“Principal Jones, this is Pat Quinn, Governor of our great state, … Illinois … yes, hello … I was calling to let you know, Suzie, and Rachel, and Sarah are not going to be in school today … they are going to learn about government today, and help me with my job. ….. Yes … Governor Quinn … YES ….they are going to do their civic duty and pitch in … Well, Suzie is going to be Governor for a day …. no, …. no … for a DAY … not the rest of my term ..”
The teachers are striking and I am stuck with the kids. I guess I shouldn’t have stopped paying regional superintendents and gutting teachers pensions.
“Governor Walker … Pat Quinn … Look, I still have 3 of your Senators down here and they have a few demands; They want the DVD box set of “Wizards of Waverly Place, the 1st Season”, an itunes account loaded with all of Justin Bieber’s songs … and what … really … and they want a pony …. yes, Governor, I can hold ….”
Sensing his administration’s dire need to improve media relations, Gov. Pat Quinn goes back in time to summon the collective help of Rebecca, Abby and Becky. Whoops, looks like he went back a little too far.
Yes. Pat Quinn here. Listen, I have some constituents here with me right now who mentioned in passing that my speeches–while excellent over all–sometimes tend to put them to sleep. Why must I hear this sort of thing from outsiders? Didn’t I hire you to coordinate, monitor, and shape all communications coming out of the Governor’s office? What? Well THAT was rude.
Hello. Senator Cullerton? You remember how I vetoed the funding for school transportation/ I think we should reinstate it……Why, yes, I do have some school kids in my office. How did you know?
“listen Mike, I told johnny boy the same thing. Me and my legislative staff here think we are right and Henry Beyer is wrong …. Mikey, Mikey, Mikey when have I ever been wrong before.”
“I’ve got my new regional superintendents here, you’re gonna love ‘em. They have direct experience with education all their life, they have a positive can-do attitude, and best of all, they work for shiny unicorn stickers.”
“Don’t worry, David, I’ve narrowed the search down to three for your replacement. I’m confident either one WON’T talk to Miller after the AFSCME meeting.”
The line “it’s for the children” is a little overused but in Illinois it’s a winner for higher taxes. Thanks kids , I promise you a free scholarship off the backs of someone who pays taxes.
Tony? Pat here. I’ve got my next 3 appointments to the Liquor Control Commission here in my office. I’d appreciate an expedited hearing on their confirmation. What? Ok. You can have lunch at my desk.
Security, can you come over and guard my office to make sure no baloons make it into the hands of the kids in here? If there is one thing that threatens this administration, it’s kids with baloons!
Quinn is surprised, but pleased, when three motivational speakers march into his office to inspire by reading from their favorite tome “The Little Engine That Could”.
Little Girl on the left: “I think I can.”
Little Girl in the middle: “I think I can.”
Little Girl on the right: “OK. We’re done here. Please start making those calls now. We’ll be back next week to check on your progress.”
Girl on left - The pretty campaigner - I promise to not___ (fill in the blank)
Girl in the Middle - The real Guv - Leave me out of the budget talks, I’ll close your district facilities
Girl on the Right - The attentive voice of reason that can actually govern - Hope we see some of her in the next 3 years
“Have you girls ever heard the one about the second verse of America the Beautiful? Err ahh you have? How about 246 words that changed America? Wow that one too…..(picks up the phone) Get me Cullerton, I need new material and fast!”
I, the great and Mighty Pat Quinn have solved the budget crisis. Yep! Found excellent replacements who are willing to work for peanuts errr… candy. Lets do a press conference!
Three student protesters demand the governor restore transportation funds to their school after they lost their bus route. They plan to glue themselves to his desk and giggle non-stop until he complies!
Rahm? Thanks for paying off after I won my bet that I could be in Rich’s photo caption contest for five days in a row … but there seems to be some kind of mix-up … I know we agreed on some brownies … but these aren’t what I was expecting … you know, the kind you buy at the grocery store … I think Little Debbie is the brand … they’re brown, wrapped in cellophane, full of sugar and chocolate … definitely not on my diet … yeah, those kind … so when will you be collecting these and sending the other? .. uh huh, maybe you could just bake up some if you’re too busy to run to the store …
They are right here, Miss Cruelwitch. I sure will be glad to tell them all about Illinois Government and how I got to be Governor. I don’t quite understand what you mean about picking up three haggard old ladies though.
Youth representatives of the Illinois Coin Machine Operators Association (League of ICMOA Maidens) lobby the Governor for slot machines at the Illinois State Fair (note offerings of Monopoly money for Quinn’s IUO’s on desk, this while he confers with his bookmaker)
- Cincinnatus - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 12:38 pm:
I have my Crackerjack budget staff here with me now…
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 12:39 pm:
“Principal Jones, this is Pat Quinn, Governor of our great state, … Illinois … yes, hello … I was calling to let you know, Suzie, and Rachel, and Sarah are not going to be in school today … they are going to learn about government today, and help me with my job. ….. Yes … Governor Quinn … YES ….they are going to do their civic duty and pitch in … Well, Suzie is going to be Governor for a day …. no, …. no … for a DAY … not the rest of my term ..”
- Freight Train - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 12:40 pm:
The teachers are striking and I am stuck with the kids. I guess I shouldn’t have stopped paying regional superintendents and gutting teachers pensions.
- GMatts - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 12:41 pm:
“Hello, gimme the press office, I’ve got a bunch of citizens lovin’ the job I’m doin’….Lets get this out ASAP”
- Responsa - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 12:42 pm:
No, Rahm, I’m sorry I can’t talk right now. I’m here meeting with the Sun Times Editorial Board.
- unclesam - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 12:43 pm:
Pat Quinn again attempts to prove he’s better than Blagojevich ever was by introducing his new press secretaries — the new “spin sister trio.”
- wordslinger - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 12:44 pm:
PQ: “Who? Let me check. Amanda Huggenkiss? Girls is there Amanda Huggenkiss here? I’m looking for Amanda Huggenkiss…”
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 12:44 pm:
“Governor Walker … Pat Quinn … Look, I still have 3 of your Senators down here and they have a few demands; They want the DVD box set of “Wizards of Waverly Place, the 1st Season”, an itunes account loaded with all of Justin Bieber’s songs … and what … really … and they want a pony …. yes, Governor, I can hold ….”
- Michelle Flaherty - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 12:48 pm:
(cue the Huey Lewis song …)
Sensing his administration’s dire need to improve media relations, Gov. Pat Quinn goes back in time to summon the collective help of Rebecca, Abby and Becky. Whoops, looks like he went back a little too far.
- Dave Dahl - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 12:50 pm:
“Yes, Mr. Claus, I can assure you they are all being good …”
- Curious - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 12:51 pm:
Parents of 3 children with insomnia just had a Eureka! moment.
Word, nice Simpsons reference.
- Commonsense in Illinois - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 12:58 pm:
Governor Quinn meets with his top budget advisers…
- OneMan - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 12:59 pm:
The girls were disappointed moments later when they discovered he was not Phineas of Phineas and Ferb fame.
- Ace Matson - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 12:59 pm:
Hey girls, thanks to me you are already each $150,000 in debt!
- Ahoy - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 12:59 pm:
Finally the Governor get’s advisors that can talk his language.
- siriusly - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 1:07 pm:
“So wait girls, let me get this right. You call and when they pick up you ask for Stu Pid? That’s really funny! Let me try!!”
- Responsa - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 1:07 pm:
Yes. Pat Quinn here. Listen, I have some constituents here with me right now who mentioned in passing that my speeches–while excellent over all–sometimes tend to put them to sleep. Why must I hear this sort of thing from outsiders? Didn’t I hire you to coordinate, monitor, and shape all communications coming out of the Governor’s office? What? Well THAT was rude.
- siriusly - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 1:08 pm:
Sincere apologies to Wordslinger - I didn’t realize you already used the crank call theme. Although mine is better.
- Siriusly
- Just Me - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 1:19 pm:
Pat Quinn with his top advisers.
- Pot calling kettle - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 1:19 pm:
Hello. Senator Cullerton? You remember how I vetoed the funding for school transportation/ I think we should reinstate it……Why, yes, I do have some school kids in my office. How did you know?
- Spliff - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 1:20 pm:
“listen Mike, I told johnny boy the same thing. Me and my legislative staff here think we are right and Henry Beyer is wrong …. Mikey, Mikey, Mikey when have I ever been wrong before.”
- Stones - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 1:22 pm:
Girls: “I bet we can get this chump to fall for the old shaving cream in the earpiece trick!”
- Hot Sauce - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 1:26 pm:
“Nap time once I get off the phone with this guy from China, ok.”
- Montrose - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 1:38 pm:
“I have to run. I have a meeting with the Tea Party. We are just waiting for Mr. Snuggles to show up.”
- BOB - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 1:51 pm:
Those 16 IDOT supervisors we just hired. I am sending you over 3 more. The more the merrier.
- Joe - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 1:54 pm:
“No calls Marge, I’m meeting with my budget advisors.”
- Far from the truth... - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 1:55 pm:
Yes, yes, yes, girls…I’ll put in a call to Santa and then I will work on the budget. 1st things first tho…I’ll make the call..
- ZC - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 1:55 pm:
“I’ve got my new regional superintendents here, you’re gonna love ‘em. They have direct experience with education all their life, they have a positive can-do attitude, and best of all, they work for shiny unicorn stickers.”
- Dirty Red - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 2:00 pm:
“No, Jack, this is why I DON’T come to the Capitol.”
- Cincinnatus - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 2:00 pm:
“Mrs. Brown you have a lovely daughter.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lv8k0VI9tBc
- Dirty Red - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 2:00 pm:
“I swear these PAR interns get younger every year.”
- Dirty Red - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 2:02 pm:
“Visitors? This calls for a special occassion! *picks up phone* Someone bring in the V8 juice!”
- Dirty Red - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 2:03 pm:
“Mica, my new commission says I should wear this red tie for a while and keep the purple stripes in the closet.”
- Mr. Grassroots - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 2:04 pm:
No, I am not sure who they are. I don’t think they are registered lobbyists. uh huh. Wadda ya mean how do I know?
- Dirty Red - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 2:05 pm:
“Don’t worry, David, I’ve narrowed the search down to three for your replacement. I’m confident either one WON’T talk to Miller after the AFSCME meeting.”
- Bluefish - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 2:18 pm:
Girl on right: “Wow. I can see my reflection on that man’s forehead.”
- Rudy - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 2:19 pm:
“Coalition…..May I help you?”
- Steve Bartin - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 2:24 pm:
The line “it’s for the children” is a little overused but in Illinois it’s a winner for higher taxes. Thanks kids , I promise you a free scholarship off the backs of someone who pays taxes.
- zatoichi - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 2:29 pm:
Hey, that man is napping on the phone.
- sal-says - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 2:36 pm:
“Hey, get these kids out of here. They know more about my job than I do.”
- just sayin' - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 2:40 pm:
Hey Rod there are 3 collectors here saying I owe for 10,000 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies and they mean business.
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 2:43 pm:
Tony? Pat here. I’ve got my next 3 appointments to the Liquor Control Commission here in my office. I’d appreciate an expedited hearing on their confirmation. What? Ok. You can have lunch at my desk.
- AC - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 2:49 pm:
Security, can you come over and guard my office to make sure no baloons make it into the hands of the kids in here? If there is one thing that threatens this administration, it’s kids with baloons!
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 2:55 pm:
Quinn is surprised, but pleased, when three motivational speakers march into his office to inspire by reading from their favorite tome “The Little Engine That Could”.
Little Girl on the left: “I think I can.”
Little Girl in the middle: “I think I can.”
Little Girl on the right: “OK. We’re done here. Please start making those calls now. We’ll be back next week to check on your progress.”
- Law Dawg - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 3:24 pm:
The Three Faces of Pat Quinn
Girl on left - The pretty campaigner - I promise to not___ (fill in the blank)
Girl in the Middle - The real Guv - Leave me out of the budget talks, I’ll close your district facilities
Girl on the Right - The attentive voice of reason that can actually govern - Hope we see some of her in the next 3 years
- prairiestatedem - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 3:38 pm:
“Have you girls ever heard the one about the second verse of America the Beautiful? Err ahh you have? How about 246 words that changed America? Wow that one too…..(picks up the phone) Get me Cullerton, I need new material and fast!”
- conda - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 3:40 pm:
hi its pat governor of uuuuuhhh I can’t remember , is it nap time?
- Casual observer - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 3:45 pm:
Sorry girls, I’d love to talk but you see Rahm’s office has had me on hold for 2 days now and I’m afraid if I hang up I’ll lose my place in line.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 3:50 pm:
“What i would like to do is what I did with the General Assembly … cut my ‘group’ by a 1/3 …”
- Jake From Elwood - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 3:58 pm:
If there are children lined up to see Gov. Quinn, I would expect that they would be decked out in purple SEIU shirts.
- lincolnlover - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 3:59 pm:
“That’s right. 16″, extra cheese, no pepperoni”
- Say WHAT? - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 4:11 pm:
I, the great and Mighty Pat Quinn have solved the budget crisis. Yep! Found excellent replacements who are willing to work for peanuts errr… candy. Lets do a press conference!
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 4:12 pm:
“I have the five key words … Corn, Baseball, River, Blackhawks, and Hot Dog …Yes … did I win, did I win … Girls ….We’re going to Disney on Ice!”
- Wensicia - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 4:12 pm:
Three student protesters demand the governor restore transportation funds to their school after they lost their bus route. They plan to glue themselves to his desk and giggle non-stop until he complies!
- Bemused - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 4:12 pm:
Kiss Army Lite
- SouthernIL - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 4:14 pm:
Uncle Quinnee just raised our allowance!!
- Hickory - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 4:22 pm:
Catholic Charities I need help!
- Tired - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 4:35 pm:
Quinn and his top advisors
- LN - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 4:39 pm:
Pat Quinn on the phone with NBC execs for their new season of “America’s Got Talent-State Edition”. Illinois’ entry: The Soy Girls!
- 3rd Generation Chicago Native - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 4:48 pm:
“We got the Governor to order pizza for us! Pizza Party!”
- Retired Non-Union Guy - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 4:56 pm:
Security? There’s a ‘Cute-In’ being staged in my office …
- Institutional Memory - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 5:21 pm:
(Following up on just sayin’ )
Conference Call:
“David - can GOMB find funding to pay for Rod’s 10,000 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies? Well, unlike the flu vaccine, we can actually use these.”
“Malcolm - has CMS established a Master Contract to get us a price break on Girl Scout Cookies?”
- Retired Non-Union Guy - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 5:38 pm:
Rahm? Thanks for paying off after I won my bet that I could be in Rich’s photo caption contest for five days in a row … but there seems to be some kind of mix-up … I know we agreed on some brownies … but these aren’t what I was expecting … you know, the kind you buy at the grocery store … I think Little Debbie is the brand … they’re brown, wrapped in cellophane, full of sugar and chocolate … definitely not on my diet … yeah, those kind … so when will you be collecting these and sending the other? .. uh huh, maybe you could just bake up some if you’re too busy to run to the store …
- LTSW - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 7:07 pm:
It’s Quinndergarden at the Gov’s office.
- Quizzical - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 7:08 pm:
They are right here, Miss Cruelwitch. I sure will be glad to tell them all about Illinois Government and how I got to be Governor. I don’t quite understand what you mean about picking up three haggard old ladies though.
- WazUp - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 7:56 pm:
“Rahm I’ve spoken to my advisors on the gaming bill and they’ve said .. Nanna Nanna Boo Boo!”
- 1776 - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 8:11 pm:
Governor Quinn meets with and offers a sweetheart tax deal to keep Girl Scout Troop 12 in the state.
- Just Kidding - Tuesday, Sep 27, 11 @ 10:26 pm:
Hey girls, you just called me from the future. Bad news. You’re unemployed.
- Allen Skillicorn - Wednesday, Sep 28, 11 @ 7:39 am:
“What are these constituents you speak of?”
- Das Man - Wednesday, Sep 28, 11 @ 7:49 am:
Youth representatives of the Illinois Coin Machine Operators Association (League of ICMOA Maidens) lobby the Governor for slot machines at the Illinois State Fair (note offerings of Monopoly money for Quinn’s IUO’s on desk, this while he confers with his bookmaker)
- Damfunny - Wednesday, Sep 28, 11 @ 7:51 am:
“Gotta go, my re-election team is here!”
- Boone Logan Square - Wednesday, Sep 28, 11 @ 8:18 am:
“We agree, it IS the cheesiest!”
- Dominican - Wednesday, Sep 28, 11 @ 9:32 am:
What do you mean “Who’s going to pay for my bonds?” I’m looking at them right now!
- NIref - Wednesday, Sep 28, 11 @ 9:37 am:
“But they cannot lobby for the school bill. Child labor laws are ruining this country.”
- ironman - Thursday, Sep 29, 11 @ 1:01 am:
Are you smarter than a 5th grader?