(sung to the melody of “It’s Impossible,” made famous by Perry Como and Vikki Carr)
” . . . It’s impassible. Tell the gov’nor not to cry. It’s just impassible . . . “
“It may appear that I’m not giving you the information that you want, but I want you all to know, because I know it’s important for you and the citizens of Illinois to know, that today my pants are this high.”
@ Anonymous 3:17 pm — A friendly tip since you and the rest of the superstars are new to Illinois: The guy in the picture isn’t who you think he is. He’s named Michael Madigan, and he’s the speaker of the House, not the governor.
“What we’ve got. here. is… a failure. to communicate.
Some men you just. can’t. reach.
So you get what we had here last week, which is the way he. wants it…
well, he gets it.
I don’t like it any more than you men.”
- Precinct Captain - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 2:51 pm:
“I say hello”
- Skeptic - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 2:51 pm:
Michael Madigan does his impression of Diana Ross singing “Stop! In The Name of Love”
- Yo - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 2:52 pm:
M-O-D-E-R-A-T-I-O-N
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 2:52 pm:
“Slow down, Speed Racer, there’s no budget… “
- Tha missin g - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 2:55 pm:
(In Lionel Ritchie voice to gov Rauner)
Hello…..is it me you’re lookin for?
- LGHB - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 2:56 pm:
These are not the budgets you are looking for.
- Shaw Lane - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 2:57 pm:
Now South Carolina’s Solomon Blatt, he was a powerful Speaker!
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 2:57 pm:
“Who?”
- cb - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 2:57 pm:
stop! don’t ask me a question I’ll tell you what I want to say!
- Aldyth - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 2:57 pm:
LGHB wins the Internet today!
- Former Merit Comp Slave - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 2:58 pm:
“Kinda slow around the office these days…..maybe Miller will post a picture of his cute puppy”
- Norseman - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 2:59 pm:
“I told the Governor, whoa, I’m not listening to the same speech for the 47th time.”
- Southside Markie - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 2:59 pm:
All jokes aside, either that is a very un-flattering picture or what is going on appears to be taking a toll on the Speaker.
- Honeybear - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:01 pm:
Just sit back……relax…..we’ve got two whole days alloted to handle this, one in October AND one in November…..plenty of time.
- Jocko - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:01 pm:
So I say to Bruce, “Hold on a minute! Did you just say you walked out of a Holocaust remembrance ceremony?”
- Dave Dahl - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:02 pm:
“It’s just a jump to the left … “
- Red Ranger - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:02 pm:
Todd, don’t worry, you’ll be fine.
- Christopher - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:02 pm:
(sung to the melody of “It’s Impossible,” made famous by Perry Como and Vikki Carr)
” . . . It’s impassible. Tell the gov’nor not to cry. It’s just impassible . . . “
- Roamin' Numeral - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:04 pm:
“You’ll just have to hold it. The state couldn’t pay the water bill, so the restrooms are closed.”
- John A Logan - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:06 pm:
Only Bruce Rauner could have made me look like a hero.
- Keyrock - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:06 pm:
You shall not pass.
- Dale Cooper - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:07 pm:
Mike Madigan and the microphone he controls.
- Bogey Golfer - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:08 pm:
“I have arthritis in my pinky - see, bent.” It’s why I quit golf.
- Impasse - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:11 pm:
“I give. You win”
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:12 pm:
“Mr. Goldberg, please sit, your letters talk enough for you.. “
- Stones - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:13 pm:
“I swear, the Pope splashed a little holy water on the Governor just like this and I noticed his skin burning”
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:14 pm:
“Evelyn, please don’t walk around here, for the sake of the state… “
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:15 pm:
“Now McQueary, hold it right there. If you want a Hurricane Katrina down here, practice your voodoo somewhere else… “
- Anonymous - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:17 pm:
WHOA!!! I’m bringing State government to a halt until I get my way on the budget.
- pool boy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:18 pm:
This is how I measure three fingers of scotch.
- A guy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:19 pm:
My name will be on one ballot, not 118. Either way…you all get me.
- Skeptic - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:19 pm:
Jazz Hands!
- sal-says - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:19 pm:
“I ask you. How far will raunner go to destroy the formerly great State of IL? I ask you; you should be asking HIM!”
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:19 pm:
Rauner, “WHOA!!! I’m bringing State government to a halt until I get my way on the budget.”
Speaker, “Governor, please sit down. We’re trying to save the state, not burn it down… “
- RNUG - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:20 pm:
I have not gone over to the dark side. The force is still with me!
- Blue dog dem - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:20 pm:
“I do solemnly swear to uphold the constitution of the state of Illinois….”
- A guy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:20 pm:
We’re looking at the top 4 answers on the board…
Whose fault is it that…
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:23 pm:
“Saputo’s is my place. K? My place… ‘My’…”
- Anonymous - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:23 pm:
“It may appear that I’m not giving you the information that you want, but I want you all to know, because I know it’s important for you and the citizens of Illinois to know, that today my pants are this high.”
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:24 pm:
“Rep. Ives, please stop, screeching won’t help… “
- Blue dog dem - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:24 pm:
“Hey, wait a minute. Let’s slow down on this recall thing. Got Rauner just were we want him.”
- XDNR - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:24 pm:
No I’m not going to turn around!
- Jake From Elwood - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:25 pm:
I do not know the whereabouts of Fredo, I mean, Representative Dunkin.
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:25 pm:
“Rep. Bourne, I read that Facebook post, let me say, up front, I don’t camp…”
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:27 pm:
“Treasurer Frerichs, I read you letter, please sit. I liked it better the first time I read it when Secretary White was first to do it… “
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:27 pm:
“I know, I know… ‘former Federal Prosector’, you say it all the time… “
- Arthur Andersen - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:28 pm:
“And this, much more than this, I did it My Way”
- Blue dog dem - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:29 pm:
“Give me a little time, I can get that tax bill lowered”
- olddog - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:29 pm:
@ Anonymous 3:17 pm — A friendly tip since you and the rest of the superstars are new to Illinois: The guy in the picture isn’t who you think he is. He’s named Michael Madigan, and he’s the speaker of the House, not the governor.
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:29 pm:
“Stop right there. Ron Sandack tweeted that… “
- Responsa - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:30 pm:
WhatamIbidhere? NowwhatamIbid?
- DuPage Don - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:34 pm:
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! First of all Rikeesha Phelon didn’t run that by me first. Hell, I doubt if she ran it by Cullerton!
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:35 pm:
“Hey, I asked Chris Kaergard to shave… “
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:37 pm:
“I’m not going to address that today, you should ask the pertinent water departments of they know the address of the Governor’s mansion… “
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:38 pm:
“Rep. Dunkin, you might be in the wrong Caucus… “
- Deep South - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:40 pm:
Not so fast Parnelli…I’ll tell the Government when it’s time to pass a budget when I’m good and ready!
- Just Sayin' - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:40 pm:
Settle down, Settle down! We aren’t taking a month off but hardly working…er, I mean working hard on getting the budget done.
- railrat - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:40 pm:
you may now pray !
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:42 pm:
“… You can keep Pat Quinn… “
- Team Sleep - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:42 pm:
I already told you! There were NO apples!
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:43 pm:
“Whoa. I’ve never commented on a caption contest that featured the governor… I’ve laughed, never commented… “
- Team Sleep - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:44 pm:
When speaking to a group of dentists, Speaker Madigan admitted that it really hurts to smile.
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:44 pm:
“I’m am not Jack Franks’ keeper. K?”
- Just Me - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:45 pm:
Hi! My name is Mike. And I work in a button factory. One day, my boss comes over to me and says, “Hi, Mike! Push the button with your right hand!”
(very few people will get this joke, but those that do will hopefully find it funny.)
- transplant - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:46 pm:
“Remain calm! All is well!” — Animal House
- Arthur Andersen - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:47 pm:
“Don’t worry, ‘Brownie’ is fine. He just hasn’t had anything to speak for lately.”
- pool boy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:49 pm:
Five people that think I’m a great guy, let’s see, Rich Miller, Oswego Willy, Vanilla Man, me, myself and I. Five or six, who cares?
- Jeff Trigg - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:49 pm:
sherbert
- Henry Moon - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:50 pm:
Nah! Feesah etho!
- DuPage Don - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:50 pm:
No, Kemo Sabe, that explanation is no longer operative. And besides, Paul Powell died way before my time if you can believe that…
- Huh? - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:51 pm:
It’s going to require people to be reasonable, not functioning in the extreme.
- Earnest - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:51 pm:
I play the game of chicken much better than Quinn.
- JS Mill - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:52 pm:
“Slow down, Speed Racer, there’s no budget… “ Priceless!!!
“Hold up there fellas, you’ve got to pat the dough, pat it”
- Jeff Trigg - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 3:57 pm:
Ok, no Clay Davis from The Wire jokes, but I did use Es, so I tried.
- Curmudgeon - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 4:02 pm:
“Gort! Klaatu barada nikto!”
- lake county democrat - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 4:10 pm:
Don’t worry, I can time my exit just as well as Richie did.
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 4:11 pm:
“Whoa. ‘pool boy’ is it? Stop. How many of those Lang Brownies have you eaten?”
- hugh johnson - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 4:13 pm:
Now people just simma down! There will be plenty of time after my droning on and on for an autograph session!!
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 4:17 pm:
“The IPI? Whoa, I thought we decided you guys aren’t a news service… “
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 4:19 pm:
“Wait. Just wait. Yes, I like strudel. Is it Apple strudel?… “
- cdog - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 4:23 pm:
“What we’ve got. here. is… a failure. to communicate.
Some men you just. can’t. reach.
So you get what we had here last week, which is the way he. wants it…
well, he gets it.
I don’t like it any more than you men.”
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 4:27 pm:
“Rep. Sandack, please, the hooting during my statement is making you look ridiculous, not me.”
- cdog - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 4:27 pm:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj60OAh7O5U
30 sec Cool Hand Luke Clip, “What we’ve got here…”
- Wensicia - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 4:37 pm:
“It’s not apples and oranges, just apples.”
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Oct 2, 15 @ 4:37 pm:
“No, I didn’t order Cannoli…”