Capitol Fax.com - Your Illinois News Radar » Question of the day
SUBSCRIBE to Capitol Fax      Advertise Here      Mobile Version     Exclusive Subscriber Content     Updated Posts    Contact
CapitolFax.com
To subscribe to Capitol Fax, click here.
Question of the day

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

* This help wanted ad at CareerBuilder for a new press secretary for Gov. Rod Blagojevich has been making the rounds…

Position Responsibilities:

* Build and maintain relationships with members of the press
* Act as a spokesperson, proactively pitching stories and developing/delivering reaction to reporters’ inquiries
* Collaborate with Governor’s press staff and agency press officers to generate ideas and develop media strategies

* OneMan adds these

* The ability to keep tabs on Rich Miller
* Know how to look up synonyms for unrelated and coincidence.
* Finally the ability to say “He isn’t public official A” with a straight face

* Chicagoist chimes in

* Must maintain working knowledge of all Elvis and Hank Williams songs
* Must be skilled with hair spray
* Must be able to “forget” things or “misplace” information
* Must be able to never, ever, mention the name “Rezko”

Your turn.

- Posted by Rich Miller        

47 Comments
  1. - Wumpus - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 10:01 am:

    -Must be able to withstand the bright light from Abby Ottendorf’s smile (I know I spelled it wrong)
    -fluent in Cubs’ history


  2. - bi-partisan - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 10:10 am:

    The top qualification is the ability to lie with a straight face.


  3. - Dan S, a Voter & Cubs Fan - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 10:12 am:

    Must be a compulsive liar and be able to sleep at night. Vivid imagination a plus.


  4. - He Makes Ryan Look Like a Saint - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 10:13 am:

    Must be able to run the 40 in 4.5 seconds in order to evade the press at the Governor’s Discretion


  5. - Rich Miller - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 10:14 am:

    Let’s try to keep it light. No more like bi-partisan and dan s’s comments.


  6. - Speaking At Will - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 10:16 am:

    Ability to handle the day to day rigors of Federal prison.

    Ability to drive evasively to avoid Saint Louis Television reporters.

    Must be experienced in detecting “bugs” “wires” and other under cover sound recording devices.

    Must be able to register my father in laws guns on a yearly basis.

    Must be willing to look for another job in the next 18 months.


  7. - Anonymous Unum - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 10:18 am:

    Must be able to zig, when reporters zag.


  8. - archpundit - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 10:22 am:

    Must be a skilled Division 1 Lineman to block the advancing press corps while the Governor makes his getaway.


  9. - Ghost - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 10:23 am:

    Must be skilled at child wrangling and placement of child shields

    Must be able to instantly call any question about governemtn operations stupid whithout sounding stupid


  10. - archpundit - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 10:24 am:

    Special Skills Required: A degree in post-modern philosophy and the ability to apply it day-to-day situations such as when a bad audit is release, insist it’s just a difference of opinion.


  11. - shhhh - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 10:28 am:

    Must have a direct line for obtaining Hannah Montana tickets.


  12. - wordslinger - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 10:29 am:

    Wanted: Professional communicator with extremely thick skin plus selective vision, hearing and olfactory powers. Serve as spokesman for a testicularly virile, wavy-haired future occupant of White House or other federal domicile to be determined.

    Applicant must have proven advanced abilities to:

    Embrace cognitive dissonance.

    Suspend disbelief.

    Keep a straight face.

    Feign interest.

    Conceal contempt.

    Endure merciless poundings.

    Block.

    Resist persistent urges to scream, kick, punch, bite, cry, go postal.

    Refrain from using the word “hack” in any professional situation, no matter the provocation.

    Explain what happened didn’t happen, and what didn’t happen did happen, and besides it wasn’t our fault. Whatever happened. Or didn’t.

    Gas up the car.

    Get out of town fast.


  13. - Dan S, a Voter & Cubs Fan - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 10:30 am:

    Very sorry Rich, I was simply suggesting skills the current press secretary seems use on a daily basis.


  14. - Garp - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 10:34 am:

    Must be Dennis Culloton


  15. - Vote Quimby! - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 10:35 am:

    Mandatory television experience (weather OK), ability to stay on message in the face of constant reporter questioning, belief in ability in General Assembly to lead our state by passing legislation for veto, prefer experience staging children in strategic locations. Position not to extend beyond January 2011.


  16. - OneMan - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 10:36 am:

    The ability to find back and/or kitchen exits.


  17. - Amuzing Myself - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 10:40 am:

    * Must be able to stand up straight and speak with a smile on any line from the 2002 election cycle while sustained artillery fire impacts close by.

    * Disinterest in legislative oversight and general government administration a plus.


  18. - Leigh - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 11:00 am:

    Must have large vocabulary and ability to make up words that make no comment sound like a well thought out administration policy.


  19. - Anon - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 11:01 am:

    Shouldn’t that read:
    “Corroborate with Governor’s staff and agency officers to generate ideas and develop media strategies” ?


  20. - Hunterdon - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 11:07 am:

    Must have the ability to control the spin, or direction, of an initiative, showing sides of it we want to show while not shedding light on the rest. Must have ability to exaggerate the most positive aspect of a negative.


  21. - Shelbyville - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 11:12 am:

    2.8 grade average in HS, required.

    No need to know downstate IL.


  22. - A Citizen - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 11:12 am:

    Must be Sincere - successful candidate will be accomplished at convincingly faking sincerity.


  23. - Anon from BB - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 11:41 am:

    Must be able know how, where and who to go to to score Blackhawk’s tickets at a moments notice.


  24. - Lori - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 12:13 pm:

    Must have testicular virulity, and be able to put up with the boss with such.


  25. - so-called "Austin Mayor" - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 12:15 pm:

    Must be able to post pro-Blagojevich comments from multiple IP addresses.

    – SCAM
    so-called “Austin Mayor”
    http://austinmayor.blogspot.com


  26. - Good Luck - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 12:20 pm:

    Must be able to say “corrupt” and “incompetent” when referring to everyone but the current corrupt and incompetent governor.


  27. - Steve - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 1:10 pm:

    Must know who Dan Stefanski is.


  28. - hmmm - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 1:19 pm:

    Must enjoy pontoon boat rides with Captain Miller.

    Ability to smile at extremely angry reporters whose phone calls you didn’t return.

    Must be able to enjoy adult beverages and Springfield nightlife with Miller and the rest of us.

    Realization that he’s going to screw it up and you’re going to have to try and clean it up.

    Ability to keep from putting your head in your hands when the boss says something stupid a plus.


  29. - The 'Broken Heart' of Rogers Park - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 1:22 pm:

    You mean they couldn’t locate a CareerWrecker website to place this ad in?


  30. - Justice - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 1:32 pm:

    Must think like Hillary!


  31. - Princeville - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 1:49 pm:

    Must be able to relocate to Southern Illinois, shop and pay taxes there to boost the lower state econ. and realize that this position may be of short duraton.


  32. - City Voter - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 1:52 pm:

    Must be willing to relocate, at least mentally, to an alternate reality.


  33. - sparky - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 2:00 pm:

    Pilot’s license required - multi engine certification preferred. Must be familiar with SPI to MDW flight plans.


  34. - Muskrat - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 3:01 pm:

    I’ve always liked this exceprt from “Cryptonomicon”:

    …smart as Johann Karl Friedrich Gauss, savvy as a half-blind Calcutta bootblack, tough as General William Tecumseh Sherman, rich as the Queen of England, emotionally resilient as a Red Sox fan, and as generally able to take care of yourself as the average nuclear missile submarine commander


  35. - VanillaMan - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 3:26 pm:

    1.) Knows how to make a tastey chicken pie!
    2.) Always have fresh, minty breath.
    3.) Skillful with lint brushes.
    4.) Knows twenty rhyming words for “Blagojevich”.
    5.) Can click heels and shout out, “You’re tops in my book captain!”
    6.) Must be able to inject loudly during gubernatorial speeches, “WOW! Did you hear that?” or “Say that again!” or “Cah-ching - You can take THAT to the bank!”
    7.) Sell soul to Satan.
    8.) Fluff pillows.
    9.) Marry Edwina and Betty Mell; Patty’s bearded conjoined-twin cousins.
    10.)Knows how to say, “I love you Boss!”, in Serbian.


  36. - Northside Bunker - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 4:11 pm:

    1. Short term gig. (Less than one year).
    2. Get aquainted with federal prison system.


  37. - Wacker Drive - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 4:15 pm:

    1. Join me and you”ll do very well for yourself.


  38. - Noname Nick - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 4:23 pm:

    Must be able to tax and spend without the tax.


  39. - ZC - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 5:33 pm:

    No previous knowledge of Blagojevich adminstration, plausible deniability a plus


  40. - David Walker - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 5:47 pm:

    I would post something Rich, but you’d only delete it, so I won’t.


  41. - jerry 101 - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 6:03 pm:

    dana perino types preferred?


  42. - Disgusted - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 6:44 pm:

    Must have a large supply of Windex for mirror polishing, gold cleaner for the crown, a connection in the Middle East to keep airplane fuel flowing at cheap rates and a cloak of invisibility.


  43. - One of the 35 - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 8:02 pm:

    Must be familiar with Governor’s personnel handbook…..George Orwell’s 1984. (must be conversant in “newspeak”.


  44. - gray wolf - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 8:47 pm:

    all the best ones are posted!-perhaps a summary of the best of the is needed?


  45. - Ahem - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 9:56 pm:

    Mustn’t be too smart to apply for this job.


  46. - tired - Wednesday, May 21, 08 @ 10:07 pm:

    - be proud of his/her ACT score of 18, and the “C” in conlaw


  47. - Truthful James - Thursday, May 22, 08 @ 6:38 am:

    Muskrat –

    Outstanding book — Great quote — One of his many, except for the last.


Sorry, comments for this post are now closed.


* Them's fighting words, governor
* Another Blagojevich publicity stunt
* New laws
* Scanner traffic is not always reliable
* Pritzker decided to skip Lollapalooza after all
* IDES account hijacking, Raoul's ransomware attack
* Pritzker's relationship with unions is now a mixed bag
* Caption contest!
* Open thread
* SUBSCRIBERS ONLY - Supplement to today’s edition
* SUBSCRIBERS ONLY - Today's edition of Capitol Fax (use all CAPS in password)
* *** LIVE COVERAGE ***
* Yesterday's stories

Support CapitolFax.com
Visit our advertisers...

...............

...............

...............

...............

...............

...............


Loading


Main Menu
Home
Illinois
YouTube
Pundit rankings
Obama
Subscriber Content
Durbin
Burris
Blagojevich Trial
Advertising
Updated Posts
Polls

Archives
August 2021
July 2021
June 2021
May 2021
April 2021
March 2021
February 2021
January 2021
December 2020
November 2020
October 2020
September 2020
August 2020
July 2020
June 2020
May 2020
April 2020
March 2020
February 2020
January 2020
December 2019
November 2019
October 2019
September 2019
August 2019
July 2019
June 2019
May 2019
April 2019
March 2019
February 2019
January 2019
December 2018
November 2018
October 2018
September 2018
August 2018
July 2018
June 2018
May 2018
April 2018
March 2018
February 2018
January 2018
December 2017
November 2017
October 2017
September 2017
August 2017
July 2017
June 2017
May 2017
April 2017
March 2017
February 2017
January 2017
December 2016
November 2016
October 2016
September 2016
August 2016
July 2016
June 2016
May 2016
April 2016
March 2016
February 2016
January 2016
December 2015
November 2015
October 2015
September 2015
August 2015
July 2015
June 2015
May 2015
April 2015
March 2015
February 2015
January 2015
December 2014
November 2014
October 2014
September 2014
August 2014
July 2014
June 2014
May 2014
April 2014
March 2014
February 2014
January 2014
December 2013
November 2013
October 2013
September 2013
August 2013
July 2013
June 2013
May 2013
April 2013
March 2013
February 2013
January 2013
December 2012
November 2012
October 2012
September 2012
August 2012
July 2012
June 2012
May 2012
April 2012
March 2012
February 2012
January 2012
December 2011
November 2011
October 2011
September 2011
August 2011
July 2011
June 2011
May 2011
April 2011
March 2011
February 2011
January 2011
December 2010
November 2010
October 2010
September 2010
August 2010
July 2010
June 2010
May 2010
April 2010
March 2010
February 2010
January 2010
December 2009
November 2009
October 2009
September 2009
August 2009
July 2009
June 2009
May 2009
April 2009
March 2009
February 2009
January 2009
December 2008
November 2008
October 2008
September 2008
August 2008
July 2008
June 2008
May 2008
April 2008
March 2008
February 2008
January 2008
December 2007
November 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
December 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004

Blog*Spot Archives
November 2005
October 2005
September 2005
August 2005
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005

Syndication

RSS Feed 2.0
Comments RSS 2.0




Hosted by MCS SUBSCRIBE to Capitol Fax Advertise Here Mobile Version Contact Rich Miller