING.

  20. - G'Kar - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 11:59 am:

    John Newby, the editor of the Ottawa Times ( is part of the Libertarian wing of the conservative movement. He believes in minimal governmental services. His paper is also a reliable place for the IPI to publish their “solutions” to all the government’s ills.

  21. - SkeptiCal - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 12:20 pm:

    Funny thing about the First Amendment: It protect free speech and not just well-informed speech.

  22. - Arizona Bob - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 12:26 pm:


    =people need to specifically inform the public of what should be cut and by how much.=

    We’ve been doing that for years, Grandson. We just can’t get pols, the politically juiced in contractors, the welfare recipients, educrats and public union members feeding at the trough to go along with any cuts, despite the consequences to the state.

    Gee, I wonder why?LOL

  23. - Church Lady - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 12:40 pm:

    Could it be that the Ottawa Times gets its information from:
    The Illinois Policy Institute?

  24. - jwscott72 - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 12:49 pm:

    Maybe this happening in Winnetka?
    Governor-elect Rauner (to staff): “Well, hell, the Southern may be onto something. Maybe I should appoint a Democrat. Shelia Simon DID get 1.63 million votes but lost, wait, how many votes to Quinn get? 1.68 million? Hand me a phone?”

  25. - Toll Troll - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 12:58 pm:

    You may want to fact check your neighbor! 8% a year pay increases? No. Didn’t happen. 1-2% is more like it. As for health insurance, it’s not free. There is not only a co-pay but it costs me about $220 per month just for my premium myself. Your neighbor is full of it! Try getting the facts sometime!

  26. - Lincoln16 - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 1:32 pm:

    Folks: That’s the Southern ‘Illusion’, for you. By all means let’s appoint Shelia ‘I should be Mayor of Carbondale, IL’ (Back in the day) Simon. She thought she did not have to do anything, & figured (Gruber), that the stupid voters of Carbondale would elect her based on her Father’s legacy. You know how that turned out. It was an Absolute FLUKE that Quinn even Picked her!

  27. - Naperville - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 2:09 pm:

    Toll Troll - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 12:58 pm:

    My facts are right on, Illinois Tollway personel have had free medical, dental and optical since it’s inception. And my neighbor a top manager type who did get +8%. So Merry Christmas……

  28. - Demoralized - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 2:20 pm:

    == Illinois Tollway personel have had free medical, dental and optical since it’s inception==

    Just stop. Now. Please. Because you are starting to look silly.

  29. - Grandson of Man - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 2:38 pm:

    “the welfare recipients”

    Republicans say this is a Christian nation and try to insert religion into laws. They select parts of the Bible to fight against gay rights but ignore other parts.

    It is my duty to inform them of what they refuse to follow, for I am the Grandson of Man. Those who push My Father’s and Grandfather’s religion onto others but don’t follow it themselves will be turned away from the Great Feast that was prepared since the creation of the world.

    “What did we do, Grandson, to be barred from the Kingdom? For we were good Christians. We fought to stop the sin of homosexuality and to keep taxpayers from having to pay for health insurance and food for moochers and the lazy poor.”

    I will say, “Go away, you are not welcome at the Feast. For I had two jobs and a family but couldn’t afford health insurance, and you fought to not help Me pay for healthcare. I was hungry and poor and had mental illness and substance abuse, and you insulted Me and did not want to pay to feed Me. I cleaned your dirty bathrooms, bloody emergency rooms, risked My life to stop criminals and put out fires, and you fought to deny Me the right to collectively bargain for better wages, benefits and workplace conditions.”

    “When did we do that to You?” they will ask Me, “for we didn’t even know You.”

    “What you did to the least of these brothers and sisters of Mine you did to Me. You misrepresented the Word of My Father and Grandfather and used It to hurt and insult people. You don’t know Us. Go away from Us, blasphemers.”

    Rejoice, however, for I truly come to bring good news. We can raise revenue and shield the poor, sick and workers from harm as much as possible. There is time. We must have courage and compassion and not follow our hard-heated brethren.

  30. - SantasLittleHelper - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 3:15 pm:

    The Southern Illinoisian…what a joke.

  31. - Skeptical - Monday, Dec 22, 14 @ 3:17 pm:

    Grandson of man: Amen!

  32. - Roadiepig - Tuesday, Dec 23, 14 @ 7:56 am:

    Sorry for the double post. First one didn’t dhow up for a long time so I wrote again.

  33. - Roadiepig - Tuesday, Dec 23, 14 @ 8:04 am:

    Rich- sorry for the double post, but did I write something that caused you to remove both of them ?

  34. - Roadiepig - Tuesday, Dec 23, 14 @ 8:09 am:

    Argh! They are both back ! Sorry again!

    And Merry Christmas to you Rich. It hasn’t always been fun reading here this year, but it has been both educational and thought provoking. Mrs. Roadiepig and I hope you and yours have a great holiday ;-)

Sorry, comments for this post are now closed.

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