“I do solemnly swear (or affirm, as the case may be) that I have not fought a duel, nor sent or accepted a challenge to fight a duel, the probable issue of which might have been the death of either party, nor been a second to either party, nor in any manner aided or assisted in such duel …”
(To Statehouse reporters:)
You see, in Illinois we have a separation of powers and co-equal branches of government…that means in addition to me there are four legislative leaders who must weigh in on each issue………
And that, folks, is how a bill becomes law.
At one point in his statement about the need for the other leaders in state government to focus better, Governor Quinn flashed a peace sign to represent the fracking compromise efforts while simultaneously using ASL to sign I Love You first to veterans and then to proud union members. Catching sight of his four upraised fingers he then invented a new four-point plan to address the pension funding crisis and re-emphasized he wasn’t concerned about who he would be running against at the end of his four-year term.
While you all are focusing on his fingers, I couldn’t help but notice the flag pin.
That’s an AMERICAN flag pin, people.
I kept hearing that Quinn is a Godless Communist Intent on Destroying Illinois and Turning it into a Socialist Wasteland (or at least that’s what I read on Illinois Review) but if he’s got a flag pin, that can’t possibly be the case.
Nobody* expects the Quinn Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise, surprise and fear, fear and surprise. Our *two* weapons are fear and surprise, and ruthless efficiency. Our *three* weapons are fear and surprise and ruthless efficiency and an almost fanatical dedication to the pope. Our *four*… No… Amongst our weapons… Amongst our weaponry are such elements as fear, sur- I’ll come in again.
“Sean Connery, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan…Wait, when was George Lazenby?”
- C. Montgomery Burns - Tuesday, Feb 26, 13 @ 10:03 am:
My overlords at the Commercial Club of Chicago assure me that State government can be run, in the event of a prolonged strike by the lazy union folk, with just four, count ‘em, four hand picked half bright political hacks. Next question….
I used my 4 votes on the Sports Finance Authority to install the most qualified individual in the universe as director and her declaring bankruptcy to avoid paying her Bloomingdale’s bill says nothing about her financial responsibility or character. It’s all about what’s best for the people of the state.
- Pension is a promise - Tuesday, Feb 26, 13 @ 10:05 am:
When I was a Cub Scout I took the oath with 2 fingers. When I got bigger and was a Boy Scout I took the oath with 3 fingers. I propose all future governors take the oath with 4 fingers. Now Rahm can never be governor heehee.
When I meet with Madigan….just to let him know I am to be taken seriously….I always lay my fingers on the table….sort of like this….then I take my steak knife and jab it into the table between my fingers real fast…..
Inept politicians face a crisis in Illinois. They are facing more exposure by news outlets and challenges from within their own party. Help us keep the status quo. For just four more years or your time, you can be the sponsor of an inept politician. Please won’t you think of the hacks next election season?
- RetiredStateEmployee - Tuesday, Feb 26, 13 @ 10:10 am:
Four thumbs up!
- The unknown poster - Tuesday, Feb 26, 13 @ 10:14 am:
ummm….let’s see…we have Rod, George and ah…oh yeah me…and we need a fourth for bridge.
“…and that was how I got locked in the stairwell the 4th time.”
- The End Is Near - Tuesday, Feb 26, 13 @ 10:25 am:
“I simply told Lt. Governor Simon that her 5-string banjo wasn’t cutting it; she needed to get a 4-string instrument or find a new job. I explained that there’s just no need for a drone string in a Quinn administration — the people know that I can drone on for hours without one.”
Pat Quinn announces that he has secured four hundred pounds of copper wire by stripping the Capitol Building. Once he unloads the wire, he expects to be able to pay the bills for a few more days. Governor Quinn noted that he was inspired by a recent article he read about Joe Biden.
Everybody said I was daft to build a budget in a swamp.
But I built it all the same, just to show ‘em.
It sank into the swamp, SO, I built a second one.
THAT one sank into the swamp, so, I built a THIRD Budget.
That one burned down, fell over, THEN sank into the swamp, but the FOURTH one… stayed UP.
And THAT’s what you’re gonna get, my laddie: the STRONGEST budget in illinois!
- Just The Way It Is One - Tuesday, Feb 26, 13 @ 3:46 pm:
4. Just 4 more years. That’s not much really, is it? Just FOUR. I mean, just ONE year goes by pretty fast, ya know? Plus three, THAT’s it. And, I mean, you all do really get a kick outta following me, (shrugs), ya know, the things I say, propose, ‘n stuff like that, dontcha? Ok, so I’m BORing sometimes because I beLIEVE in clean Government–I know, I know we’re not perfect–far FROM it–we propose the right things, ‘n then all this game-playing, ‘n NAYsaying, meandering, and SheNANigans start up, but, hey, at least I’m not corrupt, and I’m tryin’, and what more these days can ya really ask for in the Land of Lincoln? Cmon’,really…it’s just 4…1-2-3-4–’n then BING, it’s gone–ya know, it’s uh, it’s like bang, bang,pow, shoot, like 4 quick shots on goal at a Blackhawks’ game, and, it’ll all be over so fast, you’ll hardly know what hit ya. Please? Cuz’ really, it’s just that many…
- Left of Central IL - Tuesday, Feb 26, 13 @ 4:10 pm:
“Let me tell ya, I was staying at Motel 6 when it was only 4 dollars.”
Major sports teams in Chicago? Let’s see… Bulls, Bears, Blackhawks, and Sox. Yep. That’s it. No, wait! How could I be so dumb. The Fire. I forgot the Fire!
- Arthur Andersen - Tuesday, Feb 26, 13 @ 6:10 pm:
Note to Northern Lights: Baby Come Back was not a Hall & Oates song, but thanks for planting it in my head.
To the Post: Illinois Gov. Pat Quinn (D-Chicago) reacts after being asked by a reporter to rate Seth MacFarlane’s performance as host of the Academy Awards.
- Arthur Andersen - Tuesday, Feb 26, 13 @ 6:14 pm:
Fumigate? Sure We Did! Let me count all the people who got fumigated. One, two, three…..done! Told you!
- Arthur Andersen - Tuesday, Feb 26, 13 @ 6:20 pm:
I have put forward at least FIVE, count them, FIVE, perfectly good pension reform plans and I’m getting tired of hearing that “the numbers don’t work.” I’m standing here right now and saying to my critics, “give me some proof that Pat Quinn’s math is no good!”