J. B. Pritzker is called upon once again to deny that he is Jackie Gleason and to state categorically that he has never appeared in “The Honeymooners” or worked opposite with Art Carney, Audrey Meadows or Joyce Randolph
“Yeah Chris Christie and I talked and we decided to dress up and go trick or treating last night as the other one. It was kind of fun to go incognito like that. And he’s already a governor, you know.”
“So I says to the old lady, ‘Do you know who I am?’, and she says, ‘No, sweetie, I sure don’t, but if you ask at the front desk, they can tell you.’” (Rim shot)
“Rauner clouted his denied daughter who was from Winnetka into Payton Prep… a Chicago school… and I’m suppose to believe Rauner cares about kids that aren’t his own? Amirite”
“Tell me what promises I need to make to get your vote.”
- NorthsideNoMore - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 9:54 pm:
Things are expensive now a days. I had to appeal my property taxes three times already but i got this brown window paned suit with the savings… You think it makes me look makes a bit chubby?
- Chris Widger - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 3:51 pm:
“Sorry, ma’am, the toilet’s disconnected.”
- Perrid - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 3:51 pm:
“Sorry, the bathroom is out of order. Until further notice.”
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 3:52 pm:
“Whadda gonna do? Amirite?”
- Anonymous - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 3:53 pm:
A quarter? Miss, I’m sorry I don’t have a quarter but good luck.
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 3:54 pm:
“I’m a Pritzker, not a Ricketts. I dunno why the pitching was bad”
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 3:54 pm:
“I just bought this suit… “
- Dome Gnome - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 3:54 pm:
“My first thought was to be your Treasurer.”
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 3:55 pm:
“I don’t have your teeth… “
- City Zen - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 3:55 pm:
Welcome to Harrah’s.
- Bruce (no not him) - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 3:56 pm:
Mrs. Bush, he really did grab me.
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 3:56 pm:
“I can’t put on Ellen, I don’t have the remote… “
- wordslinger - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 3:57 pm:
“I’m sorry, maam, hope in one hand, and what now in the other?”
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 3:57 pm:
“This my suit… just a suit… Rauner has costumes… “
- Anonymous 88 - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 3:58 pm:
“Honest, ma’am, I really didn’t take your Halloween candy!”
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 3:58 pm:
“…..”
“…..”
“THE… Aristocrats…”
- Curl of the Burl - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 3:59 pm:
“Please stop asking me why your heating bill went up 50 cents.”
- Ctown - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 3:59 pm:
“What do I do? Oh no, I have no idea how I got so much money.”
- VanillaMan - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 3:59 pm:
I’ve never ridden on a bus, I helicoptered to school.
- 47th Ward - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:00 pm:
No offense lady, but this isn’t a Biss event. You can’t use the word “like” 10 times in one sentence. Sorry.
Next question.
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:00 pm:
“I just got here…”
- VanillaMan - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:00 pm:
You don’t even have a million?
How did you live?
- A guy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:00 pm:
But, Mr. Slate asked to see me.
- W Flag - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:01 pm:
J. B. Pritzker is called upon once again to deny that he is Jackie Gleason and to state categorically that he has never appeared in “The Honeymooners” or worked opposite with Art Carney, Audrey Meadows or Joyce Randolph
- A guy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:01 pm:
The toilets just….vanished!
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:02 pm:
“I’m sure Davey is a nice fella… but I ain’t him… “
- Mugsy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:02 pm:
…and that’s how we’ll fix this state’s fiscal crisis. By taxing your retirement income.
- Anonymous 88 - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:02 pm:
“Honest, ma’am, I really didn’t take your Halloween candy! Might have been Rauner!”
- Frankie - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:02 pm:
“I’ve been working on my monopoly man impression, how’s it going grams?”
- VanillaMan - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:02 pm:
Sorry lady, but if you don’t fit into an oppressed group, I have no idea what you want.
- A guy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:02 pm:
Manny’s Big and Tall….in 1997.
- 47th Ward - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:03 pm:
Movies “only cost a nickel?”
What’s a nickel?
- VanillaMan - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:04 pm:
How did you get in here?
- Vole - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:04 pm:
Carharts don’t stay on the Goodwill racks very long so I had to settle for this.
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:05 pm:
“I’m trying here, meet me half way, I can find something we can agree on… “
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:06 pm:
“I’m not afraid of a meal… “
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:07 pm:
“You stayed at a Hilton downstate?… where are they?”
- 47th Ward - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:08 pm:
I’m sorry ma’am, I don’t know what a notch baby is, and I’m sorry to hear you’re one them. Sounds terrible, but I don’t think that’s a state issue.
Next question.
- Curl of the Burl - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:08 pm:
“That’s a good question. I’m not sure if Charlie Chaplin is a better performer than Lin-Manuel Miranda.”
- VanillaMan - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:09 pm:
What do you get from - what’s you call it - Social Security, each month - in million - if you can’t be exact, uh, 12-13 million?
I can see how that could be tight. I can’t get by with less than 50 million a months.
Christmas - right?
- 47th Ward - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:09 pm:
Retirement center? I thought this was the Pinegrove Retreat Center. I’m in the wrong place.
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:09 pm:
“I don’t have any sunglasses on me… “
- Christopher - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:09 pm:
I’m telling you, I did NOT play Spanky in “The Little Rascals” when I was younger. I don’t even know Alfalfa or Darla.
- 47th Ward - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:10 pm:
I’d push you to the cafeteria but I just washed my hands.
- Never mind - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:10 pm:
Yes. U r right. That senators comments would get you banned for life on Capitol fax.
- VanillaMan - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:11 pm:
Didn’t you get run over by a reigndeer?
- VanillaMan - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:12 pm:
As you can see, Depends don’t leak after you use them.
- Anonymous - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:14 pm:
“Rauner wins the condo association costume contest, with his amazing Pritzker outfit”
- VanillaMan - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:15 pm:
Hey - my offer still stands. I buy you mansion for 50 grand so I can tear it down to build a larger master bedroom.
- Well then - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:15 pm:
No I haven’t seen your husband
- VanillaMan - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:17 pm:
I’ll just wait you out.
How much longer you gonna live?
1-2 years tops?
- Shake - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:20 pm:
I Don’t Like Rauner As Well..
- Christopher - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:23 pm:
But Halloween was only last night. Can’t I still wear my Fats Domino tribute costume today?
- feline - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:26 pm:
I really don’t like when you do this. It almost always leads to inappropriate or excessively rabid comments, gratuitous insults and rumors.
- Responsa - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:26 pm:
“No ma’am, I don’t know what was in those brownies my gramma used to bake for me all the time but I tell you they were great.”
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:30 pm:
“My cuff links didn’t just ‘fall’ off…”
- IllinoisBoi - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:31 pm:
No, I’m not Rod Blagojevich and I’m not being fed well in prison.
- Lefty Louis - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:32 pm:
I got it Robert Hall. I used to go to Omar the tentmaker.
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:33 pm:
“What do you mean you haven’t seen my ads…”
- A guy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:35 pm:
I’ve never suffered from a “lack” of visibility.
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:35 pm:
“That’s the joke… the name of the act. That’s the punchline, ‘The Aristocrats’… “
- Wensicia - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:36 pm:
Free rides for seniors on public transportation? Hmm…not a bad idea.
- Responsa - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:36 pm:
“Yeah Chris Christie and I talked and we decided to dress up and go trick or treating last night as the other one. It was kind of fun to go incognito like that. And he’s already a governor, you know.”
- City Zen - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:36 pm:
==But, Mr. Slate asked to see me.==
Glad this is catching on.
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:37 pm:
“So the Lt. Governor just ‘fell’… right here… “
- Christopher - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:37 pm:
But ma’m, if George Bush Sr. pinched your behind in 1943, you should have reported it then.
- AC - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:43 pm:
“Oliver Babish, I just loved your character in the West Wing.”
- Anonymous - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 4:49 pm:
I’m glad my outfit takes you back to the 1950’s, can I get your support in the primary?
- Regular democrat - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 5:13 pm:
I spilled on my other jacket. I know i know its ugly what you gonna do
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 5:19 pm:
“You like cannoli? I like cannoli. See. Pals.”
- Scoot - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 5:34 pm:
I’m really not Blagojevich lady…
- Whatever - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 5:50 pm:
“So I says to the old lady, ‘Do you know who I am?’, and she says, ‘No, sweetie, I sure don’t, but if you ask at the front desk, they can tell you.’” (Rim shot)
- Responsa - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 5:52 pm:
“You got that right, Ma’am. I consider myself extremely fortunate that I’ve never served in the Illinois Legislature.”
- Anonymous - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 5:59 pm:
OW gets so excited for the captions. He must have a lot of time on his hands.
- Anon - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 6:02 pm:
So JB - what will you do AFTER you run out of other people’s money?
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 6:03 pm:
===…gets so excited for the captions. He must have a lot of time on his hands===
How much time does it take you to come up with a caption?
Don’t hurt yourself, LOL
“I can’t take you with me… “
- pundemonium - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 6:18 pm:
“I ripped out my toilet because, well, that seat was f”’kin golden”
- 47th Ward - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 6:28 pm:
It’s just, you know. You’re just funny, it’s… funny, you know the way you tell the story and everything.
- Arthur Andersen - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 6:35 pm:
“No, I will not wheel you over to the nickel slots, Ma’am.”
- Anonymous - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 7:11 pm:
“ Nah, my hands aren’t tiny…they just don’t match up too
good with the rest a me..”
- naperville mom - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 7:23 pm:
How can I claim a $250,000 deduction on my property taxes, and still say I support education funding, like you did?
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 7:25 pm:
“Rauner clouted his denied daughter who was from Winnetka into Payton Prep… a Chicago school… and I’m suppose to believe Rauner cares about kids that aren’t his own? Amirite”
- cdog - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 7:47 pm:
Like it?
I’m usually wearing my PJ’s.
- dbk - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 7:51 pm:
“Ah shucks, ma’am,I’m just your ordinary everyday kind of billionaire.”
- Laura - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 9:17 pm:
I know. It’s a crazy business but I think I can make a difference.
- Blue dog dem - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 9:26 pm:
“Tell me what promises I need to make to get your vote.”
- NorthsideNoMore - Wednesday, Nov 1, 17 @ 9:54 pm:
Things are expensive now a days. I had to appeal my property taxes three times already but i got this brown window paned suit with the savings… You think it makes me look makes a bit chubby?
- Rabid - Thursday, Nov 2, 17 @ 1:59 am:
stop Illinois from being flushed down the toilet, remove the toilet
- Rabid - Thursday, Nov 2, 17 @ 2:31 am:
thought you bought a Nintendo but the govenor sold this place to you
- Rabid - Thursday, Nov 2, 17 @ 2:36 am:
Are you Rauners immigrant grandparent
- Rabid - Thursday, Nov 2, 17 @ 2:46 am:
The govenor is like my toilet, disconnected
- Rabid - Thursday, Nov 2, 17 @ 4:20 am:
i can’t offer indoor swimming pools like the govenor of Florida has
- Rabid - Thursday, Nov 2, 17 @ 4:44 am:
can you believe i want to raise taxes on myself, not you
- Rabid - Thursday, Nov 2, 17 @ 4:54 am:
i will never stand in madigans shadow
- Rabid - Thursday, Nov 2, 17 @ 5:01 am:
if money is brains, I’m a lot smarter than the govenor
- Rabid - Thursday, Nov 2, 17 @ 5:13 am:
my arms are frozen from hold up Diana’s charity
- Rabid - Thursday, Nov 2, 17 @ 5:49 am:
the difference between Rauner and me is I’ll take a lot more arrows
- Rabid - Thursday, Nov 2, 17 @ 6:24 am:
well if your not voting for me, jump on board with Ives
- Rabid - Thursday, Nov 2, 17 @ 7:14 am:
I’m big enough to admit mistake, Rauners a failure
- Rabid - Thursday, Nov 2, 17 @ 7:19 am:
Rauner is lying like this rug
- Rabid - Thursday, Nov 2, 17 @ 7:34 am:
you know Diana asked me if I had any spare toilets for the mansion
- Huh? - Thursday, Nov 2, 17 @ 8:14 am:
What do I know about being governor? I don’t have to know anything about being governor, I’m a billionaire.
- Ado - Thursday, Nov 2, 17 @ 9:08 am:
See nothing up my sleeve the quarter vanished, would you like to see another magic trick. This time I’ll make Governor Rauner disappear
- Rabid - Thursday, Nov 2, 17 @ 9:31 am:
Rauner looking for a fight, I’m ready to Greco Roman knuckle wrestling