Isn’t Rauner the elected leader of Illinois? Does anyone besides me think he lacks the required negotiate skills to find workable compromise? Blaming others for his personal failure seems rather childish.
When is this clown going to turnaround Illinois? So far all he’s done in turn Illinois upside down!
Quincy Adams Wagstaff, the new president of Huxley College (see Groucho in Horse Feathers)
- lake county democrat - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:51 pm:
I have no evidence to back me up but something happened during that meeting that will lead to a compromise. Something beyond science. Something perhaps… from above.
These are my degrees…of separation:
The elderly from meals on wheels,
The addicts from counseling,
The social service employees from their jobs,
The MAP recipients from their hopes of graduation,
The union employees from the standard of living…..
- Man with a plan - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:54 pm:
And that’s why I’m proud to announce Rauner University, open to all students whose colleges are about to shut down. Tuition is free, and you just have to give me and my partners 51% of your future earnin’s.
My budget cut funding for your school by 31% and provided flat funding for MAP. The Democrats, led by Mike Madigan and the politicians he controls, passed a budget that only cut your school by 8% and increased MAP by more than $20 million.
You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out which of us is better for higher education.
This is the ol’ professor, Kay Kyser… I mean, the ol’ Gov’nor Bruce Rauner, coming to you from the College of Political Knowledge. Chillun, that’s wrong, you’re right!
“Budgets sometimes are like a dam ready to burst. Thank God for the little Dutch boy who stuck a finger in it! Stopped it! I like to think it’s more like a prostate exam…”
You have the unique distinction of being the last graduating class in the inglorious history of Chicago State University! Will the last graduate exiting from the auditorium please turn out the lights? Moving vans are going to remove the furniture as soon as we leave.
“No, really. I AM emperor; I just grabbed the wrong outfit today.”
- There is power in a union... - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:31 pm:
“Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. But force all the fishing schools to close and he will need a social safety net that you can then hold hostage in order to destroy unions.”
“Is a college education worth the cost? Well, you’d have to ask professional State of Illinois employees in a couple of months. What a laugh; you have to be BORN into what I have.”
- paddyrollingstone - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:35 pm:
Dave Dahl beat me to it:
Dean Martin: [Barbay has arrived at the groundbreaking of the new Melon School of Business] Ah, Phillip… so glad you could make it. Mr. Melon, this is Dr. Phillip Barbay. He’s the dean of our new Melon School of Business.
Dr. Phillip Barbay: [Thornton extends his hand, Barbay refuses it and takes Martin aside] David, I just want to get it on record that I am totally against this. I don’t think that selling admission to an obviously unqualified student is either ethical or honorable.
Dean Martin: Uh, right… Phil. In Mr. Melon’s defense, it was a really big check.
“Although Southern Illinois is down here (points down, looks around to ensure all see), with your degree,… here (points up, pauses, looks around, smirks) is your only limit… ”
Rauner, to his pals at the wine club, after giving the commencement address at Chicago State University, ” and then I told them, if you get a college degree it will be easier to get a job.” And they laughed and they laughed and they laughed.Oh Boy it’s fun governin in Illinois.
“To show how much I support students in higher education, I’m payin’ my own way through this degree, just like you! Now, whose up for an anti-teacher’s union rally on the quad?”
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:38 pm:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVWODdciZ88
- Ducky LaMoore - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:39 pm:
Seriously, this is the first thing I thought of… for all you classic raslin’ fans… http://www.wrestlingrambles.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/wwf-Genius.jpg
- G'Kar - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:40 pm:
Dang, OW beat me to it. That was my first reaction!
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:40 pm:
“I didn’t clout myself into your school, I just donated a building”
- Concerned - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:40 pm:
Stop the contest, we have a winner already: OW
- Team Sleep - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:40 pm:
That looks like the worst Photoshop job ever.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:41 pm:
“As the very last graduating class from this university, I wish you well…”
- 47th Ward - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:41 pm:
Moe, Larry, Curley and Bruce.
https://eviljwinter.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/3stooges.jpg
- Abe the Babe - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:41 pm:
“The number one thing to remember about my higher education policy is that i dont have one”
“Goldberg wrote this speech so please no tomatoes until after i finish please”
- Bill L. - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:41 pm:
“Rauner to star in the “Back To School” sequel.
- 47th Ward - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:41 pm:
Great minds…again Willy. Nicely done.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:42 pm:
- G’ Kar -
Great minds
“Caption?”
“Who wants to run for State Representative?”
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:45 pm:
I just found if first is all, I’m in great company I see. One of the funniest sing-a-long bits ever.
“Caption?”
“Work hard, play hard, don’t join a union… “
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:45 pm:
“One word, just one; Plastics… “
- My New Handle - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:46 pm:
This…is a mortarboard. And my head is full of cement.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:47 pm:
“If I had just one college to close, just one… “
- HangingOn - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:47 pm:
With the thoughts I’d be thinkin’
I could be another Lincoln
If I only had a brain.
Just because I’m presumin’ that I could be kind-a-human,
If I only had heart.
Why with my regal beezer I could be another Caesar
If I only had the nerve
- Gruntled University Employee - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:47 pm:
Rule number one, nothing gets done until all Unions are gone!
- Huh? - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:48 pm:
Because Madigan…
Let me be clear, I bought this State fair and square.
Once you are wealthy as me, you can get away with bald face lies.
- Springfield - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:49 pm:
And the photo behind me is of our next Speaker of the House…Ken Dunkin - showing off how he got his name.
- anon - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:49 pm:
“The sign of maturity is to accept responsibility for your actions, instead of trying to shift all the blame to someone else.”
- Austin Blvd - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:49 pm:
Gov. Rauner gives his very last commencement address as Saluki basketball player sends him a message by dunking through his graduate cap.
- Dave Dahl - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:50 pm:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_4ocoJDVD8
- Earnest - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:50 pm:
No caption. I can find no humor in either this situation or his dishonesty.
- Fangirls - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:51 pm:
Isn’t Rauner the elected leader of Illinois? Does anyone besides me think he lacks the required negotiate skills to find workable compromise? Blaming others for his personal failure seems rather childish.
When is this clown going to turnaround Illinois? So far all he’s done in turn Illinois upside down!
- Archiesmom - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:51 pm:
I couldn’t do it. Everything I wanted to say violated at least one rule.
- D.P.Gumby - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:51 pm:
Quincy Adams Wagstaff, the new president of Huxley College (see Groucho in Horse Feathers)
- lake county democrat - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:51 pm:
I have no evidence to back me up but something happened during that meeting that will lead to a compromise. Something beyond science. Something perhaps… from above.
(Mint?)
Those can be very refreshing.
Doctor: Those can be very refreshing.
- My New Handle - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:53 pm:
These are my degrees…of separation:
The elderly from meals on wheels,
The addicts from counseling,
The social service employees from their jobs,
The MAP recipients from their hopes of graduation,
The union employees from the standard of living…..
- XDNR - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:53 pm:
Rule number one, lie like hell!
- Man with a plan - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:54 pm:
And that’s why I’m proud to announce Rauner University, open to all students whose colleges are about to shut down. Tuition is free, and you just have to give me and my partners 51% of your future earnin’s.
- pool boy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:56 pm:
Just remember, one is the loneliest number.
- D.P.Gumby - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:56 pm:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29E6GbYdB1c
Whatever it is, I’m against it!
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:56 pm:
“Some will tell you, ‘Thank a teacher’, but you know what, I say ‘Bury a teachers’ union… “
- Ole' Nelson - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:57 pm:
https://youtu.be/LF0MilNDV1I
- A guy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:58 pm:
When Miller visits the mansion, he’s gonna get 1 beer and I mean 1 !
- Stumpy's bunker - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:58 pm:
So remember, eat your veggies, brush twice a day, and live the Golden Rule…oh, wait…”
- 47th Ward - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:59 pm:
My budget cut funding for your school by 31% and provided flat funding for MAP. The Democrats, led by Mike Madigan and the politicians he controls, passed a budget that only cut your school by 8% and increased MAP by more than $20 million.
You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out which of us is better for higher education.
- Christopher - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 2:59 pm:
This is the ol’ professor, Kay Kyser… I mean, the ol’ Gov’nor Bruce Rauner, coming to you from the College of Political Knowledge. Chillun, that’s wrong, you’re right!
- IllinoisBoi - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:00 pm:
Sorry, none of this is funny anymore.
- Name Withheld - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:01 pm:
“How many terms am I likely to be governor?”
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:02 pm:
“Don’t believe all you see on the Intertubes, unless it helps your own narrative”
- Tommydanger - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:03 pm:
B-A B
B-E-B
B-I Bicky By
B-O BO
Bicky BY BO B-U B
Bicky BY BO BU BU
- groucho - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:03 pm:
Come to the pool and watch me perform the Triple Lindy.
- Captain Illini - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:04 pm:
“Budgets sometimes are like a dam ready to burst. Thank God for the little Dutch boy who stuck a finger in it! Stopped it! I like to think it’s more like a prostate exam…”
- Pfffst - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:06 pm:
Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?
- Stumpy's bunker - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:09 pm:
“My financial advice? Well, I have a feeling that Illinoisans should NOT buy stock in companies that manufacture graduation gowns.”
- thunderspirit - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:12 pm:
“Read my lips: because Madigan!”
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:14 pm:
“… the ones who have the gold…
- Wensicia - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:14 pm:
Remember, to achieve 1% status you have to weed out the takers (through clout and the elimination of MAP grants).
- oldman - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:15 pm:
That picture reminds me of Professor Irwin Corey and I’m sure the gov’s statements were just as profound.
- wordslinger - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:15 pm:
Is that the great Saluki Walt Frazier fixin’ to give Gov. Moe a facial?
- Mouthy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:16 pm:
“Ya wanna drink Stag if ya wanna schmooze one of Madigan’s employees”…
- Whine Club Of The Month - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:17 pm:
==When Miller visits the mansion, he’s gonna get 1 beer and I mean 1 !==
And once he’s gone, I’ll put that stinkin’ Stag back in the fruit cellar and break out the pinot noir.
- lake county democrat - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:18 pm:
(Name Withheld - that’s the key to understanding Rauner, because that was true the day he took office)
- Buzzie - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:19 pm:
Governor Rauner as Jerry Lewis in the “Nutty Professor”.
- Beaner - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:22 pm:
Rauner explains “bustin’ out” to the Hillsdale graduating class.
Rauner claims to abide by the number one rule: He who owns the Gold, makes the rules.
Rauner gestures, explaining he is only interested in representing the interests of those who really count, the upper 1% of Winos.
Rauner explains Illinois has only one problem…that Madigan!
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:23 pm:
“If you hurt enough people, and hang in there long enough… “
- Stumpy's bunker - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:24 pm:
“This outfit PROVES how smart I am. So listen to me, stay the course, and hang in there.”
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:24 pm:
“I like Rahm, but he’s NOT my friend… “
- Anon - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:24 pm:
You have the unique distinction of being the last graduating class in the inglorious history of Chicago State University! Will the last graduate exiting from the auditorium please turn out the lights? Moving vans are going to remove the furniture as soon as we leave.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:25 pm:
“Diana called the Dean to secure my seat, sure, but my test scores were perfect, just perfect… “
- Rabid - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:26 pm:
Goldberg the doctor will check your grass bowl now
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:26 pm:
“Ah! You all forget. My kids never needed MAP… “
- sal-says - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:26 pm:
“I looked in the mirror & thought I saw Madigan. See, it’s ALL HIS FAULT.”
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:28 pm:
“All this educatin’ down south here, the truth is SIU only needs one campus. One… “
- Mouthy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:28 pm:
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.
Dr. Seuss
Dr knows best..
- Precinct Captain - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:28 pm:
“I’m too weak…”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i29dInj73Bc
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:29 pm:
“First question; What’s a Saluki?… “
- sal-says - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:30 pm:
“No, really. I AM emperor; I just grabbed the wrong outfit today.”
- There is power in a union... - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:31 pm:
“Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. But force all the fishing schools to close and he will need a social safety net that you can then hold hostage in order to destroy unions.”
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:31 pm:
“What did Diana tell you? Remember? I have no social agenda… “
- GOP Extremist - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:32 pm:
ALEC class of 2014. “The Fight’n Oligarchs”
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:34 pm:
“I say, right here and now, it only takes one lick to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop… “
- Stumpy's bunker - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:35 pm:
“Is a college education worth the cost? Well, you’d have to ask professional State of Illinois employees in a couple of months. What a laugh; you have to be BORN into what I have.”
- paddyrollingstone - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:35 pm:
Dave Dahl beat me to it:
Dean Martin: [Barbay has arrived at the groundbreaking of the new Melon School of Business] Ah, Phillip… so glad you could make it. Mr. Melon, this is Dr. Phillip Barbay. He’s the dean of our new Melon School of Business.
Dr. Phillip Barbay: [Thornton extends his hand, Barbay refuses it and takes Martin aside] David, I just want to get it on record that I am totally against this. I don’t think that selling admission to an obviously unqualified student is either ethical or honorable.
Dean Martin: Uh, right… Phil. In Mr. Melon’s defense, it was a really big check.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:36 pm:
“The state of Illinois can only handle one phony at a time, and I’m that phony… “
- AC - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:37 pm:
Proud Salukis, the Department of Innovation and Technology will DoIT like like a big dog!
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:38 pm:
“Last thing… If you find yourself in Springfield, and you are itchin’ for Breakfast, there’s only one spot I go… “
- Quizzical - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:39 pm:
One thing you’ll have to learn is how not to learn. I’ve learned that.
- Rufus - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:40 pm:
With deference to OW.
“One word, just one: Bankruptcy — you can make millions of it.”
- GOP Extremist - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:42 pm:
“Jesus hates the stays qou”
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:42 pm:
“Although Southern Illinois is down here (points down, looks around to ensure all see), with your degree,… here (points up, pauses, looks around, smirks) is your only limit… ”
(Crowd silent)
- Midstate Indy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:43 pm:
Is this a bad Harry Potter joke?
- Huh? - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:44 pm:
When you are public speakin there is only 1 letter you can drop…
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:44 pm:
(Knowing nod to - Rufus -)
“How you choose to live… (Points up)… someone is always watching… Bankers… “
- AC - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:45 pm:
One Ring to rule them all!
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:46 pm:
“When I in crisis, puzzled, need guidance, reassurance… I just look up… to Gov. Walker… “
- Joe M - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 3:55 pm:
“Tomorrow we start tearing down the college.”
- Professor Wagstaff, in Horse Feathers.
- 47th Ward - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 4:01 pm:
Remember kids, the number one thing you can do to become wealthy and successful like me is to have rich parents. That’s really all it takes.
- Vote Quimby! - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 4:08 pm:
Caption: “Down Goes Frazier….and the rest of you public school students.”
- Michelle Flaherty - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 4:09 pm:
Worst Dikembe Mutombo impersonation ever
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7SdhtxuJYA
- Rabid - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 4:12 pm:
Let me point out where I think taxes should go
- Enviro - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 4:17 pm:
Fantasy Fiscal Policy
- Rabid - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 4:17 pm:
Rember it’s not what you know but how to place the blame like this
- Rabid - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 4:27 pm:
I can’t flex my finger I’ve been ringing door bell in madigans district
- Rabid - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 4:40 pm:
The savings in stucural reform are a little over 1%
- A guy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 4:45 pm:
Since the Capitol moved from Vandalia to Springfield, we’ve had only 1 speaker. Miller quit his job at the Capitol right before that move.
- Rabid - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 4:46 pm:
I’m always one up on madigan
- A guy - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 4:46 pm:
A spinning basketball is going to appear any moment.
- Rabid - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 4:50 pm:
Tall tale toastmaster winner
- The Dude Abides - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 4:57 pm:
I really don’t have the skills to be a good Governor but I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night.
- Flynn's Mom - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 5:18 pm:
Rauner, to his pals at the wine club, after giving the commencement address at Chicago State University, ” and then I told them, if you get a college degree it will be easier to get a job.” And they laughed and they laughed and they laughed.Oh Boy it’s fun governin in Illinois.
- Steve Earle - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 5:36 pm:
It’s a remake of “Back to School.” He’s Thornton Melon.
- Commonsense in Illinois - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 6:06 pm:
Obviously a Kaye Kaiser graduate:
https://www.otrcat.com/images/kaykyser3.jpg
- How Ironic - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 6:09 pm:
Make no mistake….I’m totally lying right now.
- Rabid - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 6:15 pm:
One year of finger pointing
- Super Gus 123 - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 6:15 pm:
I’m giving a state of the state address! My mom doesn’t believe it either!
- Rabid - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 6:53 pm:
I’m not perfect I thought I made a mistake once but I was wrong
- Sue - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 7:03 pm:
If they ever bring Seinfeld back, Rauner can play Elaine’s boyfriend in the episode “the Wiz”
- Rabid - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 7:14 pm:
I’am spending one million on every number in madigans district against him
- Rabid - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 7:42 pm:
Don’t believe everything you read that’s why I never write anything down
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 7:51 pm:
Graduatin is harder than workin at governin
- Bluecollargal - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 7:52 pm:
Tune in tomorrow for my lowdown on the State of the State. I bet you can’t guess how many times I will point this finger at MJM.
- XDNR - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 7:54 pm:
“In conclusion my main objective as Governor is to eliminate collective bargaining in Illinois” (Oh crap I went off script again!)
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 7:56 pm:
Have to agree with D.P.Gumby @2:51. First thing I thought of was Groucho as Professor Wagstaff in Horse Feathers.
“I don’t care what they have to say
It makes no difference anyway;
Whatever it is, I’m against it!”
- zatoichi - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 8:39 pm:
To paraphrase Ted Nugent: Only run for one alpha male in this group, and that be me.
- justacitizen - Tuesday, Jan 26, 16 @ 9:04 pm:
They gave me an ornery degree. Awesome!
- Harvest76 - Wednesday, Jan 27, 16 @ 2:49 am:
“To show how much I support students in higher education, I’m payin’ my own way through this degree, just like you! Now, whose up for an anti-teacher’s union rally on the quad?”
- Rabid - Wednesday, Jan 27, 16 @ 7:39 am:
Let’s run my ideas up the flag pole
- Rabid - Wednesday, Jan 27, 16 @ 7:42 am:
Professing
- Rabid - Wednesday, Jan 27, 16 @ 7:53 am:
The professor and the millionaire are shipwreck
- Thornton Mellon - Wednesday, Jan 27, 16 @ 9:07 am:
… and *another* thing, Vonnegut! I’m gonna stop payment on the cheque!