“This is how I click and drag the mouse to draw the legislative map designed to ensure I’m always the Speaker….I mean to ensure the Republicans stay in the minority….wait…I mean to protect minorities. Yeah, that’s the ticket!”
“Now it’s been brought to my attention that the Governor will start donating via EFT, Electronic Funds Transfer. The Governor will select each member, slide over the curser, hit ‘Send’, and the money will go right into the account. That’s quite extreme… “
I actually helped Governor Thompson bring Mitsubishi to Illinois. If Governor Rauner has a similar initiative, I’m sure I could help with that too. But he continues to bash the state instead of selling it.
“Well, we’ve been working. And thinking. And thinking about working. And we’ll continue to think about working as we work through this.”
- the Other Anonymous - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:08 pm:
Chicago Symphony Orchestra announces that Mike Madigan will be their new conductor. Madigan’s most recent position has been as the maestro of the House.
“Hey! In the back of the room! Is that my good friend Shelly Berman? It is! Shelvula! Meet me afterwards. We’ll talk, we’ll nosh. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the great Shelly Berman!”
“So as I said, I’ve broken in my fair sure of governors and the advice I give them is always the same. Don’t release your appointment calendar to anyone. We’ll get the best tee times that way.”
“So there is something peeking out and I carefully grab it and pull slowly and to my surprise a worm comes out and it was now slithering around right there on my desk and I was horrified so I called to Mapes and he came running in and saw the worm slithering around on my desk and went running out to get staff who brought in a huge handful of paper towels and very neatly removed the worm from my desk and brought me a brand new and might I add very carefully inspected apple and that is how we dealt with that crisis. Any other questions?”
“Now listen closely. There may be a code here and there may not. If there is a code, you’ll have to figure it out on your own. And if there’s not, well, I’m not saying whether there is or isn’t, but if there is, it’s in code. So you figure it out.”
“Bruce …This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.
You take the red pill - you stay in Onepercentland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.”
The life of everyone in Illinois depends upon just one thing: finding someone in the Capitol who can not only govern effectively, but who didn’t have fish for dinner.
“Reporters, to answer your question …Where did the Governor shank it? It might have a lot to do with the wedge he is using. The Callaway Mack Daddy 2/Tour Grind is a fine wedge, for those who know how to use it.
Now, we now the Governor has yet landed on the green. Might have a lot to do with that Goldberg ball-retriever he is using. Now, excuse me as I eagle this hole.”
“It’s real simple, Chief. You’re going to put every GOP legislator on a tax increase, then we’ll push it through. Then you’re going to hold the bill and sign it just like this, you see?
“Laugh? Why, certainly I know how to laugh. Let’s see, now. Umm. No, that’s not it. Wait. No, that’s not it either. Well, it has been some time. Uhh. Oh, dear.”
To question, or not to question, that is the question,
Whether it is nobler for the state to suffer,
The slings and arrows of increased taxes,
Or take arms against a sea of pensioners.
-W.S.
If I could just get a few items off the menu from Palermo’s on 95th Street delivered down here it would make these overtime session dog days of summer at least somewhat tolerable…
This is exactly how much chance the GOP has of surviving Rauner. And it’s also exactly how much chance I give Rauner’s hand-picked opponent running against me in MY district.
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:36 pm:
“Answering any ‘Gotcha!’ questions asked by you would put me in the extreme.”
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:37 pm:
“You tell Goldberg to come up with his own letter closings…”
- Flynn's mom - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:37 pm:
Oh yeah??? I have a Carhartt jacket too!!
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:38 pm:
“… thinly sliced… I like to slice the apples very very thin…”
- Liberty - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:38 pm:
It is all a sham!
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:39 pm:
“I just hit the green button… and the phone works… anywhere?”
- Ducky LaMoore - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:39 pm:
Man that dude looks tired. He’s gonna be rapping like Bulworth before you know it.
- Huh? - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:39 pm:
I did not eat the strawberries.
- Casual Observer - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:40 pm:
This is how I hold puppet strings.
- Wordslinger - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:40 pm:
“I’ll take ‘Illinois Governors’ for $100, Alex.”
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:40 pm:
“I didn’t have Chuck Goudie’s TV van towed. It says quite clearly ‘15 minute’ parking on the sign. You tell him that… “
- lake county democrat - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:40 pm:
You know, I have feelings too!
- Mittuns - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:41 pm:
“Hmm. I will have a Honey Crisp today.”
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:41 pm:
“Ms. Ahern, I saw his you made a story about me a tweet about yourself. That’s reporting in the extreme.”
- Mittuns - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:42 pm:
An apple a day keeps Rauner away.
- Allen D - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:42 pm:
“I don’t care what that reporter said, I do not wear PINK toenail polish…. it’s Fuschia I say Fuschia….
- Lewis Carroll - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:44 pm:
Twas brillig in the slithy toves….
- A guy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:44 pm:
‘the look on his face when for the very first time a cell phone vibrated in his pocket’
He never carried one again.
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:45 pm:
“So… ask Jack Franks about that… “
- Lou Bega's - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:45 pm:
“Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Mambo No. 5!”
- Mittuns - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:45 pm:
Everything in moderation. Honey Crisps, Red Delicious, or Jonathan. Granny Smith or Ginger Golds? Now that is operating in the extreme.
- Casual Observer - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:45 pm:
Just when did the Governor claim he talked to me, precisely?
- A guy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:46 pm:
Reform. Hmm. Could you maybe use it in a sentence?
- Just Me - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:46 pm:
“This is how I click and drag the mouse to draw the legislative map designed to ensure I’m always the Speaker….I mean to ensure the Republicans stay in the minority….wait…I mean to protect minorities. Yeah, that’s the ticket!”
- Stones - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:46 pm:
Listen Sonny - who do you think you’re messin’ with!
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:46 pm:
“You have to give little pieces of meat to Owls. Real small. Then you put it right up their lil Owl beak… and like this… let them take the meat…”
- Stones - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:47 pm:
Let’s just duke it out man to man!
- Give Me A Break - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:49 pm:
You ask that one more time and Mapes will be banish you to the press box in the old Statehouse.
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:49 pm:
“Now it’s been brought to my attention that the Governor will start donating via EFT, Electronic Funds Transfer. The Governor will select each member, slide over the curser, hit ‘Send’, and the money will go right into the account. That’s quite extreme… “
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:51 pm:
“I told the Governor, my offer is ‘nothing’… “
- Casual Observer - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:51 pm:
I actually helped Governor Thompson bring Mitsubishi to Illinois. If Governor Rauner has a similar initiative, I’m sure I could help with that too. But he continues to bash the state instead of selling it.
- Steve - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:52 pm:
“That Rich Miller fellow used to be a sensible young man but now… “
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:53 pm:
“I asked the governor how much leeway way he going to give… He did this with his fingers… I know, not much leeway. THAT’s extreme… “
- 35/Shields - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:53 pm:
Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design.
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:54 pm:
“… and you add just a little of the pork, just a little, for the flavor… “
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:55 pm:
“Write this down; Ready? ‘I don’t like Cannoil’… “
- Commander Norton - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:55 pm:
Speaker Mike Madigan doesn’t operate in the extreme, but his hair has a mind of its own.
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:56 pm:
“… Then I signed it, ‘With kindest personal regards, I remain.’… “
- Steve - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:57 pm:
“No, I just didn’t have a senior’s moment.”
- Anonymous - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:58 pm:
1,266 days till Lisa takes over. I mean 1267, darn leap year in 2016.
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:58 pm:
“I then hit my ‘red’ button and voted ‘No’. Pretty simple… “
- Yep - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 1:59 pm:
Extreme. Extreme. Extreme. How many ways to I have to say it!
- Slippin' Jimmy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:00 pm:
Yeah, I remember Mitch Miller, listen to him all the time…Rich Miller…never heard of him!
- anon - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:00 pm:
1971 was a looooooooooooooong time ago.
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:00 pm:
“I wrote a note to Leader Durkin. In part, I wrote, ‘Leave Rauner’s Agenda, but take his money.’… “
- Wensicia - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:00 pm:
“I’d like to point out I’ve spent more time behind this microphone than with the last five governors!”
- railrat - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:01 pm:
I’ve decided I’m going to need more protein so I’m going with Oswego Willy for a Bristol Burger
- Eric - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:02 pm:
I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti
- Streator Curmudgeon - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:03 pm:
“Hey! Where did my pen go? How can I make my point without jabbing my pen at people? I’ll be it was that Z fellow again.”
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:05 pm:
“So then, I took the stylus, and I just punched 10. Straight party voting really needs to be reconsidered… “
- Streator Curmudgeon - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:06 pm:
“Tiny. Teeny-tiny. Eensty-weentsy. Little bitty. Itty bitty. That’s how big the chance is that I’ll cave.”
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:07 pm:
“I claimed Saputo’s first. Remember that. The governor can have the next pick, I guess, but wrote it down; Saputo’s is mine.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:08 pm:
“Well, we’ve been working. And thinking. And thinking about working. And we’ll continue to think about working as we work through this.”
- the Other Anonymous - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:08 pm:
Chicago Symphony Orchestra announces that Mike Madigan will be their new conductor. Madigan’s most recent position has been as the maestro of the House.
- cez - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:10 pm:
I will crush the Governor with my fingers..just like this (ALA “Kids in the Hall: method)
- Streator Curmudgeon - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:10 pm:
“Hey! In the back of the room! Is that my good friend Shelly Berman? It is! Shelvula! Meet me afterwards. We’ll talk, we’ll nosh. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the great Shelly Berman!”
- LINK - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:11 pm:
“I’m a little teacup….”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:12 pm:
“Like a sweater, that hairdo of Donald Trump’s. Pull on one hair like this. Just pull! The whole thing will unravel.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:13 pm:
“Blame it on the bossa nova….”
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:14 pm:
“The Governor can go like ‘this’ and Amendatory Veto any bill, even the budget… The Governor can look at his duties if he doesn’t believe me… “
- Because I said so... - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:15 pm:
Haters gonna hate.
- My FiNgErS HuRt - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:16 pm:
Goo!
- Streator Curmudgeon - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:16 pm:
“The caption contest of the Governor with the cowboy duds on? The spit can! Definitely the spit can line was the funniest.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:19 pm:
“No, it was a little hole, like this. Even a baby python couldn’t fit through it.”
- Pete - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:20 pm:
“So as I said, I’ve broken in my fair sure of governors and the advice I give them is always the same. Don’t release your appointment calendar to anyone. We’ll get the best tee times that way.”
- walker - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:20 pm:
“Because … me.”
- worn out - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:21 pm:
“If John Wayne hadn’t agreed to play Sam McCord, where the hell would I be today?”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:23 pm:
“Then just a dash of cinnamon–like this–and that’s how you make apples flambe’!”
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:23 pm:
“I then hit ‘Block’ and now @StatehouseChick can’t follow my Twitter. Simple.”
- Union Dues - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:24 pm:
When the Governor complains about me holding up the budget I play the worlds smallest violin.
- Bluefish - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:24 pm:
“So there is something peeking out and I carefully grab it and pull slowly and to my surprise a worm comes out and it was now slithering around right there on my desk and I was horrified so I called to Mapes and he came running in and saw the worm slithering around on my desk and went running out to get staff who brought in a huge handful of paper towels and very neatly removed the worm from my desk and brought me a brand new and might I add very carefully inspected apple and that is how we dealt with that crisis. Any other questions?”
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:25 pm:
“I just clicked on the picture, and now the Golden Dome is on my Facebook page… “
- Streator Curmudgeon - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:25 pm:
“When you go through grade school hearing ‘Madigan was bad again’ or ‘Madigan is sad again’, lemme tell you, it scars you.”
- Rich Miller - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:26 pm:
walker takes a huge lead!!!
- Streator Curmudgeon - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:28 pm:
“Well, I’ve got a cramp in my finger, but I was gonna make the ‘Speaker is #1 sign.’ Why? What did you think I was gonna do?”
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:31 pm:
“Triangle? I play triangles, not get surrounded by them.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:31 pm:
“Sound bite? Here’s how big a sound bite you’re going to get from this. One word: Extreme!”
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:32 pm:
“E-X-…T-R-E… M… E… “
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:35 pm:
“I’m going slow! … ‘While… her loyal sons… are marching… Onward… to Victory.’…”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:35 pm:
“Now listen closely. There may be a code here and there may not. If there is a code, you’ll have to figure it out on your own. And if there’s not, well, I’m not saying whether there is or isn’t, but if there is, it’s in code. So you figure it out.”
- Anon - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:40 pm:
“KaKaw! KaKaw! KaKaw!”
- Stacy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:41 pm:
He is very grinch like in this photo……
- Nobody important - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:41 pm:
Don’t blame me…. its all Rauner and Bush’s fault.
- Ipso Facto - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:42 pm:
“Bruce …This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.
You take the red pill - you stay in Onepercentland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.”
- Shaking my head - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:44 pm:
Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the Dark Side.
- Christopher - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:46 pm:
Sing with me and follow my hands for the downbeat!
“Mairzy doats and dozy dotes, and little lamzy divey, a kiddley divey too, wouldn’t you?”
- Courser - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:52 pm:
“…they’re magically delicious!”
- cez - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:57 pm:
@Courser..ouch!lol.
@Christopher (along the same theme).
:(in the late Lawrence Welk’s accent)..”atsa..one…atsa two…atsa tree!”
- Anonymous - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 2:57 pm:
“I have even given the Governor a moderate wedge.”
- Keyser Soze - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 3:01 pm:
Ask Brown.
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 3:09 pm:
“The Sox are one small trade away…”
- Menard Guy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 3:13 pm:
No quote…just the look of having the latest Appellate Court decision delivered in the most uncomfortable of ways!
- 47th Ward - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 3:15 pm:
The life of everyone in Illinois depends upon just one thing: finding someone in the Capitol who can not only govern effectively, but who didn’t have fish for dinner.
- Ipso Facto - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 3:20 pm:
“Reporters, to answer your question …Where did the Governor shank it? It might have a lot to do with the wedge he is using. The Callaway Mack Daddy 2/Tour Grind is a fine wedge, for those who know how to use it.
Now, we now the Governor has yet landed on the green. Might have a lot to do with that Goldberg ball-retriever he is using. Now, excuse me as I eagle this hole.”
- anon - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 3:23 pm:
“You put your right hand in, and you shake it all about…”
- Enviro - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 3:27 pm:
“A day may come when the courage of men fails… but it is not THIS day.”
- Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 3:29 pm:
“But in the field, what? Part of a team.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xy3MtznDeqg
- Tex - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 3:33 pm:
“Honestly, I never thought I would miss Pat Quinn as much as I do now… go figure.”
- Precinct Captain - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 3:43 pm:
“I’m going to give the governor some advice I saw Oswego Willy give on Capitol Fax: exercise, poetry, gardening.
- fair - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 3:45 pm:
Yes i still love my job.
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 3:49 pm:
- Precinct Captain -
He will thank both of us later!
“Caption?”
“How much trust is left now?”
- Tex - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 3:50 pm:
stopping mid sentence….”He did what now?…huuuhh…”
- William - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 4:05 pm:
“Governor, you know what this is? It’s the worlds smallest violin playing ‘My Heart Cries for You.’”
- zatoichi - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 4:06 pm:
Hagar made Van Halen. Now Sammy’s coming to the Fair?! I am there…..on the track! With Bruce, some Buds, and food on a stick.
- Arthur Andersen - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 4:09 pm:
“Triangulation? Well, that’s operating in the extreme if I ever saw it.”
- Amalia - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 4:15 pm:
All it takes is a slight tug of the rope and everyone gets in line.
- Daniel Plainview - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 4:16 pm:
“It’s real simple, Chief. You’re going to put every GOP legislator on a tax increase, then we’ll push it through. Then you’re going to hold the bill and sign it just like this, you see?
Simple.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 4:24 pm:
“Laugh? Why, certainly I know how to laugh. Let’s see, now. Umm. No, that’s not it. Wait. No, that’s not it either. Well, it has been some time. Uhh. Oh, dear.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 4:29 pm:
“Then I said to him, ‘Governor, I knew Abe Lincoln. Abe Lincoln was a friend of mine. And you’re no Abe Lincoln.”
- Anonymous - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 4:36 pm:
In this hand I hold substance the other holds determination
- Anonymous - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 4:43 pm:
The budget is like a slinky
- Anonymous - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 4:50 pm:
In this hand I have the governor’s phone number want to see it?
- Hawkeye in Illinois - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 4:50 pm:
“Yes I am wearing my red power tie–not that I need it.”
- Anonymous - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 4:52 pm:
To question, or not to question, that is the question,
Whether it is nobler for the state to suffer,
The slings and arrows of increased taxes,
Or take arms against a sea of pensioners.
-W.S.
- Anonymous - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 4:58 pm:
This is the right way to hold a chicken before you pluck it like this
- Anonymous - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 5:14 pm:
Happy hour next session two bills for one the first hour
- Anonymous - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 5:26 pm:
My mind is aglow with whirling,transient nodes of thought careening thru a cosmic vapor of invention
- Anonymous - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 5:29 pm:
If you hold the scales of justice in this hand you can tip it with this hand
- Crispy Critter - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 5:36 pm:
And if you hold your hand like this, that is how you pin the tail on the donkey.
- Anonymous - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 5:37 pm:
Someone need a wedgie?
- Mama - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 5:42 pm:
How much do I trust the governor? I trust him this much.
- DuPage Don - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 5:46 pm:
If I could just get a few items off the menu from Palermo’s on 95th Street delivered down here it would make these overtime session dog days of summer at least somewhat tolerable…
- Quizzical - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 5:56 pm:
It was just one small hit we put in the bowl and Lang told me it was legal under language in his bill pertaining to excruciatingly long sessions.
- Anonymous - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 6:14 pm:
I’ll flip this coin heads I win tails you lose for the turnaround agenda
- Anonymous - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 7:08 pm:
Because I got high
- Amalia - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 7:09 pm:
Nothing up my sleeve…presto!
- Streator Curmudgeon - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 7:47 pm:
“Thin! You have to shave the garlic thin, with a razor blade!”
- RNUG - Monday, Jul 27, 15 @ 8:30 pm:
This is exactly how much chance the GOP has of surviving Rauner. And it’s also exactly how much chance I give Rauner’s hand-picked opponent running against me in MY district.