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Unsolicited impasse advice

Tuesday, Oct 27, 2015

* From a recent LifeHacker post entitled “Four Sneaky Ways to Trick Your Enemies Into Becoming Allies”

Stop Playing the Enemy and Get on Their Good Side

To get on your enemy’s good side, you have to stop playing the part of their enemy. As Dobronsky explains, it’s possible for an enemy to dislike you simply because they do not know you. And if you continue to play the enemy, they never will. For example, someone might share a mutual friend with you, and see you as a threat to their relationship. They’ll drum up excuses as to why your mutual friend shouldn’t spend time with you, or find ways to speak ill of you when you’re not around. You might feel inclined to fire back and poison your friend’s mind against them too, but before you do, consider that it takes two sides to start a war. While you may not be the primary instigator in your feud, you should cut off all retaliatory action immediately. […]

Do Them a Favor, Ask for a Favor

Favors are perfect for swaying someone no matter which way they go. When you do your enemy a favor without being asked, you prime them for reciprocity later. People don’t like to feel like they owe someone something, so they’ll start to look for ways to help you later. That sounds an awful lot like the start of an alliance, right? For example, you can get bonus favor points by jumping to the rescue when your work enemy is in a crisis. The more stressful their situation is, the more thankful they’ll be for your helping hand. […]

Find (or Create) a Common Enemy

Remember that ancient saying “The enemy of my enemy is my friend?” Consider it from your adversary’s perspective. Say you have an in-law that you can’t seem to win over, for example. If you can find something that you both dislike, you’ll be able to unite against that common enemy as allies. According to Brian Uzzi and Shanon Dunlap at Harvard Business Review, you can do this with a method called “redirection.” […]

Show Off Your Other Allies

A few clandestine operations can start to sway your enemies without you saying a single word to them. As Larry Stybel, Ed.D, and Maryanne Peabody, MBA, at Psychology Today explain, sometimes it’s better to approach your enemies indirectly

- Posted by Rich Miller        

  1. - @MisterJayEm - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 4:22 pm:

    “Find (or Create) a Common Enemy”

    I sure don’t like the sound of THAT!

    – MrJM

  2. - Northsider - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 4:25 pm:

    Governance by listicle, as we continue sliding into Idiocracy.

  3. - Anonymous - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 4:25 pm:

    ‘find or create a common enemy’. A mirror.

  4. - Archiesmom - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 4:26 pm:

    Try a classic in mediation : ‘Getting to Yes’ by Fischer and Ury. I’ve thought of doing a mass mailing to members of the executive and legislative branches.

  5. - Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 4:26 pm:

    It’s come down to a hybrid “Jury Consultant / Personality Advisor”… Aiding the 4 Tops and the Governor.

    “Bruce tell Michael hoe that made you feel…”

    “Michael, help Bruce with his pet rock, earn his trust… ”

    “We know you are not liking each other right now, but Nevada, amirite, we all can’t stand Nevada state government… ”

    “Bruce, you invited Michael to a ‘Sleepover’. Did you guys sit around the ‘Fire Pit of Truth’… really talk like our last session asked you to do… ”

    “Michael, Bruce has the ‘Lincoln Hat’ it’s his turn to talk… Then when you have the ‘Lincoln Hat’ you can talk… “

  6. - Honeybear - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 4:31 pm:

    find or create a common enemy
    done! The common enemy of both Rauner and Madigan
    The people of Illinois

  7. - Kodachrome - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 4:32 pm:

    Honeybear is a winner!

  8. - Arizona Bob - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 4:35 pm:

    The Illinois Dems and the GOP leadership have already done this; their “common enemy” is the taxpayers of Illinois, those “other allies” are the crony capitalists that keep both party’s coffers full and take care of the financial needs of the pols following their exit from public service, and I don’t see Madigan and Rauner “playing each other”, they’re “playing” the remaining taxpayers in Illinois. Once they get past this brouhaha, you can BET that they’ll be doing a LOT of favors for each other. Once the tax increase money is there, the cash will flow like water to the special interests funding both sides as was the case when Ryan, Edgar, and Thompson were running things…

  9. - Observation - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 4:35 pm:

    “Do or do not. There is no try.” Yoda

  10. - RNUG - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 4:39 pm:

    == Find (or Create) a Common Enemy ==

    Rauner’s been auditioning different actors.

    So far he’s tried:

    high taxes

    government waste & fraud


    government pensions


    union state employees

    union bosses

    overpaid state employees

    state employees health insurance

    All Democrats


    State employee unions bosses


    the Democratically controlled press

    the bond rating houses

    … I’m sure I’ve forgotten a few. Maybe the script writer for Rauner’s World can add to the list.

  11. - Norseman - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 4:45 pm:

    Too complex for Rauner. He likes the bull in the china shop approach.

  12. - John Cougar - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 4:50 pm:


    If the Governor’s goal is to seize control of the General Assembly, there is no common ground or “Win-Win” scenario to get to “Yes” on.

    That said, I love the parable of the orange:

  13. - Mama - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 5:06 pm:

    “Find (or Create) a Common Enemy”

  14. - burbanite - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 5:14 pm:

    RNUG forgot the Thompson center! :)

  15. - Wordslinger - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 5:15 pm:

    So…. roll over to Indiana and rip some guts out?

    During the end game of the Civil War, Southern emissaries proposed an armistice ante bellum and a link up of Lee and Grant’s forces to march on Mexico to drive out the French-installed Hapsburgs, and perhaps beyond into South America.

    Didn’t happen.

  16. - Mama - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 5:39 pm:

    Maybe this will help.
    • How to negotiate a deal
    • By tweeteypete Adam Dachis

    • The advice to make the opening offer is contrary to generally received wisdom, that whoever first mentions money puts themselves in the weaker position.
    In fact the best strategy is to go into the negotiation with 4 figures in mind
    The “deal breaker” the lowest price you would accept - lower than this? walk away
    The “industry average” the price or rate that you have researched and know others are taking.
    Your “really asking” price. What you think would be the best outcome you can realistically expect
    Your highest supportable bid. The absolute highest price you would ask for and be able to make a sensible and credible defence of.
    If asked, you don’t just blurt out a number. You introduce it with a short explanation and then finish the sentence with the conclusion: “and so, Bob, I feel that when you take these points into account a _highest_ _supportable_ _bid_ is a reasonable result for both of us.”

  17. - Anonymous - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 5:49 pm:

    Oh now I get it Madigan should reach out to fellow democrats the governor’s wife

  18. - PENSIONS ARE OFF LIMITS - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 6:10 pm:

    The incoming democratic primary candidates will be an example of exactly the opposite.

  19. - Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 6:36 pm:


    You mean the Raunerite IllinoisGO Owls?

    The Democrats have to eradicate their own house.

    IllinoisGO candidates aren’t Democrats…

  20. - Tuesday's Pizza - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 7:24 pm:

    Holy cow!! AZ Bob says something that I agree with!! And no school bashing. People can change.

  21. - PENSIONS ARE OFF LIMITS - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 8:33 pm:


    The woman challenging Sue Scherer is already reading from script. This is why the unions need to mobilize and educate members. Things may be too far gone. The papers only repeat “the message” and glorify how messed up we are. The post dispatchhad a good piece lastweekend and a few others, but the newspaper readers already know what’s going on. Stick a fork labor unions.

  22. - Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 8:41 pm:


    ===This is why the unions need to mobilize and educate members. Things may be too far gone.===

    Yep. Agree.

    But it’s not just the Unions, the Democrats that ignore the Raunerite insurgences will be overrun, the Raunerite Caucuses with Ken Dunkin and Co. will be growing.

    It’s up to the Democrats, the Labor Movement and Social Services and their Advocates to keep the “Democratic Raunerites” at bay.

    We’ll all see how it goes, at a clip of $9 million against them all…

    You’re On It.

  23. - PENSIONS ARE OFF LIMITS - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 8:48 pm:

    $9 million? I can find out who votes against my interests for much less.

  24. - Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 8:51 pm:

    It’s going to be, possibly, the most polarizing GA races, overall, in recent memory. That’s including both side’s primaries.

    Strange times…

  25. - PENSIONS ARE OFF LIMITS - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 8:57 pm:

    Are there any R’s who may not support the agenda? The gentleman in Carlinville has some fortitude but he is not in my district. iI am not aware of any others.

  26. - Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 9:06 pm:

    Right now, the answer is “no”.

    Going to be difficult to find GOP GA members going against Rauner in the near term, but after January, it may change, but I wouldn’t bank on it.

  27. - Anonymous - Wednesday, Oct 28, 15 @ 7:28 am:

    Invite Edgar to the meeting to speak for the democrats

  28. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Oct 28, 15 @ 7:35 am:

    ===Invite Edgar to the meeting to speak for the democrats===

    Edgar is a Republican, Rauner is a Raunerite.

  29. - Anonymous - Wednesday, Oct 28, 15 @ 7:43 am:

    Maybe the spouse could speak for the democrats

  30. - Grandson of Man - Wednesday, Oct 28, 15 @ 8:41 am:

    Whoever can convince Rauner to stop being so stubborn, that person has some skills. They need to convince him that the state can’t be broken for non-budget items whose value is either unknown or unclear.

    Speaking of breaking the state, Rauner and the Raunerites he owns, Mark Brown says in his article that Illinois is now the worst state for child care assistance and is suffering, due to child care cuts.

  31. - Rich Miller - Wednesday, Oct 28, 15 @ 8:46 am:

    ===Mark Brown says in his article that Illinois is now===

    Scroll down on this very page and see all the info. Sheesh.

  32. - Juvenal - Wednesday, Oct 28, 15 @ 8:54 am:

    Terrible advice, Rich.

    None of it will work.

    Why? Because it is based on the founding principle that the person you disagree with is your enemy.

    As long as Bruce Rauner continues to believe in his heart that Democrats are his sworn enemy (ironic, since he married one), and his primary mission continues to be undermining the Democratic Party instead of fixing the state, we are stuck.

    Bruce Rauner believes he is #winning because his goal isn’t really to pass a balanced budget or grow our economy. His goal is to unseat Madigan.

  33. - Anonymous - Wednesday, Oct 28, 15 @ 9:09 am:

    You would think a man that can’t be bought or controlled would extend the same action

  34. - Earnest - Wednesday, Oct 28, 15 @ 10:05 am:

    So, in this scenario, are the Democrats and unions Rauner’s enemy or is it social services, colleges and local governments? If it wasn’t about the latter, he wouldn’t have approved funding for K-12 or other things that are not apparently his enemy. Or perhaps it’s not Rauner that is the enemy bu the House and Senate Republicans who are as much passengers now as they have been for over a decade. Or is it up to the Democrats to offer up a detailed and balanced budget complete with revenue. That didn’t work out so great with Quinn, not that he didn’t have other issues.

    I’m a lifehacker fan, but feeling very pessimistic this dreary morning.

  35. - Grandson of Man - Wednesday, Oct 28, 15 @ 10:32 am:

    Rich, I did scroll down and saw that Brown strongly implied Illinois is the worst state for child care assistance. He basically said it in his last paragraph.

Sorry, comments for this post are now closed.

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