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Caption contest!

Tuesday, Mar 27, 2012

* From Illinois Review

Their link goes to our caption contest of Attorney General Lisa Madigan yesterday.

But we’re not gonna caption that ridiculous little post. I just thought you’d get a chuckle out of the site’s silly hostility.

* By the way, Jeff Trigg won yesterday’s caption contest and a free ticket to Wednesday’s benefit party for Lutheran Social Services of Illinois (5 o’clock at Boone’s) for this one

Don’t worry, these drug dogs I brought with me aren’t actually searching anything.

* Our first two roasters at the black tie optional charity roast for Lutheran Social Services of Illinois this Saturday night in Chicago are Senate Republican Leader Christine Radogno and Comptroller Judy Baar Topinka…

Leader Radogno has a funny, biting wit, but she doesn’t show it very often in public. I’ve been pushing her people to make sure she ups her game for Saturday night. Maybe this caption contest will prod them into retaliation.

Comptroller Topinka has a well-known reputation as a smart aleck, and she is that way in private, too. But she also has a sweet side that she doesn’t often show. Let’s hope JBT leaves her softer side at home. Saturday’s roast of yours truly is supposed to be funny, but it can’t really be funny if the roasters don’t go over the top.

* Anyway, commenters with the best two captions today will get a free ticket to tomorrow night’s big charity bash at Boone’s. The fundraiser starts at 5 o’clock. Admission is $20. Tom Irwin, Brooke Thomas and Mike Burnett will all be performing live and Mike Fountain is our DJ. I’ve heard a rumor that Luke Turasky might also be playing. I love Luke. He’s the best around, so I hope he makes it.

As I write this, a friend of mine is cooking a 28-pound roast for Italian beef. Another friend is making more Italian beef. Another friend is contributing some other foodstuffs. And last night, a blog fan gave me a case of barbeque sauce made in tornado-ravaged Harrisburg. I’m gonna sell those bottles for as much as we can get and give the money to the relief fund. It’s good stuff, by the way. I tried it this morning (I’m keeping that test bottle for myself, however).

Also, if anyone wants to bring food or stuff to sell or whatever, send me an e-mail or call me. I’ll say yes.

* Oh, there’s one other thing. Legislative staffers don’t make much money, so they get in Wednesday for $5. All the legislative staffers (including secretaries) have to do is show their state ID cards and they get the discount.

* OK, have at the caption contest, campers.

- Posted by Rich Miller        

87 Comments
  1. - Yossarian Lives - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 12:11 pm:

    I’m guessing your decision to let the staffers in for $5 is actually calculated to keep all the staffers who want in but can’t afford $20 from clogging up the caption contests…


  2. - Rich Miller - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 12:12 pm:

    ===from clogging up the caption contests… ===

    Nah. The more clogging the better. :)


  3. - Spliff - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 12:28 pm:

    Smells like gelfling. Looks like gelfling!


  4. - palatine - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 12:29 pm:

    I call Tweedle Dee and your Tweedle Dumb.


  5. - Rich Miller - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 12:29 pm:

    LOL. I didn’t notice the lone comment at IR…

    Peggy Martin said… Rich Miller will be so cozy and appreciated by those who he has helped put and keep in office. And how nice that the proceeds of the event go to the Lutheran Social Services … with Miller’s help, Lisa and her kin ran Catholic Charities out of Illinois.
    Nice, eh?
    Sickening. When will Illinois Republicans learn that Rich Miller is not their friend?

    Um, Peggy, I’m a Lutheran.


  6. - 47th Ward - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 12:32 pm:

    Welcome to the GOP Family Feud!

    100 people surveyed, top 5 answers on the board: name an Illinois Republican who can get elected in a Democratic district.

    Tom Swiss: X
    Fred Crespo: X
    Mitt Romney; X

    Sorry ladies. Let’s see the answers: Jim Edgar, Jack Franks, Skip Saviano, Ronald Reagan and Abraham Lincoln.


  7. - zatoichi - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 12:39 pm:

    JBT:Alex, I’ll take Miller’s Friends for $100.

    Alex:How many names or mentions of friends can Miller slip into a couple of sentences?

    JBT: What! He claims to have some?
    CR: Claiming and having are two different things.


  8. - wordslinger - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 12:41 pm:

    Alex Trebek: “No, I’m sorry, the correct answer to our Final Jeopardy question — What’s the value of winning 98 of 102 counties — is zero, zero. How much did you wager? Ouch, that will cost you. That means our returning champion, Michael…”


  9. - Libra - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 12:41 pm:

    JBT: “I can’t believe we drove around all day, and there’s not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip!”

    Leader Radogno: “Yeah! unless you wanna work forty hours a week.”


  10. - South of Sherman - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 12:42 pm:

    TV listings for March 27, 2052: On a very special “Oprah,” Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Simpson reflect back on a half-century as America’s Sweethearts.


  11. - Cal Skinner - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 12:42 pm:

    Jim Oberweis did what?


  12. - mokenavince - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 12:43 pm:

    Who did you expect Thelma and Louise?


  13. - Gregor - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 12:51 pm:

    (Yoda): “Always, there are two: a Master and an Apprentice…”


  14. - Irish - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 12:51 pm:

    Twin sisters Christine and Judy testify at the Botox hearings.


  15. - Don't Worry, Be Happy - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 12:51 pm:

    Believed lost forever, workers uncovered this early Grant Wood painting during the recent Capitol renovation. Art historians called the find “significant,” stating that the untitled work was a precursor to the well known American Gothic.


  16. - PublicServant - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 12:53 pm:

    JBT: “Get your hand off my knee!”
    CR: “That’s not my hand, it’s one of those Illinois Review dudes trying to treat us like ventriloquist dummies.”


  17. - Res Melius - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 12:57 pm:

    Okay, we’re ready to judge the “Dancing with the Democrats” competition. Quinn, you’re first.


  18. - PublicServant - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 12:58 pm:

    JBT: “I found out we were only invited to roast Rich, after Rep. Smith and Jessie White turned him down.”
    CR: “He will pay dearly for that slight!”


  19. - wordslinger - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:00 pm:

    “No, Mr. Thomas, neither one of us is interested in being the Illini basketball coach. Have you tried Alan Keyes?”


  20. - The Captain - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:06 pm:

    “Yeah? Well at least he’s in jail, I still see Alexi everywhere.”


  21. - Retired Non-Union Guy - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:14 pm:

    How did I end up up here with her? I really have to get myself a better agent …


  22. - Retired Non-Union Guy - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:18 pm:

    Will Quinn ever end this speech?


  23. - TCB - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:19 pm:

    CR & JBT in unison: “Read our lips, No new borrowing.”


  24. - Dirty Red - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:23 pm:

    The only contestants for “Survivor: Moderate Republicans.”


  25. - Dinsdale - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:25 pm:

    Illinois State Museum Exhibit: Extinct Mammals of Illinois, Republisuarus Defectus.


  26. - Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:30 pm:

    “Great Comptroller Topinka, well done … Senator Radogno, 3rd line down, from left to right if you will please …”

    “We see here your Sponsor, Senator Radogno has filed a statement about this, so Comptroller Topinka, for the record, can you explain your closing statement about “Roosters and Hens … and the delivering” … for the committe please.”

    “To get to know you both better, if that is even possible, the committee would like to play an ice-breaker “game” … “two truths and a lie” … so Senator Radogno, you first …”

    “You both are looking at us like we are crazy, but to the question, either one of you, how feasable would it be to get Senate Democrats a jacuzzi and how fast can the Comptroller’s Office hadle that bid?”


  27. - 1776 - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:33 pm:

    This is your brain. This is your brain on cigarettes.


  28. - Doug - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:33 pm:

    “Saturday’s roast of yours truly is supposed to be funny, but it can’t really be funny if the roasters don’t go over the top.”

    I’m just reminding you before hand so there isn’t any crying later on………


  29. - Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:34 pm:

    “… and the first one of you to laugh will be the loser.

    Remember this is for charity, our first video comes from Chicago Tonight, the speaker will be Jason Plummer … set the clock for 60 seconds …”


  30. - 1776 - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:35 pm:

    Thank heaven that Sara Feigenholtz’s new adoption law allowed us to find each other. Now let’s merge the office of Comptroller and Senate Minority Leader.


  31. - Dirty Red - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:35 pm:

    “Come play with us, Michael. Come play with us.”


  32. - Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:35 pm:

    ” … so to follow-up … by your silence you both are indicating a “NO” to the Senate Democrats jacuzzi … would THAT be correct?”


  33. - Kasich Walker, Jr. - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:38 pm:

    Senate Republican Leader Christine Radogno and Comptroller Judy Baar Topinka stonewalled those attending yesterday’s Dem led hearing on texting and promiscuity. Topinka later told spectators outside the chamber, “We’re not the type that kiss and spell.”


  34. - Irish - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:42 pm:

    “And I understand one of you is from the East and one from the West? Is that correct?”

    “And for the record when was the last time you saw Dorothy and Toto?”


  35. - Jeff Trigg - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:42 pm:

    Too cool, thank you Rich, I’ll be there and can afford the gas to Springfield now. And a great cause, besides your b-day. I was a camp counselor at Lutheran Outdoor Ministry Center in Oregon, IL for two summers and a Luther Youth League president at my church, and have seen Lutheran Social Services do many great things for people. Thanks again, I truly appreciate it.


  36. - Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:44 pm:

    “I’m sorry, my notes I guess are messed up, … are you NOW saying you both are OPPOSED to bloggers having statehouse credentials, and you then ask the committee … lemme see here … ‘Is that Rich Miller a blogger under this new rule?’ … (pause) Is this because of the last few caption contests?”


  37. - Yellow Dog Democrat - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:45 pm:

    Republicans invoke Fifth in response to Franks’ hearing over stolen hair dye


  38. - dupage dan - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:45 pm:

    Hey, Judy, we should go over what we’re gonna say.

    Ah, to hell with Miller - I heard there’s a garage sale around the corner - I’m outta here!


  39. - Yellow Dog Democrat - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:47 pm:

    Btw, last time I checked Catholic Charities is still alive and doing very well in Illinois.


  40. - Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:48 pm:

    - Irish -

    … Wow ….


  41. - Wensicia - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:58 pm:

    Well, this is a new way to define “between a rock and a hard place”.


  42. - dave - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 1:59 pm:

    Judy Baar Topinka: “I can’t believe that Illinois Review is so … uh… crazy? Remember when people like Christine and me were welcomed into the Republican Party? How they let us get to the top party, I’ll never know.”

    Christine Radogno: “I wish Judy was in my caucus.”


  43. - mark walker - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 2:08 pm:

    “For the softer side of life”


  44. - Irish - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 2:10 pm:

    OW - too harsh?


  45. - mark walker - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 2:14 pm:

    47th Ward: sneakily evil comment :)


  46. - Wensicia - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 2:14 pm:

    Ladies, please, be gentle with me.


  47. - Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 2:20 pm:

    - Irish -

    It is biting, not taking it mean-spirited at all …

    Caught me off-guard more than aything… thus the “…Wow …”

    It’s Rich’s “Show”, not judging one bit, Irish, like I said, caught me off-guard …


  48. - Irish - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 2:24 pm:

    Thanks OW.
    Just in case, my apologies to the ladies.


  49. - Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 2:30 pm:

    - Irish -

    Hope you don’t think I was truly “calling you” on it either … I just couldn’t let it pass because I literally “did” what I “posted” …

    You are one of many I always look forward to hearing from, so I hope you don’t take offence to my response, as well.


  50. - frmrILSIP - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 2:34 pm:

    (perhaps a big harsh…)

    Radogno: “Nobody told me this was an Elton John impersonation contest!”

    Topinka: (thinking) “…forgot the rhinestone glasses, so these will have to do. And pose!”

    Topinka: “No no, Christine, this is Blue Steel(TM). You’re doing La Tigra(TM)!”

    Radogno: “They’re all the same thing!”


  51. - Former Titan - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 2:35 pm:

    Comptroller Topinka prepares to unload on the Chairman after being advised that “coffee with a straw” is not allowed at the witness table, while an amused Leader Radogno anticipates the imminent retort.


  52. - Bitterman - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 2:39 pm:

    Irish - got me to laugh out loud, still smiling. You so nailed it. Great warm up for the roast.


  53. - Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 2:40 pm:

    “We have brought you both here today to testify, … well, quite frankly, to scold you ….both.

    We have read your remarks for the Rich Miller Roast and we as a Legislative Committee, and speaking for the Illinois Senate, are disappointed and … well, saddened … at your attempts.

    We counted the “laughs” … over 30 for each, well done … but “zingers”, “cringers”, and “uncomfortable comments” towards Rich Miller … was … yes … was at 3 for the Comptroller and only 2 for the Minority Leader, but that doesn’t count the … what was it …. the ‘beard/yesterday’s lunch’ zinger that was in the margins.

    You both know, Rich Miller should ‘Laugh till he cries … then cries at the laughs’ …

    You both have none of that! We are counting on this to be a Roast, not a Jell-o mold from the fridge.

    Come back tomorrow with your revisions, and had some zip … mix it up … please.

    Thank you you are both exused.”


  54. - Irish - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 2:48 pm:

    OW - No offense taken. Absolutely not. I also look forward to your posts. After I posted I worried that it might be a little over the top and then you posted so I thought the proper thing would be to apologize in case it was taken wrong. JBT has been one of my Favs for a long time. I like her fire and she says what she thinks. She is also someone you can work with no matter your affiliation.

    Bitterman - Thanks.


  55. - Bonsaso - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 2:55 pm:

    JB: Are we going to tell them now we’re taking over the party?
    CR: I need to do one more rewrite first.
    JB: Are you talking about the Republican party or Rich’s roast?
    CR: Both.


  56. - D.P. Gumby - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 3:33 pm:

    “The first meeting of the Margaret Thatcher Fan Club, Illinois Chapter, will now come to order. Now, everyone, let’s try our Thatcher Face….”


  57. - Kasich Walker, Jr. - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 3:33 pm:

    In yet another joint session concerning the spiritual fitness and sensuality of Illinois leadership Senate Republican Leader Christine Radogno and Comptroller Judy Baar Topinka confirm that, if so inclined, they indeed have the moral freedom and vitality to celebrate both Rich Miller’s 50th and Merle Haggard’s Diamond birthday celebration a week later.


  58. - ah HA - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 3:47 pm:

    Rich, You are doomed…


  59. - Kerfuffle - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 4:14 pm:

    Give one of them a pitchfork and you’ve got the new Grant Wood American Gothic!


  60. - Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 4:17 pm:

    “For the record, we have Comptroller Juy Baar Topinka, and Senate Republican Leader Christine Radogno present.

    This committe has also asked that Treasurer Rutherford attend, along with House Republican Leader Tom Cross, however, Mr. Rutherford is too busy… uh …”Tweet ..ing” … yes, Tweeting, and will not be joining us …

    and according to House Staff, Mr. Cross is on the 12th Hole at the Rail, and just can’t fit this committee hearing in to his golfing schedule.

    Let’s begin then …”


  61. - Skeeter - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 4:40 pm:

    “I saw it too! And he was eating an apple!”


  62. - Bitterman - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 4:45 pm:

    Hey everyone I’m Judy. And I’m Christine. And you’re listening to “Delicious Dish” on National Public Radio. We are excited about our guest today: Pete Schweddy. And he’s brought some of his …..


  63. - It's Just Me - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 4:52 pm:

    Anything you can do, I can do better.

    No you can’t!

    Yes I can!


  64. - WazUp - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 5:07 pm:

    Senate Secretary - “Mr President, Leader Radogno and Comptroller Topinka are here to give you the silent treatment!”


  65. - Arthur Andersen - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 5:14 pm:

    JBT Ok girlie did you hide my contact lenses?
    CR Who, me?


  66. - Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 5:15 pm:

    - WazUp -

    Pretty Clever! …

    Some real good ones all the way around, actually.


  67. - been there - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 5:21 pm:

    JBT: I don’t think she’s a dog lover. She doesn’t look like a dog lover. She looks like a cat lover.

    CR: Do Judy’s dogs sniff for drugs? Or is that just Lisa’s dogs? I bet I could train cats to sniff for drugs. Then I bet I could get elected statewide.


  68. - wordslinger - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 5:23 pm:

    –Hey everyone I’m Judy. And I’m Christine. And you’re listening to “Delicious Dish” on National Public Radio. We are excited about our guest today: Pete Schweddy. And he’s brought some of his …..–

    Oh, finish it. Pete makes holiday balls and wieners. Everyone loves his Schweddy balls and wieners!

    Pay the Bitterman.


  69. - wordslinger - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 5:30 pm:

    JBT: “Buffers, yeah that’s right. The party had a lot of buffers.”

    CR: “I don’t know nothing about that. I have my own caucus, Senator.”

    Willie, I’m surprised that you’ve gone all this time and passed on the Frankie Five Angels and Willie Cicci testimonies.


  70. - Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 5:34 pm:

    - wordslinger -

    I am so caught up in something I am working on … great catch!

    Buffers …lol


  71. - Cheswick - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 5:52 pm:

    Backup singers in the Rich Miller Doo Wah Band.


  72. - OneMan - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 5:53 pm:

    When speaking about church and state, this is what Luther had to say…

    For this reason one must carefully distinguish between these two governments. Both must be permitted to remain; the one to produce righteousness, the other to bring about external peace and prevent evil deeds. Neither one is sufficient in the world without the other. No one can become righteous in the sight of God by means of the temporal government, without Christ’s spiritual government.

    Peggy that comes from Martin Luther, who I suspect would not be happy with what government does sometimes, but felt said government had and has a purpose and that purpose was different than the church.

    Now that I have said that. Time to try and fail to bring the funny.


  73. - OneMan - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 5:57 pm:

    Christine and Judy practice their Waldorf and Stadler act for the roast.

    or

    Two Republican leaders wait with baited breath for Oswego Willie’s joke about Tom and golf..

    or

    Judy and Christine sit in stunned silence after Lisa Madigan and Mike Madigan do the exact same “Who’s on First” bit they had rehearsed.


  74. - Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 6:05 pm:

    ===Two Republican leaders wait with baited breath for Oswego Willie’s joke about Tom and golf..===

    Thank you(?)

    “Before the Comptroller and Senator begin, I want to say this about all the Mushrooms serving in both chambers …from the time of the great Richard J. Daley, up through the time of Pate Philip right up to the present day with Michael J. Madigan — ‘Mushroom Growers’ have been pioneers in building and defending our great state. They are the soil o’ the earth and the backbones of this building”


  75. - Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 6:09 pm:

    - wordslinger -

    Trying to redeem myself with a channeling of Sen. Geary, of Nevada.


  76. - Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 6:54 pm:

    maybe you missed it OneMan

    ===…and according to House Staff, Mr. Cross is on the 12th Hole at the Rail, and just can’t fit this committee hearing in to his golfing schedule.===

    Not my best work … but … a bad day on the golf course beats a good day at work …


  77. - Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 6:59 pm:

    “Comptroller … Leader …

    Do you see an ‘Old Woman’ in this picture, or a ‘Young Womam’ in this picture … take your time.”


  78. - Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 7:33 pm:

    (Softly)

    “The password is … ‘filibuster’ …”


  79. - Bemused - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 7:50 pm:

    You’ve heard of the Smothers Brothers
    Now for one night only
    The GOP Sisters

    Judy opens with ” Christine you know Jim Edgar always liked you best!”


  80. - ReformedPublicServant - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 7:53 pm:

    Ladies…READY, SET, GO…give us your best LISA MADIGAN impression…


  81. - Skeeter - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 8:41 pm:

    Wait, best two captions? Does this count, if the other one was really good?


  82. - Skeeter - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 8:48 pm:

    and Ms. Eaton’s note shows conclusively why the cuts to mental health facilities are ill conceived and dangerous to us all.


  83. - Skeeter - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 8:50 pm:

    Not to digress from the caption contest, but apparently another Peggy has commented on that Illinois Review post.

    Did Rich Miller once have a bad relationship with a Peggy? Why is it that the Peggys of the world are outraged by him?


  84. - Quizzical - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 9:11 pm:

    As I sit here today, I can say that neither I nor my cousin here from Italy has any memory of this Alan Keyes or whether he was our party’s nominee for a Senate Seat. We don’t know of any Jim Oberweiss or Bill Brady either.


  85. - Capital View - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 11:12 pm:

    we here to appeal to the federal parole board to release Rod Blagojevich. Our only hope in the next election is to get him back on the streets and ranting and raving as a leading Illinois Democrat.


  86. - dznuts - Tuesday, Mar 27, 12 @ 11:58 pm:

    “Mr. Chairman, no, we have not named the car that transports us to events, but we did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night”.


  87. - Rich Miller - Wednesday, Mar 28, 12 @ 7:00 am:

    ===Did Rich Miller once have a bad relationship with a Peggy? Why is it that the Peggys of the world are outraged by him? ===

    I am seriously puzzled about this, too. Singing the song “Peggy O” is about as close to a Peggy as I’ve ever been.


Sorry, comments for this post are now closed.


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* 3 film students mistakenly caught in Mexico gang turf battle were tortured, slain and dissolved in acid, police say
* A Pennsylvania golf club called the cops on black members for taking too long
* Police investigating report of driver trying to lure Arlington Heights girl into car
* Restaurant in McDonald’s new Chicago headquarters will feature food from its menus around the world


» Getting Books To Illinois Prisons; Virtual Medical Interpreters; Chicago’s Gang Database
» Illinois Pushes For State Net Neutrality Rules After Federal Rules Expire
» Prince Heirs Sue Illinois Hospital Over Care During Overdose
» Immigrants Shine In New CPS Varsity Sport
» State Legislature Considers Tougher Penalties on Texting While Driving
» April 20, 2018 - Full Show
» April 23, 2018 - Full Show
» Madigan Elected For 6th Term As Democratic Party Chairman
» Illinois Case Argues Bullet Analysis Is ‘Basically A Guess’
» Illinois Case Questions Bullet Analysis By State Police


* Senate OKs bill to nearly double home care workers' pay
* 4th death reported in Illinois linked to synthetic marijuana
* Google aims at Illinois' privacy law after Facebook lobbying failed
* Guest View: A nation at risk
* Illinois Lottery sells tickets for instant games after top prizes are gone
* Michael Madigan wins re-election as Democratic Party leader
* Champaign-area bus company faces harassment lawsuit
* E.J. Dionne: Where are the conservatives we need?
* Illinois' late fees skyrocket over past 3 years
* State paying bills, but not late-payment interest


* Five at 5: Caterpillar 1Q profits soar on equipment sales and 4 other stories to see
* Police looking for man in wheelchair in Glen Carbon Walmart theft case
* Danville star Moore commits to Colorado State basketball
* Lucas transferring to Milwaukee
* Causes of death unclear for mother and daughter found in their O'Fallon home
* SIU Carbondale plans to recruit Ph.D. graduates for ‘volunteer’ adjunct positions
* LISTEN: Journal Star opinion page editor Mike Bailey
* Twenty-one area hoops coaches honored by IBCA
* Westville police investigate armed robbery
* Collinsville's World's Largest Catsup Bottle Festival comes to an end


* Man has 15 DUI convictions. Now he faces 30 years in prison.
* Bears could recoup Round 3 pick by trading down in Round 1
* Arkush: Cracking the Bears GM's Super 8 list for NFL draft
* District 70, teachers agree to 5-year contract
* Some raises, some pay freezes for DuPage County officials

* Are Illinois Congressmen safe in wake of D...
* It's official: If you prepaid your propert...
* A quick look at a few congressional races ...
* Underwood hopes winning primary formula ca...
* House Approves American Space Commerce Fre...
* Democrats aim to turn Obamacare into asset...
* Group of Nearly 100 Iranians Stuck in Vien...
* Lamar Smith visited Galápagos, where warmi...
* CFPB Director Mulvaney Backs Commission St...
* This RSS feed URL is deprecated

* E-Cigarette Sting Operation Prompts Warnin......
* FDA Cracks Down On Juul E-Cigarettes Popul......
* A tough re-election climate tests the chum......
* Senators Cling to a Fading Custom Trump's ......
* Sen. Durbin warns educators of risks of fo......

* Tammy Duckworth and Working Moms Like Mine...
* The Senate celebrates Sen. Tammy Duckworth......
* Editorial: Up to the task...
* I'm a legislator and a mom. Tammy Duckwort......
* Tammy Duckworth is uniquely privileged, bu......

* Is Illinois ready for a potential influx of stoned drivers?
* Jeff Rosenstock talks about his notorious Pitchfork set and how he’s sticking to his DIY punk principles
* How and why did G Herbo’s show at the Vic get canceled?
* Lathrop launches lottery for affordable housing at revamped CHA complex
* The [Tuesday] Papers
* Looking more at the 2018 Associate Judge finalists - part 1
* Trump’s war on medical marijuana putting Illinois dispensaries at 'risk'
* Improvising horn trio Spectral play with the colossal reverb in an abandoned munitions bunker
* Joe Rode wasn't a great artist, but he lived a great Chicago life
* No lunch plans today? Vanguard Awards Luncheon starts at 11:30 at the Standard Club


* IEMA Highlights Role of Volunteers in Disasters
* Governor Rauner activates State Emergency Operations Center in Springfield
* February Flooding Information
* IEMA Urges People to Prepare for Severe Weather
* Governor issues state disaster proclamation for flooding in Iroquois, Kankakee, Vermilion Counties

  
* This Hacker News thread is a masterclass in how to put down your damn smartphone
* Anker announced an affordable AirPods rival and a bunch of new speakers
* Samsung Galaxy A3 (2017) is now getting Oreo too
* Google looks to give Chrome a fresh coat of Material Design paint
* These glittering ribbons scare away baby birds and also my focus
* YouTube channels are using bestiality thumbnails as clickbait
* Avengers: Infinity War is stunning, hilarious, and heartbreaking

* White Sox put Garcia on DL, recall Palka
* Garcia lands on DL; Palka recalled
* South Side Sox Roster Ranking: Round 19
* South Side Sox Prospect Vote: Round 19
* After early work, elusive feat escapes Moncada
* After early work, elusive feat escapes Moncada
* Beck up from Triple-A as Gonzalez hits DL


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