Moments later,… the pumpkin turned into a beautiful carriage by a Non-Union Fairy, and three farm mice became beautiful stallions under the Non-Union Fairy’s spell, and … the carriage… and stallions… took Raunerella… to the ILGOP Ball…
This pumpkin represents Illinois’ bloated bureaucracy in Illinois. Let’s roll up our sleeves and rip the guts out of this bureaucracy, then we can carve a happy face on it & put a candle in it. That’s what the people want, trust me!
- Slippin' Jimmy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:54 am:
This is an “Illinois Government” pumpkin…way too big for its purpose, a tremendous burden to support, and it gets rotten very shortly after it’s put in service… The only way to make it useful is to take its guts out, cut out a lot of it, and put a fire in its belly…
Bruce visits a pumpkin patch, secretly wishes for the Great Pumpkin. Diana goes to work, secretly wishes Bruce would do his job. Diana’s state employee wishes out loud for a vacation. Lance tweets pictures of funny restaurant signs, Goldberg writes letters to Universities about being “downgraded”. Comedy, 55 minutes.
Let’s see some tweets with you at food pantries, childcare centers, homeless shelters, nursing homes. Honoring Mr. Vernon that day was laudable (http://www.pjstar.com/article/20151026/NEWS/151029479/?Start=1), grinnin’ over a pumpkin was not.
Governor Rauner turned up in Morton, IL disappointed after he discovered that when told he was going to be shown a “gourd union” it turned out he was just visiting a pumpkin patch.
“This one will be on display for the kids when they show up for my big Halloween party at the mansion. Then, because I’m so popular, I’ll sign it and it will be on display at the State Museum.”
Today the great pumpkin endorsed the Rauner turnaround agenda and blamed madigan for the failure to compromise on an, well basically everything. In an unrelated move governor Rauner announced subsidies to pumpkin growers who promise not to pay prevailingly wages.
“I expect a pumpkin pie by January. We could have a pumpkin pie sooner, but the Democrats won’t consider my recipes. The people of Illinois like these recipes. We are making progress, although I refuse to make a pumpkin pie until my pumpkin turnover agenda is discussed. No, I am not holding the pumpkin. I expect a pumpkin pie by January.”
The Governor receives an important mathematical lesson on the number of votes it takes to pass and overidde a bill, using pumpkins as as an example.
- Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 1:43 pm:
“My friends in Chicago say I’m out of my gourd.”
- Robert the Bruce - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 1:47 pm:
Of course Rauner picks one of the biggest pumpkins from the gated community, ignoring the smaller, suffering pumpkins living in dangerous conditions near the road.
“ck” - “Governor, after the pumpkin picture, we have posin’ with a squash, 2 cobs of corn, 6 string beans, 3 beets, 5 asparagus, and finally 4 carrots…”
- Robert the Bruce - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 2:14 pm:
“Jay, if it wasn’t for Madigan, these things would be TWICE as big.”
- former southerner - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 2:52 pm:
The other 99% of the pumpkins are little pumpkins but this is a big pumpkin and it is going home with me to be with its own kind. I will name it Percival and we will drink wine together while laughing at photos of old people shivering in the cold.
My cousin Mose Schrute and I grew this pumpkin. We have named it Michael. Very shortly we are going to carve it up and serve it to you know who at our November 18 meeting. We’ll see if old pumpkin head likes that part of my turn around agenda.
- Ben Franklin - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:28 am:
I found something else to hold hostage.
- Stones - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:28 am:
“I believe there are three things you never discuss with people…religion, politics & The Great Pumpkin” - Linus
- Honeybear - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:30 am:
Rauner and the pumpkins he controls
- Keyrock - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:32 am:
“I like to keep this in front of my heart so people can’t see how small my heart is.”
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:32 am:
Moments later,… the pumpkin turned into a beautiful carriage by a Non-Union Fairy, and three farm mice became beautiful stallions under the Non-Union Fairy’s spell, and … the carriage… and stallions… took Raunerella… to the ILGOP Ball…
- Curious Georgina - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:33 am:
Illinois: Where we squash your hopes and dreams.
- Dance Band on the Titanic - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:35 am:
“I’m gonna carve this up just like those nursin’ home companies I used to own.”
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:36 am:
Rauner, “Oh geez, take another. I forgot to do my ‘thumbs up’ part… “
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:37 am:
Rauner, “You know, I have a farm. It loses money… “
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:38 am:
Rauner, “Hey ‘Chief’? How do you like them Pumpkins?”
- ash - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:38 am:
“now, see, this is proof that the turnaround agenda works…”
- Juice - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:38 am:
Every time Jay starts a new freshman term, his head grows three sizes. Look how big it’s grown!
(I will avoid making comments about Jay’s noggin’ the same way the governor is not going to avoid taking the arrows, thank you very much.)
- Jordan - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:39 am:
“This pumpkin may seem big, but Indiana pumpkins are huge. We need to be more like Indiana and have a bigger pumpkins.”
- Tony - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:39 am:
“Governing is fun”. “This is what you can do all day too if you don’t work”
- AC - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:40 am:
Hey, Moody’s, downgrade this pumpkin too, you know you want to!
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:40 am:
Rauner, “In the past, when I visited a farm, I brought the stuffed prop dogs… “
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:41 am:
“Governor, hold the pumpkin higher… to cover up your $500 tie… “
- My New Handle - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:42 am:
Failure is unimportant. It takes courage to make a fool of yourself.
Charlie Chaplin
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:43 am:
This is about the size of Goldberg’s brain
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:43 am:
Rauner, “What?! …You left the Carhartt? …
What about a flannel shirt… Well, look in the ‘Prop Trunk’… Ugh… Fine, just take the picture…”
- AC - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:44 am:
Ya know, one thing I like about Pumpkins is you can carve ‘em up, take out the pulp, and leave them a hollow shell.
- burbanite - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:44 am:
Yea I know there is a pumpkin shortage, you want pumpkins? Pass my union breaking reforms, and you can have a pumpkin. Bwaahaha
- anon - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:45 am:
Do you think we can carve this one to look like the Speaker?
- LizPhairTax - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:45 am:
Speaker I have taken the apples hostage. I will kill the queen if you do not relent. Resistance is futile.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:45 am:
Rauner, “Can you bring the pumpkin over here, these aren’t prop shoes, they’re Italian and worth more than that tractor… “
- Gooner - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:47 am:
In one photo, Gov. Rauner shows literally all the steps he has taken since being elected to feed the needy.
- Get a Job!! - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:47 am:
=And let’s at least try to avoid jokes about Rep. Jay Hoffman’s noggin, please.=
You mean let’s avoid all noggin jokes after that one
- AC - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:47 am:
Jay Hoffman’s new scarecrow.
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:47 am:
This pumpkin is like the budget hold it up with one hand chock it with the other
- RNUG - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:48 am:
I found a pumpkin Madigan doesn’t control!
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:48 am:
Rauner, “Stick with me, I’ll tweet this about 10 times and your pumpkin patch will win… “
- South Central - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:49 am:
Perhaps the heaviest lifting Rauner has done since becoming governor.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:49 am:
Rauner, “Well, you tell Ms. Garrett to hold one second… I’m taking a picture… “
- Vole - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:51 am:
I fertilized this with my turn around agenda. See how productive Illinois can be with my effluence, er I mean affluence.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:52 am:
Rauner, “No, I got plenty of time for pictures, plenty of time, where should we start… “
- Get a Job!! - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:52 am:
This pumpkin represents Illinois’ bloated bureaucracy in Illinois. Let’s roll up our sleeves and rip the guts out of this bureaucracy, then we can carve a happy face on it & put a candle in it. That’s what the people want, trust me!
- Slippin' Jimmy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:54 am:
He ain’t heavy, he’s my Pumpkin.
- Streator Curmudgeon - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:57 am:
“And they said I wouldn’t be any good at this job!”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:59 am:
“This would make a good pie, Jay. Just make sure the 1% get 90% of it.”
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 11:59 am:
Goldberg get over here what is this a pie or a vegetable?
- Streator Curmudgeon - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:01 pm:
“Jay, toss this baby in the blender and make me a pumpkin shake, would ya?”
- Anonin' - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:02 pm:
Hey this is what Ald Jobe’s tourism dept promotes. Pretty sweet huh.
- Streator Curmudgeon - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:02 pm:
“Anybody know if these things are kosher?”
- Arizona Bob - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:02 pm:
This is an “Illinois Government” pumpkin…way too big for its purpose, a tremendous burden to support, and it gets rotten very shortly after it’s put in service… The only way to make it useful is to take its guts out, cut out a lot of it, and put a fire in its belly…
- Solid Dwight - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:02 pm:
Who needs an Ag Director when we can grow beast pumpkins like this?
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:04 pm:
Back off jay I’ll pick it up from here
- AC - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:05 pm:
I’ll rip the guts out of this pumpkin like I’ll rip the economic guts out of Indiana.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:05 pm:
HBO - “Dad’s Home State” - Season 1, Episode 83
Bruce visits a pumpkin patch, secretly wishes for the Great Pumpkin. Diana goes to work, secretly wishes Bruce would do his job. Diana’s state employee wishes out loud for a vacation. Lance tweets pictures of funny restaurant signs, Goldberg writes letters to Universities about being “downgraded”. Comedy, 55 minutes.
- Streator Curmudgeon - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:06 pm:
“Can ya make wine outta these things? I mean, after ya strain the seeds out, of course.”
- From the 'Dale to HP - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:08 pm:
“I’m winnin’ and this is a great lookin’ green pumpkin!”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:08 pm:
“Ya want me to judge the pumpkin pasta sauce at the Morton Pumpkin Festival? Uh, I think I’m busy governorin’ that day, right ck?”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:10 pm:
“If we could get the Speaker to eat one of these every day, he’d REALLY be a regular guy.”
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:12 pm:
No way you guy’s named this after my dog?
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:12 pm:
@FakeRutherfordDan - Rauner’s an amateur. Where’s the “after” picture? #CarvedMeUp
@FakeJasonPlummer - Bruce gets to have all the fun. #GoverningIsKidsStuff
@FakeSlipAndSue - Illinois is 5th in the US in pumpkin patch accidents, according to my liability waiver #MaybeNextTime
- Wensicia - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:13 pm:
“Let’s paint this bad boy red and present it to Madigan at our upcoming meeting! Heh, heh, heh.”
- Anon221 - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:13 pm:
No caption, just a suggestion to Rauner-
Let’s see some tweets with you at food pantries, childcare centers, homeless shelters, nursing homes. Honoring Mr. Vernon that day was laudable (http://www.pjstar.com/article/20151026/NEWS/151029479/?Start=1), grinnin’ over a pumpkin was not.
- Earnest - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:14 pm:
No one can carve things up and empty them out like I can.
- Streator Curmudgeon - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:14 pm:
“If this one rolled away and we couldn’t find it, it’d be a Dunkin Punkin! Ha! I slay myself.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:16 pm:
“Like that French lady said, ‘Let ‘em eat punkin!”
- WhoKnew - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:18 pm:
Two bumpkins and a Pumpkin!
- Streator Curmudgeon - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:19 pm:
“Hey, this is the same color as my buddy Donald’s hair.”
- No Longer A Lurker - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:24 pm:
“So I hear this year Illinois will be out of money before Morton will be out of pumpkins.”
- AC - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:27 pm:
The Governor’s doctor called, he said it was OK for him to go to work.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:28 pm:
Rauner, “Owls like pumpkins? You don’t say… “
- Juice - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:31 pm:
Governor Rauner turned up in Morton, IL disappointed after he discovered that when told he was going to be shown a “gourd union” it turned out he was just visiting a pumpkin patch.
- Austin Blvd - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:32 pm:
“This one will be on display for the kids when they show up for my big Halloween party at the mansion. Then, because I’m so popular, I’ll sign it and it will be on display at the State Museum.”
- 'Kiddin Me? - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:32 pm:
But my fairy god mother said this would turn into balanced budget….
- Das Man - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:33 pm:
“This pumpkin is enough to fill the State’s budget. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”
- Austin Blvd - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:34 pm:
“If we don’t find the money to pay the lady who sculpts the buttercow at the State Fair, we’ll just sculpt this”.
- hisgirlfriday - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:36 pm:
Trick or trick, Illinois.
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:37 pm:
If there’s one thing I’m good at is holding things up
- NewWestSuburbanGOP'er - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:49 pm:
Rauner: “What? Ck, you said this was a magic 8 ball,the company just changed its color and increased its size”
- Team Sleep - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:57 pm:
“Much like ‘The Great Pumpkin’ in Charlie Brown, we may never see another budget.”
- VanillaMan - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:57 pm:
The Great Pumpkin and the Not-So-Great Governor.
- Relocated - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 12:57 pm:
Today the great pumpkin endorsed the Rauner turnaround agenda and blamed madigan for the failure to compromise on an, well basically everything. In an unrelated move governor Rauner announced subsidies to pumpkin growers who promise not to pay prevailingly wages.
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 1:04 pm:
I heard there’s a pumpkin crisis a can leverage
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 1:09 pm:
This will never fit in my grass bowl
- AC - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 1:20 pm:
Rauner offers Madigan yet another substantive compromise, a pumpkin, just in time for Halloween.
- Jocko - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 1:21 pm:
John Ackerman and two things I’d like to chuck.
- Streator Curmudgeon - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 1:22 pm:
“Just grinnin’, grabbin’ a gourd, and impersonatin’ a governor.”
- truecolors - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 1:24 pm:
Seriously, no comments about Hoffman? But the resemblance is so uncanny.
- Sacks Romana - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 1:34 pm:
“I expect a pumpkin pie by January. We could have a pumpkin pie sooner, but the Democrats won’t consider my recipes. The people of Illinois like these recipes. We are making progress, although I refuse to make a pumpkin pie until my pumpkin turnover agenda is discussed. No, I am not holding the pumpkin. I expect a pumpkin pie by January.”
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 1:34 pm:
@FakeBruceRauner - knock knock, who’s there, orange, orange who? Orange you glad I’m not workin’ for a budget. #BadJoke #JokesOnIL
- Stones - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 1:34 pm:
BVR: “I can’t believe the color of the Watermelons that they grow down here in Morton!”
- AC - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 1:39 pm:
The Governor receives an important mathematical lesson on the number of votes it takes to pass and overidde a bill, using pumpkins as as an example.
- Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 1:43 pm:
“My friends in Chicago say I’m out of my gourd.”
- Robert the Bruce - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 1:47 pm:
Of course Rauner picks one of the biggest pumpkins from the gated community, ignoring the smaller, suffering pumpkins living in dangerous conditions near the road.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 1:53 pm:
@FakeBruceRauner - if you lost a state service because of my hostage taking, RT this picture to win the pumpkin! #Gimmicks #LookAtMeICare
- DuPage Don - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 1:55 pm:
Even though without my Turnaround Agenda we don’t grow jobs in Illinois,at least we still grow great pumpkins!🎃
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 1:56 pm:
“Did you really love the name ‘Pumpkin’ or did you name your dog after the first thing you saw?”
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 1:58 pm:
Rauner, “This is great, just great. I can only get near pumpkins when I visit three of my 9 homes, so it’s a treat, just a treat to get one… “
- Stones - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 2:02 pm:
“Hey Goldberg - do you think the pumpkin cannon can reach the 13th Ward from here?”
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 2:05 pm:
Rauner, Rauner pumpkin fawner,
Has a wife he makes a frowner;
He put her in a pumpkin shell
And there he kept her very well.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 2:14 pm:
“ck” - “Governor, after the pumpkin picture, we have posin’ with a squash, 2 cobs of corn, 6 string beans, 3 beets, 5 asparagus, and finally 4 carrots…”
- Robert the Bruce - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 2:14 pm:
OW @2:05 - I laughed out loud. Excellent work.
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 2:14 pm:
Handily smashing pumpkins
- CharlieKratos - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 2:16 pm:
“Let them eat pie!”
- Jake From Elwood - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 2:17 pm:
“Fewer warts than the Illinois budget”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 2:17 pm:
“Jay, when I was at Dartmouth, I had a carbuncle this big removed. Still the school record.”
JA (Sheesh. How does Diana keep a straight face?)
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 2:19 pm:
Thanks - Robert the Bruce -
“Caption?”
“No, I’ll carve it myself thanks. I’ll bake the seeds and give them to The Owl as a reward for approved tweets”
- Amalia - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 2:19 pm:
Pumpkin patch behind Rauner heard screaming at the sight of the very large carving knife the governor keeps at the ready.
- Streator Curmudgeon - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 2:19 pm:
“Cut off the top and this would make one heckuva spit can.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 2:21 pm:
“Jay, whatta ya call this handle at the top here?”
“Uh, we call that the stem, Governor.”
“Amazin’! They even grow their own handles.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 2:25 pm:
“Get many guys out here in the punkin patch in white shirts?”
“You’re the first, sir.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 2:28 pm:
“Jay, if it wasn’t for Madigan, these things would be TWICE as big.”
- former southerner - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 2:52 pm:
The other 99% of the pumpkins are little pumpkins but this is a big pumpkin and it is going home with me to be with its own kind. I will name it Percival and we will drink wine together while laughing at photos of old people shivering in the cold.
- Hedley Lamarr - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 3:09 pm:
“I’ve got this celebrity thing down.”
- sal-says - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 3:12 pm:
The constant grin?? I’m shakin’ up Springfield! So what if I destroy IL? I’m happy! Everybody else doesn’t matter.
- Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 4:02 pm:
“This is where I hid Ken Dunkin.”
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 4:16 pm:
The only thing I grew this summer was the deficit
- Dutchman - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 4:23 pm:
My cousin Mose Schrute and I grew this pumpkin. We have named it Michael. Very shortly we are going to carve it up and serve it to you know who at our November 18 meeting. We’ll see if old pumpkin head likes that part of my turn around agenda.
- Amalia - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 5:04 pm:
He’s the Governor of Halloween Town, so beware that angry face on the back of his head. our situation really is a Nightmare Before Christmas.
- zatoichi - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 5:04 pm:
This pumpkin is Springfield. I could drop it and let it break into many pieces. Or I can provide the support it needs to stay whole. Which do I do?
- DonaldTrump - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 5:07 pm:
This is almost as big as Madigan’s head!
- Stumpy's bunker - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 5:39 pm:
“Mike, put that apple aside and bite THIS.”
- Pale Rider - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 6:56 pm:
The pumpkin has been carved. So it’s a part of my turn around agenda. It looks the same, but the inside has been gutted. I blame Madigan for this.
- danray - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 7:44 pm:
“I LOVE this job!!”
- Kasich Walker, Jr. - Tuesday, Oct 27, 15 @ 8:30 pm:
Rauner recalled. Replacement found.