* It’s been a really rough week. My mom suggested that I write about it, so I did. Here’s my Sun-Times column…
My best friend in the world died last week.
Brian Patrick Michael Monahan was born on the Southwest Side and raised at 115th and Western. His house was the center of almost all neighborhood activity. His mother, Pat, was and still is the second mom to more people than I’ll ever know.
Brian’s dad, Frank, worked for a labor union and made enough money to give his family a relatively comfortable life. To say Frank was a dyed-in-the-wool, South Side Democrat would be the understatement of the decade.
“I think if Jesus Christ was running as a Republican, my dad would still vote Democrat,” Brian used to joke. It was an exaggeration, of course, but not by much.
Frank passed away several years ago, but the lessons he taught Brian never faded.
The only area where Brian and his dad really parted ways was his father’s desire for stability in life. Brian moved from job to job for as long as I knew him, and he never really had a “normal” gig. Brian had a strong desire to make a quiet difference in this world, and that’s what he did, day in and day out, but in his own way.
Long ago, Brian organized college students into a strong legislative force via the Illinois Student Association. Over the years, he registered thousands of voters and supervised the registration of tens of thousands more. Among other things, he was an organizer for a couple of different unions after moving to Kansas City, Mo.
He never once sought the limelight. He had no desire for fame or fortune. He didn’t yell and scream and try to draw attention to himself. Brian just wanted to do good the only way he knew how.
Brian was the type of person I admire the most. I think a lot of others feel the same way about people just like him. That was clear when Gov. Quinn threatened to shut down funding for private social service agencies last summer.
It wasn’t just that necessary services would’ve been eliminated that bothered so many of us. People who provided those services would have been out of jobs. These are the quiet heroes of our state. And those heroes, who take care of the less fortunate, the poor, the disabled, the sick and the elderly, were being used as pawns in a political game of chicken. Brian didn’t live in Illinois, but he never would have stood for that if he had — Democratic governor or no Democratic governor.
Brian was considering a move back to Illinois the week before he died unexpectedly at 46 last week. A job opening here had caught his eye and his family and friends were overjoyed. Even though we talked on the phone as often as we could and saw him whenever possible, we still missed him terribly and we wanted him back full time.
I also wanted Brian here because his state needed him now more than ever. The multiple crises facing Illinois are greater than at any time in our lives, so we desperately need all the good, strong people we can get.
It wasn’t to be.
Brian’s friends and family have been through a wrenching week of agony. My own heart feels as if it has been shattered into a million pieces. But everyone reading this and everyone who is not is the poorer for his death. The good he could have done here, no matter how unnoticed by the naked eye, would’ve surely helped us in these horribly dark days.
- VanillaMan - Friday, Oct 23, 09 @ 9:51 am:
Thank you for honoring this hero. We don’t always give our best a medal. Leadership is a valuable commodity, and we all benefit from strong men and women who lead. Thank you for reminding us in our busy daily lives, our priorities.
- DuPage Dave - Friday, Oct 23, 09 @ 9:59 am:
A great tribute, Rich. You are fortunate to have had such a close friend for so many years. There is no substitute for a life-long friend.
- KeepSmiling - Friday, Oct 23, 09 @ 10:05 am:
That’s absolutely beautiful. I only wish I had had the honor of our paths meeting somehow. My deepest sorrow to all of those who have lost this very precious person. May Brian’s spirit carry forward in all of us to make this world a more generous and caring place.
- 10th Indy - Friday, Oct 23, 09 @ 10:05 am:
Your mom was right - there’s something sacred in using what you do best to honor the best in your friend. We’ll be saying extra prayers for you and Brian’s family.
- Secret Square - Friday, Oct 23, 09 @ 10:14 am:
Thanks for sharing this. I work for an agency that doesn’t get a lot of attention or money, and sometimes I feel like we’re beating our heads against a brick wall. But we keep going. Thanks for the encouragement. Rest in peace, Brian
- Say WHAT? - Friday, Oct 23, 09 @ 10:15 am:
Rich, I am so terribly sorry. My deepest sympathies to you and to all those who knew and loved Brian. May I ask how many children he had?
- Homey - Friday, Oct 23, 09 @ 10:33 am:
Say WHAT?, He had two natural children and one step-child.
- What's in a name? - Friday, Oct 23, 09 @ 10:37 am:
If he was a South side Irish Catholic, I am sure he and his family are people of faith. While difficult to see now, some how his untimely passing must be in God’s mysterious plan. His work on earth was done and he can rejoice in the presence of his Maker.
Your beautiful tribute may inspire your readers to follow Brian’s example. What a legacy that would be.
It sounds like you were fortunate to have such a friend. I hope your mother’s wise counsel to publish your thoughts proved therapeutic.
- Quinn T. Sential - Friday, Oct 23, 09 @ 10:39 am:
One of the things that I have learned along the way, is that when you have a friend from the Beverly community, you have a friend for life, and their entire family usually comes along as part of the package.
People from other areas, or those that had a more transient up-bringing may never be able to understand it, but I have never witnessed anything quite like it.
Rivers, plaines, mountain ranges, canyons, deserts, oceans, national borders and entire continents may stand between them, but almost nothing (except for the Irish Alzheimer’s on occasion), will divide the friendships that seem to be established from within that community.
I have thought a lot about this over the years, and used to wonder whether it was something in the water there; or maybe the beer. I have never seen stronger bonds of friendship than from people that were raised in this area, even those that for one reason or another would not appear to have anything else in common. After enjoying many of these friendships, I came to the conclusion however that this characteristic arises from the foundation of the family, which is then infused into the entire community, so that even those who’s family experience might be more temorary or transient or less enriched due to other circumstances seem to adopt this particular value characteristic.
Rich, you were lucky to have found such a friend, and I suspect if he was like most others there, you made many others (each with their own goofy nickname) along the way as a result.
While I didn’t know him personally, he seems like the kind of guy that would have made a huge difference for the better; no matter what he did. As a consequence while an entire community I am sure is mourning his loss, based on the type of guy you have described here I am sure there will be no greater void left behind than the one for his wife and kids.
I am in for a chunk and sent a check this morning.
- Jimmy - Friday, Oct 23, 09 @ 10:40 am:
I am sorry for your loss; your friend soulds like a hell of a great man; we are all made less by his passing. You, his family and friends are in my thoughts and my prayers.
- Reddbyrd - Friday, Oct 23, 09 @ 10:53 am:
CaptFax:
As someone else noted — your mom was right. Aren’t they alway?
My prayer is for you and Brian’s family and friends get the grace and strength to endure this disaster. After a lot of thought and experience I am pretty sure this not part of the “plan”.
You and yours are in my prayers
- Rich Miller - Friday, Oct 23, 09 @ 10:54 am:
QTS, you summed it up pretty darned well. Thanks.
- I'm just saying - Friday, Oct 23, 09 @ 11:23 am:
Rich, this is one of the best articles I have seen you write, it came from the heart, I know you loved him, and he loved you…..
A great testament to a great man
- Anonymous - Friday, Oct 23, 09 @ 11:30 am:
Rich, I know you know, but I’ll say it anyway. Brian’s love and spirit will live on forever in you, his family–especially his little ones–and now us, because you were thoughtful enough to share. I wish Brian had been able to move to Illinois; I know we all would have adored and respected him as much as you do. (I know I do now just after reading your post even though I never had the pleasure of meeting him.)
You and Brian’s family have been–and will continue to be–in my thoughts and prayers. I know God’s listening because you’re tapping into your memories of your time together for comfort–and I’ll keep praying for everyone’s tears and pain to soon be replaced with warm and loving smiles whenever you think of Brian.
We’re here for you, Rich–and Brian still is, too.
- Cheswick - Friday, Oct 23, 09 @ 11:57 am:
What a beautiful tribute, Rich. Rest in peace, Brian.
- Lefty Lefty - Friday, Oct 23, 09 @ 11:57 am:
My deepest condolences to you, Mr. Miller, the Monahans, and all who feel this loss. And, QTS, great post. As a former Mt. Greenwood resident (are we ever really “former”?) with a goofy nickname and untimely deaths in the family, I can say with great conviction that the kind words here are appreciated as will all the support (and food) that will be visited upon the Monahan family during this tough time.
- 312 - Friday, Oct 23, 09 @ 12:12 pm:
Brian & I were friends since the late 1980s, but we lost touch. I had the pleasure to re-connect with him at the Capitol Fax Sox game, and kept in touch since then. I was really looking forward to him returning to Chicago, and when I heard about his death, I was crushed.
Your writings about him have brought back many good memories - and often a tear to my eye. Thank you for all of that.
I would like to see about putting together a memorial in Chicago, similar to what you did in Springfield - Please LMK if you’re interested!
- Rich Miller - Friday, Oct 23, 09 @ 2:24 pm:
There will be a fundraiser for the children’s fund in Beverly sometime in the next couple of months. I’ll let you know. We had a thing for Brian in Springfield last Sunday, but I bought a pig roast for 40 at a charity auction over a year ago and haven’t used it yet. I’m gonna use it for the fund.
The outpouring from the community has been amazing. The church was almost full - mostly neighborhood people who knew the family. And the generous response to our call for contributions was really quite touching.
- Laura - Friday, Oct 23, 09 @ 2:29 pm:
What a lovely tribute to your friend. Thank you for sharing a little about who he was with us. My deepest condolences to you and his family.
- Yellow Dog Democrat - Friday, Oct 23, 09 @ 2:33 pm:
Big HUG.
- Levois - Friday, Oct 23, 09 @ 2:42 pm:
This was a great column and for what he could’ve done for this state had he been able to come back, he will be missed. It’s a great tribute!
- Amalia - Friday, Oct 23, 09 @ 4:53 pm:
Rich, I am so very sorry for the loss of your friend. for me, friends are often closer than family. the loss of your friend is especially rough when you have the utmost respect for
his contributions to the greater good of the world. thanks
for sharing your grief with us. that’s a good and brave thing to do.
- Speaking at Will - Friday, Oct 23, 09 @ 8:46 pm:
During elementary school, and high school, one of my best friends was a young man named Kelly Stienmetz. It brings a tear to my eye thinking of him as I write this post. We rode the same school bus throughout high shcool, played little league baseball with one another, and when we got older, drank together. He was a kind hearted soul, that wouldnt hurt a fly, but was tough at the same time, and a very adept athlete.
I lost Kelly on April fools day of 2003. To this day when I walk into the local tavern that he worked at I expect to somehow see him come around a oorner and give me a big hug. He never does.
After his passig, the feelings of saddness from losing my close friend would resurface. When I would walk in a room, smell a certain smell, or see a certain tv show.
In fact it made it hard to drive down certain streets and go in certain places for a long time.
In order to get over it I told myself that everytime I felt that saddness come over me I would image what Kelly would be telling me. He would be telling me to stop worrying about him, and get back to doing my own good in the world.
I want to emphasize that I dont mean this is how everyone should morn the loss of a friend such a Brian Monahan, but it sure helped me get past my own loss some 6 years ago, and still helps to this day.
Rich, thank you for your column, it is inspirational to me.
- Val and Dave - Saturday, Oct 24, 09 @ 1:49 am:
Oh my God! What a shock! What happened? We’re so sorry! This is awful! It wasn’t but two months ago that you surprised us with him at the State Fair. A tornado blew in (literally) and it was Brian. He was the old Brian, only greying. We were thrilled to see him again. We are speechless and so sorry for your loss. We know how you loved him. Who didn’t? He was such a gentle spirit - true blue and a wonderful people with great values. Val remembers him well from the Illinois Student Association days and organizing and Dave from his Sangamon State University days - and who could forget Commie Night at Fred’s? Brian was a true believer, an idealist. Our kind of people. This is a horrible loss for all of us. Oy vey, yes, Illinois could have used more of his kind. We just can’t believe this. More later, in person. Our hearts go out to you, your wife, and his family. We will definitely make a contribution. Thanks for the terrible news. We would have wanted to know. God Speed Brian!
- Homey - Tuesday, Oct 27, 09 @ 8:39 am:
Val & Dave - Commie night was at Bruce’s.