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Banjo-free caption contest!

Wednesday, Jun 18, 2014

* Revered commenter OneMan sent along this Tweet and suggested I add a difficulty factor: No Banjo references.

Have at it…


- Posted by Rich Miller        


86 Comments
  1. - bigred1955 - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:02 am:

    Kids, there are no free lunches


  2. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:03 am:

    “Remember, loyalty of the most important trait you can have in friendship. The last thing you want to be known as, kids, is a disloyal person…”


  3. - OneMan - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:04 am:

    So you fill in when Governor Quinn is out of town right? That is what that nice lady who brought us pizza last week told us…


  4. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:04 am:

    “No, I really have nowhere to be, and have nothing to do after this…”


  5. - OneMan - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:06 am:

    Little known responsibility of the Lt. Governor deciding who gets chicken nuggets and who doesn’t…


  6. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:06 am:

    “I could have used you three when I needed signatures last fall.”


  7. - Old Guy - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:07 am:

    Although she won’t begin work until January, new Murphysboro teacher’s aide Sheila Simon took some time off from her current job to introduce herself to her future students recently.


  8. - Stones - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:08 am:

    “And if you pull your pleated pants up past your belly button it’s difficult to tell that you have had eaten too much free lunch.”


  9. - lake county democrat - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:08 am:

    We’re out of hot dogs, can I interest you in the bologna special?


  10. - Ron Burgundy - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:09 am:

    Anyone who ever said there’s no such thing as a free lunch has never been Lt. Governor of Illinois.


  11. - Wensicia - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:09 am:

    “You thought this was free? Now, for the next 45 minutes, why you should convince your parents to vote for me, sans the musical accompaniment.”


  12. - MrGrassroots - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:11 am:

    No, no. My name is not Judy Baar Topinka. I am the other woman.


  13. - John A Logan - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:12 am:

    No, I am not in a Beatles Tribute band.


  14. - Ron Burgundy - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:12 am:

    “Yes, children, I’m certain that Lt. Governor is a more important job than Lunch Lady. Fine, don’t believe me.”


  15. - The End Is Near - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:13 am:

    Don’t move when I say, “Go get your lunch.” You have to wait until I say, “Simon says go get your lunch.” Got it?


  16. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:17 am:

    - The End Is Near -, well played!

    “Daughter of a well known pol, statewide office holder, yeah, but I am not Lisa, my name is Sheila…”


  17. - Robert the Bruce - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:19 am:

    (to girl with braids) “You know, I can see you inching away from the young man next to you. But don’t run away just yet - remember, your best friend might change her mind about running for student council president. And then where will you be?”


  18. - Ron Burgundy - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:20 am:

    “Did you know python tastes just like chicken?”


  19. - MrJM (@MisterJayEm) - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:24 am:

    “You kids know anybody who’s hiring?”

    – MrJM


  20. - wordslinger - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:27 am:

    Orange Whip? Orange Whip? Orange Whip? Three Orange Whips.


  21. - Plutocrat03 - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:28 am:

    Anyone here need a running mate?


  22. - anonymoose - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:31 am:

    “Oh, good question….that reference to “one near you” in the photo caption is not a reference to a free lunch program, but a reference to the one single lunch near you three children.”


  23. - Liberty - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:33 am:

    I care more than your parents, vote for me.


  24. - ILPundit - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:33 am:

    “I’m campaigning in Murphysboro today because it was as far as I could get by bicycle.”


  25. - Grandson of Man - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:35 am:

    “Lt. Governor, what are your duties at these events?”

    “I’d like to thank Candidate Rauner for donating his chickens. I actually had to kill them and prepare the meals. Anything for the kids.”


  26. - hot chocolate - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:35 am:

    hey are you kids familiar with the same day registration law we just passed? I want to encourage you to take advantage of that on Election Day.


  27. - sal-says - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:36 am:

    No clever comments needed.

    These are good programs. But her web link is not very helpful.


  28. - Jose Abreu's next homer - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:38 am:

    You’re not Scott Lee Cohen!


  29. - OneMan - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:39 am:

    Thank you for coming to this fundraising dinner…


  30. - wordslinger - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:40 am:

    “Since Gov. Quinn isn’t here, as lieutenant governor, I’ll be making the hard decisions today. And I decide — pudding cups.”-


  31. - hot chocolate - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:42 am:

    Lieutenant Governor Sheila Simon speaks to the largest crowd to ever gather for a campaign event she’s held so far.


  32. - Team Sleep - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:42 am:

    “Why yes! I did buy my pants at the Pants Past My Belly Button store!”


  33. - Ron Burgundy - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:42 am:

    Well done wordslinger, but the really hard decision is what kind of pudding.


  34. - Yellow Dog Democrat - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:46 am:

    Garfunkeled


  35. - Grandson of Man - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:46 am:

    “Lt. Gov, you’re limping. Did you fall?”

    “Yes, I actually slipped and fell this morning. Do you think I can get anything from the U.S. Dept. of Agriculture?”


  36. - MrGrassroots - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:46 am:

    Tell your dad that Judy Baar Topinka is not a shoo-in.


  37. - Anonymous - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:48 am:

    “The key to success is coattails, kids. Coattails.”


  38. - Wensicia - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:49 am:

    “Judy? My name is NOT Judy! NO soup for you!”


  39. - MrGrassroots - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:53 am:

    How nice for Evelyn Sanguinetti to make the hard decisions when the governor is away. I was told the same thing, but trust me, she will find out the hard way. Promises, promises, promises.


  40. - VanillaMan - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:53 am:

    “And let’s not forget to thank the man in the hair net for helping serve! OK kids! All together now - Thank you Former Governor Ryan!”

    “And let’s hear it for the man wearing two hair nets in the orange jump suit! Thank you Former Governor Blagojevich!”

    “And let’s hear it for the guy who donated those mink capes, moose heads and Michael Jackson rock stuff to help pay for your lunches! Thank you Former Congressman Jesse Jackson Junior!”


  41. - wordslinger - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:54 am:

    “So none of you are that cupcake kid? What am I doing here? I’m like the only one not on the cupcake train…”


  42. - A guy... - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:55 am:

    What do you mean “no music class?” “My music defines me…except for today”.


  43. - A guy... - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:56 am:

    You might be able to read about my dad in your history books. Not sure if I’ll get a footnote or not.


  44. - VanillaMan - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:56 am:

    “No - we can’t do that. There is no prayers before this lunch. That would be against the law. BUT! We can all hold hands and tell everyone something that makes us happy!”


  45. - VanillaMan - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 9:58 am:

    “Sorry, this is a First Lady lunch program. So, who wants more boiled twine and lawn clippings?”


  46. - dupage dan - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:00 am:

    Ok, you remember this nursery rhyme, don’t you? Repeat after me:

    Simple Simon met a Quinnman,
    While looking for a trail;
    Says Simple Simon to the Quinnman,
    Let me ride your tail.
    Says the Quinnman to Simple Simon,
    Show me first your loyalty;
    Says Simple Simon to the Quinnman,
    Indeed I have not any.


  47. - VanillaMan - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:00 am:

    “No - you have to eat that.
    We can’t let you throw anything away.
    No - I won’t eat it either.
    No - I don’t know what it is either.
    Nobody told you this was going to be a Happy Meal. This is a government lunch.”


  48. - VanillaMan - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:02 am:

    “The cottage cheese is the gray oozy stuff.”


  49. - GrandOleOpry - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:07 am:

    Well, I wake up around 10am and practice my banjo for an hour, then I go to a free lunch somewhere and then I’m usually heading home by 2 or 230 PM. I’m telling you kids, everyone should grow up and be a Lt. Governor. It’s swell.


  50. - Rob Roy - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:07 am:

    You have had your 2 bites now pass the tray over to the other kids.


  51. - VanillaMan - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:07 am:

    “Who wants to hear me play an instrument?
    No - No! I can’t tell you what it is!
    Can anyone tell me what instrument this is?
    Yes? You can? What?
    No - it isn’t a guitar, but you are close!
    OK - you?
    No - it isn’t a drum, it has strings on it! Good try!
    How about you, sweetie?
    That’s right!
    You don’t like the sound it makes?”


  52. - Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:09 am:

    “No, all my pants were in the wash, so I had to wear the cover for my musical instrument.”


  53. - x ace - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:10 am:

    “Clean your plate, grow up big and strong, and then you can go down to 17th Street for BBQ & Beer”


  54. - Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:11 am:

    “No, I don’t think corn rows would be a good look for me.”


  55. - Downstate Weed Chewing Hick - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:11 am:

    See kids, this is an example of what will happen if the Republicans take over. Due to drastic budget cuts, only 1 out of 3 of you will get to eat lunch so that we can pay for tax cuts. Now, who wants more tuna loaf?


  56. - Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:13 am:

    “Okay, who can tell me what the Lt. governor does? Anybody? ‘Cause I’ve been wondering myself.”


  57. - OneMan - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:14 am:

    Is she still behind me?


  58. - Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:15 am:

    “How did we come up with the name Loose Gravel? Well, the name 5 People Wearing Geezer Pants was already taken.”


  59. - VanillaMan - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:20 am:

    “Kids - please try the little chips.
    You’ll like it!
    It has lots of minerals and vitamins in it that we all need to be healthy! You want to be healthy don’t you?

    Its gluten free!
    It has all the fiber you need for the day!
    It is free from peanuts!
    It was free ranged!
    It is cholesterol-free!
    It is also dolphin-free!
    It has no trans-fats in it!
    It is locally produced too!
    It is organic!
    There are no red dye number two in them!
    It is low in salt!
    There are no growth hormones in it!
    It is cruelty free!
    It was picked by people earning a good wage!
    Who are differently abled!
    Who live an alternative lifestyle!
    Who used to be in prison!
    No - I haven’t the faintest idea what they are, but you really ought to try them because there isn’t anything we can find wrong with them.”


  60. - VanillaMan - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:23 am:

    “What are you calling “gulag cuisine”, Miss I-Wanna-Free-Lunch?”


  61. - VanillaMan - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:27 am:

    “Has anyone washed their hands?”


  62. - Mittuns - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:28 am:

    Lt. Governor Sheila Simon stars in “Him” — the much anticipated sequel to the acclaimed Spike Jonze hit.


  63. - Mittuns - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:29 am:

    The Pants Are Too Damn High.


  64. - VanillaMan - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:30 am:

    “Don’t use your hands!
    Use your fork.
    Doesn’t work with a fork?
    Use your spoon.
    Too heavy for a spoon?
    OK - then use your hands.”


  65. - VanillaMan - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:34 am:

    “You kids have no idea how good you have it. When I was your age, my father had to run for office over and over again for free food.”


  66. - VanillaMan - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:35 am:

    “Anyone who doesn’t eat their lunch, has to hear me play music Justin Bieber didn’t make famous.”


  67. - VanillaMan - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:38 am:

    “I don’t care how big you are, you only get one lunch, Mr. Plummer.”


  68. - Ghost - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:45 am:

    Don’t let this happen to you! out for an improtant politic event? Use Garanimals new adult professional line to match up your outfit.


  69. - Steve - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:45 am:

    “Next year kids, it will be free clothing.”


  70. - BW - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 11:07 am:

    “I will gladly vote for you Tuesday for a cheeseburger today!”


  71. - Anonymous - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 11:27 am:

    “My Dad was Paul Simon…..blah, blah, blah,….and my Dad, PaulSimon….blah, blah, blah, ….and then my Dad Paul Simon…….

    Kids: (”And I thought Geography was boring…..)


  72. - OneMan - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 11:45 am:

    These young people don’t know who my dad is? We have to get a bill to start teaching kids about former US Senators who have children running for office…

    I will call it
    The No Child Not Knowing My Primary Qualification Act


  73. - Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 11:47 am:

    “Well, yes, there WERE several times when Republican bullies would spin his bow tie around.”


  74. - zatoichi - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 11:48 am:

    Kid w/fork: ‘You two talk with her. If I say something she will stay longer.’


  75. - Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 11:49 am:

    “No, I’m afraid T-bones are not on the menu today. You’ll have to sneak into the Republican dining room for that.”


  76. - Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 11:50 am:

    “I don’t remember how much my wrist watch cost, but I’m pretty sure it was less than $17.”


  77. - Alexander Cut the Knot - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 12:00 pm:

    “See, like we budget in Illinois, this is a balanced lunch . . . for the whole table.”


  78. - Arthur Andersen - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 12:03 pm:

    “You’ve heard of my Dad, Paul Simon? Really? Get Out! …No, he didn’t run for President with Art Gillfinkle.”


  79. - A guy... - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 12:16 pm:

    No…..not a violin….


  80. - OneMan - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 12:17 pm:

    The Governor will be by next week with cupcakes…


  81. - DownState - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 12:56 pm:

    Hi Ya’ All, where I am from they make Meth, I mean they teach Math.


  82. - Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 1:05 pm:

    - OneMan -, well done with the photo, tins of creative captions.

    “Caption?”

    “That’s ‘Simple Simon’ the Pie Man. I’m Sheila, this is breakfast…”


  83. - northshore ciynic - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 2:14 pm:

    No, I don’t play the accordion and I never did the polka with the governor.


  84. - Lobo Y Olla - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 3:45 pm:

    Yes, ketchup is a vegetable.


  85. - Just The Way It Is One - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:25 pm:

    Lt. Gov. Simon tells children participants in the Program, “Yes, kids, I just had MY free lunch, too! And wow it WAS good, wasn’t it! Well, um, what I MEAN is that I did EAT the lunch, but I REALLY didn’t have it for FREE, ha ha…um, I know, um–tell your Teacher who SAW me eating it that I will be paying the State of Illinois for it, ya know, ok (?), like tell her I’ll be tellin’ them to take a few dollars off of my next paycheck or somethin,’ok?…ha ha ha. Gotta go now. Bye!” (as she quickly exits the Premises)….


  86. - SamHall - Wednesday, Jun 18, 14 @ 10:53 pm:

    This is what will happen under the Quinn Education Budget–one will get a good education and order the Happy Meal and the other two will say “Do you want to supersize that?”


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