Chicago named second-best city… for vampires
Monday, Oct 17, 2022 - Posted by Isabel Miller
* From a lawn maintenance company called Lawn Love, which usually blogs about things like the cost of fire pits, stump removal, etc.…
Do you feel most alive at night, detest garlic, and have a habit of lurking in the shadows?
Whether you wear a cape daily or just once a year for Halloween, you can fang Lawn Love for ranking 2022’s Best Cities for Vampires.
We looked for cities with plenty of warm bodies, blood centers, and vampire-friendly dwellings — aka casket suppliers and homes with basements. We also considered deterrents like garlic festivals and sunshine, as well as community and entertainment factors, such as vampire groups, nightlife options, and vampire tours. […]
Sunless Northern cities crept to the top, with New York leading the way as our vampire empire.
NYC is the ideal city for vampires, thanks to having the most potential victims. It also has the most slaughterhouses and vampire groups out of all the cities in our ranking. It doesn’t hurt that the MTA runs 24/7, and eccentric styles are so common that vampires can easily blend right in.
Big cities like New York, Chicago (No. 2), and Seattle (No. 13) have plenty of fresh blood, nightlife options, and casket suppliers.
It’s no surprise that Surprise, Arizona, came in dead last and other sunny Southern cities fell in our ranking, with other Arizona cities plus Nevada and California taking up the bottom 10. While fewer layers of clothing might make it easier to sneak a drink through all four seasons, it’s hard to avoid the sun’s rays with maximum sunshine, minimal cloud cover, few homes with basements, and scarce casket suppliers (especially in California).
* If you want to delve into their rankings, here you go…
Best Cities for Vampires:
1 New York, NY
2 Chicago, IL
3 Philadelphia, PA
4 Los Angeles, CA
5 San Francisco, CA
6 Pittsburgh, PA
7 Omaha, NE
8 Portland, OR
9 Madison, WI
10 Baltimore, MD
Worst Cities for Vampires:
1 Surprise, AZ
2 Peoria, AZ
3 North Las Vegas, NV
4 Glendale, AZ
5 Chandler, AZ
6 Henderson, NV
7 Mesa, AZ
8 Tempe, AZ
9 Lancaster, CA
10 Huntington Beach, CA
- Baloneymous - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 11:48 am:
first zombies, now vampires. tis the season. great post Isabel. thank you.
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 11:55 am:
Chicago between NYC and Philly checks out.
I’d really not want to comment further.
Thank you.
- Groucho - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 12:01 pm:
What about Anchorage AK in the winter. Only about 4 hours of day light. As far as not having many humans to feed upon tosurvive, the vampire Lestat says you can survive on animal blood. He says he survived on rats, cats and dogs.
- Bourbon Street - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 12:13 pm:
Somewhat surprising that New Orleans didn’t make the Top Ten given the lively night life, vampire tours, and the ability of vampires to blend in due to eccentric clothing.
- Earnest - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 12:14 pm:
The Pritzker campaign just issued a news release granting $300,000 to fund underground urban garlic agriculture in Chicago and for SIUE to investigate whether the region’s horseradish could be utilized for vampire prevention. The Bailey campaign issued a statement calling Pritzker a despot and that people have the freedom to become vampires and have no restrictions against infecting others. I have a feeling another candidate is about to file a lawsuit.
- Three Dimensional Checkers - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 12:16 pm:
This list is not credible as it does not include New Orleans, a city well known for its vampire population.
- Homebody - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 12:18 pm:
@Groucho: Now look at the hours of sunlight in Anchorage in the summer.
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 12:19 pm:
In the late 80s, early 90s, Santa Clara, California was a place with a significant vampire population, and a decent soundtrack too.
- Bourbon Street -
I think you’re on it, I’d add Savannah GA, with NOLA, but I can’t fully explain why I feel as I do, or share the anecdotal data that I’ve acquired over… I guess, years still works.
It does beg a serious campaign question;
“Governor, Chicago is second to New York City for vampires, what are your plans, if given a second term, to make Chicago #1 for vampires going forward?”
- MisterJayEm - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 12:19 pm:
I think that Chicago’s long history of political participation by the once-living should have bumped us to the top.
I heard the dead can’t even vote in New York City.
– MrJM
- Baloneymous - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 12:27 pm:
Yes, NOLA, Savannah and Santa Clara. Would also add Salem, MA and Maine wherever Salem’s Lot and Dark Shadows took place near.
- Socially DIstant Watcher - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 12:31 pm:
@OW: I thought Santa Clara dealt with their vampire problem back in the 1980s.
Apparently, Santa Clarita now has a vampire problem. Be careful what you eat!
- Northsider - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 12:34 pm:
No fan of Christopher Moore’s books will be surprised to see SF on the list…
- Nathan H. - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 12:34 pm:
In the spirit of the post, check out the horror graphic novel, 30 Days of Night, where a bunch of vampires take over a rural Alaskan town when the sun doesn’t rise for 30 days.
- Amalia - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 12:38 pm:
Showtime just started a series about a permanent 10 year old vampire, Let The Right One In, based on a movie, so, timely?
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 12:40 pm:
===I thought Santa Clara dealt with their vampire problem back in the 1980s===
There were heroes back then. They made the tough choices, fought the fight that needed fighting, or they drove trucks into walls of houses, typical stuff.
I can’t speak to where things sit today, but I’d still stay away from amusement parks, bridges, and video store owners in the Santa Clara area
- Montrose - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 12:42 pm:
I will be watching for the city to put up billboards celebrating this ranking.
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 12:44 pm:
===Dark Shadows===
There’s a reboot in development announced last February.
Coincidence? I think not. Collinsport, ME is quite lovely.
- ZC - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 12:46 pm:
Sigh, with the current state of its police force Chicago probably would rank low among big cities in its “percentage of vampiric killings solved.”
- Baloneymous - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 12:54 pm:
Dark Shadows reboot.
that’s great. The 2012 version with Johnny Depp wasn’t the best, but it was still entertaining, and a great cast and I love Tim Burton movies.
They also did a reboot of Salem’s Lot that was to be released last month but for some reason Warner Bros. has shelved it till next year and now indefinitely.
- MisterJayEm - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 12:55 pm:
“I’d still stay away from amusement parks, bridges, and video store owners in the Santa Clara area”
And if you see a bodybuilder playing the saxophone?
Leave town immediately.
– MrJM
- In_The_Middle - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 12:56 pm:
Not only is Chicago a good place for vampires, an internet search shows the whole of Illinois is good for vampires as it has approximately 62,720 ‘licensed’ vampires. *snark*
- Jerry - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 12:58 pm:
Is there a correlation between the increase in Vampirism and the number of children becoming Cats requiring additional kitty litter boxes being placed in schools? Enquiring minds want to know!
- Blue Dog - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 12:58 pm:
Last week it was zombies. This week vampires. Next week. bears fans?
- 47th Ward - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 1:04 pm:
New York sucks more than Chicago? Sounds right to me.
- Rich Miller - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 1:05 pm:
===Next week. bears fans? ===
Too scary
- Flying Elvis'-Utah Chapter - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 1:07 pm:
Thought all the trial lawyers were in St. Clair county?
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 1:07 pm:
===And if you see a bodybuilder playing the saxophone?
Leave town immediately.===
That’s well played.
Your voting question is also well thought, my fear is someone like Odelson or Kasper will bring up some Illinois election law long forgotten like “Voting Restrictions of the ‘Un-Dead’ Act of 1838”, sponsored by a young legislator, Abe Lincoln, who had, at the time, a checkered past with vampires himself.
- bored now - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 1:18 pm:
=== Chicago named second-best city…for vampires ===
so did i misunderstand the whole “second city” thing?
- don the legend - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 1:21 pm:
OW =I’d really not want to comment further=
I count four more posts after this one.
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 1:29 pm:
I’d really not want to comment further
I don’t have that want. Nope.
:)
- TJ - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 1:35 pm:
Bailey today: See! I told you all that Chicago sucks!
- AcademicUnionStateEmployee - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 2:44 pm:
For the record, our Springfield either wasn’t ranked or was ranked under the top 200.
Considering how Halloween seems like nothing more than St. Patrick’s Day in October especially if you go to a Springfield-area gas station or bar, I would have expected Our Springfield to be at least in the top 100 best vampire cities, if not top 10. I remember one of the Springfield Casey’s around Halloween 7 years ago (the then-new one at Stanford) even had a sign on Halloween Day to “Please do not Wear your Mask or Costume inside Store.” Of course, this was long before the events of 2020 and beyond regarding the mask.
- Oswego Willy - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 2:49 pm:
===Springfield either wasn’t ranked or was ranked under the top 200===
Slaying legends are remembered well by the undead.
Another “thanks, Abe” moment.
- FormerParatrooper - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 2:58 pm:
No wonder I can’t find silver bullets
- Vote Quimby - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 3:13 pm:
Bailey Campaign Slogan: (loud part) Chicago Sucks (quiet part) Your Blood
- Lurker - Monday, Oct 17, 22 @ 3:31 pm:
Speaking of Silver Bullets, I would have expected Golden/Denver, CO to be ranked last.