After asking to be taken to our leader, the aliens depart Springfield upon discovering no one is in charge and concluding Illinois isn’t worth conquering given all of its financial problems. It was last seen hovering over Des Moines.
Film archivists recently uncovered evidence of a planned but never-completed Ed Wood sequel to “Plan 9 from Outerspace.” The raw Wood footage will now be used as the basis for a new movie, “Bill and VanillaMan’s Excellent Adventure,” which will be produced by Rich Miller.
Private Citizen RRB appeals to a higher power to exact revenge on those responsible for ending his campaign “to help the hard working people of Illinois.”
While parents come to grips with major investment losses in a college savings program, public records show that Illinois Treasurer Alexi Giannoulias’ office spent Bright Start proceeds to buy a $26,000,000,000 SUFO (Sports Utility Flying Object) he uses as his state car.
Motorwerks of Venus deliver Treasurer Alexi’s new ride, the Bright Starship (no taxpayers funds expended; purchased with intergalactic operation funds).
A hybrid, it’s powered solely by dazzling dental work.
darn you word… you beat me to the punch on that idea!
my backup caption: The AP sends in an advanced unit to monitor Rich Miller’s theft of their stories…only the pilot misunderstood the instructions reference to the Capitol…..
After years of Gov. Rod Blagojevich’s press staff claiming that UFO sightings near the Statehouse were just “unusual cloud formations caused by House Speaker Michael Madigan,” Gov. Pat Quinn’s new staff has finally confirmed that people claimng to have seen the UFOs are credible, but that those people are still somehow related to Madigan.
Beldar Conehead and his family return to ask Illinois Lawmakers the most pressing question of this Legislative Year, “Name something people like to bite?”
Tired of waiting for the ILGOP to investigate the disappearance of David Bowman and a majority of the party, hundreds of thousands of Republicans board a space craft to return to Springfield anyway…on their own…without being found by a search party that never came…to meet and support their 2010 Candidates for various offices.
Finding no one there, they launch probe that sends back a report that all potential Candidates are still trying to decide whether to run–and if so, for which office. Seconds later, the probe is inexplicably destroyed in a burst of light.
Confused, the group retreats while frantically querying Hal to determine what has happened.
In response to any and all queries, Hal simply replies over and over again “It’s full of stars”–which is also the final phrase Bowman is reported to have uttered before he disappeared in 2001.
Eventually, the group successfully interprets Hal’s and Bowman’s messages.
They are now trying to determine whether to make a second trip to Springfield in a few weeks when all 30 Republican Candidates will make up their collective mind to announce they’re all “in”…and that they’re ALL running for Governor.
1. Oh my gosh Zolas, the Earthlings have recognized that our Greedzrian infiltrator Rod is not one of them. The have exiled him from this recognizable docking facility! Where will we ever find him?
2. Yes Vogstug, we have mastered interplanetary travel, but we must study these earthlings. Anybody who can get Representative XXXXX elected must have truly extraordinary powers.
1. Vogstug, Rod’s trying to make a parachute jump to a remote island half across the world.
2. Yes, the earthlings currently have some extraordinary powers, but it’s the Republicans who are hovering over Springfield in a spacecraft strategizing their next move.
- ChicagoKid - Monday, May 4, 09 @ 2:02 pm:
Is that “Blago” coming back?
- How Ironic - Monday, May 4, 09 @ 2:03 pm:
From the planet of Zergog, “True Ethics Reform” was delivered to the Statehouse earlier today. Recap at 5:00pm.
- 47th Ward - Monday, May 4, 09 @ 2:07 pm:
After asking to be taken to our leader, the aliens depart Springfield upon discovering no one is in charge and concluding Illinois isn’t worth conquering given all of its financial problems. It was last seen hovering over Des Moines.
- Say WHAT? - Monday, May 4, 09 @ 2:12 pm:
There is NO intelligent life here!
- Rich Miller - Monday, May 4, 09 @ 2:14 pm:
Film archivists recently uncovered evidence of a planned but never-completed Ed Wood sequel to “Plan 9 from Outerspace.” The raw Wood footage will now be used as the basis for a new movie, “Bill and VanillaMan’s Excellent Adventure,” which will be produced by Rich Miller.
- Cheswick - Monday, May 4, 09 @ 2:17 pm:
Game show contestants from the far away planet of Ravenswood prepare to land for the upcoming series, “I’m an alien, get me out of here!”
- Vote Quimby! - Monday, May 4, 09 @ 2:27 pm:
Private Citizen RRB appeals to a higher power to exact revenge on those responsible for ending his campaign “to help the hard working people of Illinois.”
- Downstate weed chewing hick - Monday, May 4, 09 @ 2:32 pm:
While parents come to grips with major investment losses in a college savings program, public records show that Illinois Treasurer Alexi Giannoulias’ office spent Bright Start proceeds to buy a $26,000,000,000 SUFO (Sports Utility Flying Object) he uses as his state car.
- dan l - Monday, May 4, 09 @ 2:35 pm:
“Dan Proft for Governor!!!”
- Rich Miller - Monday, May 4, 09 @ 2:37 pm:
How Pat Quinn was generally viewed at the Statehouse before January 29, 2009.
- wordslinger - Monday, May 4, 09 @ 2:44 pm:
Motorwerks of Venus deliver Treasurer Alexi’s new ride, the Bright Starship (no taxpayers funds expended; purchased with intergalactic operation funds).
A hybrid, it’s powered solely by dazzling dental work.
- A Citizen - Monday, May 4, 09 @ 2:47 pm:
As a result of a very large No Bid contract, Guv Quinn now has a secret office above the dome in which to meet with the Tops.
- Ghost - Monday, May 4, 09 @ 3:03 pm:
darn you word… you beat me to the punch on that idea!
my backup caption: The AP sends in an advanced unit to monitor Rich Miller’s theft of their stories…only the pilot misunderstood the instructions reference to the Capitol…..
- Rich Miller - Monday, May 4, 09 @ 3:13 pm:
After years of Gov. Rod Blagojevich’s press staff claiming that UFO sightings near the Statehouse were just “unusual cloud formations caused by House Speaker Michael Madigan,” Gov. Pat Quinn’s new staff has finally confirmed that people claimng to have seen the UFOs are credible, but that those people are still somehow related to Madigan.
- BandCamp - Monday, May 4, 09 @ 3:18 pm:
Beldar Conehead and his family return to ask Illinois Lawmakers the most pressing question of this Legislative Year, “Name something people like to bite?”
- dan l - Monday, May 4, 09 @ 3:18 pm:
Realizing that his chances to become become governor were slim, Jim Oberweiss had a new idea on how to show Springfield who’s in charge….
- VanillaMan - Monday, May 4, 09 @ 3:25 pm:
The Littlest Alien - Looking for Little Blago”
- Arthur Andersen - Monday, May 4, 09 @ 3:33 pm:
“We have come for the Messiah.”
“Whaddaya mean he moved? Wow, it does take a long time for earthling news to reach us. Where’s the nearest gas station?”
(Ghost, AA had that idea too. word beat us both.)
- Irish - Monday, May 4, 09 @ 3:50 pm:
CX$#4 ( Alien 1) They say our boy is not here anymore
Q(%9 ( Alien 2) What is impeached?
And here we thought Milarod’s family came from eastern Europe
- VanillaMan - Monday, May 4, 09 @ 4:03 pm:
Oberweis - “Oh great! More undocumented aliens!”
- Phineas J. Whoopee - Monday, May 4, 09 @ 4:15 pm:
Aliens return to ascertain how the probing of Governor Blagojevich affected his job performance.
- William - Monday, May 4, 09 @ 4:27 pm:
SO…. This is what state employees in Stratton do all day!
- Anonymous - Monday, May 4, 09 @ 8:48 pm:
Tired of waiting for the ILGOP to investigate the disappearance of David Bowman and a majority of the party, hundreds of thousands of Republicans board a space craft to return to Springfield anyway…on their own…without being found by a search party that never came…to meet and support their 2010 Candidates for various offices.
Finding no one there, they launch probe that sends back a report that all potential Candidates are still trying to decide whether to run–and if so, for which office. Seconds later, the probe is inexplicably destroyed in a burst of light.
Confused, the group retreats while frantically querying Hal to determine what has happened.
In response to any and all queries, Hal simply replies over and over again “It’s full of stars”–which is also the final phrase Bowman is reported to have uttered before he disappeared in 2001.
Eventually, the group successfully interprets Hal’s and Bowman’s messages.
They are now trying to determine whether to make a second trip to Springfield in a few weeks when all 30 Republican Candidates will make up their collective mind to announce they’re all “in”…and that they’re ALL running for Governor.
It’s full of stars.
Get it?
- Quizzical - Monday, May 4, 09 @ 10:28 pm:
1. Oh my gosh Zolas, the Earthlings have recognized that our Greedzrian infiltrator Rod is not one of them. The have exiled him from this recognizable docking facility! Where will we ever find him?
2. Yes Vogstug, we have mastered interplanetary travel, but we must study these earthlings. Anybody who can get Representative XXXXX elected must have truly extraordinary powers.
- Anonymous - Tuesday, May 5, 09 @ 12:05 am:
1. Vogstug, Rod’s trying to make a parachute jump to a remote island half across the world.
2. Yes, the earthlings currently have some extraordinary powers, but it’s the Republicans who are hovering over Springfield in a spacecraft strategizing their next move.
- Anonymous - Tuesday, May 5, 09 @ 12:17 am:
BTW, if anyone needs them, we can provide the exact coordinates of the remote island.