Emma’s story
Thursday, Jun 4, 2015 - Posted by Rich Miller
* I met Emma not long ago and found her to be very intelligent, bright and quite politically aware for someone her age (or any age, for that matter). She’s also a regular reader of the blog, so go check this out…
Emma Todd, then a 19-year-old freshman at the University of Tulsa, found herself seriously contemplating suicide, again. This time, the Springfield native had made her way to the top of a building. She wanted to jump, but someone stopped her. “I have been extremely lucky. A lot of people aren’t; a lot of people kill themselves,” she says.
Todd struggles with depression, and for much of her young life, body dysmorphic disorder has been a part of that. It’s a mental disorder in which an individual sees his or her body as defective, and at times some people dissociate from their bodies completely. Todd is transgender, and she’s not alone in her feelings.
In 2011, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and the National Center for Transgender Equality published a first-of-its-kind report on discrimination and challenges faced by transgender people. It found that 41 percent of respondents had attempted suicide at some point in their lives. Discrimination is seen in nearly every facet of life — from education to health care to work and relationships. The same study found that of the respondents who had come out as trans in K-12 school, 78 percent reported having been harassed. Respondents dealt with extreme poverty — the sample was four times more likely to live on $10,000 or less per year than the overall population, and they faced double the rate of unemployment. Transgender people face higher risk of physical and sexual abuse. Nineteen percent of respondents reported domestic violence as a direct result of their gender identity. Respondents were more likely to turn to drugs and prostitution than the overall population. For trans people of color, the situation is even grimmer.
In Illinois, transgender individuals have more protections than many other states. According to the Transgender Law & Policy Institute, Illinois is one of 19 states, plus Washington, D.C., that have laws prohibiting discrimination based on someone’s gender identity or expression. But there’s still a push by activists and legislators to enact policies they say would better the quality of life for transgender people.
Todd, now 20, says about her gender: “I was uncomfortable since about the time I was probably 4 or 5 or so. I suppose that’s the earliest I remember it at least … I had felt extremely uncomfortable with my body.” By the time she was 15, Todd knew there was a word for what she was feeling. She had found a forum online for transgender people to share experiences. “For the first time, I felt like there was someone who understood what I was going through.”
This is not a usual topic for this blog, but we should all remember the human faces on the abstract issues we often discuss. So, go read the whole thing and please be respectful in comments. Thanks.
- Carhartt Representative - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 1:42 pm:
Thanks for sharing this Rich.
- Tournaround Agenda - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 1:43 pm:
It’s a good article. I don’t particularly care for the Jenner/Kardashian clan, but maybe Caitlyn’s transition will make it easier for people like Emma to find greater acceptance.
- Wordslinger - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 1:44 pm:
Emma, it’s your life and you only get one. Dont let some buttinksis tell you how to live it.
- Huh? - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 1:44 pm:
Coming out can be very difficult for anybody whose gender is not “normal”. When my sister came out as a lesbian, one of her fears with me was how I would react. I told my sister that I didn’t care about who she loved as love as she didn’t chase after my wife. When my sister got married, I told her that she would have to stop chasing after my wife. It was my way of telling her that I loved her and hoped her life with her wife would be blessed.
In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter the gender of a person, how they dress, or who they love? We are all God’s children.
- Corporate Thug - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 1:45 pm:
Thanks for posting, Rich. Met Emma the other day. Love her spirit. She’s an awesome, progressive young person.
Thanks for sharing your story with the world, Emma.
- FIRED! up - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 1:45 pm:
Anyone who knows Emma has been touched by her spirit,tenacity and zest for life. I’ve worked with her on several campaigns and she’s extremely hardworking and passionate about her candidates. Aside from any of that, she’s just a regular person and should be whoever she wants to be. Such a brave woman…
- A guy - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 1:49 pm:
God doesn’t make mistakes. She’s not a mistake, nor is anyone else. God sent her. Took her a while to sort things out and a little while longer to understand her mission. She’s where she needs to be, doing what she needs to do.
Truthfully, there isn’t really that much society can’t get used to. The messengers matter. God Bless you Emma!
- downstate commissioner - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 1:56 pm:
Okayyy… So why would a man want to lower his IQ by 50% by becoming a woman? (snark, joke, whatever). I cannot understand how a transgender or gay person’s mind works-just is beyond my comprehension…
But so what? If no harm is being done to anyone else, why should we care what their sexual orientation is. Just because one doesn’t understand something doesn’t mean that that it should be hated or discriminated against.
I have never understood why some people are haters; a personal dislike of a specific individual is understandable. I don’t like Rauner, but that doesn’t mean I hate all rich men.
I feel sorry for those who are discriminated against, whether be it because of gender, race, sexual preference, or other “difference.”
I am not sure why you introduced this topic, Rich, but if it is to support programs that are being cut in the name of the budget, then go for it…
- Jerry C. - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 2:17 pm:
I know a guy who thought he was a girl and attempted suicide around twenty years ago. He survived and now at 48 lives and acts like a man.
I was shocked when he told me that he wanted to be a girl and used that as the reason he tried to commit suicide. He never acted like a girl ever.
Also, after he recovered, he never acted like a girl and lives as a man to this day.
I don’t have any ill will towards him. He is not a friend just someone who grew up in my neighborhood. I don’t even know why he told me that story. I did not tell on him because it was really none of my business and I would not want to be the cause of any more grief for his family.
However, to this day I can’t understand why people would do this. Obviously, they can be cured because when I go to the old neighborhood, I don’t see him walking around in a dress.
I am not trying to be mean that is not the purpose of my comments but if my neighbor really felt this way then he was cured so I don’t see why others can’t be too.
- Demoralized - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 2:22 pm:
==they can be cured==
Cured? What are you trying to cure them of? It’s not a disease.
- Formerly Known As... - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 2:24 pm:
This really covers a lot. Thanks for a thoughtful, change of pace post.
- Bigtwich - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 2:28 pm:
I would see Emma around and say hello. One day after a program she asked some questions or made a comment. My memory is not good enough to say which, but it is good enough to tell you my thought, “Wow, that is an impressive young woman!”
- MrJM - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 2:31 pm:
“if my neighbor really felt this way then he was cured so I don’t see why others can’t be too.”
Anybody else remember when they used to “cure” left-handedness?
– MrJM
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 2:37 pm:
Emma,
It’s not those who think that they can “cure” or “change” you, it’s you being you that will make the difference in anything you choose in life.
Thank you for sharing your story, and I’m glad Rich put this post up so I can read about you. You are wise beyond your years and I know your future is bright.
All the best,
OW
- Chicago Hack - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 2:40 pm:
Jerry - I’d suggest to you that he still has those feelings, he’s just found a way to live his life. So I wouldn’t say he’s “cured” just because he’s not walking around in a dress
- Jack Stephens - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 2:40 pm:
Good story….thank your for posting.
It’s unfortunate that republic Presidential Candidate Mike Huckelberry wants to “play girl” so he can sneak into the women’s locker room. And he is a so called “xtian” too.
- Anonymous - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 2:42 pm:
Damon Linker, a columnist for The Week, has had back to back columns regarding Caitlyn Jenner/transgenderism. He is a very thoughtful and thought provoking writer. He is not welded to a political or religious ideology, but conscientious in his columns to be fair. The week.com is worth a look
- How Ironic - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 2:42 pm:
@ Jerry C:
“I was shocked when he told me that he wanted to be a girl and used that as the reason he tried to commit suicide. He never acted like a girl ever.”
He never acted that way because of the hostility folks like yourself tend to lash out with when they do.
“Obviously, they can be cured because when I go to the old neighborhood, I don’t see him walking around in a dress.”
Yeah, because all girls wear dresses. And I suppose any woman that wears pants secretly wishes they were a man?
Hello 1950, you seem to have misplaced your armchair physiologist. Please pick himself up before he tries to diagnose any other issues. Thanks.
- Excesseively Rabid - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 2:43 pm:
I knew a guy named Joe in Chicago in the 1970’s. He started out life as a bearded lady and had been married to a junkie. When surgery became available, he went for it. His mental health improved and when I knew him, he was happy with his new life and getting on pretty well, although his dating life had obvious limits. Knowing him convinced me of the reality of being trans.
My sense of what’s happening now is that like other things, the frequency with which this occurs is being grossly overstated and people blame all kinds of misadjustment on being trans. But we won’t know that for a generation because of all the social sanctions that have existed up until now. So let’s just let people live their lives as best they know how.
With respect to transJenner, I believe Caitlyn is real but I would never date a woman who can skewer me with a javelin at 300 yards. Not that I was ever in her class.
- Crispy - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 2:46 pm:
What an incredible amount of courage and strength you’ve demonstrated, Emma, and at such a young age. Hats off to you, kiddo.
- Gruntled University Employee - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 2:51 pm:
I’m not a fan of the Kardashians or “reality tv” in general but the one thing that Caitlyn Jenner has done is bring the discussion of this topic to the surface. 10 years ago most of us had very little, if no, idea what the issue was, at least today it’s being talked about even on the CF. My only hope is that all of this discussion may one day “cure” our society of this stigma.
- Jerry C. - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 2:58 pm:
- How Ironic - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 2:42 pm:
Your the one being hostile.
I never was mean to him ever and your point about the dresses missed my point.
I was trying to have a civil comment without being disrespectful.
Maybe: - Chicago Hack - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 2:40 pm: is right and he did not attack me.
Honestly, how would you have felt in 1994 if someone told you that he wanted to be a girl probably much worse then I did. I kept his secret and did not bully him.
I did not know what to believe. Finally, my point on the dresses is that he doesn’t walk around in dresses and acting like a girl. It is very simple and should not be so hard for How Ironic to understand.
If he still thinks that he is a girl, he certainly doesn’t live as one. It was not an insult just the case. He doesn’t seem unhappy as a man.
Also, this was the 90’s not the 50’s and How Ironic probably would have not treated him as good as I did.
I still am polite when I see him and never was mean. I am not mean to anybody unless they are mean to me.
What would anyone have done in the 90’s? So the way that I treated him should not be judged by 2015 standards.
- Lottie O'Neill - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 3:06 pm:
Met Emma for the first time recently and was so impressed by her warmth, intelligence, and energy. The world is a better place because she’s in it, literally saving lives each day. Glad to see her get recognition for being her awesome self.
- Arizona Bob - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 3:09 pm:
Sadly, body image depression and suicides are not unique to those in the transgender community. It’s a much bigger problem. I’ve known beautiful young girls who’ve had anorexia and no matter how thin they are, they see themselves as being “fat” and are CERTAIN that their body is “wrong”.
I’ve known of teenagers who are so body conscious that any cruel criticisms from mean schoolmates drives them to attempt suicide.
When it comes down to it, their problem is internal, not external.
It’s a big problem.
All you can do is be supportive as you can, and hope they eventually have a “moment of clarity” where they can put things into perspective until they get that “second wind”.
If Emma finds support and solace in the LGBT community, a salut’. Where I would have a problem is if she were encouraged to take irreversible surgical and chemical steps to change her body at this young age, and prevent her from what may be a later “moment of clarity” where she/he can embrace her/his born gender.
The key here is never to eliminate options for natural change and change of perspectives in adulthood.
- How Ironic - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 3:22 pm:
@ Jerry C
“So the way that I treated him should not be judged by 2015 standards.”
No, your 2015 comments about ‘curing’ are circa 1950, right along with ‘praying the gay out’ and eliminating left handedness are what’s being judged.
Transgender isn’t about not being ‘normal’ or finding a cure. It’s about being the person that your brain identifies with.
And wearing a dress or lack thereof doesn’t indicate how the person feels about himself/herself. It simply means they are not wearing a dress. No more than if you wife were to wear a pair of pants. I suppose you wouldn’t be shocked if she did, and think to yourself ‘Why…look at that…she’s wearing pants like a man!’
Emma is courageous, and I wish her well and all others that struggle with this issue.
- Muscular - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 3:23 pm:
Emma,
It is great to offer such a positive message of informing and engagement to seek understanding. The article though at the end seemed to put transgendered people in the same boat with gay and lesbian folks when it comes to conversion therapy. The leading researchers say that about 80 percent of five year old boys will grow out of behavior that demonstrates a desire to be the opposite gender. While some people like you recognize their identity extremely early, others may have tendencies toward another gender but will eventually remain in their gender of birth. Researchers say that sexual orientation does not change as children grow older. Unfortunately, some liberals in a misguided effort for human rights now have a war on tomboys and sissies. Rather than enabling support, assistance and guidance, they want to use the power of government to squelch professionals offering support for young children concerned about their gender. Through your efforts, I am certain this will not turn into the latest ideological crusade by some.
- Federalist - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 3:32 pm:
I do not understand why anyone would want to taunt a transgender person. Just let them lead their lives. Of course, I hope they don’t go around advertising being transgender nor should they hide it.
Having said that, some people are nasty. When adults do this it is particularly offensive.
Some young adults are particularly mean over any small difference and in grade and high school this happens all the time.
Too short, too fat, too skinny, geeky, etc., people, particularly young people will often be cruel.
This person will have to be strong and proceed with their life. Easier said than done.
- Demoralized - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 3:42 pm:
@Jerry C:
I think the rub with your comment is your use of the word “cured.” That’s insulting, whether you think so or not. Again, it’s not a disease. There is nothing to cure.
- Mad Brown - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 3:56 pm:
AZ Bob– “Where I would have a problem is if she were encouraged to take irreversible surgical and chemical steps to change her body at this young age, and prevent her from what may be a later “moment of clarity” where she/he can embrace her/his born gender. — THIS is not for you to even have problem with. You don’t get to decide what Emma does to her body. Explain in your expert manner how this ‘clarity’ hasn’t already manifested itself? Don’t pretend to know what it’s like to feel like when you’ve lived in wrong skin your whole life. And lived a tormented life to one day go ‘oh, I didn’t mean’ all that.
- Belle - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 4:14 pm:
We’re all so individual. When you take some time to get to know a person (who is different than you) and discover them for who they are, most of them are terrific.
Bruce Jenner/Caitlyn is bringing a confusing topic to light. In some ways, he is the best person to bring this to light since he clearly has the celebrity background and the chops since winning the decathlete is not for the faint of heart.
- Earnest - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 4:22 pm:
My Psych 101 teacher led a good discussion on gender identity. What is it that makes you male? –anatomy. What if we removed the anatomy that you identified, would you still feel you are male? –yes. So, you are saying that identifying as male is independent from your anatomy?
This was in 1986, and it still comes to mind for me.
My reaction to the post was my usual chain of thought: investment in a strong mental health system has the potential for positive impact all over the map: people’s lives, not using prisons to house people with mental illness, decreasing absenteeism for employers. Do we want a school to be equipped to provide or identify the support needs for Emma and others and their families early? This costs money and won’t make a dent in standardized test scores, and would cut into profits for charter schools. Sorry for the rant.
- zonz - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 5:01 pm:
Recently two Professors wrote an A+ op-ed on the parents’ dilemma when they have a gender dysphoric child.
The Op-Ed is very interesting, and not just because of the immediate issue it discusses; to me it reinforces the wisdom of finding out the science if you can, and letting it be one’s guide, and also the importance of recognizing that in certain situations science may be only an imperfect guide.
What should you do if your son says he’s a girl?
http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-vilain-transgender-parents-20150521-story.html
PROFS:
Eric Vilain is a professor of human genetics and pediatrics at the UCLA and director of the Center for Gender-Based Biology. J. Michael Bailey is a professor of psychology at Northwestern University.
- zonz - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 5:20 pm:
Emma,
My daugther’s name was very similar to yours - - her nickname even more so.
I admire you.
I cannot share my personal story here, or anywhere online, as you did; I’m a child of the 1950s and that’s just not comfortable for me.
I would be pleased if you would be my friend — at least my blog-friend by electronic means.
Regards,
zonz
- Amalia - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 5:29 pm:
Hi Emma:
thanks for sharing about your life and including a photo! you seem like a very open and giving person. glad to know that you read this blog! glad that you are part of this community.
Amalia
- Jerry C. - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 6:53 pm:
How Ironic Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 3:22 pm:
You are purposely taking my comments out of context.
Also, you would not have been as nice as I was in 1994 so don’t act holier then thou.
I have always been nice to my neighbor even after he told me this.
The only way that we can have a discussion is if people can say their opinion without being attacked.
Also, I never said anything about gays so your comments about me are way off base.
I am just confused and have been for 20 years.
I still see him now and then so you know that you took my comments about dresses out of context. He lives as a man and I never told his secret. I don’t think that you would have been as nice as I was in 1994.
I do respect Demoralized comments. He made statements on the subject without attacking my confusion.
I have known this guy all of my life. It really was a shock to hear this from him. I still don’t know why he told me but he knows that I don’t wish anything bad on him and his secret is safe with me.
Of course, we never talked about it after that time but the confusion never left.
- 5th Generation Chicagoan - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 7:02 pm:
As a proud graduate of all-women’s Barnard College, Columbia University, I was pleased to receive today’s email that our Board of Governors, after a two-year study, has voted to approve offers of admission to all qualified candidates who self-identify as female. I am quite confident that there was an “Emma” or two who got the issue to the fore. Thanks, Rich, for posting - and go, Emma, GO!
- Rich Miller - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 7:06 pm:
Jerry and others, let’s move along please. This isn’t about you. It’s about Emma.
- Not quite a majority - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 8:34 pm:
Keep up the fight, Emma.
And to Rich and everyone, every so often I remember why I don’t just chuck it in and move to Canada. Thanks for the post and yay for us for being one of the ‘enlightened’ 19 states!
- QCLib - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 9:48 pm:
Rich, it’s always comforting to see a reminder that you, a respected voice in Illinois politics, are also a superb ally.
- jimbo26 - Thursday, Jun 4, 15 @ 11:12 pm:
I’ve known Emma for several years. She is the person you would want for a foxhole buddy in a war. She would stay and fight with you and not run away. Great person whom I am glad to say I know and respect.
Rich is correct on his comments about her intelligence and political awareness.
- justthefacts - Friday, Jun 5, 15 @ 1:09 am:
As someone who has always been a heterosexual male and never gave a minutes thought about identifying as anything but a heterosexual male, I am not going to pretend as if I understand all the issues surrounding the LGBT community. But the one thing I do know are the words written in the Declaration of Independence “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” If those words mean anything, then LGBT people should have the same rights as the rest of us to “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”, anything less is un-American.
- Jerry Davidson - Friday, Jun 5, 15 @ 8:25 am:
I’ve had the pleasure to know Emma and the work she has done politically. She is a very hard worker.